Never gonna be alone!
by Banksiesbabe99
Summary: 16 year old Bella has just lost everything. Struggling to cope with her loss, the Cullen's take her in. What she didn't count on was meeting Edward and a strong bond forming. Can Edward help her through her grief, or will she deny herself happiness
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

**A/N : Ok so this is pretty short I know, but it's mainly just giving you a bit of background information. The following chapters I promise will be longer. Hope you enjoy it, and I would love it if you left me a review. Thanks :)**

**Never gonna be alone!**

**Chapter 1**

My name is Isabella Swan, I prefer Bella though. I'm unique, just like everyone else in the world. Though I doubt many 16 year olds became orphans because of something they did. That's right, it was my own fault that I had become parent less. I was an awful person, I must be. My Mother had left shortly after my 1st birthday, and well my Father, though I knew he loved me, he had shipped me off to boarding school at the first available opportunity.

I had been in boarding school in Phoenix, Arizona since I was 10, only returning home twice a year, once at Christmas and once during the Summer. I hated it there, I didn't fit in with anyone, I was the weird girl who didn't tan, who could barely walk in a straight line without falling over my own feet, whose Mother hated me and whose Father clearly couldn't stand long periods of time around me. I had 1 friend, and even then, Monica wasn't someone you could trust with your most guarded secrets. I always kept her at arms length, never fully being able to trust her. She was an outcast like me, though unlike me, she was desperate to join the popular clique, and I was sure given the opportunity, she would do just about anything to get herself in, even betray a friend.

From the age of 12, every summer, when my Dad would pick me up at Port Angeles airport, I would declare I wouldn't be returning to Phoenix the following September, only to find myself forced back. I tried everything, from crying, to screaming the house down, but he would not back down, telling me it was for my own good, that he wanted a well educated daughter. He said he worked long hours, and would still be working when I finished school, leaving no-one to look after me. Despite my arguments that I was now clearly old enough to take care of myself, just like I did in the dorms, he never bought it. It wasn't until last summer when I threw a fit, that he finally let me have my way, by not sending me down to LaPush every day to be 'babysat' by his fishing buddy Billy Black.

Billy Black wasn't your average babysitter. He had 2 daughters a few years older than myself, and a son, Jacob a little younger. He, like Charlie was a single parent, though for completely different reasons. His wife had died a number of years ago after a horrific car accident, leaving Billy in a wheel chair. Sure, Billy being in a wheel chair made it 10 times easier to escape him, I never did out of respect. Billy seemed to understand my need to be independent, and not be looked after, therefore he tended to let me do my own thing, as long as I checked in every so often, and of course the age old rule of always telling him where I was headed.

This summer, was exactly the same as the last 5, I walked through the arrivals lounge in Port Angels airport, determined that this year, I really wouldn't be back here in 6 weeks time. I had, had an awful Sophmore year, Monica had finally managed to climb the ladder into becoming popular, using me as her boost. She had discovered I had a crush on the Phys Ed assistant teacher and blabbed to Katrina the head cheerleader, who took delight in spreading it around the school. Of course after that, not only was I friendless, but also the talk of the school, something that a wall flower like me despised.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Hey Bells". My Dad greeted me, a big smile on his face. _

"_Hey Dad". I replied, giving him a hug, before he slipped my bag from my shoulder._

"_How's school"? He asked, though he probably already knew my answer. _

"_Awful". I practically spat. _

_I took a deep breath, I wasn't going to get into the same argument we always had, right here in the middle of the arrivals lounge, it could at least wait until we got to the car. As expected he didn't respond to my bitter answer, which only made me even more angry. Why couldn't he just see for once how unhappy I was in Phoenix?_

"_So I've got a decent Summer lined up for us". My Dad told me, obviously trying to steer me as far from the subject of school as possible. "I've booked a few weeks off work, so we can spend some quality time together. Maybe have the Blacks and Clearwater's up for a barbecue, maybe even go camping... Or maybe not". He corrected the last part when he saw my face screw up in distaste. _

_I was the least outdoorsy person ever. Even more so when I was in Forks. It was the most rained on town in the state of Washington. The only good thing about Phoenix was the warmth, but I would honestly trade the hot sun, for the cold, wet town of Forks, so long as I never had to go back to that crappy school again. _

"_Camping sounds... good". I lied, forcing myself to smile. At this point I would do almost anything to stay in Charlie's good books. _

_We fell into a semi comfortable silence. Charlie never was a big talker, and I clearly took after him. We stood by the luggage carousels, waiting for my suitcases to come. Eventually 1 after the other, headed our way, Charlie grabbing each as I pointed them out, and hoisted them onto the floor beside our feet. He knew better than to allow me to drag them off, since I would undoubtedly have a clumsy moment and fall onto the conveyor belt. _

"_Jeez Bells, how many clothes do you need for the summer". He groined as he pulled the 4th off. _

"_That's the last 1 there". I told him, then quickly turned to retrieve a luggage trolley. _

_The silence continued until we got to his car. Which by the way, you could see a mile away. The blue lights on his police cruiser a dead give away. Oh how I hated riding around town in this vehicle, it brought far more attention than I liked. _

"_Feels like you brought your whole wardrobe back home with ya Bells". My Dad commented as he struggled to fit all my belongings in the trunk. _

"_I did". I answered honestly, as I sat in the passenger seat. _

"_Do we really need to have this argument every summer"? He asked with a sigh. _

"_Obviously we do Dad, since every summer, you ignore what I want". I bit back, more harshly than was needed right now, but I was desperate._

"_And I've told you Bells, your school is one of the best. I work long hours, and I don't want you all alone all the time". Ahh the same old reasons. _

"_Dad, when are you going to stop seeing me as a little girl, I'm 16, nearly 17, perfectly capable of looking after myself for a few hours after school. What do you seriously think we do after school back in the dorms. We take care of ourselves, and I hate to break it to ya Dad, but I've been doing that since I was 10". _

"_The answer is no Bella". He said it in such a final way, which usually would have shut me up, but no, not this time, I was not backing down. _

"_Fine, you put me back on the plane at the end of summer, but I won't be staying in Phoenix, I'll just get on a plane to somewhere else, start a new life, somewhere I can be happy". _

"_Isabella, you're being over-dramatic". _

"_Am I Dad? You just don't seem to grasp how truly unhappy I am in Phoenix. If you loved me at all, you would at least let me try a semester in Forks". I told him harshly, tears pricking my eyes. "You have no idea, how many nights I cry myself to sleep, wishing you would one day wake up and miss me, and want me around". I turned my attention to look out of my window_

"_I do want you around Bells". He told me, grasping my hand, causing me to look up at him. "But"..._

"_DAD WATCH OUT"! I screamed, as a van hurtled towards us, flying through the traffic lights. _

**Anyway that's it for this chapter, it's really only a taster, giving you the background and stuff. Hope you've enjoyed it so far. Please review for me, you know you wanna :) **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Ok, so I would just like to say a massive thank you to **kokocokiecrazy7 **and **XxSacrificeXx** for their reviews, it really does mean a lot you guys, and also a big thank you to all of those who added this story to your favourites and alerts list, it's very much appreciated. **:)**_

**Chapter 2**

**Carlisle's P.O.V**

In all 15 plus years of my medical profession, I had never felt as attached to a particular case as this. I had only started my shift a half hour before, when an emergency came in. It was numerous casualties involved in some sort of road traffic accident. The 1st patient, was relatively uninjured, suffering from minor whip lash and shock. I immediately sent him into the ER to one of the young residents to deal with, whilst I awaited the more seriously injured patients to arrive.

"This is Charles Swan, he has a major trauma to the head"... As soon as the paramedic had said his name, everything else seemed to just go on auto pilot.

I knew this man. Chief Charlie Swan of Forks Police Department. He was a regular in the ER, often being called when a few of the patients got abusive towards staff. He was a quiet man, kept himself to himself, he was neither married or had children to my knowledge. I knew he was a keen fisherman, having seen him on many an occasion, meeting up with other men his age, at one of the fishing lakes I passed on my way to the hospital. He like myself took his job very seriously, and Forks was a safer town because of it.

I began treating him, my autopilot remaining firmly on, as a forced myself to forget who he was. That was the one problem in such a small town like Forks, far too often you were treating people you knew, your friends and neighbours. It was hard, but also the personal edge to it, made it much more rewarding, well when things went right.

"He's losing blood faster than we're getting it into him". One of the nurses told me.

"His heart rates dropping". Another nurse warned.

Within seconds he flat lined, and the crash trolley was pushed to my side. A nurse was already trying to resuscitate him, as I held the defibrillator paddles ready. For the next 20 minutes, we fought in vain to save his life, but in the end, nothing could bring him back.

I always hated loosing a patient, and no matter how many times I had been told as a young doctor, that it got easier, it never did. Charlie Swan was little older than myself, with many more years ahead of him, and all too sudden, it was over. Life at times seemed very cruel.

I was knocked out of my thoughts by the screaming of a young girl. She was screaming for her Dad. Her voice held fear, and pain. As I rounded the corner, she was clearly thrashing around in a blind panic, having been strapped securely to the bed. A young doctor was trying to treat her, but his inexperience seemed only to be making the situation worse. Stepping up, I took over, a look of pure relief washing over my young colleagues face.

"Ok so, who have we got here"? I asked, wanting more information.

"This is Isabella Swan, she has a minor trauma to the head, possible broken ribs, possible spine injury, a broken right arm, and a broken right tibia".

"Isabella _Swan_"? I asked, nodding my head towards where Charlie Swans body still lay. The nurse nodded her head as I pinched the bridge of my nose in thought. "Right ok, Isabella, my names Dr. Cullen, I need you to try and calm down for me sweetie, ok". I spoke softly to her.

"I want my Dad"! She screamed, fear contorting in her every feature.

"Isabella, you have a lot of injuries, and we need to look after you, you have to try and calm down and stay still". I told her, as I began trying to check her over, but her thrashing and screaming continued. "Ok, let's give her a sedative, and then book her in for x-rays. I want her kept under supervision".

The sedative quickly took affect and she fell into a light slumber as she was taken for all her x-rays. Her arm and leg were quickly put in plaster, and the gash on her forehead, and arm were stitched up. Eventually she was moved to a quieter part of the ER, where I eventually made my way to sit with her, until the sedative wore off some and she was awake.

Looking at her laying in bed, she looked so young and helpless. I began to wonder why I had never seen her around town before, or why I had never seen her with Charlie at the parent evenings held at school. The only explanation I could come up with was that, she lived out of state, probably with her Mother.

A nurse came in, coming to check her vitals, obviously unaware that I was sat with her. She smiled gently, but carried on anyway, recording her findings on the chart hung on the end of the bed.

"Can I get you anything Dr. Cullen"? She asked politely.

"Um, no. No thank you". I told her, and watched her leave. "Actually, yes, could you bring me Miss Swans file please, I need to look for emergency contact details". I asked before she managed to get out of the door.

"She has no emergency contacts Dr. Cullen. Just Chief Swan". She turned to tell me, a sad look on her face.

"Thank you". I replied, a wave of sadness overtaking me.

In cases such as this, child services would need to be called. Isabella was 16 years old, still too young to legally be able to live on her own, and with no other contact she would need to be put into foster care. I was though, in no rush to do this, she would need to be in hospital for a few weeks at the very least, and hopefully, when she awoke, she would be able to tell us her Mother's details.

Seeing her like this, made me thankful that I had such a large family. My wife, Esme and I, had been unfortunate not to be able to have children of our own. We were married fresh out of high school, and began trying for children as soon as I got my residency at Massachusetts general hospital. After 6 months of trying, and still no pregnancy, we took some tests, and found out that Esme was unable to fall pregnant. This was a blow for us, we both very much wanted children, and a big family, since we both were the only child to each of our parents. But Esme, always one to never let something stop her getting what she wanted, immediately pushed us through the adoption process, as well as looking into fostering. Our first chance came a year into my residency, when we were asked to foster a small family. 3 children to be exact. At first I thought at 26 years of age, 3 young children were a bit much, but seeing the delight in Esme's eyes, blew all my doubts away. We were blessed with 4 year old Emmett, and 2 year old fraternal twins Edward and Alice.

They had only been with us a month, when we put forth the motion to adopt them. They were a handful, 3 young children were definitely not easy work, but already we saw them as our babies. Finally the adoption papers went through, and we officially became a family of 5.

11 years later, we were living in Seattle, I was working at Virginia Mason hospital, where I was treating 15 year old Jasper Hale, who by the looks of it had just taken a severe beating. He and his twin sister Rosalie both looked as though they were beaten regularly. Jasper only got defensive when I pushed for answers on how he had been beaten so badly, Rosalie sat beside his bed quietly. After a while I managed to get her alone, and finally pulled the truth from her. Immediately upon finding out how their Mother was an alcoholic, and Step-Father was the one beating them, I called child services, and spoke at length about the situation. Then I called Esme, who told me what she wanted, even though I already knew her answer. That night, we added Jasper and Rosalie to our family.

Having 5 hormonal teenagers in 1 house was incredibly hard work. But fortunately both myself and Esme had been left quite the nest egg by both of our parents, and along with my successful career, and Esme's very successful business as an interior designer, the kids wanted for nothing.

About 2 years ago, I heard of a job going here in Forks. After living in cities for such a long time, and constantly worrying that the kids would end up in the wrong crowds, we decided it would be a good move. Granted we knew the kids could still end up in the wrong crowds, no matter where they lived, but the idea of a small quaint town eased our fears slightly.

Our fears were quickly erased, as the kids immediately settled straight into the school here. They had always stuck together, even more so now we were living in such a little town, and to our shock, we began seeing slight romance bubbling in our family. First with Emmett and Rosalie, and not long after with Jasper and Alice. We were both very much against this at first, worried mainly if it got too serious, and then if a break-up ensued, it would cause problems for the whole family. But with promises that they would all be very careful and considerate of the rest of the family, they were left to their own decisions.

Even with the inner dating of our family, Edward, was the one I worried about most. Often thought of as the 7th wheel, he didn't seem to mind that his Brothers and Sisters were dating each other, and he never shied away from spending time with them, but although he thought myself and Esme were blind to it, we knew. Edward was what many would call a player, he dated many girls, often stringing them along, until he was bored. He was popular in school, in the sense he was good looking and good at sports, though his grades were always B's or higher. Of course Esme, hated the fact that her youngest son strung girls along, We had given him a good talking too, given him ground rules, but in the end, it was his lesson to learn, so long as we didn't have girls Fathers banging on our doors, claiming he had gotten their Daughters pregnant.

"Dad"? A croaky voice spoke.

I stood slowly, leaning over Isabella's bed slightly, so she could see my face. My movements were slow and deliberate so as not to startle her. Her eyes still looked drowsy, but the sedative hadn't completely worn off yet.

"Isabella, I'm Dr. Cullen, do you remember me Sweetheart"? I asked softly. She nodded gently. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain Isabella"?

"Bella". She croaked.

"Bella". I confirmed with a smile. "Bella, have you got your Mother's contact details, we need to get in touch with your next of kin". She shook her head, though I could see she was slightly confused. "Do you have anyone we can get in touch with Bella"? I asked, using a different approach.

"Just Charlie... my Dad". She replied.

It was the response I was dreading. I now knew I had to tell her, that she had just lost her only guardian, her only family. A kid like her, shouldn't be alone in the world. I knew with certainty, that as soon as she was well enough, she would be put into foster care by child services, passed from family to family, until she reached 18, where the system would spew her back onto the streets leaving her to fend for herself.

"Where's my Dad"? She asked, her lower lip trembling in fear.

Oh God, what was I going to say to her. Of course telling relatives that their loved one had passed away, was always extremely difficult. But this, this was beyond difficult. How could I tell this young girl, that her Dad had died, that she had no-one left in the world? How can you even begin to put that into words? Tears were pooling in her eyes, as though she was reading my mind, and knew what I was about to tell her.

"Bella". I began, heaving a deep breath. For the first time in my medical career, I had no idea what to tell her. "Charlie, your Dad, when he came in, he had well a lot of injuries". I could see her begin to understand what I was about to say. "I'm so sorry Sweetheart, but he didn't make it".

She lay staring at me, tears now overflowing from her deep chocolate eyes, a look of disbelief contorting her face. I prepared myself for her hysteria, but it never came, she just looked at me, almost letting everything sink in. I began to worry that she hadn't fully understood me, or even believed me, but her tears told me otherwise.

"Is there anything I can get for you Bella"? I asked gently.

"Can... can I... go see him"? She asked hesitantly.

"Of course you can. I'll go and arrange something for you ok". I told her. "Would you like me to get a nurse to come and sit with you, while I go and sort something out for you"? I asked, as I picked up the sedative injection, knowing it wasn't need, yet anyway. She shook her head, letting me leave.

Once outside, I headed back into the main ER, disposing of the needle and syringe safely. I was slightly worried at how calmly she had taken the news. Obviously I didn't want her thrashing around or being hysterical, especially with her injuries, but I was worried that she wasn't more unhinged by the news. I quickly decided we would need to keep a close eye on her, hoping really that it was all down to delayed shock.

"Can you get Charlie Swan cleaned up, Bella would like to see him". I told 1 of the nurses, before going off in search of a wheel chair for her.

10 minutes later, the same nurse came back and reported that Charlie was ready. Nodding my head at her, I popped my head into the room, making sure there was nothing that would be too disturbing for her. Charlie looked very peaceful, thankfully, there was only 1 of his injuries that could be seen, and it had been cleaned up nicely. I sighed heavily, questioning whether I should be allowing her to see him this soon. Believe it or not, in my 15 years of being a Doctor, I had never had a situation like this. Sure I'd had young girls having lost parents before, but never had I had one that hadn't had any next of kin. It was very hard to decipher whether this was the right thing for Bella.

"Ok Bella. Whenever you're ready". I told her, taking a seat beside her again.

"Does he... does he still look like Charlie"? She asked timidly.

"Yes". I told her. "He looks very peaceful".

She nodded her head, pushing herself with her left arm into a sitting position, wincing in what I was sure was pure agony. Without fuss, I helped her get comfortable in the wheel chair, before sitting back down, twisting her chair so she was facing me.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want. There really is no rush at all. Take your time ok"? I told her clearly. The last thing I wanted was her rushing into this before she was ready.

She nodded once, before I stood and began pushing her steadily from the room. A few of the staff cast sorrowful looks her way, but for the most part, she just seemed oblivious to her surroundings. All too soon, we were stood outside the room. A wave of nervousness crashed through me. Rarely was I nervous about anything, but this I clearly was.

"Are you sure"? I asked again. She nodded, taking a deep breath, obviously readying herself. I too followed suite before pushing her through the door.

Carefully oh so carefully, did I make my way to where Charlie lay, Bella never took her eyes from his restful state. She seemed to be dealing with this well, but whilst her eyes remained on Charlie, mine remained on her, watching carefully for any signs of distress. I was hoping and praying I had made the right decision, but I also knew ultimately it had been her decision.

"I'll be right over there". I told her, resting my hand on her shoulder.

"Can I stay a few minutes"? She asked, though didn't avert her eyes to me.

"As long as you like". I confirmed.

I stepped into the shadows at the far side of the room. My stomach painfully tying itself in knots, hoping this didn't end badly. I was ready though, ready to whip her straight out, if things got too much for her. I watched with a heavy heart as she slowly, cautiously raised her own hand and placed it over her Father's. I could see the huge tears from where I stood, and wanted nothing more than to wipe them away for her, to wipe everything away, and make it better. I couldn't though, no matter how hard I wished. She was saying something, and I strained to hear, trying to make sure whether she was talking to me, but after a second, it was clear she was talking to Charlie. Seeing her talking to him, wrenched my heart even more.

Was she telling him she was ok, was she telling him how much she loved him, and how much she was going to miss him? Or was she telling him things she wished she'd told him when he were alive, the chances having been ripped away from them both. Either way, this was there moment, and I wouldn't move within hearing distance unless she beckoned me.

After another few minutes, she looked toward me and nodded her head. I stepped forward, as she raised Charlie's hand in her own, kissed it lovingly before placing it back down by his side. I heard her whisper _'I love you', _softly to him, then sitting back into her chair, closing her eyes, almost as though she couldn't bare to see herself moving away from him.

We were silent as I walked back to her room. I was emotionally drained, as I was sure Bella was. A nurse passed me, telling me Bella had been moved up into her own room upstairs. I nodded, thanking the nurse, and headed toward the elevators. I finally got her into her own room, still no words having been spoken between us, but yet it was oddly comfortable. Well as comfortable a silence you can get with someone who has just lost their whole family in the space of a few hours.

I helped her into bed, making sure she was comfortable, and that she was in no pain. I showed her how to use the buzzer for the nurse, and told her if she was in any pain at all, she was to buzz and they would come give her some more pain relief. She seemed oblivious to the injuries she had, and although my duty was a Doctor was to inform her, I felt she had, had enough information pummelled at her for one day, I would go over her injuries with her tomorrow, if she hadn't already asked one of the nurses.

As I left her room, I turned in the doorway to see her staring out of the small window into the early evening sky. My heart literally bled for her. She had seemed to have taken everything in her stride, but I knew it was only a matter of time before that stride faltered.

"If you need anything, anything at all Bella, you ask one of the nurses to page me, and I'll come. Ok". I told her.

She turned to look at me, forcing a small smile on her face, murmuring a thank you, before staring back out of the window. It didn't matter that my shift had ended nearly an hour ago, even if it was in the middle of the night, I would come, I would come because I felt a pull toward her, and she had no-one else. I nodded once, then exited the room, before walking to the nurses station. I gave the nurse there instructions to page me if Bella needed or wanted me, regardless of what the time was.

With my instructions left, I headed to my office. I walked straight in, took my lab coat off, and grabbed my own jacket and car keys before leaving. The whole drive home, I thought of Bella. What was going through her mind? Did she know what was going to happen to her? And why did I feel so responsible for her?

I wasn't like most Doctors in the ER's I had worked in, who believed that our only job was to patch them up, and anything else was someone else's problems. Of course, I agreed that there was only so much we could do for a person, even more so if they clearly didn't want the help. But with Bella, it felt different. I felt responsible for her, and I couldn't fathom why.

Before I knew it, I was home, pulling my car into the garage. I felt guilty being able to come home to my family, when Bella couldn't. Trying me hardest to shake my thoughts, I walked into the house, seeing only Alice, sat in the living room, watching re-runs of Dallas. For some reason, she had managed to pick up my wife's taste of cheesy soap operas, and was currently addicted to Dallas, often telling me our family was a lot like the Ewing's. I could faintly hear the thump thump of music and knew it was Rosalie in her room. I could smell dinner cooking, and knew Esme, was in the kitchen. The boys, were off camping, something this morning that I regretted not being able to with them, but now I was thankful I had, had to work.

"Hey Dad". Alice called, blowing me a quick kiss, but too engrossed in the episode to come and greet me personally.

"Hey baby girl". I walked to the couch and leaned over, pecking her head gently. "If your Mom asks, I've just gone for a quick shower ok".

"Sure thing". She replied, her eyes still glued to the screen.

I laughed to myself. Alice was my youngest daughter, younger than Edward by 13 minutes and 19 seconds to be exact, and boy did she never let us forget it. She was short, about 4ft 10inch, her short black hair stuck out in every direction possible. Her every feature reminded you of a little pixie, Emmett had even nicknamed her Tink after Tinkerbelle, when they were younger. She had neither Edward or Edwards looks and her personalty was the far side of the spectrum compared to her Brothers. Whilst they were playing sports, Alice loved to shop, and I dreaded my monthly credit card bill, luckily though either Rosalie or Esme managed to rein her in before she maxed it out. Though she was overly cheerful, and could befriend anyone within seconds, she for some reason, always kept her cards close to her chest, never really letting anyone fully into her life. She was most close to Esme and Edward. Obviously because Edward was her twin, and they clearly had the 'twin thing' going on for them, but we presumed, until we came into their lives, there had been little or no motherly figure present for them. Therefore, being surrounded overprotective Brothers and Dad might I add, she bonded extremely well with Esme, spending most of her free time helping with Esme's business or watching Dallas, amongst the other old cheesy soap operas that Esme was also addicted to.

I climbed the stairs heading toward my own bedroom, Rosalie's music getting louder with each step. Despite the noise, I truly hated coming home to a quiet house. This way it felt as though someone actually lived here, rather than just existed within the walls. As I passed Rose's door, I knocked gently, but loud enough for her to hear over the music, and then proceeded to pop my head around the door. She was laid on her bed reading a magazine, and smiled widely up at me.

"Hi Dad". She spoke sweetly.

I knew she had an inner battle with herself as to whether or not to call me Dad or Carlisle, and very often she alternated it. Slowly though she was beginning to refer to me as Dad more often. Either way, I never felt the need to make a big deal out of it. All the kids knew they could call myself or Esme by our names, or Mom and Dad, we simply we wanted them to be comfortable.

"Hi Pumpkin". I smiled at her, as I crossed the room, kissing her forehead the same as I had with Alice. "You have a good day"?

"If you think preventing Alice from maxing out your card _again_ counts as a good day, then yeah". She laughed gently.

"I call that a _very_ good day. You've probably saved me a few thousand dollars there Rose". I told her with a gentle laugh f my own. "I'm gonna grab a shower before dinner". I told her, leaving her again.

Rose was truly 1 of a kind. She had very little trust in people, but once they gained that trust from her, you were surprised by how open she would become with you. I knew a number of the kids at school referred to her as the ice queen because of her harsh exterior, but that was the only way she knew how to protect herself from those she failed to trust. She was simply the polar opposite to Alice. Rose had soft blonde curls that cascaded down to the middle of her back. She stood tall at 5ft 11 inch, and probably could pass as a young model. She walked with a graceful purpose, so very much unlike the whirlwind of Alice. Like Alice. She was always fashionably dressed, and loved to shop, Rosalie did it in a much more sedate, held back manner, where Alice was a hurricane of activity. Again like Alice, Rose seemed quite happy to have her Brother's and Sister as her only allies, never really allowing anyone from the outside in, which did worry both Esme and I, but we just hoped the older they got, the less dependent on each other they would become.

Once in the sanctity of mine and Esme's room, I headed straight for the bathroom, turning the shower on immediately, giving it chance to heat up. I rolled my tired shoulders, as I undressed, then slipped under the hot spray. The heat was far too hot, tingly my skin, almost burning, but my aching muscles loved it. The heat made my body relax, but it couldn't do anything for my mind.

My mind was still completely on Bella, laid alone in the hospital room, no-one there to talk to, to comfort her, to tell her everything would be ok. She had lost everything in her life in one afternoon. I had no idea what she must be going through. As a Doctor, you couldn't afford to be biased towards patients, but right now I wished out of all the patients I had lost, I wished Charlie had been the 1I managed to save against the odds. If that made me a bad Doctor, then I could live with that, because then at least, Bella would have her Father.

Having had enough of the heat, I switched the shower off, and reached for my towel, wrapping it safely around me, before stepping out onto the cold tiled flooring. Immediately I saw my lovely Esme, sat on the counter by the sink, a worried expression gracing her soft features.

"Alice said you were home". She spoke so softly. "She said you looked stressed". She added.

I stepped closer to her, leaning against the counter between her knees, my hands naturally falling to her waist. I leant in leaving a soft kiss on her ruby lips. Her hands rubbed up and down my bare arms soothingly. We had long passed the need to greet each other with meaningless words. Esme knew without me telling her, that I had missed her that day, or any day I was away from her really.

"The boys get off ok"? I asked after a few minutes.

"Yes. They called when they got there too. Jasper and Edward weren't impressed though. Emmett managed to disturb a beehive so they had to sit in the Jeep for nearly 2 hours until they calmed down". She laughed quietly as she told me of our eldest sons latest misadventure.

"Sounds about right for Emmett". I chuckled, as I pulled away, helping Esme get off the counter and led the way into the bedroom, where I began pulling clean clothes from my closet.

"You wanna tell me about it"? Esme asked, bouncing down on the edge of the bed.

"Did you know Chief Swan had a Daughter"?

"No. I didn't even know he had a wife". I could see the confusion on my wife's face, but I knew she would let me explain in my own way.

"Yeah, 16 year old, Bella". I told her. "She was in a car accident today. With Charlie". I added, taking a deep breath. "He didn't make it".

"Oh honey". She said softly, and I could already hear the emotion climbing up her throat. She reached out for me, pulling me to sit beside her. "What about... about Bella"? She asked, treading carefully over her words.

"Pretty banged up, she'll be in hospital for a few weeks, then need physical therapy, along with counselling". I told her. "But the worst of it is, she hasn't got anyone. Charlie was her only next of kin". I looked over at her, seeing the tears spill over cheek bones.

This was Esme. The most caring person I knew. She didn't even know Bella, yet she was upset for her. She had always cried whenever any of the kids cried. She had spent the whole day crying with 7 year old Alice when her goldfish Prada, had died. She cried for hours with pride when Emmett at 14 got the game winning touchdown in his 4th ever football game. She cried when Edward at 11 years old composed his first every song and dedicated it to her. She had spent numerous hours crying with both Jasper and Rosalie when they had bad dreams about their pasts. But mixed in all those many hours of crying, were 10 times more happy memories of her doing things purely for the kids. She helped in their schools, baked cakes for the bake sales, she put up with Alice dashing around the mall, the whole time keeping up with her, carrying most of the bags, she gossiped with Rosalie, she spent hours upon hours watching the boys play football and basketball. I could barely remember the last time she had done something for herself. It was always for me or the kids. So selfless was my wife.

"I spent practically my whole shift with her. I can't ever remember Esme, getting this involved with a patient, but I feel... responsible for her".

"What will happen to her"? A quiver was present in her voice. I knew she had a vague idea, but she wanted it confirming.

"Child services will have to be contacted, and once she's released from hospital, she'll be put into foster care, probably bounced around from family to family, until she's 18, then she'll be left to fend for herself".

"Will she have to deal with Charlie's estate"?

"Probably, if she hasn't got a next of kin, it's very doubtful that he has". I told her, pinching the bridge of my nose in thought. "I was thinking of waiting a few days, then trying to help her plan the funeral, and deal with everything else. Poor kid probably has no idea".

"Do you think, maybe she could... could come and stay with us"? I looked up into my wife's eyes, tears still brimming in her brown orbs.

"I don't think it would be fair to Bella honey. I mean child services will be find somewhere to put her, and it just means uprooting her again".

"No... Carlisle I mean permanently".

If I was honest, now she had planted the idea in my head, it did intrigue me. Could Bella actually come and live with us? Would she want to? Could we handle another teenager? Could we handle one with her problems? I forced myself to not let myself get carried away. Sure I felt attached to Bella, and wanted her to be safe and relatively happy after what she had been through, but I just didn't want to get my hopes up.

"We already have 3 17 year olds soon to be 18, and 2 16 year olds soon to be 17! Are you sure you want to add another to that list"? I asked, though I knew from the determination in her eyes, what her answer would be.

"Really what is 1 more mouth to feed, 1 more back to clothe". She told me, no doubt present in her voice.

"It's 1 more person to worry about. 1 more to put through college. 1 more"... She cut me off placing a finger over my lips.

"It's 1 more person to share our love with".

**Ahh so I think I'll be leaving this here. Please if you wouldn't mind pressing that little green button, yep that one there, and leaving me a review. I do like review. Thank you xxxx **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_Big thank you's to **Voodoochil3**, **Tiggerlover1971 **and **XxSacrificeXx** for reviewing, it really does mean a lot. Also thank you to everyone who added it ot their alerts and favourites **:)**_

**Chapter 3**

**Bella's P.O.V**

The few days following the accident, seemed to float passed, with nothing very significant happening. Dr. Cullen came by every day, mostly just sitting in silence with me, waiting for the moment I was ready to talk. He told me about my injuries, but I couldn't have cared less. The pain was deserved, and I refused to ask for any kind of pain medication. At least if I could feel the pain, I could at least say I was feeling something, because to be quite honest, I wasn't sure I could feel anything else. I just seemed numb to everything, not really taking anything on board. The nurses spoke to me, but I never really replied unless I utterly needed too, I had nothing much to say. Small talk would mean very little, and I definitely didn't want to talk about Charlie right now.

Though I knew he was gone, the reality of it, had yet to hit home. But every time I forced myself to acknowledge that he truly was gone, I felt bile rising in my throat. I had no idea how I was going to get by without my loving, reliable Dad. I had no-one else in the world, it had always been just me and him. Now, now it was just me. If I was honest with myself, I was scared about what would happen to me. Would I end up back in Phoenix, living out my Dad's wishes? Or was I going to be thrown into foster care, living with a family who truly couldn't care less, but fostered for the money they received for _'caring', _for me.

So many questions I had, but too little a voice right now to ask. I felt guilty for worrying about what would happen to me, when I had only just lost my Dad. I was being selfish, worrying about myself, when I clearly had bigger things to worry about, like Charlie's funeral, and sorting out the house and bills and stuff. I didn't have the first clue, but it didn't matter, there was no-one else to take care of it.

"Morning Bella". Dr. Cullen walked into my room. He flashed a small smile at me, placing some paperwork on the small table at the foot of my bed. "How do you feel today"?

"Ok I guess". I replied.

Dr. Cullen was the only person I ever spoke to. I felt comfortable with him, even in the silences. But I knew he was putting more effort into me than what a normal doctor-patient relationship should have. I couldn't bring myself to tell him to leave me alone though, and by the looks of it, even if I did, I wasn't sure he would listen.

"Any pain"? He asked, and I shook my head, receiving a raised eyebrow in return, but he didn't push it. "Do you have anything at all you want to talk about"?

I did, desperately, but again I shook my head. Again he raised his brow at me. What was he, a mind reader? No I didn't want to bother him with my problems, he had already been nice enough, bothering him with my worries was just too much. He had to have other patients surely.

"Listen, Bella". He began. "I know this must be incredibly difficult for you, but we _need_ to talk about what is going to happen, when you get out of here". He told me.

This was 1 conversation I was desperate to have, but also desperate to avoid. I couldn't decide whether it would be a blessing or not, knowing what my future held. What if I didn't' like what I heard? Would I get a choice? Of course I wouldn't. I was 16 years old, according to the law, I was too young to know what I wanted, or what was best for me. The law, just like my Dad would choose what was best for me. Maybe that was why my Dad loved being a police chief so much, he loved the law, worshipped it like it was a religion. Well his religion was about to dump his Daughter in a grotty, little foster home, away from everything familiar, away from every reminder of him.

I mentally slapped myself. I shouldn't be bothered where I ended up, wherever it was, I was sure I would deserve worse. I wouldn't be in this predicament, had I kept my mouth shut, and not argued with my Dad. My arguing diverted his attention from the road. If I hadn't been complaining, and had just sat there quietly, he would have seen the truck heading for us, and reacted appropriately. By now we would probably be hiking up into the forest for a few days camping. Charlie with his fishing pole, ready to catch our supper, me sneakily hiding my own more palatable meal in my back pack. Real Father Daughter stuff. Instead, I was here, in this stale aired hospital room, painted in the most boring of whites, with just 1 painting of flowers in a vase to look at. It was though, much more than I deserved.

"We have to inform child services Bella. You have no next of kin for us to contact". He broke my train of thought, I nodded simply, knowing what was coming. "However, I have someone who would like to meet you, if that's ok"?

I nodded, and watched him head to the door. I was expecting him to bring in a friend of his who worked for child services, who was doing him a favour by coming to see me. Someone who would give me the low-down as to what to expect. Instead, in walked the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her caramel coloured hair fell in soft bouncy waves to her shoulders, Her grey eyes twinkled, and her smile beamed at me. She was holding Dr. Cullen's hand, tipping me off, that she was more than just a friend.

"Bella, this is my wife Esme, Esme, this is Bella". He introduced us.

I was beyond confused. Why had he brought his wife to see me? Did she work for child services? This surely wasn't normal procedure? There was something going on here, and I had no idea what it was.

"Hi Bella, it's lovely to meet you finally". She stepped next to me, and enveloped me into a gentle hug.

I felt awkward. I didn't know how to respond. I rarely got hugs. Charlie only ever really gave awkward quick hugs whenever he was picking me up, or dropping me off at the airport, and with no friends at school, hugs definitely didn't happen there. Quickly deciding I had to respond somehow so as not to offend her, I gently lifted my good arm, and patted her twice on the back, before pulling away slightly, and giving her my best attempt at a smile. She beamed her own back at me, and swiftly took a seat in the chair beside me. With her movement, I caught the scent of lavender wafting from her body.

"Carlisle hasn't stopped talking about you at home. So I thought I would come on down here and meet the infamous Bella Swan for myself". She seemed completely relaxed around me, despite the fact I hadn't uttered 1 single word to her.

"The reason I brought Esme to meet you Bella, is because we have a proposition for you". Dr. Cullen told me, obviously reading the confusion still sat clearly on my face. "We were both wondering, if when you are ready to be released, whether or not you would like to come and live with us"?

"Of course you don't have to make a decision right away. But we would love it if you at least considered it". Esme told me.

I was shocked, in fact no, I was beyond shocked. They wanted me to go and live with them? In their own house? They wanted someone like me, who helped kill her own Father to go and live with them? I didn't deserve to live with such nice people, I deserved that grotty, little foster home I had been imagining. Dr. Cullen's pager broke my thoughts and he quickly apologized, and left the room swiftly.

"Before you decide, maybe you'd like to know a little more about our family"? Esme asked hopefully.

Wait did she just say family? So they already had kids? I could probably understand it better had they not had their own kids, or even if they had already flown the nest, but the way she implied the word _family_ made it clear that they still had kids living at home with them. I nodded once, not wanting to be rude. She seemed genuinely thrilled by my response, or lack thereof.

"Well, as you know Carlisle and I are married. We married straight out of High School. We were a little younger than you when we first started dating. Anyway, we both headed off to college married, and very happy. I studied to become an interior designer, and Carlisle obviously studied toward his medical degree". She smiled, clearly at the memory. "Well, when Carlisle started his residency in Boston, we decided to start trying for a family. Neither of us have any siblings, so we wanted a big family. But after 6 months of trying, and still no baby, we went to get checked out". A wave of sadness took over her voice. "It turned out, I couldn't get pregnant. It broke my heart to know I could never give Carlisle something we were both so desperate for. But we were determined that wouldn't stop us, we signed up for adoption and fostering. We were 26 years old, when we got our first chance at fostering". Her smile was back, as big as ever. "That was when Emmett, Edward and Alice came into our lives. We finally felt our family was complete. Not long after we fostered them, we pushed to adopt them and not long after that, we finally signed the papers, they were our babies to keep".

So they had 3 kids already, why the hell did they want a fourth living with them? She had just said they felt their family was complete, so why did they want me in their lives? I was getting more confused by the second. None of it made any sense.

"Anyway, 11 years or so down the line, we had moved to Seattle, and things were going on nicely. The kids were growing up, thankfully not as much hard work as they had been when they were smaller". She laughed softly. "Then one day, Carlisle called me at work. He was in the middle of treating a young boy, who had been beaten quite badly, and his twin sister had admitted that it was their Step-Father. Hearing this, it broke my heart, and I couldn't bear to think of them going back. So I told Carlisle to bring them home. After talking at length with child services, and having them check that we were in fact registered foster parents, Carlisle brought Jasper and Rosalie home to us. Now we live here, and we have the big family we always wanted, but we would very much like it, if you wanted to join our family Bella, and make us even more complete".

I was stumped. Why the hell would they want me? It already sounded as though they had a house full with 5 kids already, surely they didn't really want a sixth? I was sure this was all because they felt bad for me. Poor little Bella, no family or friends to turn to, let's take pity on her. I really didn't want anyone throwing me a pity party, I didn't deserve pity.

"Wh... why do you want me"? I asked.

She didn't seem at all phased by the fact that, my question had been my first words spoken in her presence. She didn't even seem taken aback by the question itself, if anything, it seemed as though she actually expected me to ask it. She smiled slightly, steadily reaching to grasp my hand comfortingly.

"Because, Carlisle seems very attached to you, and after only sitting here with you for 10 minutes, I can understand why, and feel the same". She squeezed my hand softly. "We knew your Dad Bella, not as well as we would have liked, but you can't know everyone can you? And we know how tough it's going to be for you for a while, and we want very much to help you through that".

"But I don't deserve"... I began to tell her.

"No, you deserve much, much more sweetheart. You deserve to be with your Dad, and I wished to God, I could make that happen for you, but I can't". She told me, and I looked up at her, and saw a few tears bubbling in her eyes. "But I hope that Carlisle and I can be the next best thing for you".

It was as though her words finally flicked that switch inside me. For the first time since I had been told of my Dads death, I openly cried. Harsh sobs racking my frail body. I felt Esme lean forward in her chair, and pull me into a gentle embrace. I neither shied away from it, or felt awkward because of it, I simply clung to her, as though she was my last life line. She soothingly stroked my hair, telling me every so often to let it all out.

"What are your kids like"? I asked, an hour or so later, when I had cried my last tear.

"They're a handful. Always some kind of argument going on, mainly about whose turn it is to have the remote control, even though they've all got their own TV's in their own rooms. There's always some activity going on, music blaring from one of their rooms, then another argument begins because one of them can't hear their own music or TV program over someone elses music. Hectic would probably be the best way to describe our home". She told me, though the smile stayed firmly in place. "They love each other and protect each other fiercely though. I don't doubt that they'd give their own lives to save one of their siblings. I don't know whether that's because of their backgrounds, or because of how we raised them, I'm hoping for the latter, but I don't know as if we'll ever truly know".

"How old are they"?

"Emmett is 17, he'll be 18 in October. Jasper and Rosalie will be 18 in February, and our youngest Edward and Alice will be 17 in a few weeks".

"So you have 2 sets of twins"?

"Yes, both fraternal. Jasper and Rosalie do look a more a like, than Edward and Alice, but Edward and Alice are much more attuned to one another. I swear sometimes they have secret conversations in their own minds". She laughed.

I was flummoxed, how can this woman look so young and carefree, not to forget immaculately dressed when she had 5 hormonal teenagers at home. There was barely a wrinkle in sight on this woman's face. Every time she mentioned any of her children, she smiled fondly. This woman truly must be a miracle worker.

"So Bella, tell me, why have I never seen you around town"? She gently probed, trying to steer clear of asking me too much about my Dad.

"I've been at a boarding school in Phoenix since I was 10. I only ever came home for Christmases and Summer's. But since my... my Dad is... was a workaholic I spent most of my days down in LaPush with my Dad's fishing buddy Billy Black _'babysitting'_ me". I told her, struggling to find the courage to talk about my Dad.

"Would you want to go back to Phoenix at the end of the summer"?

"No"! I told her definitely. "I hate it there. I've been trying for years to get my Dad to let me go to school here". I confided. "I don't want to go against my Dad's wishes for me, but I can't go back".

I had an internal struggle, I wanted very much to adhere to my Dad's wants for me, but at the same time, this was my opportunity to get out of going back to Phoenix. True I deserved to suffer, but I could make myself do that anywhere, without having to be in Phoenix.

"Well, once every things sorted, Carlisle and I will go and register you for Forks High, ok"?

I nodded in response. I still couldn't quite grasp that both Esme and Dr. Cullen wanted me to go and live with them. Though I couldn't deny I felt a strange sort of attachment to Dr. Cullen, and now to Esme, but I couldn't quite figure out why. What was drawing me to these amazingly generous people? They were more than I deserved, regardless of what Esme had told me.

"I'll be popping by again tomorrow if that's ok? Would you like anything bringing"? Esme asked sweetly.

"I... I need to um, organise my... my Dad's"... I struggled to tell her, afraid that if I said it, it would make every thing much more real, and less dream like than it felt right now.

"How about I help you with that tomorrow? I'll bring some things to help us". She spoke so softly, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze. "You don't need to do this on your own Bella, Carlisle and I will help you every step of the way". She told me, almost in a way that left little room for discussion.

A few stray tears rolled down my cheeks. I was so grateful for her help with this. I wanted Charlie to have the best send off possible, but I knew if I had to plan it all myself, not knowing what I was doing, then it wouldn't be much of one, and Charlie deserved the very best. I was also bowled over by Esme's kindness. She had given up her entire morning to sit with me, letting me cry on her shoulder, offering a roof over my head, and her help.

"Thank you". I almost whispered gratefully. She simply smiled in acknowledgement.

We sat in silence for a few moments, a silence that was comfortable, almost as though we had known each other for years. Esme, like Dr. Cullen was very easy to be around. I never felt the need to fill the silences when I was with either of them, both seemed at ease around me. Most of the nurses who came to check on me, babbled about nondescript things whilst ever in my presence, and these moments felt 10 times more awkward than they would, if they were to just be quiet. But with Esme and Dr. Cullen, whether they were talking or not, there was never an ounce of tension.

"Knock, knock". Dr. Cullen popped his head around the doorway, before the rest of his body followed. "So how have you both been getting on"?

"Like a house on fire, haven't we Bella"? Esme beamed at him.

"Well good, good". Dr. Cullen seemed happy by this. Not relieved, or shocked, just happy, almost as if he never had any doubt. "So Bella, have you thought over our proposition"? He asked, though there was no pressure present in his tone.

"Yes". I told him. "I would like that very much". I found myself saying.

"Well that's great. We really are pleased Bella". He smiled widely, as though I had just given him the best gift ever. "I will call child services straight away and sort everything out".

I simply nodded. It all seemed to be happening so fast. This morning, I was a homeless 16 year old, and within the space of a few short hours, not only had I found a roof to go over my head, but 1 that actually wanted me, with people who clearly cared for me, despite the fact they really shouldn't. I was nothing to them, until a few days ago, neither of us knew the other existed, and now we would be living together. Things like this didn't happen in the real world. Forks must be in some sort of parallel universe or something, where people were too kind for their own good.

Shortly after, Dr. Cullen and Esme left. Dr. Cullen had wanted to finish his rounds, and then call child services to arrange everything, and Esme had excused herself to pop into work and pick a few things up, then go and do a little grocery shopping. Both seemed over the moon by my decision, and I have to say their mood was quite infectious, leaving me for the first time in a few days, with an actual genuine smile gracing my lips, albeit for a few seconds. But still it was there.

_**Wow, so this was incredibly hard to write compared to the last chapter with Carlisle's p.o.v so I hope I have done this chapter justice. I know it isn't as long but, again I couldn't go much further with it, without treading on the next chapters toes, so... Anyway, I would love it, if you could review for me. Thank you :)** _


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

**A/N : Ok so I apologize for the lack of updates on this, I've started a new job and in training, which are long hours :( and usually when I get home I just enjoy reading other peoples FF too much lol. Hopefully now that training has finished updates *Fingers crossed* will be a lot more regular. **

_Ok, so big, massive, huge thanks to **Voodoochil3**, **Lolfedward!! **x 2, **Ella la la ** and **XxSacrificeXx** for their reviews. They are greatly appreciated. Also big thanks to everyone who added this to their alerts and/or favourites!_

Chapter 1

**Esme's P.O.V **

I left Bella's room in silence, my hand tightly wrapped in Carlisle's. I didn't need to ask him how he felt about all of this. He was quite simply over the moon that Bella had agreed. Come to think of it, so was I. In the few short hours I had spent with her, it was very hard not to feel attached to her. It wasn't just her situation that caused this, it was a multitude of things, unexplainable, almost like the bond between a mother and their child. Of course I had never felt the true bond a true mother should feel, but the bond I had with each of my children, I imagined was just as strong, even if in a different way.

I already looked at Bella, like I would Alice or Rosalie, another Daughter to add to my brood. I suppose it was almost my motherly instincts kicking in. None of my babies really needed us much any more, but Bella, she needed someone. Maybe not for a long time, but I was selfish enough to admit that I wanted to be needed again.

"Well"? Carlisle looked at me expectantly.

"Well, I think you better get on the phone to child services and get something sorted pronto". I smiled at him as we entered his office.

"And you're certain we're doing the right thing"?

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he felt we were, and that he was almost positively sure that I was, and though he never needed much reassurance, he read me better than any book, he always sought it, often I presumed in order to give me the opportunity to back out, not that I ever did.

"Very". I replied firmly.

A few minutes later, I left the hospital, knowing I would be seeing Carlisle in an hour or so. We were going to be telling the kids about Bella this evening. Though we knew Alice would love having another girl in the house to drag shopping and create make-overs with, and Jasper would easily accept anything so long as Alice did, Emmett would be easily won over by having another little sister to protect, and Carlisle suggested he picked up a pizza for dinner, the quickest way to our elder sons heart, was food. Our main concerns were Rosalie and Edward. Rosalie still had a few trust issues, and though she would be nothing, I was sure, but polite, Bella would have to earn her trust. Edward on the other hand, neither myself nor Carlisle were sure of his reaction. Would he feel threatened by another member joining the family? He hadn't really had much objection to Jasper or Rosalie, but he had been younger then. He was quite a puzzle.

I walked into the house to find all my kids sat around the TV, as expected arguing about who had rights over the remote. Alice and Rosalie were wanting to watch a fashion show of some description, whilst I assumed the boys were wanting to watch some sport. I really couldn't figure out why they argued, Alice rarely lost. The smallest of them all, yet by far the fiercest.

"Hey guys, you boys have a good time camping"? I asked, as I made my way around the room, kissing each of them on the top of the head, before sitting in the empty chair.

"Yeah, pretty good, except for Emmett's snoring, stepping on a beehive, and having to go without much dinner last night because yet again, Emmett fell in the lake scaring all the fish away". Jasper told me, laughing.

Emmett. What could one say about my eldest son. He was a fierce protector, yet, you could always rely on him to lighten the mood by doing something silly, sometimes on purpose, but other times, just by being the big oaf everyone thought of him as. He was tall, standing at over 6 foot, his deep brown hair shaved close to his head. It did use to be thick and curly, but once he took up football, he claimed it annoyed him, under his helmet, though I personally thought, he was tired of the boyish looks it gave him. He was the typical big brother, often getting into fights as they grew up, when boys looked at Alice in what he deemed the wrong way, or if any of the other kids in school teased Edward or Alice. Now he didn't need to use his fists so much, thankfully, but I knew he was always on the look out for anyone who was willing to mess with his siblings. In a weird sort of way, it reassured me that since he was so big, not many people were willing to take him on, resulting in not many of them setting out to hurt them. He was loud and boisterous, and so very often misunderstood, since not many people got to see his caring, loving side.

Jasper on the other hand, though now not far from Emmett's height, he wasn't built quite as big. He was quiet, painfully so at times, and whilst Emmett was boisterous, Jasper had a calmness about him, and was able to calm the tense situations that Emmett so often caused, down quite rapidly, by just saying a few well chosen words. His shaggy dark blonde hair, hung loosely over his eyes in soft curls, hiding his piercing blue orbs. He disliked confrontations as much as Emmett loved them, though that didn't mean he wasn't willing to have them, if the need arose. He had been the one who had most difficulty adapting to having a loving family. For most of his life, he'd only ever had Rosalie who he cared for, then when they came to stay with us, it took him a great deal of time, to realize that it was possible for people other than Rosalie to care about him.

"Like you and Edward could have caught anything anyway". Emmett argued back. "What's for dinner Mom, I'm starved"? He asked me gently, and I smiled slightly in response.

"Your Dad's picking up pizza". I told them.

I could tell immediately, that they all began to wonder what was going on. Very rarely did we have take-outs, the only reasons being, were when both myself and Carlisle were working late, or when we needed to have family time, as in discussing something. Since they knew it wasn't because we were working late, I could see in all of their eyes, that they were trying to decipher what exactly we would need to talk to them about. Emmett almost had a guilty face, and I could imagine in his head, he was trying to think of anything he may have done in the passed week that he could get in trouble for, and clearly thinking up excuses. Alice was hopeful, probably thinking we were going to tell her that we had extended the credit limit on her credit card. She truly was wishing for an impossible dream there. Jasper was clearly weighing up his options, suspicion evident. Rosalie, though she had slight trust issues with most people, seemed very calm, she trusted us not to spring anything too horrific on her. Edward, my sweet Edward, he seemed to have made his mind up, that we were going to drop a huge bombshell on them, like we were moving house again.

Edward, was well indescribable. His copper hair, always in disarray, his emerald green eyes conveying his every emotion. Like myself, he had a love of music, and his talent was better than anyone I knew. He had been writing songs for as long as I could remember. I had often spent many an evening sat at the baby grand piano in the corner of the living room, teaching him, then just playing with him. Now I simply sat and watched, enjoying how he lost himself within the notes.

Out of all our children, Edward was the one who disliked moving towns the most. He was however very accepting, and had kept his reservations to himself. Though like any parent, we knew it was hard on them, and tried our utmost to make the transitions as easy as possible for them all. Unlike the others though, he had never shied away from mixing with his school friends. Emmett and Jasper of course mixed with their football team mates, but for the most part, they spent most of their time with Edward and the girls. But Edward, he seemed content spending equal amounts of time with his siblings as with his team mates. Of course there was always a young girl mixed in their somewhere. He was so very much like Carlisle, though Carlisle always argued he wasn't. In all honesty, he was like Carlisle in the sense that he was quite the charmer, and regardless of what he may have thought about his dates, he had been brought up to be a gentleman, by opening doors and being polite. I still was hoping he may grow out of this 'playboy' stage rather soon though.

Upon hearing Carlisle's car rolling up the driveway, we all rose to our feet, and made or way into the dining room. This was where we had all our family meetings, as well as meal times. Edward disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few moments later, his arms laden down with plates and a can of soda apiece. I helped unload his arms, kissing his forehead gently as he sat in his usual seat.

A mother can never have favourites, but my bond with Edward was unlike the bond I had with the others. Edward was my baby boy, and regardless of what he thought, I knew in my heart, that he still very much needed me. Though he would never admit it, he was still very unsure of his place in the world. I missed the days where he would come into my study and sit beside me, before finally resting his head on my lap, telling me all his worries. He hadn't done that for so long, and I knew there was something eating him up inside, and though I wanted so badly to force it out of him, I also knew he would come to me in his own time. Never one to be rushed was Edward.

"Hey guys". Carlisle called, as he hung up his coat.

He slowly made his way into the dining room, placing the 3 pizza boxes down on the table, before taking his seat at the head of the table, next to myself and Edward. We were silent for a few moments as everyone dug in, plucking their preferred flavours from whichever box, or in Emmett's case, spending that time deliberating which he wanted, before giving in and retrieving a slice out of each box.

"You have a safe trip"? Carlisle asked as he popped open his can of soda.

"As safe as you can with Emmett around". Edward chuckled, a smile crossing his features, the first I had seen since I came home.

"Hey, I object to that comment, I drove you both there and back, safe and sound didn't I"? He whined through a mouthful of pizza.

"Emmett, honey swallow before you speak". I reminded him softly of which he shot me an apologetic smile.

"Speaking of driving safe and sound. I bumped into Angela from school today, and she told me that Jessica Stanley had told her that, Chief Swan had been in an accident, full on high speed chase or something, and this driver shot at him and he crashed off the road, but he didn't make it". Alice suddenly said.

I felt my eyes fly wide open. It had only been 2 days and rumours were already flying around. Poor Bella, these really were something she didn't need to hear. It was bad enough she had been there, let alone having to listen to these exaggerated stories about her Father.

"That's only partly right Alice". Carlisle told her softly.

"So he's not dead"? Alice asked innocently, and I was sure I could hear a slight hint of relief present in her voice.

"No, he didn't unfortunately make it. But it wasn't because of a high speed chase or anything, and I would prefer it, If you don't participate in these rumours". Carlisle told them, though I knew none of them would help spread the rumours. "You see, Chief Swan wasn't on duty, he was just returning from the airport when a truck hit the side of his car".

"This is what we wanted to talk to you guys about". I told them, seeing confusion plaster all over their faces. "You see, Chief Swan, has a daughter, Bella"...

"Since when? We've never seen her around town". Alice interrupted.

"You wouldn't Alice, you see, she's been attending a private boarding school in Phoenix for the last 6 years. She was in the car with Chief Swan, that was why he had been to the airport". Carlisle told them gently.

"So what does this have to do with us"? Edward asked.

"Well, the thing is guys, Bella, well she has no-one. Charlie was her only next of kin, so well me and your Dad, well we've decided that Bella is going to come and live with us". I answered his question.

"I know we should have really spoke to you first, but try and understand that, well she has no-one, and is very, very lost and alone right now. We both thought, that bringing her into a loving family home, that maybe it would help her cope a little better". Carlisle added.

"What do you guys think"? I asked, after seeing no confirmed feelings in their expressions.

They each looked at each other, and I assumed they were all trying to work out how the others felt before they told us their feelings. The longer they took, I could feel the apprehension rise in me. Carlisle and I, had never really talked about what we would do if any of the kids had a problem with this. I felt guilty for not asking their feelings before we spoke to Bella, but I suppose I just assumed they would easily accept it.

"Was she very badly hurt"? Rosalie broke the silence.

"She's badly banged up, broken arm, broken leg, a few broken ribs, concussion, cuts and bruises all over. She'll have to have a little bit of physical therapy, and she'll be referred to a counsellor, but right now, she just needs a few friends". Carlisle told them.

"Will she be going back to Phoenix for school"? Jasper asked next.

"No. She doesn't want to, I don't know the full reason why, but she hasn't been happy there from what I can gather". I answered.

"Can I just ask what you guys are planning to do if we decide we don't want an 8th member joining the family, since you already asked her and all"? Leave it to Edward to notice our slight mistake.

"Well, um, Edward, we're kind of hoping that you're going to be accepting of our decision". Carlisle answered. "I don't like to bring this up, but your lives could have been very different if we hadn't loved you like we do, and Bella, well right now, she needs the same kind of fresh start that we gave to you. We're hoping you're going to be willing to help us and her, she has quite a few very rough weeks ahead of her, what with having to plan her Dad's funeral, and sorting through his estate. Imagine how you would feel if you had to do this at 16".

"It's kind of a good job we're ok about it then huh"! Edward told us, smirking slightly as he saw the relief wash over both myself and Carlisle.

"Oh a new sister to dress up". Alice squealed.

"Alice no". I told her. "She won't feel up to being dragged around the mall for some time, so please, just be very careful".

"When do we get to meet her"? Jasper asked.

"I guess you could come and see her tomorrow with me, but not all at once". I told them.

A few more questions were fired at us about her, and once they seemed content with what they knew, and had decided that Emmett, Jasper and Alice would accompany me to see Bella the following day, Carlisle and I, excused ourselves and headed out back to have a walk towards the river edge.

After the kids had accepted our decision, I had felt myself let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. It bothered me that we had both thought so little about how inviting Bella to stay would affect our children. We hadn't thought about asking them beforehand, and I felt incredibly guilty because of it. Was I that terrible a Mother, that I had practically forgotten about them and their feelings? I was, I must be. What Mother would forgo her own children's feelings like I had done.

"Esme, you are a fantastic Mother, don't ever doubt that". Carlisle told me softly, tugging me into his embrace.

He always baffled me, when he seemed to read my mind like this. How on Earth had he known what I was thinking. I knew I hadn't muttered anything to give him a hint. Sure we had been together long enough to read each other quite well, but both he and Edward for that matter seemed exceptionally talented at seeing into peoples minds.

"But we never asked the kids what they wanted Carlisle". I told him. "What honestly would we have done if any of them had said they weren't happy with having Bella be part of the family"?

"I don't ever think the fact they wouldn't accept Bella, would have been a problem, and that is probably why we didn't think to ask them. We just simply took for granted that we had raised them right, and he fact that deep down we knew they would be ok with it".

"Exactly Carlisle, we took for granted that we thought we knew the kids well enough. We shouldn't have done that". I felt distraught at the idea I had thought so little about the kids feelings.

"No we shouldn't have, but it's done, and the kids are ok with it. We made a mistake, one we won't ever make again". He told me firmly, placing his hands on my jaw gently, forcing me to look at him. "Believe me when I say I feel no better about this than you, but Esme, never, ever think that we aren't good parents just because we make the odd mistake. Nothing in this world could make us love them less".

I nodded my head gently, and we resumed walking hand in hand, eventually making our way back to the house. I half expected the atmosphere inside to be tainted from the earlier discussion, but it was almost as though it hadn't even happened. Jasper, Edward and Emmett were all playing a game on the Nintendo Wii, whilst Rosalie sat in the big armchair with a fashion magazine, every so often letting out an eye roll when one of the boys yelled at the screen. Alice was no-where to be seen, though I could faintly hear her music from upstairs.

Carlisle excused himself to his study, something he usually did sometime during the evening. I decided to go and have a nice warm shower, and get into bed before reading for a while. I said goodnight to the kids, giving each of them a quick kiss, before heading upstairs. Alice's music was getting louder as I ascended, but oddly, it wasn't coming from her room like I expected, it was coming from further down the hall, closer to Edwards room. Now I knew she wouldn't be in his room since he would most likely attempt to kill her for invading his private space, but I couldn't fathom where else it would be coming from.

I passed her own room, the door was wide open, but there was no music exiting it, and no Alice in sight. It was then I noticed opposite Edward's room, the light cascading into the hallway from the spare bedroom. I knew in my gut already what Alice was doing, but at the same time, I was curious. I peeked my head around the door frame, just in time to see Alice's tiny frame heaving the double bed into the middle of the room, followed by the dresser and bed side tables. Just as she was about to attempt at lifting the desk from the far wall, I stepped into the room, letting my presence be known.

"Alice, what on Earth are you doing"? I asked, though I had a vague idea.

"I'm redecorating Bella's room. She has to feel at home, and I somehow doubt that magnolia and floral designs are really her style". She informed me.

"Yes Alice, I agree, but surely this can wait until later, maybe Bella will want a say". I had to smile at my youngest Daughters enthusiasm toward our new family member.

"That's exactly why I'm doing this now, preparing the room, so that once Bella has picked out the colours she wants from the paint charts we're going to go pick up on our way to the hospital, we can paint it straight away, and then at least the icky paint smell will have gone by the time she comes home".

"Thank you Alice". I stepped toward her, kissing her forehead, then enveloping her in a tight hug.

I should have known Alice would have been more excited about Bella coming to stay than both Carlisle, myself and the rest of the family put together. I quickly finished helping her push the last few bit of furniture to the middle of the room, before I told her to leave the rest, and the boys could help tomorrow.

"Oh and Mom". Alice said as we left the room. "Don't be mad with yourself for not asking us about Bella sooner, we know you didn't forget about us, you were just worrying about Bella". She told me, giving me another tight hug. "Oh and don't worry about Bella, I know she'll be happy here... eventually". She added, before dancing off into her own room.

Shaking my head in amusement. Was I that transparent that even my own Daughter knew what I was thinking. Alice had always baffled me, making these silly predictions, that almost always seemed to come true. It seriously was as though she could see the future, if I didn't know any better, I would say she had seen myself and Carlisle forgetting to ask them about Bella, and had warned her siblings.

I continued thinking about what Alice had said about Bella being happy here, whilst I was in the shower. I truly hoped she was right. More than anything, I wanted her to feel happy and loved with us, lord knows she needed us right now. Although I knew Charlie must have loved Bella much like I loved my own children, I couldn't help but wonder if Bella had ever felt it, after all she had been left in boarding school for most of her life so far, and being left in La Push when she had come home for Christmases and Summer's, due to Charlie's hectic work schedule, but had she ever really understood how much her Dad had probably loved her. For whatever reason, I really doubted that she did. But then again, I didn't really know how much my own children realized how much Carlisle and I loved them. Just like I had known my own parents had loved me, I don;t think you fully understand how deep that love is, until you become a parent yourself.

These thoughts stayed with me as I stepped out of the en-suite bathroom and found Carlisle sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for my exit. I told him about what Alice had been doing and what she had said. He smiled, almost knowingly, though I expected he, himself had expected Alice to do something similar, and had realized she was perceptive enough to understand how I had been feeling.

As I drifted into sleep that night, my thoughts were on getting Bella through the planning of the funeral, and introducing her to the kids. I was hoping she wouldn't feel overwhelmed, but I also knew the kids would respect her weariness, and act accordingly. I actually found myself looking forward to the following day, and eventually fell into a peaceful sleep in Carlisle's arms.

_**Phew, thank goodness this chapter is over. I have to admit I found this particularly hard to write, and I'm not really sure why, so here's to hoping it isn't writers block setting in. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please, please, please review, I really do appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading :) **_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Ok, so this chapter is dedicated to **LolfEdward** for being the one and only reviewer of chapter 4. Thank you so much for that, you review seriously made my day, and just for you **:) :) :) :)** times a hundred more. _

_Also I would like to thank all the people who added this story to their alerts and favourites, it does mean a lot, but it would mean sooooo much more if you could leave me a review. Thank you **:)**_

**Chapter 5**

**Bella's P.O.V**

I wasn't sure how long I had been stuck in this room. It was probably only a few days, but it felt more like weeks to me. I had one small window to gaze out of, but since I wasn't allowed to leave my bed unless escorted by a nurse, the only thing I could see out of it, was grey sky and the odd dark cloud. Rain often pitter pattered against the glass, easing the silence. I could quite understand people becoming claustrophobic when they had to remain in hospital for any length of time. Other than the picture of flowers in a vase on the far wall, everything else was plain white, there wasn't even any stains to stare at, trying to figure out which animal or shape they looked like.

The silence and lifelessness of the room only preoccupied my mind with things that I really didn't want to think about right now. My Dad rarely left my mind as it was, but now, all I could think about was the fact in a few days I would be attending his funeral. I was 16 years old, I had no idea what so ever how to plan a funeral, and though Esme had promised me her help, I had no idea what my Dad would have wanted.

I mean he was a Police Chief, so did that mean he had to have a certain kind of funeral? I had seen it a few times on the news or something, when a Police Officer, Fireman or Soldier died, they had seemed to have had a special funeral. Was my Dad meant to have one of these? More than anything, I wanted to give my Dad the funeral he deserved. Not that he deserved one, which was my fault. He deserved to be fishing down in LaPush with Billy and Harry Clearwater. But no, thanks to me, he would never go fishing again.

Not only did my Dads funeral cross my mind, but loosing him, brought on thoughts of my Mom. Well not that you can really call her that, she hadn't stuck around long enough to be graced by that title. But still, I knew so little about her. I had never been interested in tracking her down and getting to know her, but now, I couldn't help but wonder about her. I knew only her name, which was Renee. My Dad though never having held back information about her, had never seemed thrilled to talk about her, so the older I got, the less I asked. The last thing I had ever wanted to do, was hurt my Dads feelings, and obviously talking about Renee did.

When I had asked why she had left, he had simply told me, that although she loved me, she just didn't take to being a Mom, like most women so she felt it was for the best, that she take herself out of my life. I still wondered now, what the reason was that she didn't take to Motherhood. Was I that unlovable? Did she realize I was nothing but trouble, and walk away then while she could? Did she even want me in the first place?

I had often dreamt about meeting her and asking her all these questions, but then the thought of maybe not really wanting to know the answers, always popped into my mind. Could I really take the harshness of the answers she was bound to give? I didn't think so, and that always seemed to end the thoughts I had been having. Well for a while anyway. I still wondered though, whether I was anything like her. I seemed to have inherited my Dads dark hair and pale skin, along with his silent demeanour, but other than that, there was very little we had in common. I was a naturally clumsy person, a trait I definitely didn't get from my Dad. Did I get that from Renee? I had a love of reading the classic novels such as Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights. The closest thing my Dad got to reading was the TV guide. Was Renee a big reader? There were so many unanswered questions that I had always meant to ask my Dad, but for the sake of not wanting to hurt his feelings, I had left unasked.

Ultimately, I was left with the thought, that maybe, I should try and at least track her down. Would she want to know, or even care that my Dad had died? Would it make a difference? Ok so Dr. Cullen and Esme wanted me to go live with them, but say I tracked Renee down, and she miraculously decided she finally wanted to be a part of my life, would that change anything? She was just as much of a stranger as Dr. Cullen and Esme. I quickly shook the thought from my head. I couldn't track Renee down, she made her choice 16 years ago, and I was damned if I was going to give her a 2nd chance.

My thoughts conflicted with one another. One minute I wanted to consider finding her, then the next I didn't even want anything to do with her, entering my mind. Regardless of the fact she was my last living relative. Then it struck me. Was she even alive still? I could be an orphan in every sense of the word. A lot can happen in 16 years. Despite knowing it really didn't matter, I didn't know her, and she would always remain a complete stranger to me, I felt slight panic rising in my chest. Was this what my life had become, a true orphan aged 16?

I forced myself to take a few deep breaths, whilst chanting _'It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter', _it really didn't, because either way, Renee wouldn't be found. After a few moments, my calming breaths worked, and I was able to fully convince myself that it truly didn't matter, and that Renee had never really come into the equation that was my life. She opted out years ago, and I had no reason to even consider her.

"Morning Bella"? Dr. Cullen popped his head around my door, smiling brightly. "I just thought I'd come see how you're doing before I start my shift".

I nodded simply. I still wasn't really sure how I was doing. Fine seemed too blasé an answer, and I still didn't really feel 100 per cent comfortable telling him my exact feelings. Besides if I did he'd probably have me committed to a psychiatric facility.

"So Esme is coming back in to see you today, and I think she's bringing Alice, Jasper and Emmett to meet you". He told me, watching carefully for my reaction. "If that's ok with you. I can call her if you don't feel ready yet"?

I could tell her was hoping I would be ok with it. He clearly wanted his family to like me, or was it he wanted me to like his family. Either way, I wasn't too thrilled at having to meet his kids, who were probably dreading the idea of having me crash into their lives without a choice. But he and Esme were being kind enough to want me, so I had to put forth the same amount of effort.

"No, no that's fine". I mumbled, trying my utmost to sound enthusiastic.

"I'm sure you'll get along fine. They really are looking forward to meeting you". He smiled proudly at the mere thought of his kids.

I couldn't help but wonder if my Dad had ever smiled proudly like that whenever he had spoken about me. I doubted it. I had never really done anything to be proud of. But I still couldn't help but wonder. Weren't all parents meant to be proud of their children no matter what? I was nothing special, and had never done anything to make my Dad proud of me. If only I had known then what I know now, maybe I would have tried harder to give him something to be proud of. Maybe I could have been a better Daughter. Called him more often. Not fought with him over school so much. Maybe even gone fishing with him a couple of times, just so we could spend time together. All these things I couldn't put right, and wished to God I could.

"Dr Cullen... Can I ask you something"? I asked timidly, feeling mildly embarrassed about the question I wanted answering.

"You can ask me anything Bella. And please, call my Carlisle". He smiled brightly, trying hard to put me at ease.

"Carlisle...". I began, it felt quite odd, but strangely right to be calling him Carlisle. "How um, how long have I been in here? I mean what day is it"?

"You arrived Sunday evening Bella, we're now in Thursday". He answered, his face unreadable.

So I had been in here about 4 days. 4 days that I hadn't even realized had flown past. I wondered what I would be doing now. I would probably have had an argument with my Dad about him wanting to take me down to LaPush to stay with Billy for the day whilst he was working. Of course after I won the argument, I would probably have spent the whole day reading a book, allowing myself to disappear between the pages, away from reality. Then as evening struck, I would have busied myself getting my Dads dinner ready, trying to prove to him, I was capable of looking after myself, hoping that he would like the idea of coming home to a cooked meal every night, and decide to let me stay. Maybe we'd even be organising for the camping trip my Dad had, had his heart set on. Of course I was deadly against the idea, but doing anything to appease him I would have gone, trying to keep my complaints to a minimum.

"Ok well, I have a meeting with child services, just signing a few things, so I best get going. If you need anything at all, either buzz for the nurses or tell Esme when she arrives, ok"? He told me. I nodded mutely.

So he had a meeting with child services. He really wasn't hanging around with getting everything organised for me. Sure it was nice to know that he seemed eager enough, but at the same time, everything seemed to be happening all at once. I was about to meet 3 new people who I would be living with, my residence was finally being decided on, and I had a funeral to organise. It really did feel as though I had shackles around my ankles and someone had thrown me into deep water, where I was barely able to keep my head above the surface.

I wasn't sure how long I had been laid, staring at the ceiling, trying to digest everything, but before long, there was a soft knock at the door, and Esme's smiling face popped around the doorway. Upon seeing me awake, she stepped further into the room. Her arms were laden down with a few magazines, grapes, a few bars of chocolate and what looked to be a Nintendo DS.

"Hi Bella honey". She smiled warmly. "How are you feeling"?

"Ok". I replied. Again unsure how to really answer the question.

"Well I've just bumped into Carlisle downstairs, and every thing's gone well with child services. They just need to run a final check to make sure we really are still on the fostering register, and then every thing's set". She seemed genuinely excited. "I've brought you a few magazines and such to try and give you something to do. You must be getting so bored in here all day long with nothing to look at. And as per tradition, grapes, but I thought you might also like a bit of chocolate. Of course I wasn't sure which kind you preferred so I got a few choices for you".

"Thank you Esme, that's sweet". I managed to tell her.

That was the one thing my Dad had always hammered into me. Manners. No matter what mood I was in, I should always thank people for going to trouble. Of course sometimes accepting things was easier said than done, but still, it was only right to thank people.

"I also, and I hope you don't mind, but Alice, Jasper and Emmett have tagged along. They wanted to meet you". She eyed me cautiously.

I shook my head and forced a tight smile. Maybe it would be nice to have a bit of company, to have a link to the outside world that felt forever since I had last seen it. More than anything though, I craved for someone to pull my mind away from everything. The guilt I felt was less than deserved, but I just needed something else on my mind for a while. Not necessarily to enjoy myself, but just to give my mind a break from the monotonous thoughts that had seemed to envelop me. As soon as they left, I would return to the moping self I had been for the past few days.

"They won't stay too long if you don't want them to". She told me, before popping her head back around the doorway into the corridor.

3 figures followed her into the room. All completely gorgeous, as though they had just stepped straight out of vogue magazine. Though I knew none of them were related to Esme and Carlisle, I couldn't help but pick similarities out between them. There was nothing major, just odd characteristics. Of course I knew they weren't blood related, but I supposed to strangers, they looked the perfect family. Not all kids looked like their parents, I didn't seem to have inherited much of Charlie's looks, just his dark hair and eyes.

"This is Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Guys this is Bella". Esme introduced us gently.

Emmett was huge. He could have easily been mistaken for a body builder. He must have stood easily at 6'4" but he had a cheeky grin on his face. He looked like he was going to burst with excitement at any second. He kept eyeing Esme, who I caught her shooting warning glances at him every so often, of which he returned the look with one of his own. He could give a kicked and beaten puppy a run for it's kibble, with the look he was throwing at her. He was dressed simply yet very fashionably in jeans and white fitted shirt that had different badges sown onto the sleeves. It only seemed to accentuate his toned figure.

Next to Emmett stood Jasper. He out of all 3 seemed the most uncomfortable. He had shaggy blonde hair, that hung in short curtains. He was pale, almost painfully so. I noticed he was holding onto Alice's hand, almost ready to pull her into hiding behind his own body. His eyes a startling blue were both curious and nervous. He had a tight smile on his face, clearly forced. There seemed to be more resemblance between him and Carlisle than believable considering he was fostered. He had a few noticeable scars, one that seemed to cut straight across his left eyebrow, another smaller one just under his jaw, and another on the inner arm of that was reaching out into Alice's hand.

Alice, her face lit up with a beaming white smile. Her eyes twinkled excitedly, and she was practically bouncing with what I guessed as happiness. She, like Esme was immaculately dressed, in skinny jeans and knee high leather boots. She was short, no-more than 5", and her deep black hair was cut short, about an inch above her shoulders, and was spiked in what I assumed was meant to be a messy arrangement, but I knew every hair had been strategically placed. She reminded me a little of Tinkerbelle from Peter Pan, minus the blonde hair and green outfit. Her warm smile seemed to erase the discomfort I felt from Jasper, and ease the room.

"Oh Bella, we are going to be great friends". Alice unsurprisingly was the first to talk, stepping forward and seating herself on the end of my bed. "When you're feeling better, we just _have_ to go shopping". Her voice was chime like, and she practically sung every word.

"Easy Alice, she's going to run a mile". Emmett followed suite and sat beside me in the chair.

"What like you do whenever Rose suggests going". She bit back, sticking her tongue out at him.

Even with the huge difference in height, I was in no doubt as to who would win the argument. Alice's face was determined, and Emmett seemed to be weighing up his options. He seemed genuinely intimidated by the 5" pixie like girl. Though saying that, it didn't stop him from retaliating, causing a slight quarrel to break out between them. As I looked around the room, I noticed Esme had stepped out, ultimately leaving me with 3 strangers, 2 of which were currently squabbling between themselves.

"You just have to let them run their course when they get like this". A voice told me from my other side.

Jasper was now sat in the other spare chair, leaning back, looking now at ease. He continued eyeing Emmett and Alice every few seconds, and I assumed it was in case he felt the need to break them apart. But for now, he simply seemed amused by the two of them.

"I'm sorry to hear about your Dad Bella". He almost whispered.

I spun to look at him, creating a burning pain from my ribs, which I chose to ignore. He had been the first person who had dared to talk directly about my Dad to me since the accident. I could see the genuine remorse he had in his eyes. It felt almost as though he understood how I felt.

"Thank you". I managed to mumble out, trying my hardest not to let my tears betray me.

"We aren't all Neanderthals by the way". He gave me a wry smile as he said it loud enough for Emmett and Alice to hear. "Some of us actually practice manners most of the time". He stated pointedly, though managed in succeeding as making it into a joke.

Both Emmett and Alice broke out of their argument and looked at me embarrassed before uttering apologies for their behaviour, though Alice seemed to be the only one who was genuinely sorry, whereas Emmett pulled a face behind his sisters back, then cheekily smirked at me, causing the first twitch of a smile to appear on my face in what felt like years.

"Oh Bella, what's your favourite colour"? Alice asked suddenly, her previous altercation with Emmett seemingly forgotten. "It's for your room, we're redecorating it for you". She told me upon seeing the confusion on my face.

Emmett pointedly cleared his throat, before nudging Alice with his elbow. She turned and scowled at him, before turning back to me and rolling her eyes.

"Fine, the boys are redecorating, but I'm organising them".

"Please, you really don't need to do that". I stuttered out, shocked that they were planning on going to so much trouble for me.

"But we want to". Alice replied, almost sternly, leaving me no room for argument. "So what's your favourite colour"?

"Um any really. I've never really put much thought into it". I replied timidly.

"You really don't like making this easy do you Bella". Alice smiled at. "But that's ok, I like a challenge".

We sat talking for a while, well Alice did, she told me all about Forks High, who to avoid, who was nice and a little about the few decent teachers there. She let slip that Phys-Ed was mandatory, of which made me groan, before reluctantly admitting that I was a complete klutz and probably wouldn't make it through a lesson without hurting someone. All 3 of them laughed at this, but Emmett pouted like a baby when Alice informed him that since he was going to be a senior, he wouldn't have chance to see me smack a volleyball in someone called Lauren, face.

They told me a little about their missing siblings, Rosalie and Edward. Apparently they hadn't come to the hospital because they hadn't wanted to crowd in on me, but I had an odd feeling the reasons ran deeper than that. I'll admit I found it slightly weird when they explained that Emmett and Rosalie were dating, as well as Alice and Jasper, but soon the idea became quite normal. Back in boarding school, kids dated each other all the time, so why couldn't Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. Just by looking at Alice and Jasper, you could immediately tell they utterly adored each other, every so often sneaking glances at the other. At one point Emmett had leaned over and whispered in my ear _"makes you wanna barf huh? But don't worry, you'll get used to it"_, of which I let out a small laugh, which to be honest if you hadn't had perfect hearing, you probably wouldn't have heard it.

My lunch tray appeared suddenly, and although they all told me to go ahead and eat, I simply picked at the plate, telling them I wasn't that hungry. In all honesty, I hadn't been that hungry since I got here, nearly all my meals went untouched, just being unable to stomach whatever was sat in front of me. Even the chocolate Esme had brought, that would most likely go untouched. I just didn't have an appetite.

A little while later, Esme reappeared with Carlisle right behind her. I felt awful, I had barely registered the fact Esme hadn't been in the room all morning. After a few minutes, Carlisle asked them to leave us alone for a few minutes. Dread filled me. What were they going to tell me? Was it bad news? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"Don't panic Bella, every thing's ok". Carlisle told me, obviously reading the panic on my face. I nodded gently, still unsure.

"I've been making some calls to our lawyer this morning Bella. He's going to be dealing with all your Dad's estate and will and such. He won't do anything without your permission of course, but peoples estates can get quite complicated". Esme told me, I nodded again, the dread not disappearing, but changing from dreading what they were going to say, into what they had said. "He's going to have to come and talk to you at some point ok, but not until you're ready". She told me, in such a soft gentle voice.

"We know this is a lot to take on, but please remember me and Esme are here to help with anything and everything, ok". Carlisle added.

They told me a few more things, but none of it really seemed to be sinking in. Realizing this, they told me they were going to leave and let me get some rest. Esme was going to the D.I.Y store with Alice to pick out things for my room, and asked if there was anything in particular I wanted, I simply shook my head. Carlisle told me he would come back and see me at the end of his shift.

Once they had left, I sat, staring into silence, trying to process everything that had happened in my morning. The time spent with Emmett, Alice and Jasper was overshadowed by the reality that I really was going to have to accept my Dad's death, and deal with his estate, and truthfully, it scared me. Right now I felt as though I was living in a bubble, where yes I knew they truth, but also felt sheltered from it.

I really didn't want to have to deal with my Dad's things or plan his funeral, because by doing that, it made everything seem final. There would be no denying any more, and that thought alone scared me beyond words.

_**Wow, again another really difficult chapter to right lol. Anyway please, please, please press that little green button there and leave me a review, I do love reading what you think. Thank you xxxx**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_Ok so massive THANK YOU's to **HeartlessVampire**, **Samantha**, **Hayleyhoo**, **SecretReaderInTheDark** – I'm sorry I made you cry, but I shall take that as a good sign lol – and **XxSacrificeXx**, thank you all so much for taking the time to review this for me. I know I say this a lot, but it really does make my day when I get home from work to find you guys have reviewed. You guys are **FAB** **:)**_

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**Chapter 6**

**Edward's P.O.V –** yay lol!

Today was the day that my parents were bringing Bella Swan home. Alice had busied us all during the past week, getting her room ready for her. It was clear the pixie already loved Bella as a sister, she had barely stopped talking about how great it was going to be, having another girl in the house. Always one to be enthusiastic about anything, was my dear twin Alice. Hell she'd probably be enthusiastic planning her own funeral.

Both myself and Rosalie were the only family members to have not met Bella. I'd love to say my reasoning was honourable, that first day, but I'd be lying if I did. I had made it out that I wanted to give her space, and not over crowd her, after all, Alice was at times mores than enough, but in all honesty, I still hadn't really figured out how I felt about having someone suddenly join our family. It wasn't that I thought Carlisle and Esme would love us or care for us less, or even that all their attention would be ultimately on Bella. It felt more like, they had invited an intruder into our home. Stupid yes, and I knew I would be nothing but polite towards Bella, but I just couldn't seem to pinpoint my exact feelings about this.

Rosalie on the other hand, seemed fine by it all, but to say she had some trust issues was a slight understatement. People would often assume that she oozed self-confidence because of how she looked. And yes, I guess to some degree she did, especially when around family, but it took a great effort from her to trust people in general. None of us bar Jasper were really sure why, but we just assumed it had everything to do with her past family life. It would simply take some time for Rosalie to be at ease with Bella, but I knew the real reason she hadn't visited, was because Rosalie despised hospitals. Regardless of the fact, she knew they did a lot of good, I guess she couldn't get over the fact she had spent far too much time in them with Jasper as kids. I couldn't say I truly blamed her to be honest.

"Edward, c'mon, they're gonna be here in a few minutes". Alice bellowed down the hallway.

Alice translation, she wanted me downstairs, waiting to greet Bella, as soon as she walked through the doorway, like something out of the Walton's. She'd already raided my closet this morning, and picked out what she deemed appropriate attire. The shirt and pants were now laid on out on the end of my bed.

"EDWARD"! Alice practically screamed when she popped her head around my door. "Why the hell aren't you dressed yet"? The sheer panic on my twins face, was almost humorous, had it not been for the high pitched squealing.

"Alice, I am dressed". I replied, stating the obvious fact that I was fully clothed.

"Edward, the jeans and t-shirt look you currently have going, screams nothing but slob, so please, just hurry up and put the nice clean pants and shirt I put on your bed on, and _at least_ try and act as though you give a rats ass". She snapped at me, giving the me the evil eye, before leaving me alone to contemplate my fate.

The fact that I clearly had a good 2" in height over Alice, and probably ten times stronger meant nothing. My evil little pixie Sister was damn scary when she wanted to be. Even Emmett cowered from her when she got mad. Alice seriously wasn't one to be messed with. Which in a weird way gave me a little confidence, knowing that not many people would be able to hurt her, and even if they tried they had to get through myself, Emmett, Jasper and not forgetting Rosalie who also had quite a temper on her when called upon.

So being the dutiful Brother I am, and I chose to the less painful option, of quickly changing into the outfit Alice had chosen for me, before going and joining my Brothers and Sisters downstairs. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I noticed both Jasper and Emmett in similar attire to my own, and and Alice and Rosalie stood in dresses which I imagined would be something you would where to church.

I laughed at this, we definitely looked the Walton's now. Which in all fairness had probably been Alice's aim, since she had been addicted to that show for a number of years thanks to Esme. We had even gone through the stage where she wouldn't go to sleep at night unless we all called goodnight to each other. It really was eye roll worthy. The amount of times I had walked in, to find Esme and Alice sat on the sofa watching re-runs, crying because the Grandfather had died or John-boy had returned home or something. It really was quite disturbing. Far too wholesome to be true for my liking.

"So Elizabeth, do we all meet your standards"? Emmett teased, obviously thinking the same as myself.

"Well if you think I'm Elizabeth, that would make you John-boy". Alice bit back, sticking her tongue out at him, causing everyone to laugh, bar Emmett.

"What you laughing for Mary-Ellen". Emmett nudged Rosalie, breaking her laughter.

"Oh hell no, you did not just refer to me as Mary frickin' Ellen". Rosalie growled fiercely.

"Anyway, how can I be Elizabeth Em, I'm not the youngest any more". Alice quickly added, before Rose had chance to mutilate Emmett. "If anyone now, I'm Erin, the beautiful one".

"Ha, Alice, you are so Elizabeth, the annoying little sister". I joined in, admittedly against my better judgement.

"Shut your cake hole Ben". Alice snapped back, causing Jasper to snicker.

"What you snickering at, Jason". I nudged Jaspers arm that he had been leaning against the stair barrister, causing him to become slightly unbalanced.

With that, all hell broke loose, all of us were arguing over each other, declaring reasons why Alice was Elizabeth, and how we definitely weren't characters from the Walton's. Emmett was yelling that he was far too macho to be John-boy, and that I was far more like the character than he. Rosalie looked murderous at even the slightest thought that she could be anywhere closely compared to Mary-Ellen. Alice was screaming that she was nothing like Elizabeth, and for everyone to stop degrading what was apparently one of the best American TV shows ever made.

"Yeah in your dreams _Lizzie_". Emmett laughed back, knowing full well this would wind her up.

"Well you only think that, because you're comparing it to the crap you watch _John-boy_". Alice snipped back quickly. "Does the show 'The girls next door' ring a bell Em, or do you only know it as 'The girls of the playboy mansion'"? That was a low blow, Rose now looked beyond murderous toward Emmett.

Before she had a chance to react, a shrill whistle quietened us, as we all spun around to see both Carlisle and Esme flanking who I knew was Bella in the door way. Carlisle and Esme looked beyond mortified, but I couldn't help but see slight amusement crossing Bella's features.

She was quite the picture if I was honest with myself, even with the injuries. She had a visible cut on her forehead, just below the hair line, she had a support bandage on her right arm, I guessed in replacement for the cast that my Dad had said had been removed a few days ago since the bone had already healed nicely. She was standing awkwardly on crutches, her right leg still in a cast. She was in my opinion a little on the thin side, her cheek bones seeming to be quite prominent features of what I imagined had once been a smiling happy face. In all, she looked pretty banged up still.

"I am so sorry Bella, you must forgive our children, they sometimes forget their manners". Esme said quite pointedly, and I knew she was slightly angry.

"It's ok". She replied slightly timidly. "Maybe if the real Walton's were like them, I might have watched it a little more". She smiled, what I couldn't help but notice seemed forced.

"Ok so you already know Alice, Emmett and Jasper". Carlisle stated, clearing his throat slightly. "And this is Rosalie and Edward".

"Hi Bella". Rosalie smiled. "How are you feeling"?

"Um, ok I guess, thanks". Se replied, then turned slightly toward me.

"Um hey". I managed to mutter out.

I couldn't help but feel like the whole situation was uncomfortable. Maybe I should have gone to the hospital to meet her, at least then we wouldn't have to stand here in the discomfort as we 'formally' met each other. Both Esme and Carlisle looked as though they had wanted things to be a little less awkward, but really what had they expected. Here they were, bringing a stranger into our home, who knew nothing about us, and we knew nothing about her. Although Alice, Jasper and Emmett had spent some time with her, they surely couldn't know enough about her to really know her.

"Ok, so now you know everyone, lets get you up to your room, you must be dying to lay on a soft comfortable bed". Alice sprang forward, hugging Bella lightly, almost as though she was afraid she might break at the slightest touch.

Bella simply nodded, and followed Alice, albeit much slower, her movements seemingly deliberate. I was sure I caught a few winces as she hobbled toward the stairs, Esme a stride behind. With a little struggle and probably plenty of pain on Bella's behalf, she managed to make it up the stairs disappearing down the corridor.

"Right, well I think I'll go start dinner". Carlisle stated, as he headed toward the kitchen.

"I'm going to my room". I uttered, wanting and needing to get out of this dress shirt and pants into my comfortable jeans and t-shirt I had been wearing previously. So much for dressing smartly, she probably barely even noticed. Not that I could blame her.

"Can you take Bella's bag with you then Edward, since your room is opposite hers". Carlisle called, not waiting for a response.

I picked the simply backpack up from the doorway where Carlisle had left it. I was surprised at how light it was, but then realized that most of her belongings were probably still at the Police Station having not been collected since the accident. Mind you it probably didn't even matter how many bags of belongings she had brought with her, if Alice got her way, she would have a whole new wardrobe full of clothes, just as soon as she was mobile enough to make it round the mall in, unless Alice hired a wheelchair for her, and heaven knows, there would be no stopping her then.

As I neared Bella's new room, her door was wide open, and I could here her thanking Alice and Esme, probably for the room that had been freshly decorated in preparation for her arrival. Esme was telling her not to, since they'd enjoyed doing the makeover. Enjoyed wasn't exactly the word I would use, I would probably have enjoyed laying on a bed of nails more than I had, having to listen to Alice order us around, telling us we were doing something wrong and whatever we had done hadn't been the way she wanted it.

"Um hi, um Carlisle asked me to bring your bag up". I spoke softly as I entered the room, placing her bag down on the edge of the bed.

"Oh right, thanks". Again her voice was timid.

Without another word, I left the room, and headed straight into my own quickly changing back into my previously worn outfit. I turned my CD player on, turning the volume down so as not to disturb Bella. A downside to having her in the room across from me was having to quieter than I usually would be. I often liked listening to the sounds of Debussy and the likes rather loudly, but that was to be no-more. Esme, and well Carlisle too, would kill me if I even thought about being inconsiderate and disturbing my new neighbours peace and quiet. And I wasn't about to argue, Bella looked like she needed a good nights sleep and a few good meals in her. Maybe that was me being naïve in thinking that, that would fix all her problems.

An hour or so later, Alice popped her head around my doorway, declaring dinner was ready. Reluctantly, I got up and turned off my music, and flipped my laptop closed, before making my way down the stairs. The closer to the kitchen I got, the more the strong aroma of food wafted up my nose, causing my stomach to growl in appreciation. I walked into the dining room just as Carlisle and Esme were bringing in the food. I noticed everyone bar Bella was present.

"Where's Bella"? Carlisle asked, almost as though he had read my thoughts.

"She fell asleep about half an hour ago". Alice told him. "I wasn't sure whether to wake her up or not".

"No, no leave her, she hasn't been sleeping too great as you can imagine". Carlisle replied.

Though dinner times had never really been strict, Esme had always had a thing about us all sitting down and eating together as a family. Again I think it was something that she picked up from the Walton's. I swear this family had some serious issues sometimes. But never the less, she much preferred it if we all sat together. As we got older though, the rule seemed to relax quite a lot, since it was always hard to get us all together at an appropriate time what with mine, Emmett and Jaspers football practices, and Alice's incessant need to shop. We did however have 1 night a week where no matter what was happening in our personal lives, we had to be around for dinner. It was non-negotiable attendance unless there was a really good cause, which was usually only sickness.

Conversation flowed easily around the dinner table as usual, and Esme only mildly scolded us for our arguing as Bella had entered the house. I could see her fighting a smile though as she tried to be mad with us, but I think truthfully, she found it humorous and well, what was the point in hiding such things from Bella. She was going to be living with us, she might as well get used to the stupid arguments that occurred particularly regularly between Alice and Emmett.

"Ok, so guys, thank you for welcoming Bella. I know you've all said you don't mind, but these next few days are going to be very hard, her Dad's funeral is in 2 days, and well we're not sure how well she's going to handle it". Esme began in hushed tone, I guess just in case Bella walked in.

Not long after dinner, I headed back upstairs. Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice were all going to watch a film in Jaspers room. I had told them I would join them as soon as I'd had a shower and changed into some sweats. I wasn't in a complete rush, since I knew the first film of the night would ultimately be a chick flick chosen by Alice or Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme were going to do the dishes then head out for a stroll, before probably heading off to bed.

Just before I slipped into my own room, I peeked around Bella's door, finding her still curled up on the bed. She looked comfortable, something that didn't really cm easily when you had a few broken ribs, but her face, looked anything but peaceful. I guess even in sleep your troubles are always there. I slowly stepped inside, reaching for the blanket that was on the back of the small sofa and draping it carefully over her.

Looking at her troubled face, I couldn't deny her beauty. I guess most would call her plain, but there was so much natural beauty about her, and I was sure if she smiled, it would brighten up the whole room. Not that there was much chance of her fully smiling any time soon. But I found myself hoping that I was around when she first did. I suddenly began thinking of ways I could make her smile, just so I could prove myself right, that she did have a beautiful smile.

She was nothing like the girls I usually hooked up with, or even Alice and Rosalie. She looked innocent, and untouched. Just the thought of someone touching her caused flames of anger to begin burning within me. Shocked I forced such thoughts away, telling myself that I would feel the same about Alice and Rosalie. Sure it might be a little early to be getting all big brother protective of Bella, but hell, she had no-one else to protect her. And maybe it was my subconscious quickly stepping up to the plate since neither Alice or Rosalie needed me to. Yeah that was it.

After taking a long shower, and dressing in my comfy sweats, I headed down to Jaspers room, pleased to see 'Step up 2' was coming to a close. Wow it really was a long shower. I headed over an sat on the floor digging my hand into the bowl of popcorn and watching the end of the film. After that, me and the boys got our choice and ended up with Top Gun, since Emmett declared he hadn't seen it in such a long time and the girls at least could enjoy it.

Alice was fast asleep before the end, and I have to admit, I too was beginning to feel slumber creeping in. So with the thought that I could either fall asleep here and end up with a stiff back in the morning, or leave now and sleep in my own bed, I said goodnight, and crept down the hall to my own room.

I couldn't resist checking in on Bella first, finding her in the same position as I had left her in earlier. I crept out again, trying my hardest to remain silent, since this was probably the most sleep she'd had in one go since the accident. This time, I closed the door tightly, not wanting any sounds form the hallway to disturb her.

It was well past 3am, when I was woken hearing the soft thud, thudding of Bella and her crutches. At first I groggily put the noises to the back of my mind, and turned over, willing myself to fall back asleep. But as sleep drained from my now awake body, I realized a multitude of things. Bella had no idea where anything was in the house, she could fall down the stairs, since she didn't look too stable on her crutches, and the biggest question of all, why was she up at this time in the morning.

Before I knew it, curiosity had me climbing out of bed, and wandering after her. I made it all the way to the stairs when I found her slowly and unsteadily hopping down them.

"Bella". I stated in a low whisper.

She spun quickly, throwing what I assumed little balance she had, and toppling dangerously toward the foot of the stairs. I reached out quickly and grabbed her arm, pulling her body into mine, forgetting momentarily about her ribs, until I heard her gasp and caught her face contorting in pain.

"God Bella, I'm so sorry". I mumbled, releasing my grip on her slightly, but still keeping a hold.

"S'ok, I just didn't hear you".

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you"?

"No, no more than I already do". She whispered, as I realized her hand was still grasping my arm, almost as though she was worried I was going to let go of her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up".

"What are you doing up anyway"? I asked.

"I... I couldn't sleep and wanted a drink of water". She answered, almost as though she was ashamed.

"C'mon, I help you to the kitchen". I told her.

I took her crutches from under her arms, keeping a hold of her, and gently swung her into my arms bridal style. Fear crossed her face, as both of her arms gripped around my neck, probably causing a lot of pain in her ribs, but it looked like they were the last thing she was worried about, as I steadily made my way down the stairs and headed into the kitchen. Carefully I placed her down on one of the stools in front of the breakfast bar, before heading to the refrigerator and grabbing two bottles of water and passing her one. She slowly took a few gulps from her bottle, before putting it back onto the bar and gazing around the room.

"Are you hungry, we didn't want to wake you at dinner. Sorry".

"No, I'm good. Thanks". She replied.

I found the fact she claimed not to be hungry hard to believe. There was no way she couldn't have been the slightest bit hungry when the last thing she probably ate was lunch earlier the previous day, and I knew exactly how filling hospital meals were.

"I'm sorry about disrupting all of your lives, I can't imagine having me barging into your home is very easy for you". Her voice was so low, I had to strain to hear it.

"You aren't exactly barging in Bella. And you will soon learn that compared to Emmett and Alice, you are no-where near disrupting". I told her, though I wasn't sure how much of my words I believed. "We're all pleased you wanted to come stay with us. It's you who might feel differently once Alice had dragged you round a few hundred stores". I laughed.

She didn't exactly smile at that, but I could tell she fond some amusement in the way I spoke of my sister. I wasn't completely sure whether she thought I was exaggerating or not, but either way, she was sure to find out soon.

_**Ah well, another chapter done and clustered. I have to say I found Edward's P.O.V quite easy to write compared to the others, but then again Edwards pretty prefect like that isn't he lol. Anyways please, please, please could you review for me. Your reviews seriously do make writing 10 times more worth it. Thank you :)**_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

_Again big THANK YOU's to **Hayleyhoo**, **Samantha**, **KK1999** and **LolfEdward **it does seriously make my day when you guys review. I can't thank you guys enough, it does make writing that little bit more worthwhile. You guys rock :)_

_Also thank you to everyone who added this to your favourites and/or alerts and me to your favourites and/or alerts. It means a lot. Thank you_

Chapter 6

**Bella P.O.V**

I had been living with Cullen's now for 2 days. It was all still a little awkward, but they had been nothing but welcoming to me. Alice rarely left me alone, which if I'm honest I was rather pleased about, for at least when she was around distracting me, my mind was kept busy, and I was unable to think about my Dad, well at least whilst I was awake and around Alice that was. I only slept for a few hours at the most, my sleep disturbed by haunting images of my Dad, or recreations of the crash. So inevitably, I only really napped during the day, then lay awake for most of the night.

After the first night of waking Edward when I was trying to head down the stairs, I resided in my room, staring out into the dark night, the unnerving shadows of the forest across the lake, or reading the few magazines Alice had brought. I had read them cover to cover so many times now, I was sure I would be able to recite it without even looking. I was determined I wasn't going to be a hindrance on this family.

The family evening meal I have to admit was probably the worst part of my day. I felt as though I was intruding, and for the most part sat silently, pushing food around my plate, and taking small bites here and there. My appetite still hadn't come back, and I felt guilty. Esme seemed to put a lot of effort into making what normally to me would have been mouth watering meals, but if anything right now, I felt disinterested in any kinds of food.

Alice had become a constant in my life right now, and I was incredibly thankful to her. She would sit for hours on end telling me all about Forks high, and the dramas of the school halls. I had sat through countless numbers of episodes of Dallas with her, though I had put my foot down when she suggested the Walton's.

Jasper too had taken to spending time with myself and Alice, though I assumed it was because Alice was spending most of her time with me, and it was the only way for him to spend time with his girlfriend. Either way, I was pleasantly surprised at how talkative Jasper was becoming with me. He wasn't the most talkative guy in the world, but whenever he did speak, he never once left me out. He had even walked in one morning, a big smile on his face, before producing a knitting needle from up his sleeve. I had smiled widely back at him, remembering our conversation the previous day about how itchy my leg was under the cast. He warned me to hide the needle from Alice and Esme, since Alice was playing dutiful nurse to her Dad, and it was Esme's needle.

Yesterday, Emmett had walked into the room, arms full of wires and different contraptions that he began to connect to the TV in the corner of the room, without a word. When he had finished, he walked over to me with a smirk and helped me off the bed, practically dragging me to the sofa. It was then I realized he had set up a games console and wanted me to play with him. I shook my head vehemently, I had little hand-eye coordination as it was, and I had never been good at video games. But as I soon began to learn, Emmett wouldn't take no for an answer.

He had spent the best part of an hour, showing me how to work the controls, how to pick the best race car, and then quickly showed me a race, before tossing me a controller and telling me he'd go easy on me. After losing the 13th race, Jasper and Alice had come in and rescued me. I happily gave my controller to Alice who very surprisingly whipped Emmett's butt. After that, Jasper took a turn, and though he didn't beat Emmett, he was very close.

Other than meal times, I hadn't really seen much of Rosalie or Edward. Rosalie was particularly quiet toward me, though polite whenever she did speak. Alice had explained that Rosalie took her time in trusting people, and the way she said it, told me not to ask any more. I found it hard to believe that some one as beautiful as Rosalie could be so shy and quiet. Looking at her, you would just assume she oozed self confidence. I know mine took a hit every time we were in the same room together, so maybe it was a good thing that we spent little to no time together.

Edward on the other hand, was in the room opposite me, yet I saw him only at meal times. I heard his music every so often, soothing classical tones. Since my first night here, he hadn't spoken to me at all. It felt as though he was avoiding me, which I can't say I blamed him. He might have told me that I wasn't barging into his family and his life, but any fool could say the words. I just didn't know him well enough to know whether he meant them or not.

Edward though, was the last thing on my mind today. Today was the day of my Dad's funeral. Both Esme and Carlisle had stayed true to their words and helped me plan everything. Esme had, had her lawyer look into Charlie's will for me, to find out if he had any specific wishes. The only thing he had requested was that he wanted to be buried in his uniform. The rest of the will was to be looked at in a few days time, but I didn't really understand much about it. I would also have to have a meeting with a representative from child services. Carlisle had told me it was standard procedure to check that I was ok here, but other than that everything else was sorted regarding my living arrangements.

So here I was, having been awake all night, again, staring out of the bedroom window. I was still refraining from calling it _'my'_ bedroom window, since it didn't really feel right. My bedroom window was all the way across town. It was small and looked out onto the front yard. The view wasn't as grand, but it had been mine. This room was gorgeous, and comfortable, complete with pretty much anything I could want or need, but for the most part, it just felt as though I was staying in a hotel room. There was nothing personal in here, and though Alice had offered time and time again to go and collect a few things from my _'old'_ room as she put it, I had declined. Other than the fact I didn't feel right adorning the room with belongings, I just didn't want anyone going into the house just yet. I was going to have to soon enough, but right now, I didn't want anyone disturbing my Dad's things.

A gentle knocking broke me out of my thoughts. It was probably Esme or Alice coming to check on me. Alice had told me she would come and help me get ready for the service. I hated the idea of being Bella Barbie, but today, I really couldn't care less. All I wanted was to get through today for my Dad. To give him the send off he deserved. To give his friends and neighbours the chance to say goodbye in the only way they had left. I was determined I was going to get through today without crying. Not because I wanted to be seen as a heartless bitch, but because crying would make people feel sorry for me, and I definitely didn't deserve peoples sympathy. It was bad enough the Cullen's all felt sorry for me, let alone the whole god-damn frickin' town.

"How you doing Bella"? Esme's soft voice broke the silence.

I simply nodded. I knew my voice would betray me. I needed to be strong today. I needed to just get through it, push everything I felt to one side. Hell I just needed my Dad.

Just thinking about my need for him, brought my tears crashing down my cheeks. I felt like a lost little girl, screaming for her Dad. I wanted to just wake up and realize this had all been just a horrible dream. A nightmare. But it wasn't. This was my life now. The life I had single handedly wrecked. There really was no wonder I didn't have an friends back in Phoenix. They probably all saw me for what I am.

"Honey, it's going to be ok". Esme soothed, wrapping her arms tightly around me, rocking me back and forth.

"I want my Dad". I cried uncontrollably, weeping into the crook of her arm.

"I know, I know you do". She continued soothingly stroking my back, rocking me.

I didn't know how long we sat there, me just crying and Esme rubbing soothing circles on my back. Eventually I sat up, wincing slightly from the dull ache in my ribs. Esme reached up and brushed my hair from my eyes, giving me a knowing look. She was everything you would want in a Mom. Caring, loving, fashionably cool, unafraid to show her feelings to you. It made me wonder about my own Mom.

If she knew about my Dad, would she be here now, wiping my tears from my cheeks, whispering to me that everything was going to be ok. No, she probably wouldn't. She didn't care enough to stay in touch with me or Dad enough in the first place, so she probably wouldn't care now, right.

I shook my head, and began wiping furiously at me cheeks, muttering an apology to Esme for ruining her blouse. She laughed it off gently, telling me a few tears wouldn't ruin anything. She stood and gently kissed my forehead and told me she was going to check on the caterers and to shout if I needed any help.

After hobbling over to the small en-suite bathroom, I managed to balance enough on one leg to wash my face of the tear stains and the red blotches. I really and truly looked a mess. As if hearing my thoughts, Alice bounded into the room, dressed fashionably in a black prairie skirt that fell to her knee, a white blouse with a fitted black waistcoat. She looked utter perfection, compared to my mess. In her hand was a small make up kit.

"I thought you might like some help"? She half smiled at me. I nodded simply, causing her smile to grow as she made her way to me.

Within seconds she had me sat on the toilet lid, and was applying make up to my pale drawn face. I was never a lover of make-up, but for once I didn't care, all I wanted was to look respectful for my Dad. After hair and make-up, she skipped out of the bathroom, returning seconds later with an outfit she had picked out for me, and one black ballet shoe. She helped me guide my leg through the black pant leg, and then into a black blouse and grey cardigan. I couldn't have been more grateful in that second that she had picked out comfortable clothes for me. I hated wearing skirts, they were always far too girly for me, and right now, I didn't exactly want to show my cast off to the whole town. It practically screamed _'look at me, look at me, this is the most hurt I got'_. It was true though. I had been able to walk away from the accident. It should be me that was laying in that coffin, not my Dad.

"You look gorgeous Bella, your Dad would have been so proud". Alice spoke softly. "And don't forget, we're all here for you ok". She leant over and gave me a quick squeeze.

"Alice, Bella, you guys ready"? Jaspers voice called from the bedroom.

"We're coming". Alice answered, as she helped me up from my seat, and passed me my crutches.

I followed Alice into the bedroom, seeing Jasper stood in the doorway. He flashed me a small smile, before leading us toward the stairs. When we got to the stairs, Jasper offered to take my crutches from me, as I hopped my way down them. I had learnt it was much faster and easier that way, my only problem being having to hop and hold the crutches and obviously through my lack of coordination falling, but if someone, like Jasper was able to hold them, then my only worry was falling into Jasper and causing us both to fall down the stairs.

Once safely at the bottom, Jasper handed me back my crutches, then stepped closer to his family. They all stood congregated, waiting for me. All dressed impeccably fashionable and gorgeous. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb when I was with them. They were all gorgeous and beautiful in their own rights, I was just the ugly ducking who never really turned into a swan. Clearly I wasn't the swan my name obviously stated I was.

Carlisle stepped forward first, planting a kiss on my forehead, and lead the way out of the house. Esme followed his lead, and stepped beside me, resting a careful hand on my back, urging me forward. I took a deep breath, and followed her through the door. It was then I saw all my nightmares come to reality.

Right in front of me was the hurse with my Dad laid in his coffin in the back. I immediately felt sick. Panic rising. Reality hitting me like a freight train, causing my breath to rush out of my lungs in a gasp. I felt myself falling, and it wasn't until I heard the clatter of my crutches that I realized I was. I didn't care though.

"Bella, Bella". I heard a voice from behind me calling me.

A pair of arms caught me mid fall, holding me up against them. I didn't care, I wanted to be able to run away. I couldn't do this, I couldn't bury my own Dad. It shouldn't have been him. I couldn't breath, and I struggled against the arms holding me.

"Shh Bella, it's ok, it's ok". A velvety voice broke through my panic slightly.

"I can't do this, I can't do this". Panic quickly crept back .

"Bella, breath for me sweetie, nice and slow". Carlisle was immediately by my side. "In and out, in and out". He repeated over and over again.

I forced myself to focus on Carlisle's steady voice, and managed by some miracle to regulate my breathing again. Fear still pulsed through my body though, and I quickly realized I was uncontrollably shaking like a leaf. If it wasn't for whoever it was holding me up, I would be laid on the ground by now. I glanced around me, seeing everyone bar Edward, and came to the quick conclusion that it was he, who was holding me up. Great, the worlds most perfect man was holding me up, trying to prevent me from a total melt down.

"Ok, let's do this". I finally managed to force myself to say. Carlisle looked at me skeptically, and I simply nodded, not wanting my words to betray me.

Without warning, Edward swooped me into his arms, and carried me toward the car we would be travelling in. I wanted badly to tell him to put me down, that I was capable of hobbling on my crutches, but I think we both knew that was a lie. Even with my crutches, I probably wouldn't have been able to force myself to walk, let alone in the right direction. The need to run was still very overpoweringly strong.

"Bella, it's ok, we'll get you through this". Emmett told me, breaking my thoughts. He forced a small smile on his face, but I just couldn't bring myself to give him one back.

The whole journey was silent, you couldn't hear a thing except for my heavy breathing, which I was still forcing myself to regulate, breathing in and out slowly. I had seen enough movies and TV shows to know I must have sounded as though I was in labour, but right now, I could care less. There never would be a day that I would look back on this moment and laugh at my own stupidity.

"We're here. Bella are you going to be able to"... Edward asked, eyeing the death grip I had on my crutches.

I nodded again. As unsure as I was whether I would be able to walk, I did not want him to carry me into the church for the service. I might not have known this town, but I knew regardless of where we were, there would be talk of the Chief of Police's daughter having to be carried into the church for her Father's funeral, by an exceptionally gorgeous man, that she was in no way related to.

One by one, we filed out of the car, Alice gracefully climbing out before me, before I felt Emmett grasp my arm and steady my ascent from the vehicle. Immediately I could hear murmurs of voices, and looked up to find a huge line of people stood in a queue waiting to follow on into the church. They all seemed to be looking at me, staring. I knew they were either thinking _'Poor girl, imagine having to bury her father so young'_ or _'how fair is it that she gets to practically walk away, when poor Chief Swan doesn't'_. For those thinking the latter, I couldn't agree more, and for those thinking the first, I really didn't want their sympathy.

"Just ignore them, block them out". Edward's voice whispered into my ear from behind me.

6 of my Dad's work colleagues, carried him into the church, and I silently followed on behind, both Esme and Carlisle flanking either side of me. After we sat down I pretty much blanked everything else out. I just stared straight ahead, trying not too look at my Dad's coffin, knowing that if I did, I would break down all over again. I didn't hear the speech my Dad's deputy gave, or anything the vicar said, just memories of the past summers I had spent here flew through my mind. I would give anything to go back to those times. Those simpler, happier times.

I was barely coherent as we followed my Dad out to where he was finally going to be laid to rest. Both Carlisle and Esme had a hold of my arms, ready in case I decided I could no longer stand. It was only when the vicar thrust the bowl of dirt toward me, that I registered the fact he was waiting for me to take a handful. I did as asked, and tossed a handful into the grave.

It was over. My Dad's funeral was now over. I stepped away from the graveside, no longer being able to stand being close by. People immediately began coming and telling me, what a wonderful man they thought my Dad was. I couldn't have agreed more. One person after the other hugged me, more than one causing pain in my sides, all telling me if I needed anything at all, to just let them know. In all honesty though, I had know idea who any of these people were.

"Bella". I turned to see my Dad's oldest friend Billy Black roll toward me in his wheelchair.

"Billy". I replied, leaning down slightly to give him a gentle hug.

"How you doin' Hun"? He asked, probably the first genuine person to ask me. I simply shrugged, unsure of how to best respond. "Well I just wanted to come and see you, I won't be coming to the wake, it's well... it's hard to think about the old man too much". His eyes immediately filled with tears. I nodded in understanding. "But if you need or want anything, you know where I am right".

"Yeah, thanks". I replied.

Carlisle and Esme took the opportunity to come and introduce themselves to the 1 person I seemed to know. I choose this opportunity to blank out everything else. People continued flitting over to me, offering their sympathies. I was beginning to feel as though I was trapped in a glass tank that was filling slowly with water. I was in too deep, and I just couldn't seem to get my head high enough.

Alice who had never seemed to be more than a few steps away from me, must have noticed the panic rising in me, and slowly gripped my elbow, guiding me away from the crowds. With a little more breathing space, I began to feel less panicked, but I still wanted to get away from everything. I sat on the bench nearby with Alice, who rubbed her hand up and down my spine, her cheek resting on my shoulder.

"Do you know any of those people"? I asked her.

"A few". She admitted.

It was then I noticed the rest of the Cullen's making their way towards me. Esme and Carlisle both asked how I was, but I just couldn't respond. I didn't know how I was. I felt numb, as though it wasn't really me any more. I wasn't in control of myself, I was just there, in body, but not in mind.

We were the 1st to arrive back at the house, though as I climbed the few steps to the front door, I could see a few cars making their way down the drive way. Great more people to come and tell me how sorry they were for me. As well intentioned as they maybe, I just wasn't sure how much more I could take. I wasn't deserving of peoples sympathies, and I was sure if these people knew it was my fault, they wouldn't feel so sorry for me.

30 minutes later, and what must have been the 20th person to grasp me into a tight hug, causing pain to shoot through my ribs, I had truly had enough. I began hobbling toward the stairs, hoping I could just make it upstairs, so I could be left in peace. The Cullen's seemed to be coping quite well with the attention, a quick glance around the room found them all pulled into conversations with small groups of people.

I had just made it to the 1st step, when I heard my name called. Suppressing a groan I turned slightly to see my Dad's old Deputy, Wayne. He was in full uniform, and I could see by the gold plated name badge he wore, that he was now Chief Wayne Saunders. I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry, and clenched my jaw to stop any quivering.

"Bella, I just want to say how sorry I am". He spoke softly, heartfelt. "Your Dad was truly the best boss I have ever had. I won't ever forget the countless hours he put in training me". He smiled gently in remembrance. "Well, me and the boys down at the station, we thought you might like this". He handed over a frame. "It was on his desk. We haven't touched anything else, we didn't know whether you would want to come and collect his personal stuff, but we wanted you to have this. He changed the picture every September when you had gone back to school".

I looked at the picture in the frame. It was me and my Dad when we had gone camping last Summer when I had been home. I remember Billy had taken it when we were sat around the camp fire one night. My Dad had his arm wrapped around my shoulders trying to help me keep warm after I had been shivering violently. His lips were pressed to my forehead as we held our smores over the fire. In the top left corner was a smaller picture of me and him. I remembered this one from the house. It was a copy of our first picture ever together, I was only an hour or so old and cradled safely in my Dad's arms. It was almost as though he was comparing us from then to now.

I felt tears start to well up, and before they had chance to escape, I turned away form the picture, and looked back at Wayne. His face seemed to mirror my own sadness, and I reached forward hugging him tightly before pulling away. He understood that I just couldn't being myself to speak to him and he nodded simply.

"Don't be a stranger Bells". He forced a smile, then backed away.

I felt emotions rising in me and I needed desperately to get upstairs before I erupted in front of everyone. Somehow I managed to get up the stairs with my crutches and frame. It was difficult and by the time I got to the top, I was out of breath, and tears were cascading down my cheeks. Realizing I couldn't use my crutches and hold the picture at the same time, I let the crutches fall to the floor and hopped my way toward my room.

Half way down the hall, I passed the bathroom and stumbled inside, before collapsing against the wall, sliding to the floor in floods of tears. I hugged the photo tightly to my chest, wishing like crazy that it was really my Dad. I would have given anything right then to just be able to hold him. To just see him.

"Bella"? I soft gentle voice broke into my thoughts. I looked up through waterlogged eyes to see Rosalie standing just inside the doorway. "Oh Bella". She quickly rushed toward me, sitting next to me and wrapping her 2 comforting arms around me tightly, her hand wiping my hair from my face, and kissing my forehead gently.

"I want my Dad". I managed to whimper, latching onto her as though my life depended on it.

"I know, I know you do". She replied in a whisper.

_**Ok, so well I'm actually REALLY proud of that last bit. It's been really difficult trying to sort of get Bella's feeling across, because I honestly do not know how I would react if I was in her shoes, and I hope to God that I never have to go through what she is. So I hope I'm doing it justice. Please tell me if you don't think I am. Please, please, please press that lil green button right there and leave me review, it makes my day :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Wow, what a fantastic response to the last chapter. MASSIVE thanks again to **Hayleyhoo**, **Queendel**, **Ecullenlover1**, **LolfEdward**, **Samantha**, **TwilightgIRL**, **Susie**, **Caitlyn Mae** and **kk1999 **your reviews mean the world to me. As you can probably imagine, it isn't easy writing about this kind of subject matter, but it's made all the more easy by your fantastic support. Thank you so much **:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)**_

_Also thank you to those of you who took the time to add this story and/or me to your favourite/alerts lists!_

**Chapter 8**

**Edward P.O.V**

Bella looked broken. So alone, so completely terrified. Yet, I was in awe of how strong she was, how well she was coping so far. I couldn't be sure, and I hoped and prayed to God I wouldn't find out any time soon, but had I been put in Bella's shoes, I doubt I would be coping as admirably as she was right now. The initial shock of seeing her Dad's coffin, well anyone would have reacted the same, but she just seemed to pull herself together. She got through the service and burial without any major break downs, which to be honest, I think we were all expecting. Not that I could ever have blamed her. But she didn't. Instead she seemed to keep herself together, and got through in dignity and control.

She had been crowded with people all day. Every time I turned around, she had someone new telling her how wonderful her Dad was. Like she would need telling. She thanked people, forcing a smile every so often, though a blind man could see how fake it was, though the people she was talking to seemed to appreciate the effort non the less.

"So Eddie, how about me and you sneak off somewhere". A hand ran up my upper arm, diverting my attention from Bella , who was disappearing out of the room.

I knew whose the nasally voice belonged to, and I fought the growing urge to groan in irritation. Yes I had made out with the girl, yes we still made out every so often when the need mainly struck myself. But did she really think I would stoop so low as to make out just after burying my new family members Father.

"Number one Jess, the name is Edward, you get that E-D-W-A-R-D, not Eddie, or Eddie-kins or any other ridiculous pet name you think up and number two, we're at a wake for God's sake, have a bit of respect". I sighed, and walked away.

I could no longer see Bella in the room. Not that I was watching her or anything. But since this morning, I had been watching for any signs that she was becoming overwhelmed. I was doing what any brother would do_ 'or boyfriend'_ my mind screamed at me. But I wasn't her boyfriend, and I wasn't going to be her boyfriend. Bella to me, was just another Sister. Well right now, just a friend since I really didn't know enough about her to call her my Sister, but still.

I sidled up to where Jasper and Emmett stood in the corner, trying their hardest to stay away from the crowds. I knew my Brothers well enough to know they had, had enough of the people asking them constant questions. Most people were fake, making conversations now, wanting to know juicy gossip about Bella and why she was suddenly living with us. But tomorrow, they'd simply go back to ignoring us.

"Where'd Bella go"? I asked, reaching and taking a gulp of Emmett's Dr. Pepper.

Both my Brothers brows raised in suspicion. I knew exactly how their minds worked, and both were wondering exactly why I wanted to know, or why I was so interested. It was also something I too was wondering. I had been keeping tabs on Bella all day, but had no idea why. Sure I felt a slight pull toward her, but I felt sorry for her, and wanted to make sure she was ok. That was it.

"I'm surprised you noticed her leaving, what with Jessica's mitts all over you". Jasper practically hissed.

It was no secret of Jaspers dislike for Jessica. He wasn't the only one, Alice truly hated her. Emmett and Rosalie were pretty indifferent about her. But if forced to chose, I knew they would side with Jasper and Alice. On more than one occasion Jasper, Emmett or even myself had, had to separate Jessica and Alice. To this day, I could never work out why they hated her so much. Sure she was clingy, and said some stupid shit, mostly without thinking, and she was the typical popular cheerleader who teased the non popular crowd. On second thoughts, I seriously had no idea what I saw in her.

"Don't start now Jazz, it's been a long day". I sighed, pinching my nose in frustration.

"Edward, Jazz is right, the girl just blatantly hit on you at a wake. That's just sick". Emmett muttered.

The worst thing was I knew they were right. I shook my head and walked away, not wanting to listen to their lectures about how I could do so much better, If only I stopped fucking around. A different girl here, a different girl there, I knew I was the classic man-whore as my twin often referred to me, when ever she was on her lecture Edward trip. But I just couldn't see myself settling down as my siblings had done. I had always felt as though there was something missing in my life, and for the short time I was with these random girls, I forgot I was the black sheep of the family.

None of my family knew I felt like this, and they certainly didn't make me feel like an outcast on purpose, but there was something about being the odd one out of the 7 of us that ate me up inside. I was hoping now that Bella was here, that things might change a little. Maybe that was why I felt this connection with her. We were both outcasts.

Scanning the room, I still couldn't find Bella, so I wandered upstairs to find her, where she had probably gone to breakdown. I had been waiting all day for the final straw for her, and I didn't want her to be on her own. As I climbed the stairs, I began hearing her weeping. A lead weight dropped into my stomach upon the noise. It was heartbreaking really. I followed the noise to the bathroom, where I found the last person I expected, hugging Bella tightly.

Rosalie had gotten to her first, and was holding Bella tightly, as she whimpered she wanted her Dad. I stood silently for a few moments, watching the scene before me. Never had I once seen someone so broken. The only person in the world Bella wanted and needed was her Dad, and he wasn't here for her. No matter how much any of us tried, we could never fill the void for her.

"Edward, have you seen Bella"? Alice's voice practically sang as she got to the top of the stairs.

Rosalie's head popped up on hearing Alice's voice, and she caught me standing there watching. I forced a tight smile, before slowly backing away to give them a little privacy. I walked toward Alice who had a questioning look on her face. I nodded my head in the direction of the bathroom, trying to subtly let her know that was where Bella was. Alice stepped forward as if to head in there, but I grasped her elbow and lead her back down the stairs.

"Rosalie's with her now. I don't think she wants crowding at the minute". I spoke quietly, not wanting everyone to hear.

"What do you mean 'she doesn't want crowding', what's wrong"? Alice asked.

You could tell how attached to Bella, Alice already was. Out of all the family, she had probably spent the most time with her. Worry had now etched it's way into my Sister's features. She wanted to so badly to dash up the stairs and be with both Bella and Rosalie, but at the same time, we both knew this was a breakthrough for Rose.

Rose wasn't as heartless or cold as everyone made her out to be. She may not have spent much time with Bella before now, but that wasn't because she didn't care. Rose wanted to both give her time to settle, and she needed to trust Bella. Out of us all, Rose and Jazz had been hurt the most. I mean who wouldn't fear to trust after everything they had been through. But for Rose to be openly sat hugging Bella tightly, to me only meant that Rose, now not only trusted Bella, but saw her as a member of the family.

"Bella's just, a little upset right now. I saw her leaving the room earlier, she obviously didn't want to breakdown in front of everyone. Rose is with her. It's probably best if we just leave her with Rose". Alice nodded before glancing up the stairs one last time, before heading back into the living room.

People were slowly but surely leaving. All thanking my parents as they left. I suspected more than half only came to the wake so they could see the 'great Cullen mansion'. Bella and Rosalie hadn't returned, but after Alice had explained where they were to Carlisle and Esme, they had told us to leave them be. Bella had clearly had enough of being questioned and hugged by complete strangers.

After the last guest had left, we all quickly tidied up, replacing the furniture into it's rightful place. Alice announced that we were going to have a movie marathon, and with Carlisle and Esme's permission, she ordered a few pizzas. I escaped upstairs to my room to change out of my shirt and tie into comfy sweats. As I passed the bathroom, I glanced in, and found Bella and Rose had left.

"Edward"! Alice yelled along the hallway. "Tell Rose and Bella, to change into their pj's and be in the living room in 10 minutes".

Alice, little miss organisation freak. I shook my head, in amusement as I walked toward mine and Bella's rooms. Bella's door was open slightly, and I could hear Rose's voice, but couldn't quite make out what she was saying. I knocked gently, before popping my head around, finding both girls sat on Bella's bed facing each other. Bella's face was tear stained, and she looked drained of energy. I noticed Rose's eyes were slightly blood shot, and surmised she had, had a cry with Bella at some point.

"Hey girls. Alice wants a movie marathon. She's ordered pizzas, and said to tell you to get into your pj's, and be in the living room in 10 minutes".

I left them to it, hearing Rose tell Bella, that when Alice said 10 minutes, she meant 10 minutes. Quickly I changed, knowing how true Rose's word were. I made it to the living room before Alice, and found Emmett currently looking through all the DVD's, clearly trying to pick something to watch before Alice came down and picked for us.

"I'm thinking all 3 Fast and Furious films ready for going and seeing the 4th next week". Emmett declared when he heard me sit heavily on the couch.

"Em no". I shook my head.

"What, why"? He asked.

"Because there are a few crash scenes in them". I told him. "Bella". I added when I saw him look at me confused and mouth open to ask why. "So nothing with car chases or crashes in". I warned.

"And no deaths". Jasper added as he sat in the chair.

Emmett nodded resigned. He might have been a big oaf sometimes, but there was noway he would purposely hurt someone's feelings. He let out a sigh and sat in the other chair to wait for the girls.

"Might as well let the girls have a chick flick night then". He added.

He wasn't pleased about it, but he knew it was the best option, and he was probably the last person who wanted to upset Bella. Both me and Jasper agreed with him, before I got up to make the popcorn and Emmett went to answer the door to the pizza delivery guy.

When I returned, everyone was already sat, Alice had chosen to watch Dirty Dancing. I let out an inner groan, before sitting myself in the sofa next to Bella. Looking around the room, Rose and Emmett were sat cuddled together on the love seat, obviously having no intention of focusing on the film. Alice was sat on Jazz' knee in the chair next to the window, leaving me and Bella to share the sofa.

I offered her the popcorn with a smile, passing her a can of soda. She looked up at me through her long gorgeous eyelashes, and forced a smile, taking the can and a handful of popcorn. Her cheeks were now free of her tear stains, and she had a simple baggy t-shirt and shorts on. She looked comfy, and perfect all at the same time.

During the beginning credits, I noticed her fidgeting slightly with her leg. Realising she had no-where to really stretch out and elevate her leg, I reached forward and lifted both her legs into my lap allowing her the space to stretch out. Resting my hand across her one bare leg, I couldn't believe how smooth and soft it was. It made me wonder how often she moisturised, because damn, her leg was silky smooth.

"You need to keep your leg elevated". I whispered to her, once I had seen the shock on her face.

She nodded once, and began chewing on her bottom lip. She looked unbelievably sexy when she did that. I gazed into her eyes, seeing the chocolatey brown pools stare back at me. I felt as though I was swimming in them. She was the first to break our gaze, turning her attention to the film. Realizing what I had been doing, I forced myself to look away, staring at the screen, though I can honestly say I paid little to no attention on it.

Had I really just described Bella as sexy? Yeah, of course I thought she was good looking, who wouldn't. But just because I thought she was gorgeous didn't mean anything. Of course right now I thought of her a little differently than I thought of Alice or Rosalie, but they were my Sisters, Bella was just, well not quite a friend yet, but not a Sister yet either. She was just... Bella.

I must have spent the whole movie trying to figure out exactly what Bella was to me, and why it bothered me so much that I thought she was good looking. All it did was make me even more frustrated when I came up with no answer. Once Dirty Dancing was over, Emmett dove up, practically throwing Rose off his lap, before declaring he couldn't sit through another chick flick, and decided quickly to watch 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry'.

I managed to focus a little better on this, but still, for the most part, it was over before I even realized. I glanced at my watch, seeing that it was past midnight. Alice had gotten up, and was turning the TV and DVD player off, when she turned and looked at Bella and me. She smiled sympathetically, tilting her head to the side slightly. Confused, I turned to look at Bella, who was fast asleep.

"Should we wake her"? Rosalie asked, as everyone crowded around us.

"No, leave her". I replied, not wanting anyone to disturb the sleeping angel beside me. "I'll just carry her up to bed. She's had a long day". I told them, passing the now empty popcorn bowl to Emmett to put on the coffee table.

Slowly so as not to disturb her, I lifted her more fully into my lap, before standing. She murmured a little, before tucking her head into my shoulder. She barely weighed anything at all, I'd go as far as guessing she was less than Alice's tiny form. I bid my siblings good night, before climbing the stairs and heading toward her room.

It didn't take long to get her on her bed, and under the sheets. She hadn't stirred once throughout me carrying her. She really must be exhausted. It had been a long day though. She looked even more perfect now laid in bed, her hair sweeping across her pillow, her small hands grasping the corner of her sheet, almost as though it was her one security. I silently began creeping out of her room, not wanting her to suddenly wake and find me hovering over her. That would have probably petrified her.

"Wait". She suddenly said. I spun to face her, thinking she had woken. "But the train... it's coming for them". She mumbled sleepily.

Ok, so Bella was a sleep talker. I smiled from my new found knowledge. It made her seem all the more angelic. So innocent and perfect.

"The Flintstones, they need to get on the train. Please don't leave without them". She mumbled again.

I suppressed a chuckle. She was dreaming about the Flintstones. I would definitely be asking her about this at some point. I stood in the doorway, waiting to see if she would say anything else, but she seemed to have settled back into a deep slumber, because she said nothing further.

All I wanted was to stay with her, wait to see if she would say anything else later on, but I forced myself to leave, closing her door shut behind me. I went into my own room, climbing straight in bed, and lay there, straining to see if I could hear anything through the walls. Of course I couldn't, she wasn't talking any more, but I still lay silently in wait.

At some point I must have dropped off to sleep, waking suddenly when I heard a muffled screaming. Darting out of bed, I dashed into the hall. There was no sign of life in the hall, I stood for a second trying to figure out where the screaming was coming from. It was coming from Bella's room. I dashed forward, flying into the room, closing the door quickly behind me.

Bella was now sat up in bed, her screams had become a strangled sob, her hands clutching the bed sheet up to her chest. Even in the dim light of the room, she had no colour what so ever in her cheeks. I ran toward her, sitting in front of her, placing a hand gently on her cheek, trying to get her to focus on me.

"Shh Bella, shh, it was a dream, it was just a dream". I told her soothingly.

I pulled her into my chest, hugging her tightly, whispering softly to her. As she slowly calmed down, I hummed a tune I didn't recognise, but still it seemed to work at calming her. I didn't ask her what it was that she had been dreaming about, for now I just wanted her to calm enough to fall asleep.

I manoeuvred myself to sit beside her, but never once let go of her, as she collapsed in a tired pile against my chest, her hands now clutching my t-shirt. I continued humming until I was sure she had fallen back asleep, and then I too fell into a light slumber.

_**Ok, so I know this chapter hasn't been the best, but I really struggled with this one. I'm quite impatient, and I know where I want this story to go, but the impatient part of me wants to just get there already lol. I'm fighting hard not to rush it, but it's getting frustrating. Anyway I hope you managed to enjoy at least parts of it. Please please leave me a review, it does make my day. Thank you :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_Ok, so let's start with the Thank you's again! Massive hugs to **Hayleyhoo**, **Kikpet**, **Tif1**, **Samantha** and **Kk1999**, you guys are my own personal heroes for reviewing. I owe you massive for taking the time to review. I wouldn't get the inspiriation to write this story if it wasn't for you guys. So **THANK YOU** so much **:) :) :) :) **_

_Again thank you to those of you who took the time to add me and/or this story to your favourites/alerts list. It does mean a lot that you guys like this story, but could you please please leave me a review. I don't care how short it is, a review is a review to me :)_

Chapter 9

**Edward's P.O.V**

My back ached, and my arm felt strangely numb. I wanted to go back to sleep, but there was something nagging in the back of my mind. I was comfortable, but at the same time, in an odd position. I felt as though someone was watching me, waiting for me to wake up. It was an odd feeling to have, but it was definitely there.

"Edward Anthony Cullen". A very familiar voice hissed at me.

"Alice, fuck the hell off". I muttered, preparing to turn over away from the annoying pixie.

There was a weight on my arm keeping me in place. I tugged gently, quickly realizing I had know idea what had trapped my arm. I blinked my eyes open slightly, seeing Alice stood at the side of the bed, her arms folded over her chest and a cold scowl across her face. Slowly taking in my surroundings, I realized I wasn't in my own room. I was in Bella's.

The whole night came flying back into my memory. Bella's screams waking me, me running into her and comforting her. I remembered humming to her until she fell asleep. I too must have fallen asleep with her. I turned my head slightly to look at Bella, who was curled up against my side, her small hand clutching my t-shirt, her head resting in the crook of my arm.

She looked so peaceful, almost as though last night didn't happen. I knew I should move, leave the room before she woke up to find me beside her, but I just didn't want to. I wanted to lay beside her, and watch her sleep some more. Alice cleared her throat, not loud enough to wake Bella, but enough to grasp my attention. She was looked at me impatiently, obviously wanting an explanation. I held my finger to my lips, then pointed to Bella, immediately seeing Alice's stony look soften.

I steadily slipped my arm from under Bella, trying my hardest to not disturb her. After about a minute of inching out, I was finally free, giving Bella one last look, before stalking out of the room with Alice hot on my heels. I lead her into my room, closing the door tightly behind her, before waiting for the explosion.

"Edward! What the _hell_ were you thinking? Bella is not just one of your bimbo's". Alice hissed viciously at me.

You seriously wouldn't have thought we were twins, or even siblings in that moment. She was practically throwing daggers at me with the sharp look she was giving me. A Sister would usually give you the benefit of the doubt, but right now, Alice was pissed. A clear sign of how much she cared for Bella. In an odd way, that should have pleased me to no end, but in all honesty, I couldn't believe that she even thought me capable of doing what she was currently suggesting.

"Bella is vulnerable right now Edward, and you took advantage of that. You just"...

"Excuse me"! I was baffled at how little my own twin thought of me. "I was the only one who woke up hearing her scream in the middle of a nightmare. I was the only one who comforted her. So I fell asleep beside her, so what. At _least_ I was around. Maybe if you hadn't been too busy sneaking into Jasper's room, you might have heard her".

Using the fact she probably had snook into Jaspers room last night, was an incredibly low blow, but hell, she was throwing accusations around left, right and centre. Ok so I had a history of being a bit of a player, but even I wasn't that thoughtless to try it on with someone whose life was currently as big a mess as Bella's currently was.

"She had a nightmare"? Alice asked timidly.

"Yes". I replied, sitting down on my bed, tiredness sweeping over me.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I've seen how you've been looking at her the last few days, and I put two and two together".

"Exactly Alice, and you got 5. it's nice to know what you think of me".

I leant forward slightly, rubbing the sleep out of my face. It was then I realized exactly what she had said, _'I've seen the way you've been looking at her. _What the hell did she mean she'd seen how I'd been looking at her. I hadn't been looking at her in anyway, maybe other than slightly pity, but that was it. Wasn't it?

"Whoa, whoa, what do you mean by that"? She shrugged in response, and I lifted my brow at her, knowing she was lying.

"Ok, well, I think you like her". She told me, I was about to responded when she cut me off. "You're different around her Edward. You probably haven't admitted it to yourself yet, but you care for her. Not like you care for me or even Rose, so don't give me that bullshit".

"No"...

"Yes Edward. I saw you yesterday turn Jessica down".

"Jesus Alice, any fool would have. We were at a wake for Christ sake".

"You wouldn't have before you met Bella". She told me. "In fact, can you not remember sneaking off right after Mom's cousin Marie's husbands wake a year and a half ago to make out with that random red head".

"Alice, I was 15, I've grown up since then". I sighed.

"You're in denial. Either way, I swear Edward, you hurt her in any way, twin or not, you will pay". She told me before getting up and heading out.

Alice's final words replayed over in my head. _'You're in denial'_, thudding like a heartbeat over and over. I was not in denial, I did not having feelings for Bella. Far from it actually. Just because I cared about her, meant nothing. How can you not care about someone who was so broken right now. It would take someone incredibly heartless not to feel anything when they saw her so upset, so lost and alone. Who wouldn't want to just grab her and hold her tight when they saw her crying. Alice was being ridiculous.

That wasn't to say Bella wasn't beautiful, because damn, she was. Her eyes were like pools of chocolate that you just felt like swimming in. Her cute little button nose, and those lips, that looked so kissable. Her clear ivory skin that begged to be touched.

Realizing where my thoughts were going, I shook my head trying to clear it of thoughts of Bella. Damning Alice to the dark depths of hell for putting my previous thoughts in my head. I did not have feelings for Bella.

"Stupid pixie". I muttered, before heading down to breakfast.

About half an hour later, Bella appeared, smiling shyly at me. I nodded gently and smiled back. I had made Alice promise not to say anything about Bella's nightmare, because neither of us were sure whether she would want everyone to know. Of course we both knew we should tell Carlisle, after all waking up in the middle of the night, screaming wasn't really a good thing, but at the same time, it wasn't really our place to tell.

"So Bella, what do you feel like doing today"? Esme asked, placing a plate of pancakes in front of her.

"Thanks". She answered, looking at her plate, and taking a small bite. "I don't know, I kinda figured I ought to go start tidying up the house". She shrugged.

"Ok, so eat your breakfast, and when you're ready, well all head down there". Esme said softly, realizing how difficult it was for Bella to think about packing up her old house.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I just... I would like to do it myself. I'm really grateful for your help and everything, but I just... I think... I need to do this on my own". She stuttered out quietly.

"Of course we don't mind". Esme squeezed Bella's shoulders in a sideways hug, planting a small kiss on her head. "Let me get you everyone's cell numbers though in case you need anything. Then I can drop you off on my way to Port Angeles".

An hour later Bella had everyone's cell numbers, and was all ready to go. Ready being the operative word, since she looked anything but ready to go to her old home, but I suppose she figured it was now or never. She forced a tight smile when Alice and Rose hugged her, telling her to call if she needed anything or even if she wanted a ride home.

I watched her go, wishing she was at least taking one of us with her. She was anything but steady on those crutches, and the task she was about to embark on, was going to be anything but easy. I understood why she felt the need to do it alone, but at the same time, I didn't agree wholly with it.

"Right, since Bella doesn't need us today, whose up for shopping"? Alice giggled, far too enthusiastically.

"No". I replied.

There was no-way I was going to be dragged around the mall all day by Alice and Rose. I would honestly rather spend my entire day counting beans into jars or something equally as boring. Eventually both Rose and Alice talked Emmett and Jasper round into going with them, promising them it would be worth it. I didn't even want to think about how they were planning on paying them back. It was almost as bad as seeing Esme and Carlisle making out when they thought no-one was around. There was far too much PDA in this house if you ask me.

I spent my day, listening to music. I had tried reading, but I couldn't concentrate, my mind kept wandering to Bella. Wondering if she was ok, or if she needed any help. It was odd, I had never really felt the need to be this protective over someone. Both Alice and Rose had Jasper and Emmett around, neither of them ever really needing me. Although Bella hadn't really stated that she needed anyone, it felt good to know I was of use to someone. The night before when she had been having her nightmare, I had been the one to calm and comfort her.

Sometime early afternoon, I decided to have a nap, I didn't have anything better to do, and I certainly needed to give my mind a break from the constant thoughts of Bella that had been running through my mind all day. Sleep evaded me though and I just ended up staring at the ceiling, remembering the haunted look on Bella's face the night before. The visions were thankfully broken by my phone ringing.

I leapt toward where it was sat on my bedside table, hoping it was Bella wanting a ride home. As I reached for it, my hand knocked the bedside cabinet, causing my phone to fly half way across the room whilst I scrambled to get it.

"Hello"?

"Edward". I recognised the voice immediately, though it wasn't the 1 I wanted to hear.

"Mom. What's wrong"?

"Nothing, nothing. I was actually just wondering, if you could go and check on Bella for me. I've had to pop into work, and I tried calling to let her know, but she isn't answering her phone".

"Yeah, sure, I'll go now". I told her, adding a quick goodbye, before dashing out of the house toward my car.

A cold lump of fear had struck me in my stomach. What if she wasn't answering because she couldn't? What if she'd fallen down the stairs, because of the damn crutches? All different scenarios ran through my head, each worse than the last. I broke every single speed limit on my drive over there. Although I was hoping and praying she was ok, I couldn't help but be a little thankful that she wasn't answering. Quite simply because it was giving me the opportunity to go to her now.

Realizing what I was thinking, I shook my head hoping to rid myself of the thoughts. I was going to kill Alice later for putting such ridiculous thoughts in my head. I did not have feelings for Bella. Yes I was worried, but so would Jasper and Emmett had they been home. Damn Alice and her match making.

Before I knew it, I had pulled up in front of Chief Swan's old house. The house itself looked old and rickety. It looked as thought it would crumble into a pile as soon as a gust of wind hit it. At a guess though, I figured he had never spent much time home, since there was no-one for him to come home to.

The front door was shut, and I knocked gently, before trying the handle, finding the door creak open, allowing me entrance. The inside was very different to the outside. Though it could use a lick of paint, it was tidy, well more than I expected. It definitely needed a good cleaning, but again, I surmised Chief Swan hadn't really had much time for such things.

"Bella"! I called, but not too loudly, not wanting to startle her, wherever she was.

I popped my head into the kitchen, not finding her. There was a plate by the sink with the left overs of a sandwich and a coffee stained mug beside it. Nothing really seemed out of place. The refrigerator which I assumed had once been white, was now a pale yellow, hummed softly, and the gentle tap of water leaking out of the faucet were the only noises. Directly behind me was the living room, on a quick glance inside, there was no Bella, but plenty of photo's of her over the years adorned the fireplace. I reminded myself to take a better look at those later on. 1 in particular caught my eye though, it was Bella and a young boy, maybe a year or two younger stood with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Both smiling widely at the camera. I strangely was overcome with a pang of jealousy.

Before my thoughts could go any further I turned and headed for the stairs. At the end of the hall way, you could see the bathroom through the open door. The room was decorated in blues and greens, typical bathroom colours. On either side of the hall, where 2 more doors.

"Bella" I called softly again.

I stepped toward the closest door, peeping my head carefully around, only to find Bella's sparsely decorated room. Her bed was made, purple sheets and an old knitted comforter. Opposite the bed was an old desk complete with a dilapidated computer sat atop it. There were a few shelves above it, filled with old worn copies of books and 2 photo frames. Just glancing around the room, you could tell how little time Bella actually spent here, there was nothing too personal about it, it didn't look lived in.

it made me wonder exactly what kind of life Bella actually lead. Esme had already said she hadn't been happy at boarding school, but from the looks of it, her life here with her Dad, I couldn't imagine it was much better. Ok so I only had Rose and Alice's rooms to compare Bella's room to, but it just looked too impersonal, almost as though it was a guest room.

Forcing myself away from the room, I walked a few steps further to the only other door. Clearly it had to be Chief Swan's room. The door was wide open. Honestly, I was scared what I would find inside. It may sound melodramatic, but I was shaking with fear that Bella may have decided to end her life somehow. I mean her Dad was Chief of Police, he had to have a spare gun or something around here somewhere.

To my utmost relief, I suddenly heard a small sniffle, sighing in relief. I dashed forward into the room, finding Bella sat on the floor at the foot of her Dad's bed. She was wearing a blue, white and yellow lumberjack fleece jacket that was clearly her Dad's since it practically drowned her already tiny frame. She held in her lap a shoebox with one hand, the other covering her eyes.

"Bella". I practically whispered, I could barely find my voice at the sight of her so broken.

"Edward". She wiped furiously at her tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize the time".

"No it's ok, Esme wanted me to come check on you. She's stuck in Port Angeles for a while, and she tried calling you but you didn't pick up". I told her gently, slowly stepping closer and sitting beside her.

"I miss him". She whispered, as she fingered the picture of Chief Swan holding a huge fish in the air, that was atop the rest in the shoebox.

I could see the strong façade she was forcing in front of me starting to slip. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her slightly into my chest. I hugged her closely immediately feeling her tear start to fall from her cheeks onto my shirt, followed by the shaking of her shoulders.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without him". She sobbed. "He's all I had".

"I know we aren't the same, and we can't ever be like him for you". I told her softly, kissing her forehead gently, trying to make sure I had her attention. "But you have us, all of us".

For the next few minutes, she continued sobbing. I assumed she just needed to get it all out. To be honest, I would have been more worried had she not been crying. I just wished I could wipe away all the pain for her, or take it on myself. I would happily take her hurt just to stop seeing the pain in her eyes, to stop those tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Charlie might not have been the greatest Dad, but he was mine". She finally spoke, her voice little above a whisper. "The idea of packing all his things up, just... I don't know if I can". She admitted.

"There really is no rush Bella. Just doing bits as and when you feel you can is fine, and we can help you".

"I'm scared I'm gonna forget him".

"Not possible". I told her adamantly. "You have memories of him that no-one can ever take from you. They are yours and his alone". I rubbed her hand up and down her arm. "But maybe you could write them down in a diary of some sort, that way no matter what, you can't ever forget".

"Edward".

"Yeah"?

"Thank you". She pulled away slightly, and looked up at me.

It was then at that precise second, I knew Alice was right. In any other situation I would have leant forward and kissed her. But I couldn't. Bella was different. She had enough going on in her life, without me practically assaulting her. No, no matter what I felt, I couldn't act upon it. I would force myself to get over whatever feelings I may have for her.

I would get over my love for her. I had to.

_**Ohh so there you have it. Edward finally figures out he loves her. I'm kinda worried I'm dragging it out a little, so hopefully the next chapter I can fit in a bit of fluff for them, but there is no promises right now that they will get together. Don't hate me... yet anyway lol. Thank you for taking the time to read this. :)**_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

Chapter

**Bella P.O.V**

it had been a week since my Dad's funeral. Every day for the first few seconds, it was just like any other day. The fact that my Dad was gone, took a few seconds to hit me. And in those few seconds, it was complete bliss. But then reality set in, and I took in my surroundings, followed quickly by the emptiness that had seemed to have set up residence in my stomach. I missed him every day, with every breath.

Carlisle and Esme had taken me to meet my Dad's attorney. The will had been read, but I honestly couldn't tell you what had been said. Carlisle had been kind enough to explain every thing to me later that night. Basically all my Dad's estate had been left to me. The house, having been paid off a few years ago, was mine to do with what I wished. He had a savings account which the attorney had stated was for my college fund. There was enough in there for me to probably afford a top college such as Dartmouth. I couldn't believe it. On top of that, my Dad had, had $50,000 in a high interest account. The attorney had advised that there was also his insurance policy payment, but a figure had yet to be decided on. Simply put, I was set for life pretty much.

When it had all sunk in, I had cried in Carlisle's arms for over an hour. I couldn't believe my Dad had worked so hard all these years, just to afford to put me through a good college. More so I couldn't grasp the fact he had set up a will in the first place. It almost felt as though he had planned at some point to leave me like this.

I didn't want the money, I wanted him. I would happily live on the streets if I could just have one more minute with him. The money felt like a slap in the face. It is true what they say, money couldn't buy you happiness. Because I had plenty, and was no where near happy.

Both Carlisle and Esme had tried to explain to me that, my Dad had been thinking about me when he had set his will up. He had wanted me to be looked after. I didn't care. I was adamant that I would not touch the money. I told them I would only use it to pay my way with them, but the rest of it, I was not willing to use. What was the use of having his money when I couldn't have him.

I had offered Carlisle and Esme the $50,000 for my keep and such, but they refused, telling me they didn't need or want it. They wanted me to use it, or save it, but I knew I wouldn't use it. The idea made me feel sick. It just reminded me, that my Dad had thought about the day he would be leaving me. Of course I wasn't stupid enough to not know that it was one day an eventuality, but I had just figured it would be some day way off in the future.

Just thinking about the future made me realize all the things he wouldn't be around to see. He wouldn't see me graduate High School, or head off to College. He wasn't going to meet my first boyfriend, and threaten them with the fact he had a gun hung up in the hall way closet. He wasn't going to see me graduate College, or find out about my first job. He wasn't going to be able to walk me down the aisle or have a Father Daughter dance with me at the reception. And he wasn't going to be around to see his Grandchildren be born. The list was endless, and all it did was make me cry through my loss.

"Bella"? I looked up to see Edward looking at me around my doorway. "You ok"?

I nodded in response, holding up the letter the attorney had told me that my Dad had instructed be given to me. I still hadn't had the nerve to open it. I was part scared of what he had to say, and half trying to savour the moment.

Edward was another thing that had changed in the last week. I had felt myself growing closer to him, well until my inappropriate breakdown at the house a week ago. Since then he had become distant. A few days ago, he had been the 1 to take me to the hospital to have my leg cast taken off. He had barely said anything to me the whole time. Sure he still asked me how I was, or if I was ok, but nothing more than that ever seemed to be said between us.

I couldn't say I blamed him, I would be fed up of me too, if I was him. In fact if I had been any of them, I would have grown tired of me by now. I had no idea why they wanted me around. Rose and Alice, for whatever reason were my constant companions, and on more than one occasion we had fallen asleep together on one of our beds. Alice kept promising me, once my leg was strong enough, she was going to take me shopping for a whole new wardrobe. I didn't have the heart to tell her I hated shopping, and hadn't got the 1st clue about what was fashionable and what wasn't.

"Esme asked me to let you know dinner was almost ready". He told me, nodding in acknowledgement of the letter, before backing away and leaving me alone.

Sighing, I set the letter back on my bedside drawers, and headed downstairs. Just as I got to the bottom, Alice and Jasper walked through the door, laden down with shopping bags. Alice squealed with excitement the moment she saw me, poor Jazz just looked in pain.

"Oh Bella, I've found you the most amazing dress for tomorrow nights party".

"What party"? I asked curiously.

I was almost sure she hadn't previously mentioned a party to me. Either way, I knew I wouldn't have agreed to go. A party was not what I wanted right now, and going would only ruin their fun. I would definitely be the party pooper.

"Oh, it's at Ben Cheney's house. His parents have gone away on vacation". She was practically bouncing in excitement.

"Alice, thank you. Thank you for the dress, but I really don't feel in the party mood". I told her biting her lip.

"But... But Bella, you've gotta come. I promise we won't stay long, but you've been stuck in the house for weeks now". She pouted, giving me the puppy eyes.

"Alice, I"... I began.

"Alice, she doesn't want to go. Don't force her". Edward ordered her strictly, as he descended the stairs behind me.

"Who asked you Eddie". She snapped back at him.

"Well _you're_ clearly not asking Bella, you're just forcing her". Edward bit back.

"C'mon Bella, let's get out of here before world war 3 breaks out". Jasper grasped my hand and gently tugged me out from my position between the siblings. "Don't let either of them force your hand. If you want to come, then you're more than welcome, and we will only stay so long as you're comfortable". He told me, as he draped his arm over my shoulders, guiding us toward the dining room. I nodded in thanks.

We sat down at the table, as Esme and Carlisle brought in the food placing it down the middle of the table. Esme looked around curiously, almost as though she was counting her children, realizing she was missing some of her family.

"Where are Alice and Edward"? She asked after noticing it was her youngest 2 children who were missing from the table.

"Bottom of the stairs". Jasper informed, reaching for mashed potatoes.

"Alice, Edward, get in here for your dinner". Esme called softly from the doorway.

Immediately, the siblings walked into the room. Alice walking in stiffly, for the first time since I had met her, a scowl was fixed on her face. Just as she entered, she tripped slightly, immediately recovering and turning and giving Edward a shove in his chest, causing him to stumble back into in the sideboard slightly.

"Edward, you're such a jerk". Alice screeched at him.

"And you're such a brat". He argued back.

I couldn't believe this had all started over me and whether I was going to be attending some stupid high school party. This was ridiculous. Emmett was trying and failing at hiding his amusement, Rosalie looked completely indifferent, Jasper just continued piling food on his plate, seemingly oblivious to the argument, well until Emmett began choking on his water, then he began laughing, though I wasn't sure whether it was more at Emmett or at Alice and Edward. Esme and Carlisle looked furious.

"That is enough". Esme said sharply, though her voice wasn't raised any more than normal.

Everyone at the table fell into silence, even Emmett, though he was having a hard time suppressing his laughter. All eyes were on Esme and Carlisle, who though his face showed no emotion, his eyes were filled with anger. I had learnt early on, that both Esme and Carlisle liked having nice family dinners, and I surmised that Alice and Edward arguing with each other, didn't exactly fall into that category.

"Both of you, go out of the room, and walk back in, at least trying to act civilly toward each other, or you don't even want to know the consequences". Carlisle told them firmly.

Emmett snickered into his glass of water that he was using to hide the huge grin, as Edward and Alice left the room silently. Carlisle shot Emmett a look, obviously warning him, though I guessed it didn't have the desired effect since Carlisle sighed, and Emmett continued smiling into his water. Seconds later, Edward and Alice walked back in, taking the 2 empty seats at the end of the table.

I immediately felt guilty, since I realized I was sat beside Jasper, where Alice usually sat, meaning Alice and Edward had to sit opposite each other, and the scowls each kept throwing the others way, were unmistakable. Seeming to understand, jasper nudged me knee with his own, causing me to look at him, as he shook my head almost as though he was telling me not to worry about it.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, though the tension felt thick. I pushed my small amount of food around the plate, still not having regained any appetite. I was now more eating what I needed to, to keep my body going, but anything more than that, was left on the plate.

"Since neither of you seem to be relenting in throwing each other nasty looks, both Edward and Alice can do the dishes tonight". Esme announced once dinner was over.

Edward nodded once simply, whilst Alice's jaw dropped open, before she quickly forced it shut, before nodding along. They both cleared the table in silence, both trying to keep a distance from the other. They both disappeared off into the kitchen, as everyone else wandered away.

Emmett decided that we should have a board game night, and we all piled into his room, as he pulled out several different board games including a set of cards. Jasper and Emmett both wanted to play monopoly, whilst myself and Rose were both indifferent. We set the game up, and awaited Edward and Alice to come and join us. They eventually did, both walking in, in silence, and sitting either side of Jasper and myself.

"If it ain't the terrible twins". Emmett chuckled. "What the hell was that down there"?

"Nothing"! They both said at the same time.

"Bullshit". Emmett replied, eyeing them suspiciously.

Both Edward and Alice shrugged in response, and turned their attention to the game. Quickly the early argument was forgotten between all the siblings. Not me. I just couldn't figure out why things had gotten so heated between the 2 of them, over a party. No matter what though, I did not want to be the cause or put into the middle of any family argument.

The game of monopoly quickly got heated, with Emmett being the sore loser. He had spent the majority of his money the first time around the board, having saved nothing to pay any rent, hence him having to mortgage most of his own properties. I was doing ok, definitely wasn't going to be the winner, but I was getting around without too much difficulty.

"Aww Rosie, baby, can't I pay you back another way"? Emmett whined, then quickly wiggled his eyebrows trying to be seductive. He had landed on Rosalie's Boardwalk which had 3 houses on it.

"Um, let me think"... Rose started. "Nope. Pay up Cullen". She laughed.

"Yeah well, no Emmy love for you tonight babe". He stuck his tongue out at her. "Bella's my new favourite in this family". He wrapped his arm around me sideways and squeezed hard.

"Ouch". I hissed, as the pain erupted in my ribs.

The whole room was suddenly in uproar, Rose and Alice pushing the boys away from me, calling Emmett names. Emmett kept apologizing over and over to me. The only thing I saw though, was Edward push his way through and kneel before me, capturing my full attention.

"Where does it hurt Bella"? His hands rested on my ribs, gently feeling down them.

"it's fine, it's fading".

"I am so sorry Bella, I really didn't mean to hurt you".

"Well maybe you should think next"... Edward began to tell him.

"No, it's fine Em, really. I know you didn't mean to". I told him, cutting Edward off, forcing a tight smile Emmett's way.

"Are you ok"? Emmett asked, his face looking like a guilty 5 year old.

"Yeah, I swear, I'm ok, you just pressed a bruise is all".

"Well, er, I guess the games over". Jasper stated, as we all took noticed that the board had been toppled over in the commotion.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower and go to bed then", I told them, not really wanting to start the game over again.

Edward and Jasper helped me to my feet, so as not to cause any more pain in my ribs. I said goodnight and headed back down the hall to my room. I slowly stripped and got in the shower, allowing the heat of the spray to push away the aches in my muscles.

I felt gingerly along my ribs, feeling the exact spot Emmett had caught, that had caused me pain. It was the most tender spot I had, and he had accidentally caught it. I knew he hadn't meant to, and I was surprised of Edward's angry tone with his Brother earlier. That was twice today he had argued with his family over me. I didn't want him to. In fact I didn't want any of the family arguing over something to do with me.

After my shower and slipping into my PJ's, I slipped slowly from my room, and knocked tentatively on Edward's door. I heard him calling to tell me to come in, and I did so slowly. I had been hesitant about talking to him, and now more than ever I wished I had let the more hesitant side of my brain win.

There was Edward in all his glory, standing in his bathroom door way in just a pair of PJ bottoms, drying his hair with a towel. He looked like a Greek God, the light of the bathroom shining around him into the dim room. His upper torso, was well defined, his ab-muscles prominent, leading straight down to that very sexy v of his lower body. I was completely and utterly fixated.

"You ok Bella"? Edward broke my thought, his gaze intense.

"Um, yeah, yeah". I stuttered.

"So... What's up"? He asked, obviously noticing I had been the one to come to him, and had yet to say anything of my reasoning's.

"Oh right. Yeah. Well I just wanted to say well thanks for sticking up for me to Alice, but please, I don't want you fighting with your Brother's and Sisters over me". I managed to babble out.

"Bella, you will learn in this house, there is always some sort of argument, whether you're the reason or not. So please don't worry about it". He smiled at me.

My God, his smile was so sexy. I had to get out of here soon, otherwise I'd be drooling on his carpet. I was sure I was already making myself look a fool, practically staring at him the way I was doing.

"Ok. Goodnight then". I told him.

I slipped from the room, dashing as fast as possible back to my own room, quickly shutting off the light and clambering into bed. As I closed my eyes, instead of images of my Dad and the accident, only images of Edward half naked appeared. This was definitely not good. Sure it was nice to not having haunting images flying around my head, but seriously images of Edward.

As I lay, staring at the ceiling, afraid of closing my eyes and seeing Edward again, I began thinking of reasons why he would suddenly enter my mind. Of course him standing in his God like stance half naked hadn't helped, but it wasn't the first time I had seen someone half naked before. So why now? Of course Edward had been the best looking guy I had ever been around, and he was caring to boot, but there was no reason I should be having his body imprinted in my mind.

How on Earth was I going to be able to look him in the eye in the morning, knowing I had his body replaying over and over in my mind? Damn those gorgeous green eyes of his. Hell damn that handsome face, that with one smile made you go weak in the knees.

Then in clicked. I was starting to have feelings for Edward Cullen!

**So what dya think? I'm hoping this is moving fast enough for everyone. Ok, so I still think it's not moving fast enough for me, but I'm just a typically impatient person. Anyways I hope y'all enjoyed it. Please, please press that lil green button and leave me a review. I really do appreciate it :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Ok so massive thank you's once again to the only 2 reviewers **:(**, who I've decided I'm going to dedicate this chapter to, for just being such fantastic fans. So 3 cheers for **Kk1999 **and **MotherDuckAtSchool** you guys are awesome. Thanks so much you guys **:) :) :) :)**_

_Again thank you for those of you who did add me and/or this to your favourites and/or alerts. It does make me smile when I get the email alerts, but **PLEASE PLEASE **could you just take a few minutes to leave me a review. It is really much appreciated, and it makes writing that much easier knowing I have you guys egging me on **:)**_

**Chapter 11**

**Bella P.O.V**

I managed to successfully avoid seeing Edward all the following morning. The thought of having to see his face, scared the crap out of me, not that I didn't want to see it of course, it would just made it that much harder if I did. I had never been great at lying, and I was convinced he would be able to see my feelings for him if he saw me. That was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to have feelings for anyone right now, least of all someone who I was going to be living with for the remainder of high school at the minimum.

Of course I knew I couldn't completely avoid him forever, but I just needed a little time to force myself to stop liking him quite so much. Besides it was just a crush, probably because he had been so nice to me, he had seen me at my weakest more than any of the others, it would simply go away. It had to go away, because right now, I couldn't cope with one more thing to feel guilty over. And that was what it came down to, feeling guilty for liking someone who was clearly so far out of my league.

All the Cullen's were beautiful, stand me at the side of them, and I was plain Jane. I was bland. Always had been, definitely always would be. Whilst Esme was ageing beautifully, no wrinkles or grey hairs in sight, Alice and her pixie like features and Rose with her classical beautiful looks, I was just simple. There was nothing special about my looks. Compared to them, I wasn't even a blip on the radar screen of beauty.

So here I was, lying on the bed, re-reading Wuthering Heights for what was probably the 100th time, in my bid to stay away from Edward. I had, had breakfast early, avoiding all but Alice, Jasper and Esme, before quickly going back into hiding in my room. Even being just across the hall from him, felt too close right now. Every little noise I heard I found myself wondering what it was he was doing, or what music he was listening to.

"So... Bella". Alice bounded into my room, sitting herself at the end of my bed, watching me almost impatiently.

I looked at her expectantly, though I had a fair idea what it was she was wanting to say. I prayed however that I was wrong, but the gut feeling I had knew different. A small cheeky grin escaped her lips, a smile that you would expect a 5 year old to give before they admitted to doing something they shouldn't have.

"Are you going to come to this party tonight"? She blurted out quickly, almost as though she thought if she said it quick enough, I wouldn't catch what she was saying, and just agree.

"I really don't think so Alice. I don't really feel up to a party just yet, let alone having groups of strangers surrounding me". I admitted.

"Oh please, please Bella. I swear, we won't stay long. You need to get out of this house, it's driving me crazy knowing you've not left these walls for weeks, so I can't imagine what it's doing to you".

She was wrong, these walls were my safety net. I didn't really miss the outside world that much. At least in this house I could at least pretend for a little while. But out there, people looked at me in sympathy, throwing pitiful glances every few seconds. I was in my own little bubble here.

"Please Bella. It'll be good I swear. Plus it'll give you a chance to meet a few of your class mates. And that way you won't be the talk of school so much since most of them will have at least met you".

She did have a point there. I was dreading school starting up in a few weeks time. Of course the whole school would know I was the new girl, and my story would fly around like wild fire, well if it hadn't already. And just like every school, it was like Chinese whispers, as the gossip was passed along, it got more and more bogus.

Alice was giving me her best pout, and I could feel myself beginning to break. I bit my lower lip in contemplation. If I went to the party, I would be making Alice happy, meeting a few people who I would be going to school with, hopefully getting the rumours over and done with before school started. But if I didn't go to the party, Alice would be upset, probably decide to stay in with me instead, ruining her night, and I would only have to go through the whole meeting everyone on the first day of school, which was bad enough without that added pressure. Even if I wasn't completely happy about going, what was one more night of unhappiness right, I was already unhappy, there wouldn't really be much difference right.

Finally giving in, I nodded my head once, hearing Alice shriek loudly, then bouncing to her feet. Dashing toward my closet, and rifling through my few items of clothing. I still hadn't been to the station to pick up my belongings that were in the cruiser, but I just couldn't bear the thought of that yet.

"Oh Bella, you've got hardly anything to wear". Alice stated despairingly. "Oh wait, I've got you that dress". She added after a few beats.

"No, Alice. If I'm going, I'm going to be comfortable". I told her as sternly as I could possibly muster.

She looked at me for a moment, obviously deciding whether or not to fight me on it. After weighing her options, she nodded then turned back to my closet looking over her options. Honestly there was not much to choose from, and I could tell she was dying to demand I wear the dress she had picked out, or something out of hers or Rose' closets. She eventually pulled out my best pair of hip hugging jeans, before grabbing my hand and dashing toward her room.

As she dashed toward her closet, I went and sat on the edge of her bed, sinking deeply into the soft mattress. It was rather amusing seeing Alice riffling though her closet desperately looking for something for me. It was as though she thought if she took too long, I would back out. Which of course I was dying to do, but I really didn't want to upset her.

"Aha". She cried, then reappeared, laying down the pair of jeans and a cobalt blue vest top, on the bed. "I'll be right back". She told me before dashing out of the room.

Honestly what she had picked out, was simple, and though I knew it was nowhere near fancy enough for Alice's tastes, she seemed to know not to push it. A few minutes later, she reappeared with a black leather bomber jacket and a pair of black wedge boots, holding them up proudly.

"Alice, I can do the jacket, but the boots, you know I have clumsiness issues when my feet are flat on the floor".

"Bella, I promise you'll be fine, they aren't _that_ high". She told me. "And they'll go so good with the rest of your outfit".

Again the pout came out, and within seconds she had won me over. Bouncing around in jubilation, before swiftly pushing me into the bathroom to shower so she could do my hair and make-up. Another part of the process that I was dreading. I had never been big on wearing make-up and had never really bothered with looks before, having had no reason. I was just hoping she wouldn't go over the top.

I took my time in the shower, trying to put off the inevitable. 3 times Alice had knocked on the door telling me to hurry up, that we were running out of time. It was only 3pm, we had another 4 hours until we had to be even thinking about leaving for the party. I was seriously regretting giving in so easily.

"Finally, I was beginning to think you had drowned in there". Alice stated when I reappeared from the bathroom, wrapped in the towelling robe that she had given me. "Right first we're going to give you a facial, then do your hair and finally your make-up".

"Whoa, whoa Alice. I agreed to go to the damn party, I never agreed to becoming Bella Barbie".

"Please Bella, I promise I won't do anything you don't like".

With a sigh, I sat in the chair in front of her vanity, and closed my eyes, not even wanting to know what she was doing. I knew anything she did do would be nice, and she wouldn't dream of doing something that didn't look good, but at this moment, the least of my worries was looking good. My worries were purely on getting through the night. And Edward.

Having feelings for Edward, was not good. Not only were the feelings a one way thing, but even if he did by some miracle reciprocate the feelings, there was nothing we could do. His parents were my official foster parents now, and though they seemed pretty cool with Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett dating, it didn't mean they would be ok with me and Edward.

Who was I kidding, there was no me and Edward. He was so far out of my league that nothing would ever happen. Not that it would anyway whether he was in my league or not. Damn I just had to shake these feelings off, it was simply a crush, a badly timed crush.

"And you're done". Alice suddenly told me.

I opened my eyes to find my make-up and hair had been done. My God, how long had I been thinking about me and Edward. It must have been well over 2 hours.

"Bella, I'm hurt. I can't believe you thought I wouldn't do a good job". Alice looked at me in the mirror.

Quickly realizing she thought the shocked look on my face was because of how I looked, I faked a smile at her and mumbled a quick sorry, though she didn't look at all bothered, as she pranced back to the bed and collect the clothes before pushing them into my arms and back into the bathroom. Upon exiting the room, Rosalie was sat on the bed talking to Alice. Both seemed to be dressed and ready to go.

"So the guys and Carlisle and Esme left an hour and half ago. The cab is due to pick us up in 15". Rose was saying.

"Why are we taking a cab"? I asked, as I entered the room fully.

"Damn Bells, you look hot". Rose whistled. "We're taking a cab, because the boys have taken Carlisle and Esme to the restaurant in Port Angeles".

I nodded simply as Rose and Alice continued talking, not even really taking in anything they were saying. My worries had quickly spun away from Edward back to the party. I really had no desire at all to go, and I was dreading being surrounded by people staring and whispering, because lets face it, it was inevitable. And no amount of Alice or Rose telling me they were going to be with me, would help that.

I could have a 100 bodyguards surrounding me, but people would still talk. They would still try and feel sorry for me, or wonder why I was out partying when I had only just lost my Dad. I knew I shouldn't be going, but damn if I could stop Alice now, from dragging me into that cab.

As promised 15 minutes later the cab had arrived, Alice leading the way excitedly into the back seat. Rose had told me that mostly they all kept to themselves at school, but since Ben Cheney was on the football team, the guys kind of felt as though they had to go, and basically wherever Emmett and Jasper were, herself and Alice were never far behind. Especially at parties, where a few of the cheerleaders thought that if Alice and Rose weren't around, it meant they could feel free to hit on their boyfriends.

"Whenever you're ready to leave Bella, we will". Rose whispered in my ear as we followed Alice into the back of the cab.

The drive was silent, and with every second, dread began to fill my mind. Back in Phoenix I had never gone to any of the parties, what was the point. I only had the one friend to hang out with, and she had turned out to be a traitor, so there had been no point. I would have only stood there against the wall, trying to be invisible. But then again, at least with parties back in Phoenix, I would have succeeded. There was no-way I could become invisible here. For 1 I was about to walk in with the 2 most beautiful people I had ever met, and 2 I was new to town, the deceased Chief of Police's daughter, who was living with a strange family who pretty much everyone envied.

As we walked into the house, the loud booming music hit me full force. The house was already jam packed full of people, most grinding against each other to the music, or chugging beer in groups. There was a card game of sorts happening at the dining room table and a few people stood around watching. Alice and Rosalie lead me toward what I guessed was the living room. They were both clearly looking out for Jasper and Emmett.

I felt as hough everyone around me was staring at, wondering. A few whispered to each other, and I was sure I saw one point. Thankfully thought, an argument of sorts from the kitchen dragged the pairs of eyes from me, and I immediately hid myself behind Rose and Alice hoping I could hide.

I saw Rose nudge Alice's shoulder then tilt her head toward the corner of the room. Alice immediately looked up and rolled her eyes. Following where Rose had gestured to, I looked over to see Edward stood against the wall, a curvaceous blond making out with him. Immediately I felt as though someone had punched me in the gut, but I couldn't look away. By the time I had managed to tear my eyes away, both Alice and Rose had disappeared.

I backed out of the room, unable to stomach seeing any more, already feeling as though my heart had been stomped on. With the intention of trying to find Rose and Alice, I wandered through the crowds, trying hard to stop any tears from welling up. I had no right to be upset, Edward was a free man, who knew nothing of my feelings for him.

"Tyler, I told you to invite a few people, not the whole school. You know my parents will kick my ass if the police get called". I heard a voice complain as 2 young boys walked down the stairs.

"Ben, man chill. It;s not like Chief Swans around any more, he was the only pain in the ass at the police department".

Hearing my Dad's name, I felt myself beginning to crumble. I didn't want to hear any more of their conversation, knowing they were talking about my Dad. I harshly pushed my way through bodies, needing to find a way out of here. I got as far as the kitchen, finding on a few people in here. There were still too many so I barged my way toward the door, escaping into the cool night air.

"Hey, you're Bella right, Chief Swan's daughter". A voice asked suddenly.

I turned my head toward the voice, seeing a short, slim guy with blonde hair and blue eyes making his way toward me. He had a baby face, and crooked yellow teeth, but his smile seemed friendly enough. I nodded once in reply, turning back way to stare out into the garden.

"I'm sorry about your Dad. He was a great guy".

"Thanks". I mumbled, feeling tears well heavily in my eyes.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you". He said panicked upon seeing my tears.

"No, it's fine, honestly". I replied, biting my lip and trying to blink away my tears. "It's nothing you did honest". I told him after I noticed him hesitating.

"Do you want a drink and maybe talk about it"? He asked after a few beats.

"Talk about it, not really, but a drink would be great". I answered, seeing him smile, then tell me he would be right back.

He reappeared a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka, 2 shot glasses and 2 bottles of beer. When I had agreed to a drink, I honestly had expected a soda of some sort. There surely wasn't anyone in that room old enough for alcohol. At that moment I sounded so much like the Chief of Police's daughter it was untrue. I was the typical policeman's Daughter, not drinking until legally old enough, never breaking the speed limit, always abiding by the traffic laws, and well any law really.

"They ran out of soda a while ago, and I figured you could do with the hard stuff. I know I could have used it when I lost my Dad a few years ago". He told me. "I'm Mike by the way". He added.

The moment he mentioned that he too had lost his Dad a few years ago, albeit most likely in completely different circumstances, I suddenly felt relived that there was someone who had some what of an idea how I felt. I strangely felt less alone, knowing I now knew someone who I could relate to slightly.

"Sorry about your Dad". I mumbled.

"Sorry about yours too".

He offered me the bottle of beer, after having popped the cap open. Shrugging I accepted the bottle and took a swig. It tasted horrible, but at the same time the bitterness seemed fitting for my mood. The slight burn of the alcohol in my system warmed me up in the night air.

"So what's it like living with the Cullen's"? Mike asked, sitting down the porch step, gesturing me to join him. "Must be weird huh"?

"It's ok, they're really nice". I offered, taking another gulp of beer.

Mike continued talking to me about nothingness really. I actually appreciated the fact he never seemed to push me for information. We each had finished our beer and had moved onto the bottle of vodka. I had felt the slight buzz from the beer alone, but after the first few shots of vodka, thoughts of my Dad faded into the background and I actually felt myself smiling along with Mike's laughter as he told stories about our fellow students.

For the first time since the accident, I didn't feel weighed down with guilt, and it was a relief that I could actually just forget about everything except what was happening in the moment. Of course I never wanted to forget my Dad, but for now, it was nice to have the feelings of blame taken away from me. I eagerly gulped down the following few shots that Mike offered, then managed to stumble to my feet before wandering over to the freshly cut lawn and laying down in the middle, staring up into the cloudy night sky.

How fitting it seemed that since my arrival in Forks, the clouds had never left the sky. Back in Phoenix where everything hadn't been good, granted, but it had been better than now, the sky always seemed cloudless, the stars shining brightly in the night sky. Just like my Dad, the starry nights had disappeared.

I closed my eyes, hoping that if I wished hard enough once I opened them, I would be back in Phoenix and everything would be back to normal. My Dad would still be alive, and I could go back to being my normal self, unhappy, but no where near as unhappy as now.

It didn't happen though, as soon as my eyes closed, a swirling motion took over me, and I felt as though my world was spinning. At first, I thought it was magic and it was taking me back, just like I wished. But upon opening my eyes, I found I was still back in dreary Forks, the grey clouds blocking the night sky, though I still had my buzz going, albeit with a slight spinning motion.

Mike had moved next to me, though he was on his feet, holding the almost empty bottle of vodka. I reached up and took it from his grasp, sitting up and swigging the rest of it down. The warmth burnt the back of my throat, but I didn't care, I just never wanted the feeling of freedom to leave me.

I heard Mike chuckle, then tell me he was going to get us some more. I eagerly agreed. After a few moments of silence, I closed my eyes again, feeling the spinning get worse, though this time, when I opened my eyes, it remained, my world spinning madly making me feel nauseated. Maybe I had drunk too much, but other than the spinning it was fabulous, my thoughts were pure mush and I felt free.

"Bella"? A very familiar voice called out. "Oh my God, Bella are you ok"? There was a frantic edge to the voice.

I lifted one arm and waved happily. I knew the voice, I just couldn't think of the name that related to that person. They kept saying my name over and over, almost as though they were trying to remind me of my own name. My thoughts may have been mush, but I hadn't had nearly enough to forget who I was just yet. Maybe another bottle later it could be a problem, but currently I knew who I was at the very least.

"Bella"? There was that frantic voice again, but I couldn't lift my head to see the face of the person calling my name, instead my eyes slowly became heavy, and slid closed.

**Ok, so what did you guys think? Did I do this justice? Please please guys, leave me a review to let me know what you think. Thank you in advance to those of you who do :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_**W-O-W **__what a fantastic response to the last chapter, I am __**SO**__ grateful to you guys that all took the time to review for me. __**MASSIVE**__ shout outs to __**Kk1999**__, __**Bitte**__, __**CaitlinMae**__, __**Edward Luva For Lyf**__, __**BellaSwan84132**__, __**VoltActionSniper**__, __**Im Edwards Bella**__, __**Ecullenlover1**__, __**GoldenPhoenix 12**__, __**MotherDuckatSchool**__,__** KiwiforEdward**__, __**Horsegal93**__, __**xx-ohhetemilyyy-xx**__, __**Samantha**__, __**KLPetrey**__ and __**Twilight-chick3**__ you guys are __**100%**__ amazing __**:) :) :) :)**_

_**OK**__ just so you guys know I do take on board what has been said in your reviews, a few of you have all said that you think I'm writing Bella's emotions well, I am really grateful for that feedback, because I do find it very hard to write that part since fortunately I have zero experience in losing someone the way Bella has, so thanks for that. _

_I will look into changing the summery, but I seriously do suck at them, so it may take a while for me to come up with a better one – so any help with that would be extremely appreciated. _

_The whole numeral thing – I do try to not use numerals, as you can probably see as every so often I do write the word rather than the number, but unfortunately since I have to use numerals for work purposes, it's a very hard habit to break, and by the time it comes to updating, I'm usually just in such a rush to get it updated, but I promise to work on it __**:)**_

_As for my grammar, again, I can only apologize and say I'm not a professional, I do make mistakes, the main mistake admittedly being the punctuations, and again I will try to start rectifying the problem, but we're talking about breaking the habit of 22 years, but I do hope despite my minor(hopefully) grammar errors it won't put you off from reading further. _

_**Again massive thank you's to all the reviews, you guys ROCK!!!!**_

_Again big thanks to those of you who took the time to add me and/or my story to your favourite and/or alerts list. Your support is very much appreciated _**_:)_**

Chapter 12

**Edward's P.O.V**

I had stayed in bed while late that morning, after hearing Bella get up. I was hoping if I could just avoid her for a while then any feelings I had for her would just disappear. I couldn't like her, it was just a crush. She needed friends right now, not someone harbouring feelings for her. She was struggling to cope as it was, my feelings would just be the straw that broke the camels back for her.

I still found it hard to believe that I had argued with Alice like I had over her trying to force Bella's hand to go to the stupid party at Ben Cheney's. Sure I thought Alice was wrong to try and persuade her, and my protective side kicked in, but never in my life had I argued so heatedly with my twin. Sure we had out tiffs, but it was usually about something inconsequential.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Alice, she doesn't want to go. Don't force her". I told my energetic twin as I descended the stairs, seeing the unsure look on Bella's face. _

"_Who asked you Eddie". She replied sarcastically. _

_Apart from the fact I hated being called Eddie, which she clearly knew, the fact she was trying to make Bella feel guilty about not going annoyed the hell out of me. Of course I knew Alice would never maliciously hurt anyone, but she seemed to be failing at realizing that Bella had just had a massive part of her life ripped away before being dumped on a family who she knew next to nothing about, and didn't need guilt tripping into doing things she wasn't sure she was ready for. _

"_Well you're clearly not asking Bella, you're just forcing her". I snapped at her. _

_I was vaguely aware of Jasper leading Bella away, and I was extremely grateful for this. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to witness me and Alice bickering like 5 year olds, because ultimately I knew that was what we would look like. _

_Even a minute or so after Bella and Jaspers disappearance, no words had been spoken between me and Alice. We simply stood glaring at each other. Alice may have been good at this staring game, but I was better. Both of us were stubborn though, both determined we weren't going to be the one to break the silence first. Our eyes though spoke volumes to each other._

"_So what is it with all this 'I must protect Bella' crap you've got going on"? Alice spoke first, I could feel the anger and frustration rolling off her at having to be the one to give in first. _

_Esme interrupted our argument, calling us into dinner. The tone of her voice was one not to be argued with. Both Alice and I knew this. It would be practically suicide to ignore Esme's request._

"_There isn't anything. I just think you're pushing her into doing things that she clearly doesn't want to do, but she doesn't know how to say no to you". I hissed back. _

"_What a load of bull Edward".I couldn't say I wasn't surprised at Alice seeing through me. "You like her, and you're scared to admit that". _

"_There is nothing to admit". I snapped back, much harsher than I should have. _

"_You keep telling yourself that Eddie dear". She bit back, then pranced away toward the dining room_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Whilst we had been doing the dishes, Alice had hissed that she knew my over-reaction was because I liked Bella, and for once I couldn't tell her she was wrong. Alice always was perceptive, and being my twin made me that much easier for her to read me. I had bit back with a comment about it being regardless, and it was wrong of her to push Bella like she had done. For once, she had, had no reply to that, and continued doing the dishes in silence.

Again, my feelings for her showed through when Emmett had squeezed her ribs. My protective side kicked in and I began telling him off, only to be thankfully cut off by Bella telling Emmett it was ok. Granted I wasn't the only one shouting at him, both Rose and Alice were chewing his ear off for being so rough. But it didn't stop me from wanting to pummel him for causing her pain.

After Bella had headed off to bed, Alice gave me a knowing look which I quickly shrugged off, before heading to bed myself. Throughout my shower, all I could think of was Bella, and how I was going to stop myself form feeling these things for her. I had to, no good could come of my feelings. I had to somehow, find a way to get over them, with her right under my nose.

She had made it even harder, when she had knocked on my door, entering slowly, biting her bottom lip, how she did when she was nervous, I had learned. She was dressed in an old blue t-shirt and pink shorts. She looked utterly adorable and sexy all at the same time. Her slim legs shamelessly on show.

In that moment, seeing her standing in my doorway, looking so completely heart wrenchingly sexy, I knew I was done for. Had Alice asked me then to deny my feelings, I knew I wouldn't have been able to. I wanted with primal instincts to grab her, throw her on my bed, and keep her with me always. To feel her skin, to show her how much I already loved her in the short time I had known her.

My heart beat wildly, as I forced myself to breath, trying and it seemed failing at remaining calm. With all my self control I glued my feet to the floor. Had I even tried to move, I knew it would be in her direction, so the fact I was clearly half naked, became a non issue for me. It was either stand here, taking her in, or attempt at grabbing a shirt, only to find myself going to her instead.

I had, had to ask if she was ok, after realizing I was simply staring at her, in all her glory. She had told me she didn't want me fighting with my siblings over her, but thanked me for sticking up for her anyway. I made some dumb excuse up, telling her, that no matter what, in this house, there would always be some sort of arguments happening, whether or not it involved herself. I wanted more than anything to just tell her that, I would fight for her against my family any day, but again I stopped myself short, forcing those particular words to be swallowed. Soon after she quickly fled the room.

I had flopped onto my bed, covering my face with a pillow, before groaning into it. Getting rid of my feelings was not going to be an easy task. In fact it was going to be a nearly impossible task if my current feelings were anything to go by.

So after successfully managing to avoid her all day, Emmett, Jasper and I, took Esme and Carlisle into Port Angeles where they had decided that since we were all going to a party, they would go out for a meal. I hadn't been surprised when I found out Bella was going, I knew Alice would persuade her to go. I still thought it a bad idea, but I wasn't about to start another argument with her over it.

We arrived at the party to find most people already there. The girls were meant to be getting a cab here to save us going and picking them up. Emmett and Jasper immediately mingled with the rest of the football team, whereas I found someone tapping me on my shoulder.

I turned to find a very familiar blonde standing in front of me. Her blue eyes looking up at me trying to be seductive. Without even thinking, I found myself comparing her dull blue eyes to Bella's chocolate filled orbs. Nonetheless though, if I was going to get over Bella, the only way I could think of, was to hook up with someone completely opposite to her. And you couldn't get much opposite than the blonde, who currently had her arms wrapped around my waist.

"How've you been Tanya"? I asked, smirking at her.

"Missing you. Why haven't you called"?

Like I would call her anyway. She just happened to always be conveniently around when I needed her. She often tried to get me to date her seriously, but other than the odd hook up, I had no interest in her. That and the fact I knew she was nowhere near being capable of having an exclusive relationship.

Eventually we had backed ourselves into a corner, making out. As good as Tanya was, she still was incapable of making me forget about Bella. If anything, I was imagining it was Bella I was kissing instead of Tanya, though of course in my imagination, Bella was better.

"How about we take this upstairs"? Tanya pulled away, trying to whisper seductively at me.

Before I could reply, I noticed Rose rushing toward me. She had a panicked expression on her face. I side stepped Tanya, shrugging her grip on my arm off, and striding toward Rose. When she reached me, she grabbed my arm, and began leading me away.

"I can't find Emmett and Jazz, but we need help". She told me in a rush.

Immediately fear struck me. It was rare for either Rose or Alice to not know where Em or Jazz were, and seeing Rose worried like this, I knew there was something wrong, and it had to be with either Bella or Alice.

Before I knew it, Rose had lead me out onto the back yard, Alice was knelt beside Bella who was sprawled out on the floor. Mike Newton was standing over them with a full bottle of vodka in his hand. I rushed forward, pushing Mike out of the way, and kneeling on Bella's other side.

"We lost her after we got here, and we just found her like this". Alice wept.

"Jesus". I gasped, then noticed an empty bottle of vodka on the grass next to Alice's knee. "Rose, go find Em and Jazz". I told her, and she immediately ran off. "Bella, Bella, c'mon wake up". I tapped her soft cheek gently, of which she immediately began to stir.

God her cheek was so soft, I would have given anything to just lay beside her, and stroke her softly blushing cheek, telling her how much I cared for her. Realizing where my thoughts were headed, I mentally pinched myself, bringing me back to reality.

"Stud louds". She slurred, as she opened her eyes, then closed them again.

"She's wasted". Alice pointed out.

"Newton, how much has she fucking had"? My head snapped up.

"Hey don't blame me that she can't handle her booze". He replied.

With just that sentence, my blood boiled. He was still sober enough to notice when she had clearly had enough, yet he had let her continue. And of course she would have continued drinking, probably numbing herself to any pain she felt over her Dad.

We should all have seen this happening, though in retrospect, had Alice and Rose not lost her, she wouldn't have had the opportunity to have a drink. But right now, the fact that both my Sisters had lost her, was not the forefront of my mind. Bella being this wasted was. That and the fact that Mike fucking Newton had helped her get this way.

"I said how fucking much has she had"? I stood up and stepped closer to him, I towered over him slightly.

"A beer and nearly that full bottle of vodka". He replied.

"And you just happened to be bringing her another, huh"? I asked, reaching over and snatching the full bottle of vodka out of his hand.

"Hey she was just having fun with me, maybe if you weren't making out with Denali, and your Brothers and Sisters weren't going at it together, you might have seen her needing a bit of fun". He sneered. "I was just giving her what she needed".

With that, my anger boiled over, and my fist came crashing into his jaw. What she needed was not was he was willing to give. He was a worse player than me, and the fact he was clearly allowing Bella to get drunk enough to be so out of it, spoke volumes. I threw the bottle onto the concrete, as he rammed into me, ploughing us both into the ground, I successfully managed to land on top. I barrelled a few punches into him, before I heard my name being called, and then being tugged off of him.

The fact that Mike Newton of all people had pointed out the fact that I had been too busy with Tanya to notice Bella needing me, pissed me off even further. How the hell I thought I could forget about Bella by being with Tanya was beyond me, but even worse, I had been too wrapped up in trying, I hadn't taken notice of what was truly right in front of me. Bella had needed me, and I wasn't there.

"You touch her again, I'll kill you". I spat, as he scrambled to his feet and scurried away.

"Edward, what the hell". Emmett yelled at me, as both he and Jasper let go of my arms.

I didn't reply, I simply turned all my attention back onto Bella. Both Alice and Rose looked as frazzled as I felt. I really wanted to go after Mike and beat the shit out of him, but I knew Bella needed me more right now.

"Holy shit, how'd she get so wasted"? Jasper asked as he pulled Alice out of the way, and knelt opposite me.

"Newton". I hissed, immediately hearing Emmett growl.

I looked up to see both Alice and Rose grab Emmett's arms, trying to prevent him from going after Mike. Any other time it would have been funny seeing my Sisters try and prevent him from doing something, but right now, it was anything but funny. But the last thing we needed right now, was the cops being called to break Emmett and Mike's fight up.

"Em... later". I told him, and I knew it was a promise. He nodded at me understanding what I was saying.

"What are we gonna do? We can't take her home like this, Mom and Dad will freak". Alice pointed out.

"Jesus, what the hell possessed her"? Emmett knelt by my side.

"What do you think Em? She wanted an escape, Newton gave her an out". I told him with a sigh, then quickly glanced at my watch, seeing it was nearing half 11. "Ok, so here's what we gotta do. Jazz go get a bottle of water or something, Em go get the Jeep ready. We're just gonna have to be cruel to be kind, try and make it home before Mom and Dad, get her in a cold shower and get some coffee and food down her". I told my siblings, seeing them all as unsure as me, but all nodding none the less.

"What are we gonna do if Mom and Dad are already home"? Alice asked me once we were alone.

"Other than pray, I suppose try and distract them long enough to get her upstairs". I told her. "How could you lose her Al?". I murmured.

I knew it was wrong, but at this minute, blaming Alice and Rose was easier than blaming myself. I knew though, that regardless of who Bella was with, none of us were her babysitters, and none of us could watch her 24/7. Alice was no more responsible for this, than I was. I did feel blame though, blame for not realizing that parties equalled alcohol, alcohol would be an escape for her, and as little as I knew her, anyone in Bella's shoes would take that escape.

"Look we're sorry Edward, it isn't like we meant to. She was right behind us when we walked in, and we saw you making out with Tanya, by the time we'd found Jazz and Em, we figured you had noticed her, and she was with you". Alice told me. "Then when we heard Tyler telling Eric that Mike was with Bella, we went looking for her".

Nothing mattered at the moment. I felt as though Mike had successfully punched me numerous times in the stomach. Bella had seen me making out with Tanya. I had wanted to try and forget about her, which I had failed at, but never had I intended on Bella seeing me. It was rare my family saw that side of me, but I definitely hadn't wanted Bella to see me like that.

"Bella, c'mon baby you gotta wake up". I turned my attention back onto to waking her up. I tapped her face gently, hoping I could get her to wake up enough to sit her up and make her aware of her surroundings. "Bella, c'mon". I repeated as she started fluttering her eyes. "That's it, lets get you up".

Slowly I pulled her into a sitting position, then pulled her into my lap so her back was resting against my chest. Even as a dead weight she was as light as a feather. No wonder it hadn't taken her much to get this wasted.

"C'mon baby, stay awake for me", I whispered in her ear, practically dying to run my lips along her neck. "Keep your eyes on Alice". I told her, gesturing Alice to kneel in front of her.

"Ohh, it's Ali. Hey Ali". She slurred, giggling slightly. I would take the slurring and giggling any day over her falling back to sleep. "Whe... bot of odka". She slurred.

"I think you've had enough for tonight Bella". Alice told her.

"Nooo". She fidgeted a little. "Is nice". She added. "Ohhh it's Jasp, hi Jasp". She yelled, as Jasper approached.

"Here Bells, drink this". He passed her the bottle, which she eagerly took obviously mistaking it for another bottle of vodka. The look of distaste on her face was priceless when she realized it wasn't.

Any other situation I might have laughed at drunken Bella, but it was still playing on my mind exactly why she got into this state in the first place, and what would have happened had Alice and Rose not found her when they had. Sure they should have kept a better eye on her, but I knew that none of us were Bella's babysitters, and if she had planned to get drunk, there was little we could have done to stop her, other than watching her like eagles, and of course that would have annoyed her further.

I sat with Bella, making her drink the full bottle before jasper helped me get her to her feet. I wanted badly to carry her, but I was hoping the more she moved around, the more she would come back into the world of the living. We managed to get her into the Jeep without much problem, and sat her next to the window that Emmett had rolled down. Probably half hoping it would help pull her around, half fearing she would need to throw up.

As Emmett drove home, Bella was leaning against me, her head resting on my chest. I kept her awake, though could tell she wasn't far from falling back asleep. With every second that past, the want and need to reach down and kiss her got greater. Not only wanting to kiss her, but I wanted to stay right here in the back of the Jeep with her by my side.

I was overcome by the feeling of belonging with her here with me. She fit so perfectly against my side. I knew now, that my feelings were not just a crush, or 'liking', I loved her. More than I ever dreamt possible of loving someone. I had never felt anything so strong in my life before. I would walk through fire, take bullets, and give my own life for hers. The knowledge hit me like a tonne of bricks, so hard I barely heard her mumbling.

"Edward". I heard her whisper softly, as though she was mustering her last bit of energy speaking to me. "I'm gonna throw up". She said a little louder.

"Em... Em, pull over man, quick". I yelled.

Before Emmett had even pulled the Jeep over fully, Bella had swung the door open and was stumbling as best she could toward the trees. I got out and followed her, though left some space to give her a little privacy. I could hear her retching and coughing, though was slightly relieved, as it might help sober her up a bit.

"You ok Bells"? I asked after a few beats of silence.

She reappeared from behind the tree nodding gently, making her way to me. She tripped over, well honestly it could have been nothing, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was the undergrowth, and I swiftly caught her, helping her remain on her feet, guiding her slowly back to the Jeep.

When we arrived home, we were all relieved to find Esme and Carlisle were not home yet. None of us knew how little time we had, so we rushed Bella inside, and upstairs to her room. Alice and Rosalie took her into the bathroom putting her head under the cold shower spray, whilst I went and dug around in the kitchen for some food for her, before quickly going and changing into my sweats.

When I got to her room, she was already laid in bed, in her PJ's, her hair had been plaited by I assumed Alice. Rose was sat on the bed, watching over her. When she saw me, she told me that everyone had gone to get ready for bed, then left herself to change.

They had all decided that Bella needed watching over and Esme and Carlisle would get suspicious if there was only one of us with Bella, so we were all going to sleep in Bella's room, trying to make it look like as though we had got bored at the party and decided to come watch movies.

Once Rosalie had disappeared, I sat on the bed beside Bella, my back against the headboard, just gazing at the brunette beauty by my side. I found myself wishing that the others wouldn't be returning, and I could spend the night with her in my arms.

It would never be possible though. Anything between me and Bella, would just make things worse right now. If anything tonight, proved that Bella had too much to deal with, let alone having to deal with my feelings for her. It wouldn't be fair to expect her to deal with those as well.

I was though determined that I was going to help her through everything. She needed to know she wasn't alone. There was something nagging at me though. I had never really thought much about it, but I was sure there was something more to Bella's grief than she was letting on. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe I was reading too much into it, I probably was, but either way, I was determined to be around to find out if there was.

Bella stirred gently beside me, turning and hiding her face in my side, her hand reaching and grasping my shirt, mumbling something incoherently. Suddenly she darted up out of bed, and dashed toward the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I was actually pleased she was throwing up, at least it meant some of the vodka was being thrown out of her system.

I got up off the bed, reaching for one of the bottles of water and the Tylenol and made my way to the bathroom, knocking gently. I heard her mumble something and took it as a sign that I could go in. I slowly pushed the door open, just in case, but found her sat next to the toilet, leaning against the wall. Even with the slight sheen of sweat on her face, she looked beautiful. She looked at me when I offered her the tablets and bottle, smiling at me as best she could before downing both my offerings.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your night". She mumbled, still a slight slur to her words.

"You didn't". I answered, which was true.

She hadn't ruined anything. Of course I wouldn't have ideally wanted to have spent my night with her in the condition she currently was, but right now, I would take any time with Bella that I could get.

Just that realization alone, proved how much I already loved her. How much I would do just to be with her. I had it bad. And it was only going to get worse from here on out. Whilst ever I could be round her, my love would only grow for her. Never getting any further than being her friend though.

I had to face it, my love for Bella was unrequited, and it would remain that way.

**Ohhh so what do you think? I'm trying to get more and more fluffiness in there for you guys, but still fighting the urge to rush it. I hope you liked this chapter, and please guys, leave me a review. I would really really appreciate it. Thank you :)**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

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Chapter 13

**Edward P.O.V**

Emmett did put a film on, though I don't think anyone really paid much attention to it. Jasper and Alice were sat on the mattress at the foot of Bella's bed, and I surmised Alice had fallen asleep. Rose and Emmett were sat huddled together on the sofa, Rose was whispering to Emmett and every so often I could hear her tone hiss sharply at him. I was sat beside Bella, who after throwing up had stumbled with my help back to the bedroom, where she had practically collapsed in a heap and fell straight to sleep.

My eyes were trained to the screen, but I was so very aware of Bella's presence. My ears seemed tuned into her steady breathing, listening for any sign that she needed me. I felt wary, but knew sleep wouldn't come easily tonight. I was determined I would be there for Bella's every need throughout the night, and if that meant staying awake, then so be it.

Eventually it was clear that all 4 of my siblings had fallen to sleep. The film now nearing it's end, so I leant over, grabbing for the remote and shutting off the TV and DVD player. I slid cautiously further down the bed, trying my hardest to not jostle the soft mattress and wake Bella.

I lay awake, listening to the soft breathing of Bella, and the not so soft breathing of Alice. For someone so small, she certainly wasn't a quiet sleeper. Every so often she would snort and snore, before making a slapping noise with her mouth and then go back to normal breathing. I wished I had a voice recorder just to tape her sleeping, it would certainly come in useful one day.

At turned nearly 1am, I heard Carlisle and Esme return, and began wondering why we had all panicked like we had about getting Bella home early. I feigned sleep as I heard them both walk down the hall, checking everyone's room, obviously becoming more panicked when none of us were to be found, well until they creaked open Bella's door. I could almost hear Esme counting how many bodies she could see, clearly needing to know all her children were home and safe.

An hour later I was still wide awake, though now watching Bella. She looked stunningly beautiful as she slept, so peaceful and at ease. It was nice to see this side of her, even if it was only in sleep. Her eyes twitched every so often, and her fingers clutched the corner of the sheet before relaxing, only to tighten again a few seconds later. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into me and hold onto her. For the first time, I was envious of my Brothers and Sisters. Looking around the room, you could see each of them cuddled next to someone, someone they loved more than life itself, and here I was, only wishing I could have that with Bella. Only imagining that we would one day be the same.

Never before had I wanted the romance my siblings had, never before had I really and truly wanted the love they felt for each other. I had always felt content going from one girl to the next in meaningless flings. But now, a brown haired brown eyed girl had walked into my life, and within a matter of weeks had me wanting her like I had never wanted anyone before. And the worst of it was, she had no idea, and never would.

The feelings were scary, but oddly enough I felt embraced by them. I knew I couldn't have anything more with her than friendship, but at least I now knew what my family felt every day waking up next to their partner, sharing the little secrets every couple had. For yeas I had been the odd one out, but now, now I understood. I understood the feeling of walking through fire for their loved ones. Of course I would put myself in the line of fire to save any of my family, but the need to do the same for Bella, felt that much stronger.

I understood why Esme seemed so hell bent on me settling down. She wanted me to have this. I doubted she wanted me to have it with Bella, but that was beside the point. She wanted me to experience this type of love. Of course once I got over Bella, and I was determined I would, I wasn't sure if I would ever feel the same about someone else, as I did her, but at the very least, I could say I knew.

"Tell me about it... stud". Bella's voice suddenly broke my reverie.

I snickered softly at the words she had just spoken. Was Bella having an R rated dream. I hoped if she was, she was going to say more. I was fully alert now, awaiting her next words. I nearly fell off the bed though, when Jasper murmured from the foot of the bed.

"You better shape up". Bella continued, a huge smile spreading on my face. "And my heart is set on you". There was a singing quality to her words.

Slowly so slowly, I crept to the end of the bed, and shook Alice awake. I at least wanted someone else to witness this, even if it did mean me having to share my alone time with Bella.

"Edward, what". Alice hissed at me.

"You better shape up, you better understand", Sang Bella again.

Alice was immediately wide awake, sitting up sharply and looking directly at Bella, almost as though she was checking to make sure she herself hadn't dreamt what she had heard.

"Is she asleep"? She whispered, a wide grin on her face. I nodded in response.

"You're the one that I want, o, o, oo honey". There she went again.

"Oh my God, she's singing Grease". Alice giggled quietly as she crawled up on the bed beside me.

"If you're filled with affection". She was definitely out of tune, but to be fair she was dreaming.

"Meditate in my direction... Feel your way". Another far more masculine voice suddenly joined in.

Both me and Alice turned to each other, realizing the voice was Jaspers. We broke into a fit of giggles. It was one thing for Bella to be singing in her sleep, but she now had Jasper joining in with her.

"What are you guys laughing at"? Bella had suddenly sat up and was staring at us.

"ARGHHH". We both yelped, Alice falling off the end of the bed onto Jasper and me off the side directly onto the hard floor.

"Ungh". Was the noise Jasper made as all the air was pushed out of his body.

"ARRRGHHHHHHH". Emmett began screaming like a girl.

Both me and Alice immediately broke back into laughter at the situation. Rosalie was currently trying to calm Emmett down, as Jasper gasped in a few breaths. Bella just sat there looking more and more confused.

"What's going on"? Carlisle came rushing into the room.

"Is everyone ok"? Esme was hot on his heels, her straightening iron in hand.

Seeing the scene in front of us unfold, did nothing but encourage mine and Alice's laughter. We both had yet to move off the floor, and at every glance at each other, our laughter only erupted further, knowing exactly what we had each heard and seen.

"What is going on in here. It's 3 o' clock in the morning". Carlisle seemed very unamused.

"Bella... ha ha and... jazz...". Alice began trying to stutter out but laughter took over again.

"Alice I swear if you don't stop laughing like a hyena on E I'm gonna come sit on you until you tell us". Emmett threatened, clearly pissed off at having being woken and being caught screaming like a girl.

We both quickly took a few deep breaths, the laughter slowly subsiding, though having 6 faces awaiting an explanation didn't really help much, and definitely Emmett's description of Alice's laugh didn't.

"Bella woke me up singing in her sleep. So I woke Alice up and we were sat listening, and then Jazz started singing the exact same song, then Bella woke up and made us jump, and we fell off the bed, Alice landed on Jazz and our screams woke Emmett who by the way man ,you scream like a chick, and then you came in, Mom with her straightening irons, which by the way Mom, what were you planning to do to the attacker, style their hair". I managed to rush out.

"No it's actually to use on you as a torture device". Esme quipped back, though she was fighting not to laugh.

Looking around the room, no-one seemed as amused as me and Alice. Rose, Carlisle and Esme were biting back smiles, Emmett just looked extraordinarily pissed, though he never was a morning person, Jasper just looked confused and Bella, well she looked hung over and there was a bright red tinge of embarrassment to her cheeks.

After explaining everything further, we all settled back down to sleep, though Bella did make me promise to nudge her awake if she 'woke' me again. I knew she wasn't going back to sleep though, one after the other, I slowly heard my siblings fall back into slumber, not Bella.

"Bella, go back to sleep, I promise I will wake you up if I even so much as hear you murmur". I told her, though I knew full well the only reason I would wake her was if someone else woke up and she began talking.

"I'm sorry for waking you up". She muttered.

What was it with this girl and apologizing. She always seemed to feel as though she had to say sorry for something, even when it wasn't her fault. It wouldn't surprise me if she blamed herself for everything that ever went wrong.

"Alice woke me first actually, snoring would you believe". And as if to prove my point, Alice snorted slightly.

"So now I guess you know my secret huh". Bella smiled slightly. "I never used to allow myself to sleep deep enough to talk, especially living in the dorms back in Phoenix". I was sure I saw a flash of hurt cross her face, but as quick as it appeared, it was gone.

"Bella, there is nothing wrong with sleep talking. It's something you can't control, and you shouldn't deprive yourself of much needed rest, just because you're scared of what people might think. Hell Alice has snored for as long as I can remember. When we go camping, we have to stay away from the camping grounds because she's so loud. And I'm pretty sure Emmett snores too, though I haven't had the pleasure of hearing it other than when he has a cold. Rosalie has been known to sleep walk, in fact Esme once caught her filling the oil and water in Carlisle's car one night. Ever since then, all car keys are locked away at night. And now Jasper sings along with people. See there's nothing to be ashamed of".

"You still promise to wake me though right if I wake you again"?

"I promise". I told her sincerely. "But, before you go to sleep, just drink some water". I pointed to the bottle on the drawers beside the bed. She looked at me quizzically. "It'll hydrate you while you're asleep and you hopefully won't have such a raging hangover in the morning".

She did as I asked, and drank nearly the full bottle, before settling back against the pillows and falling into a relaxed slumber. I took a deep breath, thanking the Lord for Esme and Carlisle having not noticed Bella's inebriated state when they had come in earlier. Hopefully with the water she had just drunk, she would be at least able to pass the heavy head as having not slept well after the escapade tonight.

She was facing me, as she slept, which only made my urge to kiss her heighten. Sighing, I looked at the ceiling before allowing my eyes to finally close. I only dozed for the next hour or so, getting the shock of my life when Bella turned in her sleep and curled up against my side. As guilty as I knew I would feel, I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around her, cuddling her close to me, knowing that if I was caught, I could feign sleep.

Just holding her close was the best feeling in the world. It felt as though I was right where I belonged. I doubted anything could beat this feeling, ever. I wanted nothing more than to sleep like this every night with her. Having her next to me, I felt calm and relaxed, complete.

I must have fallen asleep again, as the next thing I was aware of, was the feeling of warmth, mixed in with pixie like giggle of Alice and the chuckle of Jasper. Slowly I peeled my eyes open, the light of the room immediately stinging. Blinking a few times, I realized my arms were wrapped tightly around Bella, and her head lay in the crook of my shoulder. Alice and jasper were stood at the end of the bed watching us with amusement.

"Morning Brother dearest, comfortable"? Alice whispered.

Without saying a word, I pulled myself regrettably from Bella's arms, and stood at the side of the bed, seeing Rose and Emmett still asleep, which I was incredibly thankful for. Though I hated that any of my family had caught me with Bella in my arms, at least it hadn't been Emmett, who would have teased us both relentlessly. At least Alice and jasper wouldn't say anything to Bella to make her feel uncomfortable.

"Denial, denial Edward, it isn't just a river in Egypt". Alice sung, giggling at her own joke.

"Alice. It's too early in the morning for your perkiness. Can we just wake Em and Rose up and leave Bella alone to sleep the rest of the booze off". I hissed.

"What booze"? A strict voice snapped from the doorway.

Immediately I felt my whole body tense. I clamped my eyes shut, hoping and praying I was still dreaming and that Esme hadn't heard me declare the fact that Bella was probably still hung over. I was positive I heard Alice take a shaky breath and jasper mutter 'shit' under his breath. I couldn't have agreed with him more in that second.

"Edward. I said what booze"? Esme repeated again, her voice not betraying the anger that I sensed oozing from her.

"Mom, I swear, none of us where drunk, we'll all even do blood and urine tests for Dad if we need to. None of us drank a drop all night". I began trying to explain but keeping my voice at a whisper so as not to disturb Bella.

Alice was already shaking Emmett and Rose awake, as I turned to face Esme fully, trying to prove to her that we were innocent. Well as innocent as you can be when we all allowed Bella the freedom to get as drunk as she was.

"Then please Edward, do explain how _Bella_ got hold of the alcohol". Yep she was definitely pissed off.

"You know we never drink Mom". I told her, hoping that would placate her. It didn't. "Ok, well it was a complete accident ok". I stalled for time, trying to come up with an excuse.

I knew lying to Esme would get us all in trouble if she ever found out, but there was no-way we could ever tell her the truth. Other than us all getting in trouble for leaving Bella alone, none of us would be allowed to leave the house ever again, and it would only make things worse for Bella. I knew, hell did I know that my parents should know about how drunk she was, because I knew in my heart of hearts, it was all for an escape for her. But I just couldn't allow myself to admit it. Maybe in a strange way I felt as though I was protecting her. I wasn't sure, but I just knew that she couldn't get in trouble for our mistakes of leaving her alone with the vile Mike Newton.

"Bella wanted a drink, so knowing the punch was probably spiked, I got her a drink from the soda in the kitchen. It was in a bottle, and I seriously never thought anyone would dream of spiking a soda bottle. So after she'd had like 2 cups full, we all realized what was happening, and brought her straight home". I told her, hoping and praying she would buy it.

"So why didn't you tell us"? She questioned further, trying to read between out expressions for any doubt.

"Well you weren't home, and we all decided to stay with her. I was only dozing when I heard you come in, but since it was under control, I didn't want to worry you". God I was convincing when I wanted to be.

"Breakfast is ready". Esme sighed, obviously happy enough with my explanation.

Seeing this as their escape, they all made a quick exit out of the room, leaving me and Esme alone with the still sleeping Bella. Esme stepped toward Bella, sitting on the edge of the bed, before reaching out and gently nudging her shoulder.

"We really are sorry Mom. We didn't mean for her to get her drink spiked". I added for good measure.

"I know Edward, but you should have still told us the moment we walked in. she could have had alcohol poisoning or anything". By the tone of her voice, I knew she was more concerned than angry now.

"I know. I'm sorry". I answered, as she began to wake Bella properly.

I headed into the bathroom and picked the bottle of Tylenol up off the bathroom work surface, before shaking 2 tablets out into my hand, and returning to Bella's side. She was now awake, sitting up in bed, and gratefully took the tablets and bottle of water I offered to her. Forcing a small smile on her face in thanks.

"How are you feeling Bella"? Esme asked tentatively.

"Other than a bit of a headache, I'm ok". She replied.

"Do you remember anything"? Esme probed.

"_Please say no, please say no",_ I prayed.

"I just remember drinking some soda". She answered.

God if it was possible, I loved her even more right then. She had heard our whole conversation and had feigned sleep the whole time, and was now thankfully playing along with out story. Of course she wasn't going to get off scotch free, I needed to talk to her about last night. I needed to know why she had gotten so drunk, and try to make her see that it wasn't going to help at all.

"Ok honey, do you want me to bring you some breakfast"? Esme asked sweetly, brushing the hair from Bella's face, in such a motherly way.

"Um, no thanks, I don't think I want to think about food for a few hours". Bella chuckled.

"Ok, well I'm right downstairs if you need anything ok". And with that, she fled from the room.

I watched her leave, and was even tempted to sneak down the hall to actually check whether she had gone, or was still eaves dropping. But a few seconds later I heard her telling Emmett off for talking with his mouthful. I had so much to say to this girl in front of me, and no idea how on earth how to start.

"Thanks for corroborating the story". I told her gently. The relief I felt immense.

"I think it should be thanking you. You're the one who helped me out last night, and looked after me. Thank you". She told me, pushing her hair back from her face.

"Why'd you drink so much Bella"? I asked her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I honestly had no idea I had, had so much. I was sharing the bottle with Mike, and I guess I just never realized I'd had so much". I nodded along with her.

What she said made sense. She'd probably never had alcohol before, and then by the time she'd had enough, she probably was coherent enough to stop. It was a vicious circle really. There was still a part of me though, that didn't completely believe there wasn't any other reason that made he drink so much.

"I'm sorry. I ruined all your nights, and got you in trouble with your Mom and Dad. I'm so sorry". She practically whispered.

"Bella, it's fine. You ruined nothing, and as for getting us in trouble, you haven't". Without even thinking, I reached my hand up and cupped her soft cheek. "Trust me". I told her adamantly, causing her to look me directly in the eye.

I leant forward and pressed my lips to her forehead, lingering for a few seconds, before pulling away and exiting the room quickly. I didn't want to leave, but I knew after kissing her, albeit on there forehead, if I stayed there, I would only end up wanting to kiss her more. As it was, I had probably made her feel uncomfortable.

It was as though I was torturing myself for having feelings for her. I was beginning to think if I would ever manage to get over her. I was in limbo. I couldn't seem to get over her, but I couldn't date her either. The one person I could have talked to about all of this, was suddenly the wrong person, I was damned no matter which way I went.

_**Ok so that's it for another chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave me a review, I love getting them almost as much as I love my obsession with Robert Pattinson lol**_


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Ok, so great big thank you's yelled out to I**m Edwards Bella**, **KiwiForEdward**, **Kk1999**, **Twilight-chick3**, **EcullenLover1**, **BandForver16**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Edward Luva For Lyf**, **KLPetrey** you guys are **AWESOME** for reviewing for me. I know the last chapter was an incredibly big filler, so I hope you find this one better. Thank you once again you guys are brill **:) :) :) :)**_

_Thank you also to those of you who added me and/or this story to your favourites and/or alerts lists. Cheers you guys :)_

**Chapter 14**

**Bella P.O.V**

Hell what was Edward trying to do to me. Kissing me, albeit, it was my forehead but still. The fact his lips had moments ago been pressed against me, sent my heart into a quickened pace. If only he knew what being near him did to me, if only he understood. Hell if only I could tell him.

"Ugh". I flopped backwards onto my bed.

My head pounded and my mouth tasted bitter. My stomach felt queasy, but there was nothing I was sure, that would come up, even if I tried to help myself be sick. Not that I had ever been good at that, I usually ended up just gagging on my finger the few times I had tried, quickly giving up.

Drinking the night before, was, well not the best thing I've ever done in my life, and I was definitely paying for the bad decisions now. But the feeling of freedom I had felt during my drunken stupor, had been amazing. The hangover I was currently suffering from now, was more than worth it.

For the first time in weeks, I had felt weightless, as though the past few weeks had never happened. I craved for that feeling again. To just be Isabella Swan, instead of Isabella Swan orphan of Chief Charlie Swan.

I knew I could never forget my Dad, or the fact I was the reason he was no longer here, but for that small amount of time, I felt relieved to be able to forget. To just have those few moments of emptiness, to be able to not feel the guilt that I had become accustomed to living with, day in day out.

The Cullen's all tried to be understanding of me and my situation, but none really knew what it was like. Of course they could I suppose argue that they had all lost parents, but it would never be the same. Emmett, Edward and Alice had been too young to really remember either of their parents, for all intents and purposes Carlisle and Esme had been the only parents they'd ever known. Jasper and Rose, well yes they had lost their parents, but the difference was, both were still alive and neither had been loving or caring toward them. Charlie had been my world.

Mike Newton though, he seemed to understand me. He too had lost his Dad, though I was sure it was in completely different circumstances, but at least he understood the feeling of loss, the loneliness. He seemed to understand the need for me to have those few moments of freedom the alcohol brought. And for that, I would be forever grateful to him.

"Bella". A tinkering voice broke me out of my reverie. "C'mon Bella, get up, go shower, it'll help pull you round. Then we're going to go shopping". She practically sung the last part.

I let out a groan and pulled the quilt to cover my head. Shopping had never been something I enjoyed, and I knew with absolute certainty that I would enjoy it even less hung over. I knew I needed to shop at some point, the few clothes I had, well, weren't really enough in the long term, and I couldn't continue to borrow Alice and Rose' things, mainly because they were far too lacking in material was one way of putting it.

"Another day Alice". I grumbled.

"No, now Bella. We're going camping tomorrow, all 6 of us, and you need more clothes, and proper boots and all that kinda stuff". She sounded far too excited for so early in the morning.

"Alice, I don't do camping. I have the co-ordination of like Emmett walking down a catwalk in 5 inch stiletto heels, I can't pitch a tent to save my life, and the idea of eating fish out of the lake repulses me".

Memories of all the times my Dad had dragged me camping with him, The Blacks and Clearwater's flooded my brains. I always hated every second. Mainly because he always seemed to disappear all day with Billy Black and Harry Clearwater, fishing, leaving me with practical strangers back at camp. But still, camping had never been fun to me. The amount of injuries I got during those few days would fill a normal persons injury quota for a full year.

"Emmett has surprisingly good balance in stiletto heels". Alice told me, tugging the quilt away from my face. "Oh c'mon Bella, it'll be fun. We are going in the Jeep, so they'll be no hiking... as such and by no means will we be eating anything the boys catch. Trust me".

"Is there any chance, I'm going to win this argument"? I asked with a sigh.

"Nope". She giggled, popping the p.

I sluggishly made my way into the connecting bathroom. My whole body felt twice as heavy as usual. And my head pounded even more with the movement. I prayed the Tylenol would kick in soon. The heat from the shower spray hit me with relief, easing my aching muscles, and washing away the remainder of my hangover. Sometime during my long shower, the tablets had kicked in, the headache retreating, only to be replaced by Alice banging on the door telling me to hurry up.

When I exited the shower, I found Alice had snook in and placed my clothes on the counter. Surprisingly, the clothes consisted of a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I was immediately suspicious. Even in the short time I had known Alice, there was no-way she would willingly allow me to wear something as simple and normal as jeans and t-shirt. Unless of course she was trying to butter me up.

She was going to play Bella Barbie all day wasn't she? This was her way of pleasing me so that she could get away with getting me to buy clothes that in my wildest dreams I would never even consider. Damn that little scheming pixie.

"Be strong Bella, be strong". I chanted quietly to myself as I dressed quickly, throwing my hair back into a messy bun.

I pulled open the door to see Alice trying to look innocent, on my bed. She smiled at me, and then I knew for definite. This was all a scheme to put me n a good mood. Damn she thought she was so good.

"Thanks for the simplicity Alice, but if I'm actually going to allow you to drag me shopping, I want your word, that I can veto any piece of clothing that you choose for me to buy, that I don't like". I told her with finality, folding my arms across my chest as if to prove my point.

I stifled a giggle when I saw her mouth drop open in surprise. Quickly recovering, she sat up and I knew she was trying to come up with a loop hole or a better scheme. It wasn't going to work though, I was on to her little game.

"Fine". She said after a few moments.

I smiled triumphantly, grabbing my purse from the closet, and following her out of the room. Rose was sat in the living room with the boys waiting for us. I couldn't help but notice Edward barely even looked my way as we bid them goodbye.

He must really be regretting his earlier actions. I really had know idea where I stood with him. One minute he was being all gorgeous and sweet and caring, then the next minute, he was being distant and almost broody. I couldn't keep up with his moods, it felt as though I was suffering from whiplash from the amount of mood swings he seemed to have toward me.

As I sat in the back of Rose' red convertible BMW, the wind whipping around me face, I began to wonder more and more about Edward. He was the kind of guy that you would be proud to take home to meet your parents. He was polite, his manners were almost old fashioned – holding doors open, opening car doors, really old school stuff. But there was a side to him, I hadn't seen clearly, though I knew it existed.

He was a player, I guessed that much. There had been far too many of them back in Phoenix, for me not to recognise the signs. Alice and Rose, or even Jasper and Emmett had never mentioned him having a girlfriend, yet I had seen him happily making out with someone the night before.

Regardless of the state I was in the previous night, I had heard every word Mike had said _'maybe if you weren't making out with Denali'_, had been his words. Maybe that was why he was now giving me the cold shoulder. He'd had to break off his little _'make out session'_ because of me. But he'd been so nice to me last night, and this morning. Pity? Yeah he obviously pitied the state I was in, but now I was almost fully recovered, he didn't feel as guilty for ignoring me.

Maybe though, him ignoring me, was a good thing. This stupid little crush I had on him was bound to go away at some point, and the less time I actually spent with him, the better. In all honesty, I suppose I should thank him, he was unknowingly helping me get over this crush. Of course I could never tell him thanks, since that would just open a can of worms and then he would know.

"Bella, you ok back there"? Rose asked, lowering her sunglasses to the tip of her nose and looking at me through the rear view mirror.

"Um, yeah, fine, fine". I stuttered.

Five minutes later, Rose pulled into the parking lot, and we all climbed out. Alice was practically bubbling over with excitement. The more she bounced, the more I began to feel dread at what was to come.

"Don't forget to say no". Rose whispered in my ear as we began following Alice inside. "And I'll try my hardest to force her attention onto things for herself". She promised.

I smiled thankfully at the blond. I never would have thought when I moved in, that I would actually get along with Rose. She had seemed so, fierce, so cold. Though knowing what she went through, what both her and Jasper went through, I now totally understood her apprehension.

I had never had friends like Rose or Alice, and I was grateful for them entering my life, just obviously not _how_ they entered it. I already felt close to them. Both so completely different. Rose was the calm to Alice's storm. Literally both were like chalk and cheese, though I wasn't sure what that made me.

We started off in the camping goods store. Filling the basket with a thermal sleeping bag, waterproof coat, hiking boots – which lets face in Forks were bound to come in use throughout the year, waterproof trousers – though I did try and point out to Alice that if it was raining, I would be in the tent where it was dry, and a few things the boys asked us to pick up to replenish their camping gear.

I was then dragged through 5 different clothing stores, where I had basically been shoved into the dressing room whilst Alice brought me outfit after outfit. Out of the hundreds that she forced me into, I could count on 1 hand how many I had actually liked. I had yet to fathom when she thought I would ever wear a mini skirt in the most rained upon state in the country.

After the 6th store, Rose noticed my distress and managed to drag Alice off into her favourite store, giving me a few minutes to look around and find something I deemed appropriate for myself. I knew I had little time, so quickly dashed around, grabbing a few pairs of jeans I liked in my size and a few t-shirts and sweaters, before rushing to the checkout and paying with the card I had been given for my Dad's account. I disliked the fact I was actually using the money, but I had to have clothes. Even the few clothes I had brought with me from Phoenix, which I had yet to pick up from the station would be no good here in Forks.

"Bella"! Alice's shrill voice called from behind me. "Please tell me you haven't bought"... She began as she quickly nosed through my bags, quickly letting out a groan upon seeing their contents. "Jeans and t-shirts".

"Alice, we live in the wettest state in the country, we barely have any sun. Jeans and t-shirts are more practical". I argued.

"Bella, have you learnt nothing at all today"? Alice sighed.

"Not to coming shopping with you again". I smiled as innocently as possible.

Rose who was still stood slightly behind Alice fought back her laughter, but she snorted a few times, which caused Alice to glare at her.

"No"! Alice replied. "Fashion is not meant to be practical". She added with a roll of her eyes, as though it was the most obvious answer.

"Well it's a good job I don't follow fashion then isn't it".

"We shall see Bella, we shall see". Alice responded, grasping mine and Rose' arms and dragging us away.

Whoever said payback was a bitch, seriously wasn't lying. The last store Alice dragged me in, was none other than Victoria Secrets. Now I didn't have an aversion to this store, in fact I could do with a few new bras and underwear, but the things Alice was forcing me into was ridiculous.

She had brought me what seemed thousands of baby dolls, teddies, slips, and even to my mortification bustier's. I had no idea why she thought I would want or need any of these things. A simple bra and panty set would be just fine.

Admittedly, a few of the items were really pretty, and looked pretty good on, but it wasn't like I would ever wear any of them. These things were worn to be seen, and trust me when I say, there would be _no-one_ to see these things.

"Bella, trust me when I say we are not leaving this store until you have picked _at least_ 3 items to buy". Alice ordered me through the door.

"Alice, I am not buying something that I will _never_ wear". I snapped, stepping out of the dressing room dressed in a midnight blue sheer baby doll.

"Damn Bella, you look H-O-T". Rose gasped from her seat opposite my dressing room.

"Please, for me, just pick three things". Alice pleaded.

Heaving a sigh, I stepped quickly back into the dressing room. Deciding I liked the baby doll I was currently in, I slipped that off, placing it to one side, before rifling through the piles of other items Alice had brought. Quickly deciding on a halter neck baby doll in black and a white with red hearts and red trim flyaway baby doll, and trying them on just to be sure, I changed back into my clothes, and stepped room the small room.

Alice immediately practically ripped them from my hands and dashed away. I looked at Rose for an explanation, but she simply shrugged. When we finally caught up to Alice, she had just finished paying and stepped away from the cash register toward us.

"Alice". I began, about to tell her off for buying the items for me.

"What. Bella you said and I quote _'I want your word, that I can veto any piece of clothing that you choose for me to buy, that I don't like'_. You never said anything about _me_ not buying you anything". Damn that scheming little pixie.

Alice looked every bit triumphant as we headed out of the mall. Clearly pleased with the loop hole she had found in our agreement. Next time, I swore I would be prepared.

I sat silently throughout our journey back home. I felt exhausted, Rose and the others hadn't been lying when they had said shopping with Alice was like running a marathon. I reminded myself that next time, because lets face it, this was Alice, there would definitely be a next time, I would be much more well rested.

As we crossed the town limits back into Forks, I began to feel a strange sense of deja vu. It was then I quickly realized this had been the exact same route I had last taken with my Dad on the way home from the airport. I immediately felt my throat closing in. God we were going to pass the crash site. Sickness swept over me, I had to get out of the car. And now.

"R...Rose can you pull in". I stuttered.

"Are you ok Bella"? She asked glancing in her mirror at me, as she did as I requested.

"I just feel a little car sick". I explained as I clambered out of the back seat before the car had even come to a full stop.

"Bella"? Alice called as she began getting out of the car.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I think I'm just gonna walk back though". I forced a smile onto my face.

They both looked unsure as to whether or not I meant for them to leave me. I could understand both of their concerns, but they really didn't understand how I felt right this second, and nor should they. Neither knew what lay further up the road, neither knew exactly what I had gone through on that last journey. I simply nodded to them, confirming that I was ok, though I knew that was a blatant lie on my behalf.

"Call us, if you need us, ok". Alice studied me for a few seconds before Rose finally drove away.

After their departure, it was odd, I felt slightly less pressure. Knowing that neither of my friends where around to see any imminent breakdown eased my tension. I didn't want to see the crash site, but for whatever reason, my feet seemed to have their own plans. With every step that brought me closer, the more heavy my breathing became, until it was sharp, short breaths.

I was there. I stood right next to the place that had a hand in changing my life. It looked like any other junction of the highway, there was noting special, no signs of anything untoward. I walked a little further along the curb, until I reached a street lamp. Around the bottom where a few bouquets of flowers strapped to it.

Now I felt sick. I sunk to the floor, unable to keep my tears and sobs inside any more. Being here, I was unable to deny the last few weeks, I was unable to forget. The guilt washed over me even stronger, almost like a wound being torn even further apart.

How many times had my Dad travelled down this stretch? How many times had he been involved in police chases, and nothing had ever remotely happened? Yet, one journey, one stupid journey with his selfish brat of a Daughter had changed everything.

Flashes of that fateful day hit me like a tonne of bricks. I could hear my scream, see the truck hurtling toward us, almost in slow motion just like the cinemas, the look of terror on my Dad's face when he saw what was going to happen. I could hear my Dad yelling at me to talk to him as we had laid there in the mangled mess, trapped in our last few moments together. I could hear him telling me it was going to be ok. I had watched in agony, as the strong confident man I had always known, sat in agony beside me, gripping my hand, telling me over and over everything was going to be fine, when he clearly was struggling to hold on. His last words to me had been _'it's fine Bells, it's going to be fine'_. He had never once lied to me, but this had been one promise that he hadn't been able to keep.

I found myself wondering whether he truly had believed we were going to be fine, or was he just trying to reassure. I so badly wanted to believe that he had thought we were going to be fine, just like he said. I didn't want to think about the fact he knew he wasn't going to be. Because that meant, he knew he was about to leave me. Him possibly knowing he was about to leave me was more than I could possibly take.

I wanted badly to be angry with him, but I just couldn't bring myself to be. After all, he wasn't to blame. He had been the victim. The innocent bystander, doomed by his own Daughter's selfish, childish behaviour.

"Bella"? A strange yet oddly familiar voice called to me. "Bella is everything ok"?

I looked up to see the blond haired boy from last night looking at me. I must have looked a complete wreck. Tears pouring down my cheek, sat on the wet curbside.

"Ah". He suddenly stated, taking a seat beside, me, obviously having noticed the flowers by the street lamp. "You shouldn't be here alone Bells".

I cringed at the nickname Bells. It wasn't that I didn't like being called that, but I barely knew this boy enough for him to call me that. Immediately as I thought it, I felt terrible, here this guy was, trying to be nice, and I was berating him in my mind. It wasn't like he had to come sit with me, he could have ignored me.

"C'mon, sitting here isn't doing you any good".

At this point, he could have lead me into a lions den, and it really wouldn't have mattered to me. I knew I needed to get away from here, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. But with Mike, grasping my hand and towing on behind him, I couldn't refuse.

He dragged me to an old beat up blue car, gesturing for me to get in. Managing to follow his instructions, I sat into the passenger seat, my eyes never leaving the spot I had just been sat at, until mike drove away, and I could no longer see the real life version of what had been burned into my memory already.

"Where are we going"? I managed to mumble, though I wasn't really sure I cared.

"A few friends are having a party on the beach, I think you could use an unwind". He told me.

The idea of having the alcohol again, was incredibly tempting, but I knew how much trouble I had gotten Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose into last night. I couldn't repeat that for them. Beside drinking clearly hadn't solved anything beside give me a few moments of freedom and peace.

I told Mike I didn't want a drink, of which he simply shrugged, and said there would be plenty of soda available, and that I needed to try and have my mind taken off my problems. I knew there was little he could say or do that would work, but I didn't want to seem rude, especially after my earlier thoughts.

He finally pulled up alongside dozens of other cars, quickly leading the way down onto the beach where there was a bonfire in full blaze, the dark smoke spiralling up into the now dusky sky. I hadn't realized how late it had gotten, and I decided then I would stay for one soda then ask Mike for a ride home.

Most of the people sat around the bonfire were in couples, a few looked a little old for high school, and I surmised they were probably in college. I followed Mike a little further away from the bonfire, toward a more quieter spot, where there were a few well positioned rocks for us to sit on. We weren't far from the others, but far enough that I felt less surrounded.

"I'll go get us a soda". Mike told me, then quickly disappeared.

I was left staring out into the ocean, watching the waves break on the rocky sand. It was relaxing listening to the calm of the waves, only mildly annoying that the music from the not so distant party spoiling it. The salty sea air swept around me, brushing strands of hair out of the already messy bun and whisking them into an oblivion in the slight breeze.

"Here you go". A voice broke me out of my calming thoughts.

_**Ok so I thought this was good a place as any to sorta leave this for now. I didn't want to go any further really, and I still think that maybe that last bit was a little pointless, but meh lol. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please please please REVIEW guys!!!! Thank you :) :) :) :)**_


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_**WOW** you guys got me over 100 reviews **:)** thank you so so much for that! **Stained17**, **DancingwithEdward**, **Amelia**, **EcullenLover1**, **KiwiForEdward**, **4Kitty101**, **K1999**, **KLPetrey**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Edward Luva for Lyf**, **RedRoseBellaSwan** and **Bandeforever16** you guys are so amazing for review. Most of you every single chapter. I know I'm not the best at updates, but thank you for sticking with me, and I hope the next few chapters will repay you in full – yes I have **GREAT** things planned **:) :) :) :)**_

_Again, I would also like to thank all of you who added me and/or this story to your favourites and/or alerts list. It's very very much appreciated :)_

**A/N : **The road names I use later, are actual roads in Forks. I was sat looking at google maps trying to figure out which roads would the girls have used to go to Port Angles, but all I got was a massive headache from concentrating and trying to figure out exactly where the Cullen's house would be – of course it only came into my mind about half an hour after giving up, and just using any of the road names, that the Cullen house was fictional lol. Oops! :)

Chapter 15

**Edward's P.O.V**

I had no idea what possessed the girls to want to go camping. Rose and Alice rarely ever wanted to go camping. It was mainly something they left us guys to do, and when they wanted a vacation, it usually always involved a fancy hotel with a luxurious spa, a beach of some sort, and generally warmer weather.

I wasn't sure how I felt about being trapped in such close proximity with Bella for four days. At least here in the house I could avoid her as much as I needed, but when it was just the 6 of us, there would be no avoidance. Especially when Rose and Emmett, Jasper and Alice disappeared off on their own. Which lets face it, was inevitable.

I didn't have a problem with being left alone with Bella, if anything I looked forward to it. But being with her wasn't exactly helping me get over her. It was literally a never ending circle, whenever I thought I had grasped exactly how I was going to do it, something always happened to wreck that plan. I was beginning to think I just wasn't meant to get over her, I was meant to just love her from afar, torture myself daily.

It was killing me though, being so close yet, so far. It was like an untouchable dream, just out of reach of reality. It had come so close to fruition this morning when I had kissed her. It was almost as though I had died and gone to heaven, and it was only a mere kiss on the forehead. I was becoming like a drug addict, I had tasted something sweet and I wanted to taste more, I simply craved more.

Damn this girl was going to be the death of me.

As the girls left an hour or so later to go shopping, I tried my hardest to act normal, nonchalant, but I honestly think it just came across as me trying to avoid and ignore Bella. Even Emmett had furrowed his brow at my behaviour, but I quickly shrugged it off and tossed him the remote for the PS3, distracting him before he even had chance to get his brain into gear and start figuring things out.

After spending a few hours on the PS3 with Em and Jazz, I retreated to the music room that was situated next to my room. I had, had a melody stuck in my head for days now, ever since the night Bella had woken up screaming, and I was in dire need of getting it out. I had played for 5 hours straight, writing down the notes until I had complied a full song. I knew what, or rather who had been my inspiration, but I couldn't admit it, and left the title blank, as if that denied the truth.

As I left the room, I noticed Bella's room door was open. I had the sudden need to see her face. I also felt as though I had to make an effort, especially after practically ignoring her this morning as she left the house with Alice and Rose. As much as I felt at times I needed space, it wasn't her fault that I couldn't control myself. It was unfair of me to take it out on her.

I rattled my knuckles on her door, as I peeped into the room. There were a few shopping bags that had been carelessly dumped on the bed, too many for me to actually believe Alice hadn't forced most upon her. To be fair though, the pixie had done incredibly well, she hadn't yet filled Bella's closet, yet being the operative word. Though by the looks of the bags she was very close.

I listened for a few moments, trying to decipher whether she was in the bathroom or not, but after a few minutes of silence, it was evident she was not in here. I immediately headed toward the stairs, more eager than I wanted to admit to seeing Bella.

As I reached the living room I was overcome with the tenseness surrounding everyone. Both Alice and Rosalie were both showing their own classical signs of unease. Jasper was stood staring out of the window, whilst Emmett sat watching him, his brow furrowed. There was clearly something very wrong.

In my mind, I began checking off all the immediate worries that sprung to mind. Carlisle was at work, so unless there was something wrong with him, he was fine, Esme, where was Esme. And Bella, where was Bella. Panic struck me, something had happened to Bella and Esme was with her.

"Where are Mom and Bella"? I managed to choke out.

"Mom went grocery shopping about half an hour ago". Emmett answered me.

"And Bella"?

Alice for the first time looked at me. Her eyes full of regret and fear. My stomach flipped. Something had happened. Rose was biting her nails, something she rarely did unless there was something huge bothering her.

"Where's Bella"? I snapped.

"She's ok... I think". Alice answered me, her voice little more than a whisper.

"What do you mean _'you think'_, Alice. Where the fuck is she"?

I was really losing it now. Not only was no-one telling me where the love of my life was, but they didn't even know where she was. For the second time in less than 24 hours, Rose and Alice had yet again succeeded in losing her. Anger boiled beneath the surface of my skin. Fear bubbling just below that. How could either of my Sisters be so careless with someone so fragile, as Bella.

"Look Edward, we are not her keepers ok. None of us can keep her under lock and key twenty four seven. She wasn't feeling well in the car, and asked to get out. She wanted to walk home. We offered for one of us to stay, but she said she wanted to walk alone, have some space". Rose snapped back.

"Where did you drop her off"? I asked much more calmly.

"About a mile down the road from Newtons Outdoor store". Alice told me.

Ok so Newtons wasn't that far from here. I could understand them leaving her be if she told them to. I knew Rose was right when she said we couldn't keep her under lock and key, and there was probably no wonder she wasn't feeling well in the car. Her whole life had been messed up by what should have been a simple car ride.

Then it hit me. Exactly why Bella wasn't feeling well all of a sudden.

"Rose, which way did you drive home"?

"Um, the usual way, but we slipped off the 101 onto West Division Street then onto Bogachiel Way to avoid the traffic mounting at the crossroads".

"Oh Jesus. You do know why she got out before West Division Street don't you"? I asked, looking at my Sisters, though knowing they had no idea as to exactly Bella's problem. "She thought you were headed for the crossroads. That's where they had the accident".

Realization dawned on them. It all seemed to drop right into place. Alice's eyes immediately filled with tears, realizing how close they had been to making Bella face the very thing she was trying to so hard to forget. The fear she must have felt, thinking any minute she would be seeing the very place she longed to forget.

"I didn't know". Rose sobbed.

All my anguish at them poured away upon seeing how broken my 2 sisters were at the idea of what they had done. Of course they wouldn't know where the accident had been, Bella certainly wouldn't have told us, and the accident wasn't exactly hot topic. The only reason I knew was because I had driven through a week or so ago.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, searching for Bella's number and calling her. I needed to know she was ok, even if she still wanted to be on her own, I just needed to know.

Everyone watched me silently, as I listened to the ringing. With every ring, my nerves stood even more on end. Suddenly though, someone picked up, though no-one said anything. I called Bella's name into the phone but there was nothing. I could hear faint music in the back ground, and cheers from what sounded very similar to a beer chugging contest. I closed my phone, realizing Bella still wasn't out on the road.

"Well"? Emmett asked impatiently.

"Anyone know what parties are happening tonight"? I asked.

"There are none". Rose told me, almost confidently.

"Wasn't Lauren's older sister having a 'beach' party, for her and some college friends"? Jasper questioned.

I pointed at him, gesturing that he was right, before backing away and grabbing my car keys. Everyone followed me out to my car, Alice and Jasper climbing in with me, and Emmett and Rose jumped into Emmett's Jeep. I drove far quicker than usual, breaking every speed limit there was.

A drive that should have taken 20 minutes, lasted merely 10. I jumped out and ran around the back of the house, headed for the small beach that lead to the rivers edge.

Jasper had been right, there was a party, clearly meant to be a college party, it was far wilder than the usual high school ones we attended. We all separated off in different directions , hoping to spot her amongst the crowd.

I felt panicked, never before had I felt this unhinged. Images of what state I would find Bella in flipped through my mind, and all I could do was pray they would remain fears rather than truth. I was hoping against hope that I would find her just sat looking out into the water, or I'd even take her dancing with a college guy over finding her passed out like the night before. Not seeing her in the crowd, I began walking away, further up the beach in hopes she would be there.

It seems I got my wish. About 100 yards up the beach, I saw the figure of Mike Newton walking back toward me, a very limp looking Bella, being dragged by his side. Relief and another round of panic quickly washed over. Relief that I had found her, but panic that she looked anything but ok right now.

I dashed toward them, knocking Mike out of the way, and grasping Bella's shoulders. Immediately she slumped against me. This was not usual drunk behaviour. I shot my gaze up onto Mike, who looked at me sheepishly. You could see the faint bruises from our fight the night before grazing his cheek bones.

"What the fuck has she had to drink"? I hissed at him.

"Cullen, I swear, I was bringing her home right now". The worry in his voice was clear.

"I said what has she fucking had to fucking drink"? I was losing my cool with him now.

"A soda". He replied. "One of the college guys gave it to me, he said he'd put a bit of vodka in it to help loosen her up because she was so tense when we arrived".

Without really thinking, I laid Bella down on the sand, and stepped toward him. I was so ready to beat the living day lights out of him. He had purposely spiked her drink. As if getting her completely wasted the night before hadn't been enough, but he had spiked the drink tonight, but what was even worse, he had allowed someone else to do it for him, so God only knows what had been in the concoction.

"You spiked her drink? No you allowed some stupid college prick to do it"?

"I just wanted her to have a good time". Realization seemed to dawn on him.

"Well congratulations Mike. You've fucking failed. Now I suggest you get out of here and go find Emmett or Jasper and tell them where we are, before I kick you sorry fucking ass". I snapped, quickly turning my attention back to Bella.

I sat beside her, pulling her limp body into my lap. I couldn't smell any alcohol on her breath, so Mike must have been telling me the truth about only drinking the soda. But it was what was in the soda that worried me. We weren't talking high school pranks here, where the worst you really got was x amount of booze in your soda. We were talking college kids, who had access to a far wider range of drugs. It was clear what the college kid who had given the drink to Mike had in mind when he said it would loosen her up. Just the thought made my blood boil.

"Bella, baby can you hear me". I spoke softly in her ear, stroking her face gently, trying and hoping it would pull her around.

I tried a few more times, before she finally started stirring. She looked at me, her eyes not really focusing properly on me. She looked as though she was in a haze. This brought my biggest fear to the forefront of my mind. There had been some sort of drug in her drink.

"E...Edward. I do... don't feel so go...good". She stammered and slurred.

"I know baby I know, we're gonna try and make you feel better". I kissed her forehead again.

My stomach clenched with the love I felt for her. I was so angry that someone had deliberately tried to hurt her, and use her. I was worried about her in general. Worried whether we had got here in time, worried about how much of whatever drug she had been given, and how much she had, had. I was hurt, because she was hurting. I was relieved that I had her in my arms. And in a sick way, I was happy that she was with me now. But most of all, I was overcome with the feeling of love. It swarmed me, I just couldn't deny it. She felt so perfectly right here with me.

Never have I felt such overpowering feelings before. It was scary in a way, how I could love someone so much in just the short time I had known her. To feel so completely out of my depth, but quite happily drowning in all things Bella. I wondered if this was the way Carlisle felt about Esme or Emmett about Rose. Did Jasper feel anything close to this about Alice. For the first time in my life, I felt oddly whole.

If we hadn't been in the current predicament, I was sure I would have happily and freely claimed my love for her, here and now. It simply felt as though someone had flipped a switch inside my brain, causing me to be unable to deny my feelings any longer.

"Edward"! Jasper yelling my name, as he, Emmett, Rose and Alice ran toward us, broke me out of my thoughts.

"Is she ok"? Emmett asked, panting slightly as they reached us.

"We've gotta get her to hospital, she's been drugged". I answered, seeing the shock immediately flash onto my siblings faces.

"Bella... Bella, hey can you hear me Bells". Jasper knelt in front of us, tapping Bella's face every so lightly, trying to get her attention.

"Edward". She mumbled, her eyes fluttering gently.

"Yeah, I'm here". I whispered, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and resting my hand on her forehead, sweeping her hair from her face.

"Bells, can you tell me how you feel"? Jasper probed.

"Weird". She managed to mumble. "Tired". She seemed to clarify, though she needn't have since her eyes were drooping again.

"C'mon, we better get her to the ER". Jasper stated, helping me up from the ground with Bella still in my arms.

She leant further into me, her forehead residing in the side of my neck, breathing gently on my collar bone. It was sending shivers throughout my body, and I was struggling to remember how to put one foot in front of the other. She had my shirt fisted in her hand on my back, whilst the other rested in her lap.

"Too... much... moving". She suddenly stuttered out with a groan.

I stopped immediately. She was obviously feeling dizzy, and though the idea of her possibly throwing up because of it, seemed pretty good, I felt more desperation to get her to the car and to the ER. Gently moving her in my arms away from my body so that hopefully any movement she felt would be minimal. I explained in a hushed whisper that we had to get her to the ER to make her feel better. She simply mumbled in response.

"Alice, my key is in my right pocket". I told my Sister as we reached the cars.

Alice dug in my pocket, retrieving my key before unlocking the car and tossing the keys to Jasper. She pulled the back door open and I slid in with Bella still in my arms, shuffling he onto the seat beside me, but keeping her upper torso in my arms.

"I'm sor... sorry". Bella mumbled suddenly.

"This isn't your fault Bella". I whispered back.

"It... it is. Every... everything is". She replied though her words were slurred.

"No Bella. It isn't". I answered, though I doubt she heard any of it, as she had closed her eyes again and seemed to be dozing.

I was acutely aware of he breathing, listening for any change, no matter how minimal. I was scared to death that at any minute she would have a reaction to whatever it was that was coursing through her blood stream, and stop breathing. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life before.

I couldn't help but wonder why she thought everything was her fault. And what did she mean about everything. It wasn't her fault that her soda had been spiked. It wasn't her fault that she had trusted vile Mike Newton, though I would be talking to her about who she should and shouldn't trust. But it all came back to what she meant by everything.

"Rose is going to call Carlisle". Alice told me, as she held the phone to her ear. "Mom"... I heard her speak into the phone, but blanked the rest out as I put my focus back onto Bella.

Jasper's driving was as fast as my own had been, and we arrived in the hospital parking lot in what felt like no time at all. I flung the door open and lifted Bella out and began heading toward the entrance. Emmett and Rose ran to catch up with us.

Rose was gripping Emmett's hand and her cheeks were red and tear stained. It wasn't hard to realize she blamed herself for this, whether that be partially or fully. That and the fact she absolutely despised hospitals. Alice was being dragged along by Jasper, chewing on her thumb. Again the guilt she felt evident on her face.

What was it with the women in my life blaming themselves for things.

Carlisle was stood just outside the entrance waiting for us, a worried look on his face. That worry grew even more as soon as he spotted the limp Bella in my arms. He directed my siblings to the family waiting room, and lead me into the main ER, gesturing for me to put her down onto the bed. Another Doctor stepped in and began checking Bella over. My eyes never leaving anything he did.

"Son... Edward. Tell me what happened". Carlisle pushed me back from the bed a little, trying to get my attention.

"Ah... Bella went shopping with the girls. Rose said on the way home, Bella said she felt ill and wanted to walk the rest of the way. They both offered to stay with her, but she told them no. they didn't know the reason she felt ill was because they were close to"... I for some reason couldn't bring myself to say it.

"I know, I got that much from Rose. The party though Edward".

"Um, I found her, Mike Newton was dragging her back up the beach. He said she'd just had a soda, but one of the college kids gave it to him, saying there was only meant to be vodka in it, to loosen her up". I reeled off to him, my eyes never leaving Bella.

"Ok, go to the waiting room, I'll be in, in a few minutes". He told me, grasping my shoulders and gently pushing me through the door.

I walked toward the waiting room my Brothers and Sisters were currently occupying. As soon as I walked in the door, Alice flung herself into my arms, asking how Bella was. I simply mumbled that the Doctor was still assessing her. She nodded gently, then went to stand with Jasper who was watching out of the window. Rose was sat next to Emmett, tears profusely gliding down her cheeks.

I walked over to my heartbroken Sister, kneeling before her and cupping her face in my hands. She looked directly at me, her eyes filled with the yet unshed tears.

"This is not your fault Rose". I told her.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't know, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near if"... She began blubbering as she dove into my arms.

Emmett looked at me worriedly, as he stroked Rosalie's back gently. Rosalie like Bella, seemed to blame herself for things she had no control over. I surmised it all came from the days where both she and Jasper were told they were useless and at fault by their parents. Rose may come off as a hard ass, someone who oozed confidence, but it was all an act. Of course she had confidence in certain aspects, but not when it came to things like this.

"Rose, none of this is your fault. Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong ok". I pushed her back slightly into Emmett's arms so I could see her face.

She nodded gently, though I was sure she was still doubting herself. I stood up from my crouch and began pacing the room, waiting for Carlisle to come in and give us some news. I could only imagine the things they were doing, treatment wise. Pumping her stomach, antidotes, needles puncturing her skin here there and everywhere. I could imagine the pain she would feel when she came round and realized she was back in the same place where her whole life had tumbled down around her ears. I wondered when she would ever catch a break.

Alice took a place beside Rose, both girls trying to comfort each other. Jasper still hadn't moved from his spot by the window, and Emmett had gone outside to call Esme and make sure she was ok. I could only imagine the state Esme would be in driving here. Bella had quickly become one of her children, and the panic she must be feeling right now, knowing one of her _'babies'_ needed her must be mounting.

Suddenly the door flung open, revealing Esme looking panicked and pale, with Emmett just behind her. Both Rose and Alice dashed forward into her arms where Esme immediately began mothering them. She looked at me, silently asking for any news, and I shook my head. Esme led the girls to the seats, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around them both. She called Jasper's name and held her hand out for him to hold as me and Emmett continued pacing the room.

I was beginning to feel on edge, surely we should have had some news by now. With every minute that passed, I declared to myself that if Carlisle hadn't made an appearance within the the next minute I would go and find him. But a minute would roll quickly by and I still continued pacing. I was more scared about what he would say that I wanted to believe.

What if we hadn't gotten to her before any serious damage had been done? What if she was seriously ill? My mind filled with what if's, the whole time each idea getting more and more absurd, ranging from brain damage to death.

"Carlisle, how is she"? Esme darted out her seat.

I had been that consumed by my thoughts that I hadn't even heard my Dad enter the room. We all eagerly surrounded him, waiting with bated breath for the news. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Fear pumping through my blood stream, worried that he was going to say something I didn't want to hear.

"She's going to be fine, give or take a day". He told us and I felt myself ultimately relax.

"So what was in the drink"? Esme asked.

"Rohypnol". He sighed, sitting down beside Esme.

"What's Rohypnol"? Alice asked.

"It's what people call a roofie or date rape drug. It's used to incapacitate the victim like a sort of sedative or hypnotic, meaning the victim can't fully grasp the situation or put up resistance".

I had known some sort of drug had been put in Bella's drink, but hearing my thoughts confirmed made my blood boil. I wanted badly to go after Mike Newton, then go after the bastard who had given him the drink in the first place. Fortunately for Mike, he would live to see another day, because right now, I wasn't willing to go anywhere, but once Bella was home and safe, then that would be another matter.

Carlisle went on to explain the treatment Bella had, had. I listened half heartedly simply wanting to go to her. Alice kept eyeing me from the corner of the room, almost knowingly. For once though, I couldn't have cared less. I was tired of denying, she always could read me easily.

Carlisle explained that Bella was sleeping it off and had a drip to keep her hydrated throughout the night, and would simply wake up feeling as though she had the mother of all hangovers. She would all being well be allowed home the following morning, which I assumed was more to do with the fact that Carlisle was a Doctor and able to keep an eye on her, rather than due to the fact she would be back to full health.

An hour or so later, we all crept into Bella's room in small groups, to see with our own eyes that she was indeed going to be fine. When we had all seen her, both Carlisle and Esme began trying to herd us out of the hospital. Though Carlisle was working throughout the night, I didn't like the idea that Bella was going to be alone. I declared I would stay with her in case she woke. After all she probably had no idea where she was right now, probably not even remembering us arriving at the party.

Both my parents looked unsure of leaving me, but quickly gave in after Emmett thankfully agreed that Bella shouldn't be left, and that he and Rose would come by in the morning to sit with her so I could go home. I happily agreed, but knew when the time came, I wouldn't leave until she did.

I stood with Carlisle watching our family head home, before we stepped back into the hospital. My Dad told me I knew where to find him if I needed anything, and that he would be coming to check on us every so often. He smiled at me oddly, almost as though he knew the real reason as to why I was staying. But before I could think further, his beeper went off and he dashed away.

Surely my feelings for Bella weren't _that_ obvious, well yet anyway.

I went into Bella's room, finding her still sleeping peacefully. I sat heavily in the chair next to the bed, and reached for her hand, gripping it tightly in my own, sighing at how perfect it fit. How perfect it felt.

There was no point in denying my feelings further, no point in trying to get over her. It wasn't going to happen, I was in far too deep now. Maybe I always had been, and not realized. I didn't care though. Of course she wouldn't find out, couldn't find out. But still I was determined, to be with her, whether she thought it was me just being a friend or not. I needed to be with her, in whatever capacity she would allow me to be.

Bella, _my_ Bella.

_**Oh so what do you think. I hope you liked this. It was pretty hard to write without just rushing to the good bits lol. I really am just so impatient lol. Anyways PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me a review. I do love getting them. THANK YOU in advance :)**_


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer : Own nothing except my own private obsession with Twilight and of course the Greek God that is Robert Pattinson lol

_I would just like to dedicate this chapter to all those who review for me. There's an extra little surprise right at the end for you guys – no sneak peaks though lol. To **KK1999**, **KiwiforEdward**, **Earth-fairy2006**, **4Kitty101**, **Ecullenlover1**, **MotherDuckatSchool**, **Bandforever16**, **Aster day Astar**, **Bitte-D'amour**, **KLPetrey**, **Edward Luva For Lyf**, **Casey Mai**, **XxZeroXxSacrificeXx** – you guys all deserve this chapter and much more. Thank you so much for your reviews and constant support **:) :) :) :)**_

_Also another thank you to those who add this story or me to your favourites and alerts lists. Thank you!_

**A/N** : The _Italics_ are the dream Bella is having

**Chapter 16**

**Bella's P.O.V**

_The room was completely dark except for the sliver of light that came from an open doorway. I strode toward it, wanting to know why I was suddenly in the dark. As I stepped into the light, I blinked furiously a few times, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the brightness. _

_A woman with dirty blond hair sat at the far end of the brightly lit room. She was impatiently flipping through a magazine, pulling faces when she saw something she clearly didn't like. Upon hearing me, she snapped her head up and sighed heavily, throwing the magazine onto the seat beside her. _

"_Take your time Isabella, it's not like I haven't got anything better to do". She snapped at me viciously._

"_I'm sorry". I whimpered. _

"_Oh stop, they are two words that won't fix anything". Her voice was harsh, uncaring. "Why should I be surprised really. You care for no-one but yourself". She muttered. _

"_I... I don't understand". _

_I was confused. Who was she, and what was she talking about? I didn't know her, but she was being so bitter toward me. _

"_Of course you don't, you don't think about anyone long enough to realize what's going on". She huffed. "Every day I thank God that I left you". _

_She left me? It all seemed to click into place. This was my Mom. The Mom I had never had chance to know, the Mom who had abandoned me. The very one, who had just upped and left without a word, without a care. The one who I never cared about, but the one whom I wished I knew about. I always had wondered what her motivation for leaving was. _

"_You see, if I had stayed, then maybe you would have killed me too". She said almost nonchalantly. "Ironic really, the child Charlie always wanted, turned out to be the very child that would kill him". _

_Killed him? She was talking about me. She knew, she knew it had been my fault. _

"_I never wanted you Isabella. If I'm truthful, I never wanted Charlie either. It was the uniform that won me over. I mean what girl doesn't like a man in uniform? But Charlie, he was small town, never had an aspirations for the future, wanting to settle down, have a big family. It was quite sickening really, real all American stuff". The bitter tone only grew in her voice. "You truly were the biggest mistake of my life. A complete accident. But he, well he was over the moon. Half way there to completing his dream. Not me though. I tried to believe his life was the one I wanted, but I was denying myself. You took away my freedom"._

_She looked bored, as though she didn't want to be here, telling me all this. Like she was being forced. _

"_You hadn't even been around a year, and you had stole all my happiness from me. Charlie worked all the time, leaving me with you. All you did was cry and demand attention. You were so selfish. I'd had enough of you. So I left. Best thing I've ever done. I tried to warn Charlie you weren't worth it. But he was blinded by you. Stupid fool. Look where it's gotten him". Every word seemed filled with hate. "And now, you've moved onto another innocent family, whose lives you'll wreck just as easily. I wonder how many you'll need to hurt before they see you for what you truly are Isabella". _

"_I didn't mean to hurt Charlie". I wept. _

"_You did hurt him though Isabella. You did. You killed the only person who was stupid enough to love you. Whose going to be next huh? Carlisle, the man crazy enough to offer you a home? Esme, the Mom you always wished I had been? Jasper or Emmett the Brothers you never had? Alice and Rosalie, the friends you'd always wished for? Or is it going to be Edward, the one you've fallen for? My bets going on Edward, it's easier to hurt him the most, and that seems your style". _

"_No, no I won't hurt any of them". I answered weakly, tears streaming down my cheeks. _

"_You will though Isabella, you will. For as soon as they find out you killed Charlie, that's the opening of the wound right there". Her voice faded out. _

"_No". I replied. _

_**End dream**_

I woke, but my eyes remained closed. My head ached, more so than earlier when I had a drink induced hang over. The room was bright, I could tell that much through my closed eyes. I felt numb, odd. The noises around me and the smell, the oh so sickening smell, made it quite obvious I was in hospital, and the lumpy mattress of a typical hospital bed, hinted even further.

I fought throw the fogginess of my mind, trying to remember what I had done to cause myself to end up in here again. I fought and fought, but the last thing I could clearly remember was Mike Newton giving me a soda. Why couldn't I remember any more? Had I been hurt? I tried to feel for any pain I felt, but there was none, other than the banging in my head. All my limbs seemed to be in tact, though one of my hands felt warmer than the other, heavier somehow.

I focused my thoughts onto my left hand, trying to figure out why it felt different to my right. It felt nice though, whatever it was, it made me feel protected. It felt like when my Dad used to hold my hand when I was little, but only this felt more akin to something else. It was then I realized, it was someone holding my hand. Involuntarily, my fingers twitched, gripping the hand my own was entwined with.

"Bella... Bella, can you hear me". A voice, filled with panic immediately filled the silent void.

I forced my eyes open, only to be met by the sparkling emerald green ones of Edward. He looked pale, tired, and worried. His clothes were creased and his hair dishevelled like he had run his fingers through it nervously a hundred times. Yet there was a look of pure relief crossing his features suddenly.

"How do you feel"? He asked me softly, though I was still very aware that he had yet to let go of my hand.

I thought over his words for a few minutes, trying to decipher how I felt. Physically I felt pretty ok, obviously no broken bones, which was always a good sign for me. My head hurt, and my stomach seemed to be churning away. The churning was not a good churning though. I sucked in a few breaths, trying to calm the sickness that was slowly rising in my stomach.

"I... I think... I need to be sick". I muttered, looking around panicked for somewhere to throw up.

Within a blink of an eye, Edward had me off the bed and carried me quickly and smoothly to the small bathroom that was adjoined to the room I was currently in. I managed to make it to the toilet in time, where whatever it was that had been in my stomach successfully came up. Edward sat beside me the whole time, rubbing gentle circles on my back, as I wretched.

It was not something I particularly wanted him to witness, but right now, I didn't have the energy to tell him otherwise. He passed me a glass of water, allowing me to swill the acidic taste from my mouth before helping me stand and get back into bed.

"I'm just gonna go get my Dad, if you need to be sick again, there's a bowl right here". He told me, gesturing toward the cardboard bowl on the beside cabinet.

He disappeared from the room, leaving me to my thoughts. It hadn't been so long ago that I was laid out on a similar bed. Though last times had been far worse, both injury wise, and other. Just thinking about my Dad, brought the dream or whatever the hell it was to the forefront of my mind.

I didn't want to be in here. Memories from my last visit haunted me. I half expected Carlisle to come in with Edward with more bad news for me. Though I guess after loosing everything already, there wasn't much else I had left to lose. I wanted out of here badly though, I didn't want to be in here.

"Bella". Carlisle's voice broke me from my thoughts quickly. He too had the same look of relief crossing his face like Edward had. "How are you feeling"?

"Better now I've been sick. But my head is banging". I replied.

"I'll get you something for the headache in a few minutes". He nodded almost in understanding. "Bella, can you tell me what happened, what you um, remember"?

He sat on the chair beside my bed, looking at with encouragement and patience. It was almost as though I could tell him anything and he wouldn't dream of getting mad with me. I wondered if he would get mad if I told him I was the prime reason Charlie wasn't here now.

"I um, I remember getting out of the car and making the girls leave me". I told him. I needed to make sure he knew none of this was there fault. He nodded at me to continue. "And I was just um, sat there. Then Mike... Mike Newton came up, and told me that I shouldn't be there alone, and that just sitting there wasn't doing me any good". I told them. "I asked him where we were going, and he said there was a party, and that I needed to unwind. We ah... we got to the party and went a little further up the beach. He said he was going to get us a soda. He came back with a bottle of soda... and that's it I think".

"Ok, that's good". Carlisle encouraged. "Do you remember drinking the soda"?

"I um, remember starting to, I don't know whether I finished it or not". I replied hesitantly.

Edward was stood at the end of my bed, gripping the bar, his knuckles turning white. His face was stone cold, his eyes furious and his jaw clenched tightly, the muscles twitching involuntarily. He was mad about something, but I couldn't think what. I hated that he was angry at me. Edward was probably the last person on this Earth I wanted to hate me right now.

"Why am I in here"? I asked, embarrassed at not even knowing my own predicament.

"Newton slipped drugs into your drink". Edward hissed.

"Edward". Carlisle chastised, turning and glaring at his Son.

"Wha... Why? Why would he do that"? Tears sprung in my eyes.

The look of pure fury on Edward's face was answer enough. Mike had drugged me so I would sleep with him. God I felt so dumb. I really shouldn't have been surprised. I was the new girl in the small quaint town. Of course all the players in the High School would be gunning to be the first to have their way with me. Why did I think Mike would be any different, just because he said he knew how I felt. The whole thing about him losing his Dad was probably just a line. A clever one, I'd give him that, because let's face it, it worked.

"When can I go home"? I asked.

It was obvious no-one needed to clarify exactly what happened now, and I don't think I wanted to know everything. I was just grateful to whoever it was that had found me in time. All I wanted was to go home, or rather back to the Cullen's and hide from the world and pretend like none of this never happened. I also needed to get out of here, I could feel my nerves standing on end, one at a time with every passing minute.

"It's going to be another few hours I'm afraid Bella. We need to be sure all the drugs are out of your system". Carlisle answered sympathetically.

He told me he was going to send a nurse in with some pain medication for me headache, but he had to get back to work and if I needed anything I was to get the nurse to page him. I nodded, knowing I wouldn't have anyone page him, I had troubled him far too much for tonight.

Edward was still stood at the end of the bed. Though he had lessened his grip, and he now looked more hurt than anything. I wanted to apologize, to say something, anything to him, that would make him stop being mad with me. I felt as though I had let him down. And that hurt me more than it did knowing I had let Carlisle or Esme down.

"I... I'm so... sor"... I began, just needing to apologize, to fill the silent void between us.

"No Bella no". Edward's face dropped even further. He looked as though I had just broke his heart in two. "You, you have nothing to apologize for". He told me stepping to the side of the bed, and sitting in the chair Carlisle had previously occupied.

"I do. I shouldn't"... I began again.

"Bella stop. You did nothing wrong. I should have told the girls this morning not to go near the crossroads, I should have warned you to stay away from Mike. I know what he's like. Damn Bella, we're not taking very good care of you are we". He chuckled nervously.

The nurse came in then to give me the pain relief. Edward looked at me, the pain still very much clear on his face. He was absolutely ridiculous if he thought any of this was his fault. He was the most innocent out of the 2 of us. I found it odd, that he could so easily take the blame onto himself.

"Just promise me Bella, that next time, you feel... overwhelmed... you'll tell one of us. You scared the shit out us, out of me". He told me once the nurse had left us alone again.

"I'm sorry". I muttered.

Nothing else was said between us. I began dozing again as the medication worked its way through my system. I was vaguely aware of Edward holding my hand, drawing lazy circles with his thumb on my pulse point. It was odd that he was holding my hand, but at the same time, it felt so perfect. Like my hand belonged in his.

This time as I fell into slumber, I dreamt that we were walking into school together, my hand securely encased in his. Instead of everyone looking at me like I was the new school freak, they were looking at me in envy. Envious of the man whose hand had trapped mine in his. Who looked at me with such love and conviction in his eyes. He would kiss me affectionately, yet passionately whenever we had to separate for classes, and he would be stood waiting for me outside as soon as the bell rang.

The next time I woke up, I was surrounded by everyone. They were all talking in quite voices to each other, clearly not wanting to wake me. I stole a glance at Edward, who was still sat beside me, though no longer had my hand in his. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed by that, but then I noticed his arm resting on the mattress beside me, his hand maybe 2 inches at the most away from my own.

I made my woken presence be known, the last thing I wanted was to be caught ogling Edward by his family, or even worse him. Questions were thrown at me left, right and centre, and I tried to answer them all. Thankfully though, none asked me or spoke of the previous night. It was almost as though I had fallen asleep in the living room back at the house and they had just continued with whatever it was they had been doing.

Carlisle informed me that I was now able to go home. I just had to drink plenty of water to rehydrate my body and flush any remnants that had were still left in my body. I was left alone for a few minutes to get dressed into the jeans and sweater Alice had thankfully brought me. When she had announced she had brought me some clothes, I had inwardly groaned, expecting it to be a dress of some sort.

The journey home was silent, of which I was grateful. Though the pain killers had worked, there was still a slight head ache left, but didn't say anything, not wanting to be detained in the hospital further, or worry anyone. Alice was sat in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes with me, but I couldn't help but wish it had been Edward. How I wished my dream from earlier could come true. Alice excitedly told me that we were still going camping, but we had just postponed it by a day.

I felt awful that I had ruined their plans. Not only had I probably ruined their whole summer by coming to live with them, but I also managed to ruin the trip they had planned, and had bothered to include me in. Not only had I managed to wreck my own life, but I was ruining other peoples too.

When we reached the house, I escaped upstairs, claiming I was tired and going to have a lay down. I did lay down, but sleep didn't come. I had too much running through my mind, like how I was nothing but a burden on the Cullen's. With a sigh, I closed my eyes, letting my thoughts take over.

"_And now, you've moved onto another innocent family, whose lives you'll wreck just as easily. I wonder how many you'll need to hurt before they see you for what you truly are Isabella". _

God my '_dream Mom_' was right. I was wrecking their lives. They were probably so content with their lives before I came along. I had ruined my Dad's life, and my own, and now, just like _'dream Mom_' said, I was ruining there's.

Making a snap decision, I dove up off my bed, dashing into the closet, and grabbing the first bag I could find and tossing it toward my bed, before grabbing an arm full of clothes. I began stuffing them carelessly into the bag, before going back and getting another arm full and began shoving them in the bag.

"Bella, do you want"... A voice spoke, followed by a gentle knock as the door swung open. "What are you doing"?

"Um, I... I just thought I'd get a head start on packing for the camping trip". I lied.

Anyone with half a brain could usually tell when I was lying. I had never been a good liar, never being able to think quick enough to keep up with the lie itself. That and the fact I involuntarily fidgeted and bit my lip in apprehension.

"Try again Bella, and be more convincing". Edward replied.

"I don't belong here". I muttered, fastening the zip on my bag.

"Says who"? He stepped closer to me, closing the bedroom door behind him.

"Me". I snapped back. "I don't want to ruin anything, I have to leave".

"Whoa, whoa, who said anything about ruining anything"?

"Just trust me Edward, I'm not good for this family". I stepped toward him, aiming for the door.

"No Bella, you're not good for this family... your about perfect for this family... our family". He blocked my path.

"No". I shook my head. "Just please let me leave". I whimpered, trying to get him to move.

"Bella, like it or not, you're apart of this family now. You can't just walk out on us, walk out on me". He told me sternly.

"It's better this way".

"Better for who, huh Bella. The way I see it, it isn't better for anyone, least of all me. I love having you around, and I won't let you just walk out of my life". He gripped my shoulders. "I need you". He whispered.

"No". I wept, tears pouring down my cheeks. He was just making this harder for me to do, but no matter what, I had to leave. Edward of all people could never know what I had done.

"Yes". He demanded, crashing his lips suddenly onto mine.

**Woop woop Edward kissed Bella lol. About time don't you think lol. No promises though that this will be the start of something. Who knows lol. Hope you enjoyed it, please leave me a review, I would be sooo grateful :) :) :) :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there! Can't sue me even if you tried.

_Right I am soooo sorry guys for not updating in weeks. I've been on my jollies, but had planned to update just before I went, but my internet company decided they wanted to be jerks and my whole streets internet went down, and then once I got back, work has been hectic. So I do apologize, and hope you can forgive me :)_

_So without further ado, another massive thanks goes to **KiwiforEdward**, **Earth-fairy 2006**, **Aimee is ace**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Bandeforever16**, **Gottverdammit**, **Klpetrey**, **XxZeroXxSacrificeXx**, **Ilovetwilgihtforever21**, **Dazzlepire**, **PurpleScorpion**, **Edward Luva for Lyf**, **EdwardBellaNessie**, **4Kitty101**, **(Bella)Twilightknight** and **DA94** thank you so much guys for taking the time to review **:) :) :) :) :) :) :)**_

_Another big thanks to those who added me this story to your alerts and/or favourites. Cheers you guys!_

Chapter 17

**Edward P.O.V**

Holy crap, I was kissing Bella. It was like all my dreams had come true at once. In all the times I had imagined our first kiss, this was far from it. No the first time, I had imagined it to be far more romantic. Of course she would kind of be expecting it, and wanting it just as much as me.

The moment I had seen her packing her bag, panic had swept through me. She was planning on leaving us... me. I couldn't let that happen, I needed her too damn much. She couldn't just walk right out of my life. Even if my love for her always remained unrequited, I still wanted and needed her around.

There was something though, something I wasn't sure of, that was making her feel the need to run. Had she remembered more of last night? Had she figured out my feelings for her and couldn't bear to be around me. I prayed it wasn't the latter, because if it was, she would probably want to run even more after this.

By no means was I wanting to sound cliché, but the kiss, was mind blowing, Earth shattering. It took a few seconds, but she did slowly respond. My hands which had previously been holding her shoulders, were now caressing her neck and one thumb brushing along her jaw. I felt her hands clutching onto my t shirt, almost pulling me further into her. She tasted amazing.

I'd kissed a few fair few amount of girls, but honestly never had ever tasted as good as Bella did. Maybe it was the love I had for her without the need to be physical that pronounced this, but I didn't care. Bella was by far the best. I swiped my tongue across her lower lip, and she elicited a moan, before giving me complete access to her mouth. I stroked her velvety tongue with my own, savouring every second.

I think if possible, I fell even further in love with her right then. The idea of ever kissing someone else, just, couldn't compare. I would happily never kiss another living soul, after this. Of course, I was rather hoping that I would be able to kiss Bella more than this once. God I wanted to kiss her endlessly. I didn't want it to end.

I had become too wrapped up in this to realize that maybe this wasn't what Bella wanted. Maybe I was over stepping my boundaries. I slowed the kiss down, pulling away for less than a second before placing little chaste kisses on her lips. The last thing I wanted to do was just pull away and allow her chance to think I was pulling away thinking I was making a mistake. If this was a mistake, then hell it was my best mistake ever.

I couldn't pull away though, I needed to be touching her in some way. I rested my forehead against hers, watching, waiting for her to look at me. Her eyes remained closed, but her mouth was still agape slightly. I smiled, hoping she found that kiss as amazing as I had.

"Ed... Edward". She began.

"Shh... Shh". I told her, silencing her with another chaste kiss. "I really like you Bella. Hell I think I love you. I know, I know this is too much for you right now, and I want you to know, that I know this. But I don't ever want you thinking you don't belong with us, because damn Bella, you do. You belong with me". I desperately needed her to understand this.

"Please don't say that Edward". She mumbled, as a lone tear streaked down her face.

"Why not Bella It's one hundred per cent the truth".

"You don't understand". She told me.

"Then please explain it to me Bella. I want to understand. I want to help you through this. I want to be here for you". I hoped I sounded more sincere than desperate.

"I can't. It's best you don't know. I already hate myself so much, I don't think I can stand you hating me too".

"Bella". I placed both of my hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look at me, as I placed a kiss softly on her lips. "Trust me, nothing you can tell me, will make me love you less. I need you to believe this". Tears pooled in her eyes. "You don't have to tell me now, but just know, I am here, ready for you any time. I could never hate you Bells, never".

She nodded once in my hands. I pulled her into me, kissing her forehead as I hugged her tight. The way her body moulded against mine, made me feel as though we had each been made with the other in mind. I wondered if this was how Carlisle felt when he held Esme. Or did Jasper feel the overwhelming power of love when he kissed Alice. Or did Emmett feel the need to shelter everything life threw at he and Rosalie the way I currently felt toward Bella.

I reminded myself to talk to Esme and Carlisle about our current situation. Whether Bella and I pursued anything in the future, was regardless. My parents deserved to know what was going on under their own roof. I hoped and prayed that they would understand, and trust me not to misuse their trust, or Bella's for that matter. I couldn't honestly see them having too much of a problem with it, since they had seemed accepting enough of Emmett and Rose, and Jasper and Alice.

"Ok, so can we unpack your bag? Or do I have to go pack my own"? I asked her, trying to make it clear to her that if she was still intent on leaving, then I would be going with her.

She sighed and nodded once. I placed her hand back in mine, not wanting to loose contact with her skin in anyway, and lead her back to the bed. I gently ushered her into a seat as I began pulling the hastily thrown in clothes out of the bag and folding them on the bed beside her.

"Where were you planning on going anyway"? I asked curiously.

She simply shrugged in response, continuing to watch me as I pulled every item out of the bag. Just seeing what she had packed, made me realize this hadn't been planned. She hadn't packed any money, socks or even underwear. It had all been in a blind panic, and it had something to do with us not finding out something about her. Something that she thought would make us hate her. I made myself another mental note to talk to Carlisle about this. He had to know what was going on, and to know that Bella was currently a flight risk. I especially didn't want to wake up one morning and find her gone.

As I pulled the last pair of jeans out the bag, I watched Bella as she stifled a yawn. I laughed inwardly. The girl barely slept, yet she somehow found the need to hide her tiredness and fight it. Tossing the bag to the floor, I knelt down and slipped her sneakers off, before lifting her legs and swinging them up onto the bed.

"You need to rest Bells". I told her.

Without being asked, I picked up the pile of clothes and walked into her closet and began putting them away for her. If anything it was to give myself a minute from her sight to collect myself. That kiss had thrown me, in a good way of course. But I worried that I had pushed too early. I sucked in a deep breath before returning to her. She had shimmied herself under the quilt and her eyes were closed.

I stood in the doorway of her closet watching her. She looked so beautiful, so serene. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to watch her sleep. It was nice to finally see her at least slightly peaceful. It was amazing what sleep could do for you. Realizing I was watching her much like a stalker would, I shook myself out of my reverie and walked over to the window, trying to silently close the curtains.

Once the curtains were closed, I headed to the door, but not before feeling the need to tuck her further in. I pulled the sheet further round her, fighting the urge to kiss her again. Allowing myself the small pleasure I leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead. I knew I lingered much longer than I should, but I couldn't care less.

"Stay". She whispered, grabbing my arm as I turned to walk away.

I didn't need to be told twice. Without letting go of her hand, I climbed over her on the bed and laid by her side, tugging her hand so that she rolled into my chest. I leant in and kissed her forehead again, desperate to kiss her soft lips, but not wanting to push her any further. I had probably already scared the shit out of her once today, there was no need to push my luck further.

"I'm sorry for yesterday". She mumbled into my chest.

"It wasn't your fault Bella, you've got to stop blaming yourself". I answered.

What was it with this girl and blaming herself for everything. It wasn't like she asked Mike to get her a spiked drink. If there was one thing I was going to do, to achieve with her, it was to get her to stop blaming herself for every little thing that went wrong. I was determined.

"It is. I should have just told the girls why I needed to get out of the car. I shouldn't have gone with Mike".

"Bella. The girls understand why you couldn't tell them. And you weren't to know that Mike couldn't be trusted. Please don't blame yourself". I whispered into her hairline.

"I'm still sorry". She defiantly retorted, and I sighed, knowing no matter what I said, she would still apologize. "Edward"?

"Hmm".

"What happened last night? I mean I only remember so much".

"Um, well the girls came home, and we figured out why you'd gotten out. So I tried calling you. You or someone picked up but didn't speak, but I could hear music. So we figured out where you were, and came for you. I spotted you being dragged up the beach by Newton, and took you from him and made him go get the others. Then we just took you to the hospital". I told her.

"You stayed"? It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes". I answered, unashamed.

"Thank you". She said quietly, and I knew sleep was over taking her body.

"Any time Bella, any time". I smiled.

When I was sure she was asleep, deep enough for my movement not to jostle her awake, I slid of the bed, hating how cold my side felt not having her beside me. I vowed to myself I would return, but for now, I really needed to talk to Carlisle and Esme. I needed to be honest with them and I also needed to tell them of my theories about Bella.

I glanced one last time at my gorgeous girl before slipping from the room. It didn't escape my attention that I had just referred to Bella as _my girl_ but that was precisely what I wanted her to be. I wanted her to be mine. And all I hoped was that one day she would be. Never have I wanted anything more.

I headed down to the kitchen, following the smell of dinner cooking. I knew I would find Esme there at the very least, and all I could hope for was that Carlisle too would be present. I didn't really want to draw my siblings attention to my predicament right now, for one the endless teasing, I was sure would make Bella uncomfortable, and right now, my main concern was that she was comfortable.

"Mom". I stated, grasping her attention.

Thankfully Carlisle was sat at the counter with a glass of wine, obviously having been talking to Esme. Both looked up at me curiously as I walked in, taking a seat opposite Carlisle and so that I was also facing Esme too. God telling them this was going to be about as uncomfortable as having the sex education talk sat beside the very immature Emmett and the always curious Alice.

That had been the one time I remember clearly wishing I had been an only child. As if _'the talk' _wasn't awkward enough, but sitting beside Emmett who constantly was stating how grossed out he was, and Alice only prolonging it by her never ending questions, I had wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

"Is everything ok Son"? Carlisle asked curiously.

"Um, define ok"? I sighed, seeing them both quickly glance at each other, confused. "Ok, so I need to talk to you guys about something... about two things actually".

"Edward, honey, you know you can tell us anything". Esme sat beside Carlisle, looking slightly worried about what I was about to tell them.

I could imagine what was running through Esme's mind right now. It ranged from me getting someone pregnant, which had always been a big worry for her, I doubted I would be exaggerating if she thought on more than one occasion to take both me, Jazz and Emmett for a vasectomy. Of course I knew she wanted to be a Grandmother one day, just not before either of us were twenty one and in a secure relationship. Or she thought I had just wrecked one of her priceless antiques, or even my car. Boy this was harder than I thought. Maybe I should have talked to Jazz first on how he did this.

"Ok. So the thing is, I like Bella, as in really like Bella". Like ripping off a band aid, only I wasn't so sure how bad the sting was going to be once they'd said their piece.

I hadn't actually given much thought into what I was going to do if they didn't approve. It wasn't as though I could just turn my feelings off for her just because they didn't want us to date or whatever it was we would be doing. Hell I didn't even know whether I needed to be having this conversation. I had probably gone through the hassle of this, only for Bella to tell me she didn't like me more than a friend. God I was doing this all wrong.

I looked at my parents, only seeing a look of amusement on their faces. I couldn't grasp what was so funny. For me, this was the least funniest situation I could imagine right now. It was like they were sharing some inside joke at my expense.

"Thank you for coming and telling us Edward. We appreciate your honesty with us". Carlisle began to tell me.

"But honey, we already knew". Esme dropped the bomb.

"You already knew? How? When? How? Huh". I was baffled.

"I had an inkling the moment we walked in the door with her, but you simply confirmed my thoughts when you brought her bag to her room, and every moment you've had with her since it becomes more and more obvious". Esme beamed at me.

"And you're not mad"? I asked, wanting clarification.

"No Son, we aren't mad. You came to us, we can't be mad with you when you're being honest with us". Carlisle told me, a small smirk playing on his lips.

This response was not the one I had been expecting. But then again, I wasn't sure what I had been expecting as their response. And I certainly didn't know whether I would have preferred another either.

"But"? I knew he was holding something back.

"We know you can't help who you fall for Edward. And we don't expect you to. But you need to be extremely careful. Bella is, well for lack of a better phrase, she isn't in the best of places right now to be even considering a relationship". Esme told me softly.

"We aren't saying no to pursuing anything with her. And obviously that is only to happen if she wants and feels the same, but all we ask is that you be careful. Bella isn't like every other 16 year old right now. She's just suffered a huge amount of loss, and you need to be prepared for the long haul. And well if you don't think you can, then you don't at all". Carlisle added.

"I want to be there for her. I need to be". I whispered. "I love her". I admitted, unashamed, trying to make them see I was in this to the very end with her. I wasn't going to run.

They both nodded, looking at me proudly. I knew everything they had said was right. Bella was so easily broken right now. And if I wasn't sure of my feelings I shouldn't pursue anything, but I loved her. I was sure of this, and I was ready to declare it to everyone. Edward Cullen loved Isabella Swan. That's right, I loved Bella. I wasn't ashamed. I didn't flinch from it. I was ready to fight her battles with her, right along side her.

"What was the other thing you needed to talk to us about"? Esme pondered.

"Well, it's er Bella again". I began. I knew they needed to know this, but I hoped and prayed that Bella didn't think I was breaking the confidence between us. "I just caught her upstairs packing a bag. Not well I might add. But she just said that she was no good for us, and that she didn't belong here". I told them, seeing the worry fly back onto their faces. "She said she didn't want to ruin anything, and that she already hated herself, and she didn't think she could stand it if we hated her too".

"She was going to run away"? Esme asked.

"I just think there's something she isn't telling us, she blames herself for every little thing that ever goes wrong".

"That's understandable for her Edward. She has so little control in her life right now, it's common for people such as Bella to blame themselves for things, they can control the blame and who it's aimed at, or so they think". Carlisle told us. "I am a little concerned about her planning on leaving, but all we can do is keep an eye on her, don't force her to talk to us if she doesn't want. I have a feeling sooner rather than later, she will".

"Do you think it wise for the kids to take her camping then"? Esme asked. You could see how unhinged my news had made her.

"Yeah, I do. I think a bit of normalcy and fun will do her the world of good. Obviously you are going to have to keep an eye on her Edward, but I don't see why this trip won't be of some benefit for her".

I nodded and left the room, giving my parents a little privacy. I knew they wanted to talk a little further about Bella's sudden need to flee the family home. I too was worried about the whys and wherefores, but I also knew I wouldn't be letting her out of my sight long enough for her to leave me. She would have to be incredibly sneaky to get away from me.

I headed straight back into Bella, not wanting to have her wake up and find me gone. I laid back down on the bed in my original position beside her. Just gazing at her face, filled me with an undeniable amount of peace. The third world war could be happening on my doorstep, and I wouldn't care. Hell even Alice could make me sit through hours and hours of the Walton's, or Dallas or even Baywatch and it wouldn't faze me. Bella was beside me, and knew about my feelings. Ok so she probably didn't know the depth of them, but she knew, and that was enough for now.

**Ok so I thought maybe I'd leave it there for now. I have to admit, Edward is far easier to write than Bella at the moment, probably because I like him more though lol. Anyways as always please read and review? Thank you in advance to those who do :) :) :) :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_OMG I am soooo sorry you guys for making you wait like a month for this chapter. Basically there is no excuse, only that I've suffered from a bit of a block, moreso in the Bella p.o.v, and the fact I'd rather sit and read everyone elses lol. _

_So without further ado, huge, massive thanks to **KLPetrey**,** Ecxx**, **..**, **Earth-fairy2006**, **Dazzlepire**, **April-witch20**, **Nicole1962**, **Motherduckatschool**. **ElainexCullen**, **KiwiforEdward**, **Bandforever16**, **XxZeroXxSacrificeXx**, **No.23**, **Edward-Cullens-Little-Whore**, **I lv Edward**, thanks again you guys, you're the bestest most patient reviewers **EVER :) :) :) :)**_

_Also big thanks to those who added me/this story to your favourites/alert lists, you're FAB **:)**_

**Chapter 18**

**Bella P.O.V**

I woke up to find myself snuggled into Edward's chest. Both of us where still in the clothes we had been wearing the previous day, alerting me to the fact we had simply fallen asleep. I wasn't complaining about being in Edward's arms, but I didn't want get closer to him. I knew I would only end up hurting him. No matter how many times he told me that he didn't care, I knew I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes when he found out the truth about what I had done.

The moment he had told me he liked me, thought he may possibly love me, words simply cannot describe how I felt right then. I knew he was telling me the truth, not just speaking nonsense to try and get me to stay. The honesty in his eyes as he looked at me, was overwhelming. For the first time since loosing my Dad, I felt a smidgen of happiness, and it was all because of the man stood before me.

I wanted to tell him, wanted so badly to tell him the truth. He was the one person I needed to be honest with. He had been so honest with me over his feelings, I felt the need to return the favour. But my secrets weren't as heart warming, or going to be well received. The Cullen's had been so good to me, I didn't think I could stand the idea of seeing the looks on any of their faces when they learnt everything.

But they did need to know. That was why I had tried to leave. I would have told them, not face to face obviously, but I would have told them in a letter of some sort. That way, there would be no obligations, they would know exactly the kind of person I was, and wouldn't feel guilty for not wanting me around, because I would already be gone. Slipped out of their lives as quickly a I entered it. It would almost be like Isabella Swan never existed.

The longer I stayed the more difficult it was. I needed to get out, and soon. I knew though, now I had been caught, I would be watched like a hawk. Clearly Edward hadn't left my side since finding out, otherwise he wouldn't be laid next to me now. He would be watching my every move, noticing if I so much as tried to sneakily pack a bag. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't take an inventory of my closet.

"EDWARD! BELLA!" Alice's voice shrieked into the room.

"Damn, Alice it's 5.30. Go back to bed". Edward mumbled looking at his watch, before pulling me even closer to him.

"Nope". She giggled cheerfully, popping the p. "We have to be leaving soon if we want to get to the camp site with enough time to set up the tents and have a swim before dinner". She was entirely too keyed up for such an ungodly hour.

"If if vote no swimming, can I stay in bed for another hour". I mumbled, immediately hearing the rumbling of laughter in Edward's chest.

"I second that vote". Edward added.

"EDWARD"! Alice snarled demandingly.

"FINE"! Edward bit back, pulling away and sitting up. "We're up, now piss off so we can get ready in peace".

"You really need to learn to be more pleasant in a morning Edward". Alice practically sang in victory as she danced out of the room.

"Did no-one in this family ever think to put a lock on the outside of her door"? I moaned, as sleep slowly lifted from my tired body.

"Trust me when I say, she'd find a way". He chuckled. "C'mon Bells, I'd get up before she comes back and decides to dress you too. You can sleep in the back of the Jeep". He tugged me from the bed.

Knowing he was right, I sluggishly slid from under the quilt. I had never really enjoyed camping before, and knew I wasn't about to change my mind about it any time soon, especially if Alice continued being as perky as ever. I wasn't even sure why I even agreed to this in the first place. Not that I could ever think of putting up a fight against the hurricane also known as Alice. She would probably drag me kicking and screaming the whole way if she had to.

I stepped toward the bathroom, only to find two arms wrap tightly around me waist, pulling me into a tender hug. I breathed in his heavenly scent, letting it calm and relax me. I felt him kiss my forehead gently before giving me a tiny squeeze.

"Morning by the way". He chuckled.

"Morning". I mumbled groggily.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower, if you need anything come get me". He told me before kissing me chastely on my lips before ducking out of the room.

I swear with every kiss he gave me, regardless of where he planted them, my knees literally turned to jelly. It was like every dream I'd ever had about Prince Charming rescuing me had come true. Edward was my Prince Charming. But right now, I wasn't so sure about being capable of being rescued. I wasn't worthy of it.

A few months ago, hell a month ago, I would have gladly and happily fallen for Edward Cullen, but now, although I liked him, maybe even loved him, I couldn't let it happen. Edward deserved far better than me. He deserved someone not so messed up as me, someone who wasn't capable of the hurt I was. I meant what I had said yesterday about needing to leave. I would not allow myself to hurt the Cullen's, they had been to good to me for that to happen.

As I stepped into the shower, my mind was a whirl. I had to figure some way of getting away from them. Edward certainly wasn't going to make it easy, and if he had told the others, it would be even harder. I had to do it though. I had to leave. Leaving to me, was the only answer. I had to protect them from me. The longer I stayed the harder it would become, especially if Edward continued showering me with the attention he had.

My body slipped into auto pilot as I tried to come up with plan after plan of my escape. Just thinking about leaving them already made me feel sick to my stomach, dread filling me. Esme and Carlisle had been so good to me, helping me plan my Dad's funeral, sorting his estates out. Jasper and Emmett had quickly become Brothers I had never had, and I already cared for them as such. Alice and Rose, Sisters and best friends I never dreamed I would have. They had both sat with me crying, trying to ease my pain. And Edward. I had never felt for someone the way I felt for him. It was frightening, but in the best way possible. And I knew I could easily allow myself the happiness with him if I stayed. But I didn't deserve that, and he certainly didn't deserve someone like me. He deserved far better.

"Bella, you ready"? Edward knocked on my door.

"Um". I quickly glanced around, seeing I had dressed myself in jeans and a sweater without even noticing. "I guess so". I mumbled.

"Let's go then before Alice starts getting impatient". He replied sarcastically as he reached for the back pack Alice had clearly packed for me.

Alice had packed for me. God only knows what was going to be in that back pack. Probably nothing that was suitable for camping. I prayed she hadn't put those few items in from Victoria Secrets in there. I wasn't planning on wearing them ever, let alone whilst camping.

"Bella, what's wrong"? Edward asked, seeing that I hadn't moved an inch.

"Edward I... I suck at camping. I really hate it. I always used to come home with more bruises than I went with, and that's not exactly an easy thing to do". I tried to explain.

"I promise you Bella, that you will have fun. And I will try my damn hardest to keep you injury free ok. Trust me". He told me, putting the bags down and placing both of his hands on my cheeks, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Alice packed my bag". I stated, hoping he would understand.

He immediately smirked, pecking my lips softly, before telling me, he would stand guard on the door whilst I quickly checked the contents of the bag. Wasting no time, I emptied it out on the bed, riffling through. To be fair to Alice, she had packed mostly sensible clothing for me. She had packed the black halter neck baby doll she had forced me to buy the previous day and an unbelievably skimpy blue bikini. Quickly I whipped them out of the pile, and shoved them into one of my bed side drawers, before going and grabbing a pair of sweats to wear for bed and a tank top and shorts in case we did actually go swimming. There was no way in hell I was wandering around a camp site in something so skimpy. I repacked everything I needed, before grabbing my bag, and heading to the door finding Edward standing guard.

I smiled up at him, letting him know I was as ready as I was ever going to be. He reached for my bag, lifting it onto his shoulder, before wrapping his free arm around my shoulders and leading the way down stairs. Alice was stood in the door way bouncing around whilst Rosalie tried and failed at calming her down. As we reached the bottom, both Jasper and Emmett appeared through the door, grabbing the last of the bags and heading out of the door.

"Come on lets go". Alice practically sang. "This is going to be so much fun".

"Do not resort to violence, Do not resort to violence". Rose grumbled as she followed sleepily behind Alice as both me and Edward laughed.

I slipped into the back of the Jeep with Edward, Jasper and Alice in the seats in front of us, and Emmett was behind the wheel and Rose beside him. The back seat with Edward was a little cramped and because of the amount of luggage Alice had brought, that wouldn't fit on the roof rack, I found myself pushed closer to Edward. As the Jeep began rolling down the drive way, Edward lifted his arm, allowing me to cuddle into the crook of his arm. As if appearing from nowhere, a blanket draped over us keeping us warm until the Jeep warmed up further.

"How long does it take to get where ever it is we're going"? I asked some what interested.

"About 5, maybe 6 hours depending on traffic. It's worth the journey though". He told me, a cheesy grin on his face.

"Ok". I answered.

I allowed myself to relax into his side, and sleep finally over took me once more. It was a deep slumber though, it was the kind where you were aware of the happenings around you, the faint talking between the Cullen siblings and the soft music Emmett had playing on the radio, but somehow you feel disconnected from it. Unable to fully comprehend exactly what the words they were saying meant. At some point I was sure I heard slight snickering and an odd whirring noise, but I was too deep to wake up, but not deep enough to have not heard it.

After what was probably a few hours of napping, I woke to find Edward listening intently to his Ipod. I sat up slightly having slumped further in sleep. Edward looked down at me and smiled gently pulling his ear buds out, as if to prove to me he was paying me his full attention.

"How long have I been sleeping"? I asked slightly groggily.

"About two hours". He answered and was about to add something else when Alice spun in her seat to look at us.

"Do you have any idea how cute you two are"? She asked, beaming with joy.

Realizing we weren't going to add anything further, Alice thrust her digital camera in our faces, showing us a picture of the two of us asleep. I was snuggled into Edward's side, and his arms were wrapped protectively around me. Although I have to admit Alice was right, we did look quite cute asleep together, but the fact Alice have been taking pictures of us unbeknownst to us, riled me a little.

"Jesus Alice, are you going to be click happy the whole trip"? Edward moaned, immediately causing my slight anger to drain away.

"Yup". She replied happily, immediately turning in her seat to face the front, where she continued talking to Jasper.

Without another word, Edward slipped one of his ear buds in my ear, before putting the other in his own, whilst mumbling something about Emmett's choice of music sucking.

The music flowed softly into my ear drum, it was soothing and gentle. The kind of music that almost eased your aching and tense muscles. I could feel myself slipping into such a relaxed state of mind. This was probably the most relaxed I'd felt in a long time, and it didn't escape my notice that yet again, was it in Edward's presence. It was as if he exuded calmness, or maybe he was just taking tips from Jasper, who I had learnt early on could manipulate peoples feelings somehow.

Music was slowly overtaking my every sense, lulling me into a gentle daze, when the song changed, and the first few notes of that ever familiar song began thrumming from the ear bud. I involuntarily tensed, wanting desperately to yank the bud from my ear. I could almost hear his voice, see in my minds eye an image of me and him. Me in his arms as he sang and danced, not well might I add, along with the song. The song he had dubbed as mine. Tears sprung in my eyes as I blinked furiously, telling myself to stop it.

Just like that, my relaxed mood was gone. Suddenly the song skipped to the next, and Edward gently tugged the bud from my ear, looking at me curiously and worriedly. He didn't speak a word and for that I was grateful. He seemed to understand I didn't want the whole cars attention.

"Bella, are you ok"? He whispered softly in my ear.

I nodded pathetically. I knew anyone with half a brain could see the complete lie, but I just couldn't seem to make myself admit my weaknesses. It was one thing to let them be seen, but to me it was a wholly different thing for me to admit to them.

Edward of course saw straight through me, cocking his eye brow suspiciously. I knew he wanted me to tell him everything, to be open with him. But I couldn't. I cared for him enough to keep him from the truth. Like a mother protecting her children from all the badness that life inevitably brought upon them.

"Do you wanna talk about it"? He asked, clearly trying to be persuasive, but it was lost on me. I shook my head adamantly no. "Later"! It seemed more of a statement than a question so I didn't bother answering.

For the rest of the journey, I simply stared out the window, lost in my own thoughts. I was aware that I was still leant on Edward, and I couldn't bear the thought of moving, unless he showed signs of discomfort, which he clearly wasn't since the arm that was slung over my shoulder kept drawing circles on my upper arm every so often.

"And we're here". Emmett bellowed, finally pulling the Jeep to a complete stop.

Sitting up to look around, I saw nothing but dense forest in front on me, and beside me. In fact I was surrounded by huge trees in all directions. I was confused, where was the camp site. The lack of open space only meant one thing to me. It was the one thing I dreaded every summer. Hiking.

"It's not far Bella". Edward almost read my mind as we clambered out of the Jeep.

I took a deep breath, and picked my bag up from the floor where Emmett had dropped it from the roof rack, amongst every one else's. Rose and Alice too grabbed one of their own bags each, but it seemed both Jasper and Emmett were also carrying their other bags along with everything else. Trying to be more useful, I went to grasp the cool bag, but Edward flung it onto his shoulder before I had chance.

All three boys looked like human versions of pack horses, yet both Jasper and Emmett still found a free hand to hold their loved ones affectionately. I watched them head in a northerly direction, before I felt a gentle tug on my own from Edward. When I looked up into his emerald green eyes, he simply smiled and gripping my hand further.

True to his word, after 10 minutes of walking, and after only a few minor stumbles, of which Edward held me up, we arrived in what I can only describe as a picturesque camp site.

The trees broke leaving a circular opening, a pit for the camp fire directly in the middle. To the far right, there were 2 trails, one leading I assumed up the hill and one leading further down. Opposite the trails was a small wooden cabin, of which I assumed was the bathroom.

"Let's get this fire lit, I'm starving". Emmett declared breaking the silence between us.

"How about tents first, food later". Rose replied and I could hear Emmett groan.

"Right well while you boys are doing that, we're going to show Bella around". Alice added, reaching and tugging on my elbow, leading both myself and Rosalie away from the camp site.

"But don't they need some help". I muttered as we took the trail that lead downwards.

When Alice laughed and shook her head, I was grateful. I may have offered the help, but I knew I would be more of a hinder than help. Myself and putting up tents never really worked out, much like most things outdoorsy. It was far easier and quicker for everyone concerned for me to step away and just observe.

The girls showed me the lake. A small part of it, had been cordoned off, stopping any swimmers from going out too far, but it was complete with a small beach. Obviously the weather disabled most from getting a tan, but it was still nice to feel the sand beneath my feet. The lake itself was beautiful, the small ripples as the current created tiny waves that slapped gently against the beach.

Next we collected some fire wood so that the guys could get a camp fire going. We collected more than enough, though I assumed we were collecting plenty now so we wouldn't have to go on trips quite as often.

We walked back into the camp-site to find the boys were just finishing putting up a 3rd tent. I couldn't believe how quick they were, and how easy they found it. From my past camping experiences, in the time it had taken them to secure all 3 tents, my Dad and Jacob had probably only just figured out how to put the tents frame work together.

Memories of all the camping trips I had been dragged on by my Dad surfaced in my mind. I had always hated going, kicking up such a fuss as to why we couldn't go to LA or Disneyland like normal people. Looking back now though, I couldn't remember any of the trips not being filled with laughter. Granted it was rare the laughter came from myself, but the smile never seemed to leave my Dad's face for the whole of those few days.

"Well maybe Bella doesn't want to share with a guy". Edwards voice saying my name broke my thoughts.

"You don't mind do you Bella"? Alice asked.

"Huh, sorry, what"? I was confused as to what I wasn't meant to mind.

"Sharing a tent with Edward"? Alice declared.

"Oh um no". I stuttered.

"That's great". Alice bounced away, grabbing one of her bags and dragging Jasper toward one of the tents.

"Are you sure Bella? We can always make Rose and Emmett and Alice and Jasper take it in turns sharing a tent". Edward told me, watching me carefully for my reaction that told him otherwise.

"No, no it's fine, really".

It was true, I didn't really mind, it wasn't as though we had never shared a room before, and besides Edward was the perfect gentleman I had already disturbed their lives so much. I wasn't going to disturb them further over something so trivial as sleeping arrangements.

"C'mon then, let's go get our stuff in the tent". He gestured toward the tent that was a little further from the other two. "We kinda figured 1 tent would be either the couples tent, or for me and you, so we put it a little further from the other 2. there is no way in hell I want to hear what those four get up to". Edward told me with a chuckle once he noticed my questioning look.

We both put our bags in the back corners of the tent, before we laid our sleeping bags out. I couldn't help notice we had positioned them side by side, with only a few inches between them.

"I'm sorry if the song in the Jeep upset you". Edward broke the silence as he sat down on his sleeping bag.

"It's not your fault. How were you to know". I told him. "It's stupid really, it's just that my Dad always used to say that was my song". I told him.

I looked up through my eyelashes, fearing what his reaction would be. Would he be staring at me as though I was completing losing it, or would it be a look of understanding. All I saw though, was his saddened eyes looking at me, patiently waiting for me to continue.

"He could never remember any of the words except for the 'you're my brown eyed girl' part. But when I was little, and woke up in the night from a bad dream or if I was just upset he'd play that song and tell me I was his brown eyed girl". I could feel the tears pricking my eyes in the memories.

Without saying a word, Edward leant forward and pulled me into a hug. He held me tightly, almost as though he was trying to prevent any pain getting to me. It was useless of course, the pain never really ever left me.

"Thank you for sharing your memory with me". He whispered into my hair.

**AGHHHH I really am starting to dislike writing Bella p.o.v at the moment. I think for the sake of my sanity I might have to stick to Edward lol. Writing Bella p.o.v is just totally slowing me down. I apologize if this chapter is a little crappy, or maybe a lot crappy, I'm just having seriously problems with the Bella part of it right now lol **


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

**A/N : Hey guys thanks to those of you who have stuck with me through this drought of updates and welcome to you new guys :D My apologizes for leaving it so long, but as luck would have it my laptop jacked in before xmas, and it has taken THIS long to get it fixed, but the same old story, just when you can't do something, you want to do it the most. So this chapter I'm afraid has been a long time coming. Please read and review for me, as I have know idea if anyone actually wants me to continue :D**

Right so massive massive thank you's go out to those who reviewed the last chapter, oh such a long time ago – **Le President A Ete Assassin**, **Dazzlepire**, **Earth-Fairy-2006**, **BwithUforever**, **Motherduckatschool**,** Nicole1962**, **Animal8**, **Lilly flower's revenge**, **Bandeforever16**, **Zamar22**, **Deena Mitchell**, **Twilightgirl80** you guys rock this world so much. Hope you're all sticking with me :D

As usual another huge thank you to those of you who have added me or this story to your favourite and or updates list, it is very much appreciated :D

Chapter 19

**Edward's P.O.V**

I had been really worried that I had somehow upset Bella in the Jeep. Everything seemed perfect between us, Alice having snapped various pictures of us sleeping together. I secretly couldn't wait to see how the other pictures of us had turned out. Bella clearly had been uncomfortable by the attention, and I did my best to divert that as quickly as possible. Then that damn song had to come on and ruin everything. The moment the first chords began playing, I had felt Bella tense beside me. Just the look on her face told me how much she was hurting. She was trying her hardest to rid the tears that had already pooled in those gorgeous brown orbs of hers.

I skipped the song as fast as I could, pulling the ear bud from both our ears as fast as possible, before asking if she was ok. I desperately wanted her to share with me how she was feeling, but true to Bella, she denied all knowledge of what she was feeling. Always trying to be strong, never wanting to burden others with her feelings. I knew it had to stop somewhere, so I asked her of which she shook her head. I told her later, trying to make it sound like a question, but I know it came across as more of a statement.

I knew I wouldn't push her if she didn't want me to know, but I wanted her to know she could tell me anything. I wanted her to trust me. For the remainder of the journey, she just sat beside me, her head resting in the crook of my arm as I idly traced small circles on her upper arm. It was an impossibility it seemed for me to be near her and not be touching her in some way.

We arrived at the camp site, and grabbed our gear before Emmett and Rose led the way, hand in hand. In the past I had always scowled at the disgusting display of affection. But now, I felt nothing but jealousy. Jealousy that they had each other, doing every day normal couple things, things I wanted badly to do with Bella.

Biting the bullet, I slid my hand around Bella's and began leading her on the same path my siblings had taken. On more than one occasion she tripped or stumbled, but I fought to keep her on her own two feet, never once bringing attention to her inability to go five minutes without some sort of accident. I knew it was something she was pretty self conscious about, and my bringing it up wouldn't make it any better between us.

Once on the camp site, the girls took Bella for the grand tour, not that there was much to see, but I was still slightly grateful for the few moments to gather myself. Bella effected me in so many ways, and although I didn't really like being apart from her, I still needed a few moments to gather myself.

As we were putting the tents up, I began wondering about the sleeping arrangements. I didn't have a problem with sharing a tent with Bella, but I wasn't sure how she would feel. I brought this up with Emmett and Jasper, who both agreed that one tent could be used as the 'couples' tent if she didn't want to share with me, and they would take it in turns sharing it with Rose and Alice. Knowing this was a possibility, we placed this tent a little further away from the other 2. whether Bella and I would share, or whether it was the couples tent, I didn't want to be hearing anything from my siblings.

We were just finishing putting up the 3rd tent when the girls reappeared, with their arms full of fire wood. Jasper quickly explained the tent situation to the girls, but Bella was off in her own world. Alice immediately decided that Bella would be fine sharing a tent with me. Knowing Bella wasn't listening to the conversation, I felt the need to come to her defence, not that I really needed a reason anyway.

"Well maybe Bella doesn't want to share a tent with a guy". I told my twin.

"You don't mind do you Bella"/ Alice asked her.

Bella was clearly back in the land of the living, and Alice quickly explained the situation to her. Bella said she didn't mind, and though she didn't look as though she did, I couldn't help but double checking with her. I didn't want to make her feel pushed into anything, especially since everyone found it so hard to say no to Alice.

Once I felt she was genuinely sure, I lead the way to the tent, putting all my bags in one corner, and watching her do the same in the opposite corner, then we spread out sleeping bags out. I couldn't help but notice how close the sleeping bags were together, and fought to suppress the smile that was trying to force itself onto my face. Now I seriously couldn't wait for night fall.

I wasn't sure what to do or say next, so I simply sat crossed leg on my bag, and watched as she did the same. I felt the need to apologize for earlier when we were in the Jeep. The song had clearly gotten to her, and though I was desperate to know why, I wanted her to tell me because she wanted to, not because she felt she had to.

She began explaining her memory, and I could see the absolute pain in her face as she told me. I wanted badly to tell her it was ok, she didn't have to continue, but before I got the chance she carried on. Her nerves making her ring her hands together almost compulsively. The next time she stopped, I couldn't stop myself, I simply tugged her into a hug, thanking her for sharing the memory with me. It was such a private memory, and I felt so privileged that she had been willing to share it with me. I felt as though I was one step closer to knowing her.

I hoped upon hope, that now she had shared one with me, in time she would feel as though she could share plenty more. I knew from the day I had gone to her house and found her in her Dads room that she was scared of forgetting him, I wanted, no needed to make her see that she wouldn't ever.

"Bella, Edward, c'mon we're going swimming"! Alice yelled.

Damn I could kill that pixie.

I pulled away from Bella, slowly, hating Alice more with every millimetre of distance I was putting between us. Bella bit her lip nervously. I reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before grabbing my shorts from my bag and leaving Bella in the privacy of the tent to change.

Fighting off a glare at Alice, I stepped into their tent to change seeing as both Alice and Jasper were ready. When I reappeared Jasper was building the fire, ready for it to be lit when we returned, no doubt freezing. Why Alice insisted in swimming was beyond me. She was always one of the first to complain of being cold.

"Bella, now I know I packed you a bikini". Alice's stern voice caught my attention.

Bella was walking toward us in a pair of cut off denim short and a black tank top. She looked incredibly self conscious, enough to feel the need to wrap her arms around herself in an attempt to cover herself up. Completely polar opposite to Alice who was stood happily in her 2 piece bathing suite with shorts over the top of her bottoms. Rose also a few seconds later appeared in the same attire as Alice, followed closely by Emmett who was wearing shorts and a zipped hoody.

"I unpacked them Alice. There is no way I am wearing a bikini". Bella replied, though there was barely any strength behind her words.

"What am I going to do with you Bella"! Alice chastised.

"Does it really matter what the hell she's wearing... so long as she's wearing something". Emmett announced.

Thank God for my older Brother and his ability to break the tension.

With a sigh from Alice, we all headed down to the lake. I knew from past experiences how cold it was going to be. I had learnt it was best to just jump straight in and get it over with rather than dip your toes a couple of hundred times then slowly head out. Emmett was usually the one to do this, and by the time he was waist high like the rest of us, we had all had enough and were heading out.

When we arrived, Alice, Jasper and Rose all barrelled toward the water, diving in before any had second thoughts. Emmett stood warily looking, trying to decide on his best plan of attack. Bella too seemed to be contemplating.

"Bella trust me, it's far easier to just dive straight in rather than spend the next hour dipping your toes in like the pansy ass here". I chuckled at Emmett.

"Shut the hell up Eddie, I'm just more sensitive to the cold than you, probably because I don't have cold frigid bitches hanging on my arms all the God damn time". He bit back.

As soon as he mentioned the 'cold frigid bitches', I feared for Bella's reaction. She had seen me the night of the party with Tanya, would she think I was using her until I could get to Tanya again. I needn't have worried though, Bella was trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Just jump Bella". I told her.

"I'll jump if you jump Emmett"? She asked.

"You're on Shorty". Emmett grabbed her hand and yanked her forwards into the water.

Both came up seconds later spluttering and yelling at the coldness. I followed quickly feeling the cold hit me hard, but quickly swam around a few times to warm up. Emmett in tradition was trying to dunk Alice who was trying to use Rose as a shield. Bella and Jasper stood on the sidelines watching in amusement.

"Chicken fight". Emmett suddenly yelled.

Normally this would happen between myself and Rose and Alice and Jasper, since usually Emmett was still only just dipping his toes in the water. I slowly moved toward Bella, ready to get her up on my shoulders. This was going to be interesting, it gave me an excuse to feel those silky soft legs of hers.

"Shorty's with me. Sibling against sibling". Emmett announced.

We all looked at him a little confused since he wasn't Bella's Brother, and other than Bella, we were all pretty much siblings. Then as Emmett pulled Bella toward him, it dawned on me. Both Alice and I, and Jasper and Rose had the twin thing going on, whereas he didn't have a twin. I never really thought too much about it, because Alice and I were his Brother and Sister, but I guess growing up, he always felt a little left out by the two of us. Now he had Bella, and I could see the way he thought of her as _his _little sister.

"Fine, Alice come on". I grabbed her hands and helped her onto my shoulders, seeing Jasper do the same with Rose.

Bella had turned to face Emmett, clearly confused as to what we were about to do. Emmett told her something, then pointed to where Alice was now sat comfortably on my shoulders as was Rose on Jasper's. I saw Emmett duck under the water and knew what he was about to do. I smirked slightly. Bella let out a shriek before she was suddenly rising out of the water on Emmett shoulders. He had his arms locked around her legs steadying her, a big grin on his face.

"How about you guys show Bella what to do first". Emmett told us.

Agreeing, battle commenced between myself and Alice and Jasper and Rose. The fight only lasted a few minutes before I managed to trip Jasper when he became unbalanced from Alice pushing Rose backwards. Once Rose and Jasper had resurfaced I turned to look at Emmett and Bella.

Bella was biting her bottom lip. I knew she was apprehensive about 'fighting' with the girls, but I also knew Alice would help her out a little. As for Emmett, he was all mine, and I smirked slightly at him.

We each formed a loose triangular shape before slowly stepping closer and closer together. Bella began timidly, only defending herself, never once attacking. If anything Emmett was doing all the work. Once he saw Bella clutch Rose's hand, he sidestepped, causing Bella to pull Rose sideways, which she hadn't anticipated, landing her straight into the water.

The shock registered on Bella's face. She couldn't quite believe she had beaten Rose. Next came Alice and I. Though I tried to trip Emmett, he was prepared, and stood strong against me. Alice then tried a succession of pushing and tugging Bella, but however she did it, she managed to keep her balance, though more than once she looked unsteady. I was surprised she hadn't fallen off already, after all we were talking about the most clumsiest person I knew.

During the girls tugging at each other, I managed somehow to trip on a rock that was on the lake bed, falling forward into Emmett. Emmett let go of Bella's legs to catch me, both of us forgetting the girls, that due to both mine and Emmett's lack of balance, fell straight into the water, still clinging to each others arms.

Seconds later they reappeared, Alice's laugh like a little bell chime, and Bella a huge grin plastered on her face. It was the first time I had seen a full blown smile on my girls face, and I knew I would die trying to make her smile more often. I felt a burst of pride as Emmett swam over to her and hugged her tightly, telling her she rocked. I for once, couldn't agree more with my Brother.

We all agreed at that point that we'd had enough ,and needed to get out of the cold water and around the camp fire to warm back up. I doubted Esme or Carlisle would be too impressed if we arrived back home, each of us sick. Though I suppose having a doctor in the family sometimes came in handy for such things.

We headed back up to the camp-site, Alice immediately jumping on Jasper's back, peppering his neck with kisses. Not particularly something I wanted to see of my baby Sister.

I half expected Emmett to relinquish his hold on Bella, but instead he flung her over his shoulder and marched away. I stepped closer to Rose and tucked her under my arm as we followed our siblings.

"I think you're going to have a struggle getting your girl back". Rosalie muttered, as we watched Emmett and Bella.

"Yeah". I answered smiling as Bella yelped and squealed at Emmett to put her down before she threw up. "Huh, wait no, I mean"... I stuttered after a second, realizing Rose's exact words were implying Bella was mine.

"Well done Edward, you just answered my question honestly". Rose smiled at me, giving me a squeeze with her arm that she had draped around my waist.

"What question was that"? I asked suspiciously.

"Whether you liked Bella. But I'm thinking you more than like her, right"?

Rose was far more perceptive than I gave her credit for. Clearly she had been spending too much time with Esme. I smiled sheepishly and nodded gently. There was no point in denying it to her now, she had already picked up on the fact. Thankfully though, Rose wasn't like Alice, and wouldn't start planning the non existent wedding. Both my Sisters encouraged in completely different ways. Alice immediately flew into the future, planning wanting time to make everything perfect. Rose on the other hand was far more easy going, often the biggest help she gave was calming Alice's gale force down.

"I'm glad you've finally found someone kiddo. I'm really happy for you". She smiled.

We continued walking in a comfortable silence. I had always been comfortable in Rose's company. We could sit in the same room for hours and not say a word to each other, respecting each others privacy and personal space. She had on more than one occasion saved me from the wrath of Alice, by taking her shopping or whatever it was that girls did together. And I knew without a doubt, that she would be looking out for Bella, just as much as myself.

We arrived back at the camp site, just as Bella appeared from inside our tent, her wash bag and towel under one arm and a few clothes in the other. Alice stood near the fire pit waiting, her own things in her arms. Rose excused herself and quickly retrieved her own clean, dry clothes and wash bag. All 3 girls disappeared toward the shower blocks together, Alice's tinkering laughter echoing off the surrounding trees. I stared after them for a few moments, wondering whether I too should go for a shower now, or start the fire, ready for our return.

"C'mon bro, shower time". Emmett called to me, having made my mind up for me apparently.

By the time, I returned, Emmett was beginning the fire, watched by an amused Jasper. Usually Jasper or I got to the fire before Emmett, knowing it was bound to be a disaster in the making. Though Emmett may like the outdoors, there was no way he could ever survive in the wilderness for any length of time. He barely got any badges at all in the boy scouts. Suffice to say, he only lasted 6 months, before Carlisle and Esme decided it was a waste of time and money.

"You want some help Em"? I asked, smirking at Jasper.

"Nah man, I got this". He replied, as he finished placing all the wood in the pit exactly where he wanted it, even though Jasper had built it correctly earlier.

"There's a lighter somewhere with the supplies". I told him, as I threw my wash bag into my tent.

"Who needs a lighter"? He answered as he picked up 2 sticks and began rubbing them together.

"Jesus Em, we haven't got all night". Jasper laughed.

"Ye of little faith".

Both Jasper and I watched in complete amusement for the next 5 minutes as he rubbed the 2 sticks on it, watching intently for any sign of a spark. I could see the frustration building in his face, but the determination was still there.

"You sure you don't want the lighter"? Jasper asked again, only to get an annoyed grunt as response.

My stomach rumbled slightly, and I groaned in anticipation for the damn fire to be lit. if I was hungry, odds were so was everyone else. As if reading my mind, the girls suddenly reappeared, Alice announcing immediately that she was starving. All the girls put their wash bags away before joining us to sit around the lack of fire.

"Whose great idea was it to let Emmett start the fire"? Rosalie asked jokingly, though there was a hint of seriousness in her tone.

"Babe"! Emmett exclaimed. "Do you have no faith in your man"?

"Oh baby, I have faith in you, just not when it comes to lighting the fire". Rose told him. "You spend well over an hour, just to give in and let us light it with the matches anyway. So how about we skip the hour, start the fire and eat, cause we're starving here".

"Fine". Emmett huffed and moved away to sit on the log, allowing Jasper to start the fire.

Once the fire had a nice burn to it, Jasper brought out the hot dogs, and began cooking them. Alice was sat closest to him, as expected, getting the buns ready, whilst Em and Rose sat together on the next log, Rose still trying to placate Emmett who was still sour over having to relinquish control of the fire. Bella sat beside me, staring intently as the flames licked at the damp kindling. She seemed lost, in her own world, yet totally at peace. I figured she was surfing through her memories of the times she had camped before, and didn't want disturbing.

I was desperate to know what was going through that head of hers. If only I knew, then maybe I could help make everything ok again. Well as ok as they get I suppose after losing your Dad, but still. There was still so much about her that I wanted to know, to understand. She was the cliché mystery woman, I knew next to nothing of her past, and my only hope was that she would eventually learn to fully trust me and let me in. I may not know her past, but I definitely wanted to be a part of her future.

**Anyways I think I'll leave it there for now. Sorry it's a bit of a crappy update... again, but I just seem to have hit a dead end at the moment with this, but not to worry, I am battling through. The stubborn part of me refuses to give up this story and leave it with out ending it. Wish me luck and please please please review :)**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer : Own nothing except my own private obsession with Twilight and of course the Greek God that is Robert Pattinson lol

_Hey! I'm backkkk!!!! Again I can't apologize enough for not updating regularly, I am trying though, it just doesn't seem to be working. However as an apology this chapter is a little longer than usual :)_

_Anyway I's just like to quickly take the opportunity to quickly send massive thanks to **Twilightgirl80**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Bandforever16**, **Teamedwardtwilightfan**, **Eeyore16** and **Jmjones106** you guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough for reading and reviewing. You guys ROCK :)_

_As usual another thanks to those who add me or this to their alerts or favourites, but if you could please just take a few minutes and review for me, you would rock even more :)_

**Chapter 20**

**Bella's P.O.V **

I watched the flames licking at the damp wood, memories washing over me. If I was honest, this was the only bit about camping I enjoyed. There was just something magical about sitting around an open fire. The smell of burning wood and warmth reddening my cheeks.

I hated to admit it, but I had, had fun today. Probably the most fun I had, had camping ever. I had tried to fight it, but being around the Cullen's, Emmett especially, it was impossible to not enjoy yourself. I felt guilty for it though, it felt like for every smile that graced my lips, I was pushing the knife in further, forgiving myself for killing my Dad.

Forgiving myself was something I would never allow, I didn't deserve anything. I deserved to be rotting away. I didn't deserve the Cullen's and they certainly didn't deserve someone like me.

Leaving them would be hard, but it was what was needed. It would be difficult, even more so now Edward had caught me, and was probably going to be watching me carefully. He had probably told the rest of his family who would be watching me like a hawk.

"You ok Bella"? Edward rubbed my lower back gently, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah". I replied, forcing a smile.

He nodded once, seeming to accept my response. His arm though stayed around my waist, and every so often I could feel him give me a comforting squeeze. I was surprised to see the lack of response from his siblings at Edwards apparent public display of affection toward me. Not that I particularly wanted all eyes on us, and even I wasn't sure as to what it even looked like.

The banter between the siblings was easy, flowing, and though I didn't really involve myself in their conversations, not once did they allow me to feel out of the loop. They teased each other, mainly Emmett, but it was all such good natured. I was jealous of their camaraderie. I had often wondered what it would have been like growing up, had I had siblings. Maybe my Dad wouldn't have thought I was so special. And maybe if I wasn't so 'special', he wouldn't have sent me away for school.

I had never really figured out why he had sent me to Phoenix in the first place. It wasn't as though he knew anyone there. Yes my school was a well known school, known for it's excellence, but other than that, I couldn't really see any real reason. He had always said he wanted more for me than the dreary life a town like Forks had to offer. He told me I was worth more than this life. He wanted more for me.

Another swarm of guilt washed over me. He wanted more for me, and look where it had gotten him. How ungrateful did I need to be. He wanted me to excel in life, wanted me to become someone he could be proud of. Why couldn't I have seen this all before? Why couldn't he have just said it to me?

Edward throwing another log onto the fire, causing the ashes and embers to spray out into the night sky awoke me from my reverie. He smiled apologetically for startling me. It was then I noticed there were just the two of us remaining around the fire. I felt sure it wasn't late enough to go to bed, but then, I hadn't really been noticing the time that much.

"They've gone for a walk before Emmett wants to tell scary stories". Edward told me, almost as though he had read my mind. "You've been pretty quiet, you sure your ok"?

I wanted to scream at him for asking me that question. I was so sick and tired of being asked if I was ok. Because quite simply, no I wasn't ok, but even if I could bring myself to say no, no-one would understand. They would look at me in pity, tilting their heads to one side pretending they knew exactly how I felt.

No-one could know how I felt, because truly, I imagined this was what a murderer felt like, the guilt was eating away at me. I was waiting for the time, for me to trip up, and have everyone know my dirty secret. I really just didn't want to be around for when that happened.

"Can you please stop asking me that Edward. I think we both know the true answer, and it isn't going to change any time in the foreseeable future, ok". I practically whispered, unable to look at him and see the sadness and guilt creep into those gorgeous green orbs.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't realize bringing you camping would make things worse. We can wait for the others to come back, and I'll just take you home". His voice filled with pain and sorrow, making my heart ache even more.

Could this man get any more perfect. Here I was being a bitch. Instead of just giving the easy answer of 'yes Edward I'm fine', I had to make him feel bad. There really and truly was something incredibly wrong with me. It was almost as though I enjoyed inflicting pain.

I had to fix this. I didn't want to hurt him, or any of them. Yes it was inevitable in the end, but I didn't want to do it over something I could control. All of them had been so kind, supportive and caring. They didn't deserve my truth.

"No, Edward, I'm sorry. I just. Yes this is hard, being here. But everything is hard Edward. And I just, I don't know". I struggled to explain, knowing there weren't really any words to explain.

"I wish I could understand, or you would explain it to me. I want to help you Bella, be there for you, but you just seem to push everyone away. Let us help you Bella, please". He sat beside me, reaching for my hand.

I wanted to tell him no, tell him so badly that the moment I tried to explain he would hate me, but I knew that would lead to further questions, questions I wasn't quite prepared to answer just yet. So I simply nodded, not looking at him, averting my gaze to the fire. I wasn't going to change my mind, but I didn't want him to know it was a firm no just yet. I didn't want to ruin the rest of their time here.

Thankfully the others returned before I could say any more on the subject. Emmett immediately stated that he was ready to unleash his scariest stories. He pulled a candle from one bag with a serious face adorning his features, and after several attempts, he managed to light it without burning himself. Though the moment, he placed it under his chin to cause shadows on his face, and the heat burnt his jaw, he fell back off the log in surprise, dropping the candle into the dirt, all seriousness went out the window.

For the following hour, everyone tried their hand at telling scary stories, though admittedly, none where thoroughly scary. Jasper's had probably been the scariest, but that was simply because he was the only one who managed the straightest face. He was completely into the whole story, adapting his voice, and dragging us with him into the plot. It wasn't until the very end when he let out a big boom that we all jumped, none more so than Alice who catapulted herself at myself and Edward causing us all to end up in one big heap.

Even I couldn't prevent the giggles escaping as Jasper came to haul Alice from atop myself and Edward. After the excitement died down, Rose announced she was going to bed, before any of us got real serious and told a story that would have us awake all night.

Grabbing my night ware, and toiletries, I followed the girls to the rest room where we got ready for bed, ensuring to wrap up warm before heading back to the camp, where the guys had just finished collecting a bit more firewood and piling some more into the fire to try to ensure it stayed lit for most of the night. They quickly followed suite and went to change into bed clothes, leaving us girls to get ourselves snug into our tents.

I had just laid down and was about to zip myself up, when I heard a high pitched scream. The fear that ebbed in that one scream was enough to make my limbs move in a rather unnaturally stealthy way for me. Upon exiting the tent, I could see the pixie like silhouette of Alice prancing from foot to foot on top of the log that Emmett and Rose had been perched upon earlier, her continuous scream filling the air.

"Alice, Alice what's wrong"? I dashed toward her, seeing the fear and panic on her usually perfect features.

"Oh my God, Alice are you ok"? Rose reached us at the same time, worry etched in her words.

"There's, there's". She stuttered, pointing with a shaking hand toward her tent.

"What Alice? What"? Rose begged.

"It's so big, and ugh, all over... all over my...". Alice wept, tears filling in her eyes.

"What's going on"? Edward shouted, as he Jasper and Emmett came sprinting back from the toilet blocks.

All poor Alice could do was point toward her own tent, tears now pouring down her smooth cheeks. Seeing her like this panicked me. The fear was filling the air around us. Clearly there was something far more wrong than her having brought a wrong item of clothing.

"Alice, honey, you've gotta tell me what's wrong". Jasper quickly took control, gripping both of her hands in his own, trying to get her to focus on him.

"S... Sn... Snake". It came out a strangled scream.

Involuntarily, I let out a shriek and jumped up on the log beside her. I hated snakes, had done ever since I was 12 and we had gone on a camping trip with school. One of the swim team had been on the side of the path, when a rattlesnake had struck, biting him on his lower calf. I at the time had been only mere steps behind him and seen the whole thing. Having not been keen on snakes in the first place, it was safe to say after that, the fear had thoroughly set into my veins.

"Where Alice"? Jasper asked trying to remain as a calming influence.

"My... My... My bags". Alice cried.

I was by now gripping onto Alice's arm, fear of my own cursing through my veins. The sensible half of my brain told me it was very unlikely that it was a rattlesnake, as they tended to prefer the warmer, drier climates, but the unreasonable part of me, knew regardless, a snake was a snake.

"Well go get it Jazz, go get it". Another voice shrieked from the other side of Alice.

Looking up, I saw Emmett stood holding onto Alice's arm much the same as I was. Rose stood watching, slightly amused at the sight of a huge Emmett standing beside us on the log. I was sure in any other circumstance, I would find the sight hilarious, but right now fear was winning out.

Jasper nodded once, and moved stealthily toward the tent, reaching for a torch. Edward held the tent door flap back, looking in over Jasper's shoulder. Both looked like seasoned campers, as though they were used to this type of thing happening. I tried to make a mental note to ask Edward if in fact this was a regular occurrence, because if it was, there would be no way I would ever be coming again.

Emmett nudged Alice slightly, causing her to step to one side, allowing Emmett to sandwich himself between us. His long arms wrapped protectively around our shoulders, though I was sure it was more an act to protect himself rather than comfort us. I didn't care though, I strangely felt that little bit more safe with Emmett's massive frame towering beside me.

I watched with unbridled fear as Jasper and Edward pulled the sleeping bags, pillows and bags out one by one, shaking them to make sure the snake wasn't hiding inside. Bag after bag emerged from the tent having been thoroughly checked by Jasper and Edward.

"It's just a grass snake". Edward announced finally, passing Jasper a small branch from the wood pile as Jasper's body went straight into the tent, emerging moments later with it hanging off the tip of the branch, it's body writhing and wriggling.

Just the sight sent a shiver down my spine, and a icy cold feeling to take over my body. I felt Emmett tense even more as Jasper moved away from the tents and slightly toward us.

"See". Jasper held it toward us.

I reflexly moved closer into Emmett's side, fearing Jasper was going to bring it closer still. Emmett grip tightened, yet his body moved slightly almost as though he was preparing to flee.

"Jazz, I swear man, you bring that closer and I will personally cut off your balls and play baseball with them". Emmett threatened fiercely. This time there was no playfulness in his threatening of his Brother.

"And I will be helping him". Alice warned, though she was practically climbing up Emmett, and her voice no where near Emmett's fierce tone.

I noticed Edward smirking slightly, at what to him must have been a hilarious sight of his older, much more ferocious looking Brother, standing with us. I caught his eye and scowled what I hoped was my meanest scowl. His face immediately straightened as he shone the torch for Jazz illuminating a path for him.

"Make sure you take it far far far away". Alice yelled as her two Brothers walked out of the camp site.

Regardless of the fact the snake was now gone, the three of us remained standing on the log, seemingly not wanting to move. Personally I wanted Edward to check our tent thoroughly before I got back in there. There was no way I was wanting to wake up in the middle of the night to find something other than Edward in there with me.

"It's gone now honey, you can get down now". Jasper's voice broke the silence.

"Nuh huh, I want you to check it again to make sure". Alice protested.

With a roll of his eyes, Jasper walked back to the tent, checked the insides, before checking all the bags, and sleeping bags as he put them back into the tent.

"Edward, go check ours. I don't want my poor Rosie to get bit during the night". Emmett announced loudly.

"Jesus Emmett, there won't be anything inside". Edward protested, but went towards his Brothers tent anyway, allowing Rose to hold the torch for him.

I could hear Rose and Edward talking quietly as they both checked the tent and belongings. A few snickers later and the pair returned announcing the tent was clear.

"And now yours, or else baby Bell is gonna come sleep with us".

It felt odd to have Emmett refer to me in such a way, but it also felt nice. I felt accepted and wanted. I felt like I belonged. As much as I tried to fight the urge to belong to someone, to belong to them, it had crept up on me secretively, and with just one word form Emmett it had won the battle. A battle I had been planning on winning. Feeling this sense of belonging was simply only going to make it far more difficult to leave them, than I had originally perceived. Regardless of my feelings, I had to do what was right, and leaving was the right thing.

Without complaint, Edward walked toward our tent with Rose trailing behind holding the torch for him as he checked everything of ours, before replacing it and zipping the fly net up.

"Right, can we please go to bed now"? Jasper asked with a sigh.

Alice nodded as Jasper stepped forward lifting her over his shoulder, her squeals of delight filling the night air. They both disappeared into their own tent, Emmett and Rose following suit quickly after, leaving both myself and Edward stood awkwardly together, me still on the log that Alice, Emmett and I had vacated mere minutes before.

"So you have a fear of snakes"? Edward stated a small smile beginning to tug at the corners of his lips.

"No". I answered quickly, seeing him immediately raise an eyebrow. "Ok, so maybe a little, but it is totally warranted. I've seen a snake attack, and well"... I began to explain, having still not got down from the log.

"Just one more thing I'm more than willing to protect you from". Edward told me as he stepped closer, gently lifting me onto his hip and carrying me towards the tent.

Before his words had even really sunk in, he was placing me back on my feet gesturing toward the tent door. I continued to gaze at him, wondering why on Earth he had said what he just had. What did he mean by his statement? Realizing I wasn't making a move to get into the tent, he looked at me, catching my gaze, his eyes locking with mine. There was just so much emotion running through his eyes, even in the dark night I could see clearly the confusion that must equal my own. My breathing hitched as we both allowed ourselves to get caught up in the moment. It eventually got too much for me, and I threw myself into his arms, hugging him tightly, hoping it spoke all the words I couldn't find within. My gratitude for all his help, for looking out for me, being there, but mostly for being the friend I really needed right now.

I didn't want to break the embrace, but my brain did finally kick into gear and I pulled away before he thought I was even weirder than he already did. Without looking at him, I bent into the tent, heading straight for my sleeping bag, that thanks to Edward checking our tent for snakes had moved positions and seemed even closer to his than before. I quickly scrambled inside as Edward followed me inside, zipping the door closed before crawling into his own sleeping bag. I laid straight down, facing away from Edward, not daring to look at him after our 'moment' outside. I wasn't sure if I had overstepped any boundaries with him. Sure he had made a move to kiss me on a few occasions, but they air between us outside seemed thicker, heavier than ever before.

Edward scooted closer, his arms wrapping around my waist holding me tightly to his chest. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to be in his arms. I found myself wishing I could fall asleep like this every night.

"Are you warm enough"? He whispered into my neck.

I mumbled my response, closing my eyes and letting the fog of sleep take over. I could feel Edwards warm breath tickling over my neck and collarbone, soothing, lulling me into a deeper sense of security. His breath already even as though he had already fallen into a deep slumber.

"Goodnight Bella". Edwards sleepy voice suddenly stated.

"Night", I whispered in response, before sleep finally overtook me.

_**Bella's Dream**_

"_Hey how was your trip"? His strong arms engulfed my frame. _

"_Um, yeah, it was ok, long". I replied, pulling out of his embrace and hoisting my carry on further up my shoulder, only for him to take it off me seconds later. _

"_I really missed you". His voice was so full of love as he guided me to the luggage collection._

"_I missed you too", my words were genuine, it felt as though a piece of me had been returned, making me feel whole once more. _

_ After collecting my lone suitcase, he guided me through the throngs of people, all bustling in every direction. His hand never left my lower back, all the way to the car. He placed my bags in the car, then in his true gentlemanly way, opened my door before helping me in. _

_ I had often joked with him that I was surprised he could contain himself from fastening my seat belt for me. He always responded with an eye roll, before threatening that next time he would as he had precious cargo aboard. _

_ The first time he had referred to me as cargo, I acted offended, finding great humour in him spluttering his explanation, clearly panicked that he had hurt my feelings._

"_I do wish you didn't have to go away as often though". He told me, breaking me out of my memories to find ourselves already on the highway. _

"_It's unavoidable sometimes". I replied not wanting to get into this argument. The same one we had without fail every time I got back from one of my trips. _

_It had almost become a tradition for us. We would get the preliminary 'I missed you's' out of the way before the 'I don't like you going away' argument would start. Though we were usually always home by that point, and after 20 minutes of arguing, neither of us winning as both had valid points that neither wanted to recognise, we would tumble into bed, the argument clearly forgotten, well until the next time I came home._

_ This trip though had been the longest I had and his desperation to win this argument shone through far more than previous battles. _

"_It's just you don't seem to realize how hard these trips are on me". His desperation clearly showing now, as we entered our home town of Forks. _

"_How hard they are on you... on you. It's not like I enjoy... Edward... look out **EDWARD**"!_

_**End of dream**_

"Shh Bella, I'm here Baby, I'm here". Edwards voice sang soothingly.

I spun in his arms before flinging myself into his embrace, sobs ripping from my chest. He continued repeating soothing words, gently running a hand up and down my back. I know I was beginning to worry him, but try as I might, I couldn't seem to calm myself.

The dream had been so realistic, so familiar. It was just like that day, except Edward had been the one to start the fight. Yet I was still the one to distract him. I was still the one at fault. A new pain suddenly seemed to be rivalling the existing one, but also fear. Fear that, this was a premonition, that I was going to lose yet another person I loved.

Edward was beginning to get desperate in his bid to calm me. He pulled me into his lap, rocking us back and forth. My hand fisted in his shirt, and my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. Maybe it was his closeness, or his overwhelming scent, or even his husky tone, speaking soothing words that seemed to be incomprehensible to me in this moment. But I did feel myself beginning to calm.

Neither of us uttered a word, as Edward continued rocking us back and forth, his hand stroking my hair, his other splayed on my lower back, holding me ever closer to him.

Slowly I pulled myself together, managing to stop my sobbing. Edward still said nothing, he seemed content waiting until I was ready. It hit me then, what was I going to tell him about my sudden breakdown. Would he simply accept that this was just a bad dream, or would he push for further details? Had he heard me calling his name?

"You're freezing". His voice broke the silence, as he leant back to grab something.

His scent suddenly overtook all of my senses, and I realized he had dropped one of his hoodies over my shoulders. I removed my arms from around his neck, slipping my arms through each sleeve, before returning my arms to their original position. My sobbing had ceased, tears had dried, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away. I just wanted to keep him close. That and I had no idea how to explain my breakdown.

"Just sleep baby, it's fine, I promise I won't let you go". Edwards voice whispered as he continued rocking us.

He began humming a tune, a tune that I was vaguely familiar with, one I recognised of him playing on his piano. It lulled me, and relaxed me into a deep dreamless sleep.

I didn't wake again until the following morning when I heard the hushed voices of Alice and Jasper. I knew by experience that both were early risers, so I can't say I was too surprised to hear them up already. It was whilst listening to the whispers that I noticed Edwards arms wrapped tightly around me, almost in a vice grip. It all suddenly came flooding back, falling asleep in his arms, the all too familiar nightmare, sobbing uncontrollably in Edwards embrace. I had clearly fallen asleep as he had soothed me.

A wave of dread filled me. When he woke, he was going to want answers. Answers I wasn't sure I had. What was I going to say, 'so sorry for freaking out on you, but I dreamt that I killed you just like I killed my Dad'. Yeah, sure after saying that he'd just drop it.

I couldn't think clearly with his arms around me, holding me close to his chest. His breath rolling like a wave down my neck, his scent surrounding me from his jacket I was still tightly wrapped up in. I needed to get away from him for a while, at the very least to come up with answers to give him. I owed him that much at least. I began trying to wiggle myself free from his grip, trying my hardest not to disturb him.

Finally after five minutes of moving inches at time, having nearly woken Edward twice, I was free from his hold, and stepping as quietly as I could into my trainers. I watched Edward like a hawk as I slowly unzipped the door and crawled out, rather pleased I had managed my escape without disturbing him too much.

"Morning Bella". Jasper greeted me from his perch on the log he had vacated the night before. "We didn't wake you did we"? He asked, though had I not heard Alice's voice I would have had no idea who he had meant since Alice was nowhere in sight.

"No, it's fine, I was awake". I smiled gently. "Where's Ali"? I asked looking around for the little pixie.

"Bathroom". Jasper gestured with his head toward the toilet area. "Coffee"?

"Um no, no thanks, I think I'm just going to take a little walk". I began heading back down to the water, wrapping my arms around myself in an almost protective manner.

"You ok Bells"?

"Yeah, oh yeah, I'm fine, just need a few minuets to wake up properly". I forced a smile on my face as I carried on walking.

I could feel Jasper's gaze following me as I headed further out of the camp site. I just needed a little space from everyone to evaluate my thoughts. I was rarely given any time to process much these days, always seeming to have someone shadowing my every move. I knew they all meant well, but sometimes it was so suffocating, stifling.

I made it to the waters edge and sat on a rock overlooking the water. The gentle waves lapping the small beach. There was a small gentle breeze that was neither cold nor warm. It was peaceful. Spacious. Everything that I needed in that very moment.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them as I surveyed the horizon. My mind was starting to clear up without Edwards presence. He affected me so much, more than anyone I had ever known. Even more than Charlie. He deserved to know the truth. I was falling for him, falling for him fast and hard. And if his actions and even words were anything to go by, then he was in the same boat as myself.

The problem was, I didn't want to feel anything for him, or for him to feel anything for me. It was all going to end in heartbreak, and be all my fault. But I couldn't stop him. I needed him like I needed to breathe. He had been my rock for weeks now, a rock I didn't really deserve, but still wanted and needed. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, any of them. Why couldn't he have just let me go when I had the chance? Why did he have to stop me?

Out on the water there were 2 men fishing in a small boat. Within the instant of spotting them, my chest felt like it was being ripped open. Charlie would have been out on a boat similar to that if it hadn't been for me. Enjoying the long days of summer, kicking back and waiting with such peace for the fish to bite.

He had only ever once taken me out on the boat fishing with him, the whole time I had complained of boredom, until eventually Charlie gave in on the Father-Daughter quality time and drove us back to shore within an hour of us having left the dock.

I had taken so much for granted with him. At the time I hadn't really seen it as him just wanting to spend his day off with me, more that he wanted to fish and didn't trust me in the house on my own. I had, had so many awful thoughts about him over the years, cussed him out in my mind when we'd had our arguments, never daring to tell him my exact thoughts. All those nights I had cried myself to sleep at night back in Phoenix, swearing that I would make him pay for sending me out here. Make him pay I sure had.

It's true what they say isn't it, you don't really miss something or someone until you don't have it any longer. I had gone months without seeing my Dad while I was at school, and sure I had missed him, but now I truly missed him. I had so much I wanted to tell him, to share with him. I wanted the opportunity to take back all those awful words I had ever said or thought of him. I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated all the things he had sacrificed for me. But most of all I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and hug him so tightly and never let go.

Sitting watching the two men fishing, I realized that I wasn't the only one who was missing my Dad. Billy had been my Dad's closest friend for so long, spending practically every day off my Dad had, together fishing or watching football on the flat screen. With a soft snort I realized the local diner was probably going to go bust now since my Dad was probably the only reason the damn place stayed open. He ate there for practically every meal. Deputy Mark and the rest of the small sheriffs department would miss him.

Thinking of my Dads work place, reminded me of my things that still sat there, that I had never thought of collecting, and my Dads desk that needed clearing. It wasn't a task that I was looking forward to, he'd always been so particular about his desk, touching his things felt criminal, ironic really since I would be in the correct place.

Then there was the house. I had to do something with it before skipping town. But I wasn't sure exactly what I was meant to do. The idea of another family living in it felt odd, but living there myself, I knew I couldn't do. There were just far too many memories there, and besides I wasn't planning on hanging around for too long.

I began feeling angry towards my Dad for all this for me to deal with, but with the anger came guilt, because of course without me, he would still be here, and I wouldn't be having to deal with all this at all.

"I'm sorry... so sorry". I wept quietly, still staring at the fishing boat.

"Sorry for what"?

**Dun dun duhhhh!!! Lol, ok so I've tried to make this chapter a little longer considering my lack of crappy updates, so I hope you enjoy. Please R & R :)**


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there :p lol

_WOW!!!! I had such an amazing response to that last chapter, you guys are amazing **:D** I am so sorry though you guys that it has taken me such a long time again to get this chapter up, I am trying though, but I wrote nearly a full chapter before deciding that I didn't like it and started all over again. You might be pleased to know though, that I seem to have been hit by the writing bug and hopefully the next few chapters will be up much quicker **:D**_

_Anyway without further ado a huge **MASSIVE** thanks to all you guys who have reviewed. I did try and reply to you all, so my apologies if I missed anyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to **EllaJuneCullen9**, **Twilightgirl80**, **HyperAmii** x2,**Carrigan-R**, **Moonmist901** x2, **xRosePetalx**, **TvHollywoodDiva**, **Fallen-from-grace4711**, **Rose12711**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Me**, **Eeyore16**, **Bandforever16**, **TeamEdwardTwilightFan**, **Dazzlepire**, **Me likey Jazzy**, **AnnieBeth242** and **BethyBelle951** – you guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough **:D :D :D :D**_

_As always, another big thank you to all you guys who added me or this story to your favourite and/or alerts. It is grately appreciated **:D**_

**Chapter 21**

**Bella's P.O.V**

"Sorry for what"? A voice startled me from my thoughts.

In my fright I jumped from the rock I had been sitting on, spinning to face my intruder. My heart was pounding in my chest, the beating almost deafening me.

I knew with certainty though, it wasn't the fact they had crept up on me, it was what they had overheard. If I thought Edward knowing about my dreams was bad, this was infinitely worse. What exactly was I sorry for? I knew, but no-one else was meant to know. It was meant to stay secret, at the very least until I had left them.

"God, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that". I chuckled, trying in vain to guide us away from the subject of my apologies.

"Sorry, I thought for sure you had heard me coming".

"No, I was... thinking". I sat back down in my previous position. "I've always been kind of able to tune things out when I get deep in thought". I was babbling and I knew it.

"Sometimes it's needed in a house as full as ours".

"Yeah, I guess so". I agreed. "So is everyone up? I suppose we should be getting back for breakfast and to decide what we're doing today huh". I stood up and began heading back toward the path.

"Bella". A gentle hand wrapped around my wrist. "What were you apologizing for"?

I took in a deep breath, stepping back to sit back down. I knew I couldn't keep eye contact, I needed something to stare at, the men on the boat a perfect object, one that wouldn't give me away. Staring at the floor or a tree definitely would.

"Nothing... Everything". Even to my own ears that sounded complicated. "I don't know". I couldn't say it, I couldn't just blurt out everything. It wasn't fair to let them carry my burden.

More than anything I was ashamed. The Cullen's all thought I was this sweet, naïve young girl who had just lost her whole world. And though part of that was true, the parts they didn't know were the parts I was most ashamed of. I was ashamed by the fact I couldn't just own up to my mistakes, ashamed that I was letting them treat me so kind, when really they should be shunning me.

I think part of me didn't want them knowing the truth because it would hurt them. Hurt them to know they had given so much to someone who didn't deserve it, to know they had allowed such a monster into their home, and join their family.

This was all such a mess, and it was getting worse day by day. The longer I stayed, the more heartache I was causing. I had to get out, and so very soon.

"I miss him". I nodded toward the water. "He should be out there now, and he isn't". Tears filled my eyes just at the thought.

"It's ok to miss him Bella, it's actually right to". Two arms wrapped around me.

"I just feel so guilty, all of the time". The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"You shouldn't. You have noting to feel guilty for". How wrong they were. "Your Dad wouldn't want you to be unhappy, he wanted everything in the world for you, and as hard as it is, you need to just take it one day at a time, and try to make your Dad proud". I was so relieved that the guilt I had been referring to hadn't been picked up on. "And we're all going to be here to help you, as much as we can. You aren't alone Bella, never".

"Thank you". I replied, not knowing what else I could possibly say.

"And we may get on your nerves from time to time, what with all the hovering we do, so if you need a time out, don't be afraid to ask for one. None of us have ever been through what you're going through, so we just don't know how to help you for the best".

"It's fine. I don't know what I need or want most of the time either". I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood slightly, and as far away from my feeling guilty, as possible. "Thanks Jasper".

"Any time Bells, any time". He gave me a gentle squeeze. "So ok, you ready to head on back to start breakfast, Emmett's probably whining that he's hungry and trust me when I say you do not want him cooking your breakfast".

I nodded and stood along with Jasper. We walked back up the hill, his arm remaining wrapped around my shoulders. Of all the people I had expected to come after me this morning, Jasper wasn't the one. Sure we got on, and he was probably the one I could trust with my most darkest secrets, and he seemed to be able to read what people were feeling rather well, but he was also a stand off to the side kind of guy, never getting involved unless he felt the need. No I had expected Edward, Alice, Rosalie or even Emmett, but Jasper was definitely the last one. It was nice though. He was easy to be around.

When we got back, Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be found. Alice was digging through the cool bags, and Edward was stood looking toward us tensely. As we got closer, Jasper gave my shoulders one last squeeze before he headed over to Alice and began digging out food for breakfast.

"Are you ok"? Edward stepped toward me as I headed back to him. "I was a little worried when I woke up and you weren't there".

"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry. I just needed a few minutes to myself".

"Bella, don't apologize for needed some space".

"Sorry". I apologized again automatically, then chuckled, as he rolled his eyes.

A few minutes later Rosalie emerged from her tent carrying her toiletry bag. I quickly excused myself from Edward and went to grab my things and headed to the bathrooms with her. I felt at ease with Rose, she never asked questions, almost as though she knew I would talk when I was good and ready. I loved Alice dearly, but she was so unlike Rose. Both equally as caring, but in completely different ways.

After getting washed and dressed, and breakfast, we sat around trying to decide what to do. Apparently we would be heading home tomorrow lunchtime, so this was our only full day. I can't say I was too disappointed in the fact we were heading back to civilisation, I still felt a little on edge about the snake, and I could tell from both Emmett and Alice's behaviour they hadn't simply forgotten either.

It was decided we would hike up the hill to where Jasper explained there was a small lake that was fed from a small stream at the very top of the hill. Apparently there was an activity centre not far from there, where they all felt sure we could find an activity to partake in. I wasn't so sure, I had never been the adventurist type, hell I wasn't sure how I was even going to make it all that way on the hike without causing some serious bodily harm to either myself or one of the others.

As if sensing my displeasure, Edward pulled me back into his chest, whispering in my ear that he would help me and keep me safe. I just hoped he wouldn't live to regret his words.

So after packing a bag with a little food and bottles of water, off we set. Rose and Emmett, Jasper and Alice setting the pace holding hands as they walked steadily up the forever climbing path. Edward as promised helped me as I tripped over thin air and my own feet, keeping our fingers linked together. He never once rushed me, or showed any impatience at my slow speed.

When the path seemed to get steeper, he took my mind off it by telling me stories of all the times they had been camping before. I have to say my favourite was one of Alice's first times camping further up the hill. The bathrooms up there, were just pure basic toilet, basin and shower. She had thrown a hissy fit at not having any electricity to dry and style her hair, until Carlisle eventually gave in and drove her twenty minutes down the hill to use the more luxurious bathrooms and then drive her back. Apparently the reason why we were camping where we were was because that was as far up the hill we could go without losing electricity in the bathrooms.

Some of the pranks they had played on each other were hilarious, some cruel. Even poor Esme had suffered the consequences of them. One of which had turned out badly, causing Edward to cringe as he retold it.

"Carlisle was meant to be watching Emmett, Alice and I, as we played by the lake, but had fallen asleep. We all had our floaties and knew not to swim any further than chest height out into the lake. Alice had been playing with her mermaid Barbie while Emmett and I had been climbing trees or something. Anyway we decided to play a prank on Alice, though I can't remember what the prank was. So anyway Alice had taken her floaties off her arms and left them by the side of the lake, and came running after us". Edward frowned as he remembered the event. "So we pulled the prank on Alice, it was probably something like telling her there was a spider on her back or something equally as lame, and she let out this scream. The next thing I know I could hear my Mom screaming for my Dad. I will to this day never forget the fear that we heard in her voice. We all high tailed it back to the lake, knowing there was something very wrong. When we got there, Dad was in the lake, going under the surface and back up over and over, Mom was on the lake side hysterical. At first I thought my Dad was drowning, almost ready to swim out there after him, it was then we spotted one of Alice's floaties not far from where Dad was diving under".

"Oh my God, he thought Alice had drowned". I gasped in horror.

"Yeah. The floatie must have been taken out onto the lake by the current. It was horrible, seeing the panic in them both. After a few seconds we all ran over to Esme, I don't think I could ever see as much relief in anyone's face even if I lived to be a hundred".

"Aww Dude, you're not telling her about the time Mom and Dad thought Alice had drowned are you". Emmett suddenly whined.

I had been that engrossed in Edward telling me what happened, I hadn't realized we had caught up to the others. Edward nodded, smiling slightly, as though he knew what was coming next.

"I swear, that was the only time I thought Dad was gonna murder me". Emmett stated.

"The only time Em, really"? Alice cocked a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him.

"Ok, but not many other times have come close. I for sure thought we were dead with how Dad came storming out of the water to us".

"So what did he do"? I asked curiously.

"All three of us stood there after we'd finally got Dad's attention, he came storming out of the water, looking as though he was going to drown us himself, only to drop down in front of us all, hug us close and I swear he was in pieces". Edward told me.

"Yeah he probably decided against the drowning us idea half way out of the water, after realizing Mom would probably drown him for having fallen asleep while watching us". Emmett laughed.

Having been engrossed in Edward's stories, I hadn't realized how far we had walked until Edward told me we were nearly there. For the next few minutes, both Edward, Alice and Emmett regaled us with some of their favourite memories of camping, though admittedly, any of Alice's were all from when she was a small child. It seemed the older she got, the less she wanted to camp.

Even though I hadn't noticed the hike as much, by the time I reached the top, I was truly exhausted. It was all forgotten though the moment that we walked through a few trees leaving us standing on the hillside overlooking the lake. It was a breathtaking view. You could see for mile on end. It was almost as though we had jumped straight into the image of a postcard or something.

"It really is something isn't it"? Edward whispered in my ear.

"Definitely, it makes the whole perilous hike up here almost worth it". I laughed softly.

"Ah c'mon, it wasn't nearly as bad as you think. You tripped what 3 maybe 4 times the whole way up"?

"That was because you kept me distracted from what I was doing".

"Glad to be of service". He gave me a cheesy grin.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. It was so hard not to be in a light mood around them all. They made me feel like one of them, like I was normal, if only for a few minutes.

Edward tugged on my hand and we began following the others. Emmett's voice began getting louder and louder with excitement, the closer we got to our destination.

"YES! They still have it". I heard him yell in jubilation.

I was just beginning to wonder what it was they still had when I followed Edward around the bend of trees to find a small suspension bridge swinging between two cliff edges. On the far side was looked like an upmarket tree house complete with stairs taking you up into the trees where the main building was.

I immediately felt fear creeping up in me. Did they seriously expect me to walk across that flimsy excuse for a bridge. Though it wasn't exactly a rope bridge, it was made of steel cables, I couldn't imagine it was very safe. Edward sensing my falter in step, spun to face me, immediately frowning.

"We seriously aren't gonna have to cross that thing are we"? I whispered.

"Not if you really don't want to, but we have to if you wanna zip line back to the bottom of the cliff". He told me, stepping closer.

"Do what now"? I asked incredulously. "You want me, to slid down a great big mountain on a wire"?

"It's perfectly safe Bella, I promise".

I looked at him skeptically. I trusted him, God did I trust him, but right now I wished I didn't. How could he possibly think sliding all the way down the hill on a cable was 'perfectly safe'? He was mad. He needed professional help. I really didn't want to do it, but part of my brain was telling me if I didn't, I'd have to walk back down the hill, and I was under no doubt that one of them if not all of them would walk back with me, yet again I would be spoiling their fun.

"C'mon Baby Bell". Emmett yelled as he walked closer to the bridge.

"Bella, I swear it is safe, but if you don't want to do it, there's no pressure". Edward's hands cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. His eyes were full of sincerity. How could I not believe him.

"Do I have to go down alone"? I asked in a whispered sigh.

"No not at all. You can be linked to one of the instructors or anyone of us. If you don't like it after the first line, we can just walk the rest of the way".

"Come on then". I nodded, taking his offered hand.

We joined the others, Emmett was practically bouncing with excitement, as was Alice. Jasper stood watching them both only slightly amused whilst Rose was looking at the bridge in what I can only describe as apprehension. She looked about as pleased with this idea as I did.

From the small amount of time I had known Rosalie, I knew she hated showing any weakness, so she like me, quite possibly wasn't wanting to do this, but didn't want to show her fear or let anyone else down.

"Right let's get this over with". Rose stated.

"Oh this'll be so much fun". Alice sang.

"C'mon Babe, lets have at it". Emmett turned to Rose.

"No way am I following you Em, you'll make it bounce too much". Rose shook her head.

At this point thinking about it bouncing under the weight of the person in front of you made my stomach flip. Good Lord what was possessing me to do this I will never know.

After a quick discussion Alice offered to walk behind Emmett, Jasper would follow her and Rose would follow him so that he could keep his eye on both Alice and his sister. I would follow Rose and Edward would be right behind me. Just watching Emmett then Alice begin to cross made me want to make a mad dash for the trees before anyone could make me cross. Rose looked as though she was contemplating the same thing.

"Rose I promise this thing is safe". Jasper told his sister. "C'mon I'll cross with you". He offered her his hand which she gratefully took then slowly began their crossing.

"You don't have to do this you know, we can always just walk back, it's fine". Edward told me.

I knew he was offering me an out, genuinely concerned by my fear, and I was so very tempted to take him up on his offer. But it meant him missing out on something he clearly thought was fun. Yet again I would be holding him back. Surely spending no more than an hour scared out of my wits was a sacrifice I could make. Taking a deep breath, I linked my fingers through his, knowing there was no way I could or would be able to cross this alone.

"C'mon, let's just get over this thing before I back out completely". I forced a smile and lead him to the bridge.

I stepped on it first, knowing if I was behind him, I could just as easily turn around. Rose was literally 5 steps in front of me, and Edward was right behind me. I could heard Jasper telling Rose not to look down, to focus directly in front of her. I tried following his advice, but all I could think about was the slight bounce I could feel. My grip on Edwards hand tightened even more as I began taking deep breaths.

"You're doing fantastic Baby. Just keep focusing on Jasper".

We were about a quarter of the way across, I was within touching distance of Rosalie, had I been brave enough to let go of the rail, I probably would have grabbed hold of her hand too, but as it was, both hands were occupied. One holding as tight as I could to the rail, the other squeezing Edward's hand. I was quite possibly hurting him, but no matter how I tried I couldn't loosen up, and he wasn't complaining, he just kept giving me a tiny squeeze every so often.

Without warning the bridge suddenly started bouncing and swinging. I froze in terror, Rose started screaming, and I was dying to join her, but I was quite literally frozen. My eyes were squeezed tightly shut, almost waiting for the bridge to snap and for us to go plummeting to our deaths.

"Emmett you dick". Edward yelled fiercely.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I tripped". Even through my fear I could hear the honesty in his voice.

With my eyes closed, my senses seemed to go into overdrive, the bridge was slowly steadying itself, I could hear the footsteps on the wooden planks, and took it as though Emmett and Alice were trying to make it off the bridge as soon as possible. I could hear Rosalie's panicked voice telling I presumed Jasper she was going to throw up, mixed in with a few expletives. Edward still had hold of my hand, but his other arm had wrapped around my waist pulling me back into his chest.

"I gotcha Baby, I promise I won't let anything happen to you". He began repeatedly whispering in my ear.

"Are you guys ok? Do you want me to come back across"? Emmett yelled.

"Don't you dare step another foot on this fucking bridge Emmett Benjamin Cullen or I will personally make sure you cannot procreate, EVER". Rosalie screamed.

In any other situation I probably would have laughed, but right now, nothing was funny to me. I just needed and wanted off this damn bridge.

"Just give us a second Em". Edward shouted back calmly. "Ok Baby, just take a few deep breaths and slowly start walking again". Edward soothed.

"Are you ok Bells"? I heard Rose ask. She turned her head as far as she could to look at me, though her body remained facing forwards.

"Ask me again if I manage to get across this thing". I managed to tell her.

"C'mon, we'll do it together". She reached a free hand back to me, her other hand still holding onto Jasper.

Without thinking I took my hand off the rail and reached forward took her hand. With Jasper leading the way we slowly began walking again. Though I felt a little less safe not holding the rails, the comfort I felt from both Edward and Rose outweighed the security the rail gave.

The far side of the bridge never felt as far away as it did right now, it felt as though for every step forward I took, the bridge was lengthening by two steps.

"How much further Jazz"? Rose asked him.

"About 10 more steps Rosie". He told her.

Finally we got off the bridge, practically falling onto the solid ground with pure relief. I felt as though I had run a marathon. With shaky legs I followed Rosalie to some rocks and sat down next to her, continuing to take deep, calming breaths. Edward crouched beside me rubbing my lower back soothingly.

"Are you ok"? Edward asked quietly.

"Yeah". I sighed. "Thank you not letting go of me on there". I told him gratefully.

"I told you I would always be there for you, whenever you needed me". He whispered in my ear, before kissing me softly on my cheek.

Alice squeezed herself between me and Rose, offering us both a bottle of water. I started taking gently sips, before my thirst took over and I began chugging a few mouthfuls.

"My gosh, that was so much fun". Alice announced mid chug. She was practically vibrating with enthusiasm.

Having nearly choked on my water at her statement, I quickly recovered as both myself and Rose glared at her, whilst Emmett, Jasper and Edward looked at her in amazement. I passed the bottle to Edward for him to have a drink, whilst Alice started vibrating again in excitement of what was to come next.

With a sigh, I climbed to my feet, dreading the next part, though unsure whether it would be better or worse than the rope bridge. Either way I wouldn't have a choice, because there was no-way I was crossing back over that thing. Again Edward took my hand as we followed his siblings up the wooden steps to the main building. My apprehension was building with each step, I was surprised Edward hadn't felt me shaking as I was sure I was. Rose again had gone extremely quiet whilst Emmett and Alice practically dragged her and Jasper along.

"There is absolutely no pressure baby". Edward whispered to me, giving my hand a squeeze, as we stepped up to the door of the building.

Pressure or no pressure, we were doing this. He clearly wanted to, as did Em, Ali and Jazz. There was only Rose who looked as unsure as me, but I was under no doubt that she too didn't want to have to experience the bridge again, and the fact that none of the guys would allow just the two of us to walk back alone.

I gently tugged Edward through the door, unable to verbally respond in case my voice betrayed my true thoughts on the idea. Here goes nothing.

**Ohhh so do you think Bella and Rose will go through with it. Hmmm we shall see. Anyways thanks for reading, please please please leave me a review. Constructive criticism is always very welcome. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer : I don't own a thing so there! Lol.

_Here it is everyone, I know slightly later than anticipated, but here faster than usual :D_

_Ok to start things off, **MASSIVE, HUGE** thanks to the few fantastic people who reviewed for me – **Eeyore16**, **Mrnbgy1014**, **Lolz2kaii09**, **XtwilightxobsessedXx**, **JMFanficQueen**, **Motherduckatschool**, **Bandforever16** – you guys are **AWESOME! :D**_

_Again big thanks to those who added me and/or the story to your favourites and/or alerts, it is much appreciated :D_

_**A/N **: OK so a few facts about zip lining maybe a little or a lot inaccurate, but since I have never been zip lining, and I really struggled to find good information on it, writers prerogative came into play. So I apologize now if there is anything wrong fact wise :)_

**Chapter 22**

**Bella P.O.V**

I sat through the instructors lecture on the safety of zip lining, though none of it was really going in. My gaze continued wavering out of the small window toward the view. It was an absolutely gorgeous view, however I was beginning to realize exactly how high we were. It was hard to believe I had walked up the hill without realizing exactly how steep it really was.

Edward had yet to let go of my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze periodically. After awhile I started wondering if he was doing it because the instructor was saying something he thought I would be nervous to hear. Regardless I was wasn't really listening. I knew I should be, this guy was telling us how to keep safe, how to do things, I knew though with absolute certainty that with how petrified I felt, there was no way I would be able to do anything but sit there with my eyes tightly shut, quite probably screaming my lungs out.

"C'mon baby, lets go get harnessed up". Edward pulled my from my thoughts.

We all headed into the side room where the instructor helped us all into harnesses. Edward explained that we wanted linking together, and Rose quickly added she didn't want to go down alone either. Jasper again offered to go down with his Sister, and since there were four zip lines to go down the guys quickly decided that they would each go down with us, taking it in turns to go down alone, and on the last zip, they'd just decide when we got there. Both myself and Rose agreed that we would swap partners at each station so that they all at least got to go down alone.

Having not paid any attention to the instructor, I had no idea what to expect, so when we got to the platform and I had my first opportunity to look at what we would be doing, I felt physically sick. I now wasn't sure which was worse, the damn bridge, or flying down the side of a mountain in just a harness attached to a metal cable, that let's face it could snap at any given second.

My fear only grew when both Alice and Emmett decided to race each other on the two zips, both screaming geronimo as they practically threw themselves off the platform. By this point I was seriously considering the bridge being the lesser evil of the two, and was ready to call it quits, but without another word, Edward gently situated me in front of him, my back to his chest as one the instructors fastened us together, and then hooked us to the cable.

I looked over at Rose who was being hooked up to Jasper. She forced a smile my way, but her extremely pale face gave away her anxiety. Oddly I was pleased to know there wasn't only me that was dreading the next few moments.

"Ready Baby"? Edward whispered in my ear as he soothingly ran his hands up and down my upper arms.

I closed my eyes and nodded my head slightly. Had he not been watching for it, I dare say he would have missed the minute movement. He threaded his fingers through mine as he walked us forward. I took a huge breath and waited. A second later I could feel air rushing into my face, my hands squeezed Edwards tightly, fear pulsing through my body. I kept my eyes tightly shut, not wanting to see a thing, not wanting to see us plummet to the ground if that was what was going to happen.

I could hear Rose yelping, and Jasper reassuring her that they were fine. I wanted badly to join Rose in her screams, but I felt frozen. My stomach was tying itself in knots, my whole body shaking. Thankfully before I knew it, Edward was telling me to lift my feet for the landing.

I don't honestly think I've ever been so pleased to see solid ground and the idea we had another three zip lines to do, was enough to make me want to be sick. I was vaguely aware of the instructors on the new platform unhooking me from Edward, though his embrace never left me, which was a good thing, because I was sure he was the only reason I was remaining standing.

"Bella, you can open your eyes now Baby". Edward told me, planting a soft kiss on my cheek. I could hear one of the instructors chuckle and I began feeling a slight rage.

"Bella, I know you're meant to have Jasper now, but do you mind going down the next one with Emmett? The less swapping we do, the faster we can get down". Rose asked stopping them from unhooking her from Jasper until she had my answer.

Immediately seeing her logic, I began pulling away from Edward. I was vaguely aware of him asking me if I wanted him to stay with me and I managed to shake my head and got linked up to Emmett.

"C'mon Baby Bell, let's rock this shit". Emmett boomed from behind me.

"Em, I swear to God man, no stunts". Edward growled.

"Have faith Lil Bro". Emmett replied. "You ready little one"?

I nodded shut me eyes tightly, and before I knew it, we were moving again. Emmett was whooping behind me, but even then I could hear Rose yelping again. I so wished I could enjoy this the way Emmett clearly was. Unlike Edward, Emmett didn't tell me to lift my feet while we landed, he merely reached forward and pulled my knees toward my chest.

"And we're down". He told me gently, slowly lowering me to the ground.

Again momentarily, relief swam through me. I was one step closer to solid ground. I really just wanted this over with now. My stomach was continuously churning, nausea creeping through me.

Emmett turned us just in time to see Alice and Edward begin their descent to us. Just watching Edward glide gracefully through the air made me worry. A worry I hadn't had when I had watched Emmett and Alice on the first run. Images flew through my mind of the cable snapping whilst Edward was coming down it. I swallowed my scream of panic, closing my eyes tightly, not wanting to see anything more, forcing myself to take deep calming breaths.

Alice's tinkering laughter broke the air, and the louder it became, the more and more relaxed I felt. Even feeling the rumblings of Emmett's chuckle reverberating off his chest onto my back, pulled my attention from the distress I felt.

"I soo beat you". Alice giggled, her voice now incredibly close.

I opened my eyes just in time to see them both land on the platform, both with big cheesy smiles on their faces. The playfulness between them even made me smile slightly.

"Of course you did Tink, you set off before me. Talk about cheating". Edward laughed.

"It's not cheating Edward, it's just making the most of the opportunities that arise". Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

The two siblings continued their banter about how Edward thought Alice was cheating, as Rosalie was unhooked from Jasper, and then joined to Edward's harness. When we were all set, Emmett walked us over to the next line. The calm that had crept up on me in the last few seconds, immediately disappeared when I saw the next run.

"Fuck me". Was all that Rosalie managed to say, summing up my exact feelings.

"Oh God, you have to be kidding me right"? Panic hitting me full force as I ran my hand through my hair.

The next line was twice the steepness in drop as the previous two. The line went out over the water instead of the land, which could be seen as a good or bad thing in all honesty. As I stared out at the line, everything just settled into the background, I wasn't aware of anything except how damn steep the drop was. I wanted this over with now.

"Baby Bell.... Bells... BELLA". Emmett spoke in my ear, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry Em". I apologized, managing to tear my gaze away and turn my head to look at him.

"I said are you ready to go"?

"Not in the slightest, but lets just get it over with ok". I admitted.

We positioned ourselves so the instructor could hook us up to the line. I could vaguely hear Edward telling Rosalie to take nice steady breaths in and out, assuring her as best he could, that he would keep her safe. I chanced a glance at him and he smiled his sexy crooked smile, winking at me.

"Ok we're ready Baby Bell". Emmett told me, tugging on my hands until we were linking fingers with each other. "On the count of three". I knew what he was going to do though. He'd go on the two rather than the three. "One"... My mistake, he flung us off the platform.

Because of the drop, I found we went much faster this time, and the fear had finally grown enough that in enabled to be vocalized. I screamed with all my might, all the way down. Any spectators would have assumed myself and Rose were having a contest between us. I'm sure through both of our screams had scared all the wildlife within miles, away.

What I was sure was seconds later, though felt like minutes if not hours, I felt Emmett's feet hit the floor. My feet landed too, but I can't honestly tell you whether my own legs were in fact holding me up, or whether it was Emmett. The sickness I had felt earlier seemed to be crawling steadily up my throat, and I knew it was only a matter of time before it erupted.

"Bella, you can open your eyes". Emmett whispered.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the nausea that was still bubbling away. Emmett gave my hands another squeeze as I slowly let my eyes flutter open. Big mistake right there. Though this platform was thankfully on solid ground, Emmett had positioned us facing the next line. If I thought the one we had just done was bad, the next was, well I don't think there were words. It wasn't quite as steep, but it was the longest one yet. You couldn't even see the finishing platform clearly.

"Em, I think... I think I'm gonna throw up". I muttered, taking big gulps of air and slowly letting them out.

"Wh... What? Hang on Bells. Hey, hey, unhook us man, she needs to barf". Emmett's flapping arms alerted one of the workers, who sped over to us and began trying to separate us.

With the last clip undone, I fell straight to the floor away from Emmett's chest. Clearly my jelly legs hadn't been holding me up. I managed somehow to scramble up and darted for the tree line. Leaning my head against a tree, I continued breathing deeply, hoping the nausea would settle.

"Are you ok Baby"? A gentle hand began rubbing the small of my back soothingly. Scared to open my mouth in case vomit was the first thing that would exit, I nodded pathetically.

After a few minutes, the nausea settled, as I took gentle sips of the water Edward had offered me. It hadn't failed my noticed that my legs were still feeling a little weak, but they were holding steady for now.

"Are you ready to head back"? And with those six little words, the panic was back. "Baby... Baby, you don't have to go down any more zips. We can walk the rest of the way back to camp, it isn't that far from here". Edward soothed me immediately.

I nodded back to him, allowing him to pull me into his chest, holding me tightly. I felt a rush of calmness run through me, his arms like a security blanket. It was like nothing could ever hurt me whilst ever I was wrapped up in him. His scent was like my drug of choice, sending me into a relaxed state of mind.

"I am so proud of you Baby". He told me, stepping back, and before I could reply, his lips brushed oh so softly against mine.

I think for the first time ever, I actually responded to his kiss, instead of just standing there. I allowed my lips to move against his, one hand clutching the front of his shirt, whilst the other wrapped up around his neck, playing with the short hairs there. I was enraptured by him, it was just me and him, there was nothing else that mattered in this moment. Before I was ready, he pulled away, but continued planting chaste kisses as we both caught our breaths. I had yet to open my eyes, wanting to commit the last few minutes to my memory, not wanting it all to end.

"C'mon, lets go tell the others we're walking back". He told me gently, as he gave a small tug and lead me back towards the platform.

When we got back to everyone, I noticed immediately that Rose had taken her harness off completely, and was sipping at a bottle of water. She looked completely relaxed now, clearly having decided she too had, had enough.

"I'm walking the rest of the way Bells if you wanna join me"? She told me.

"Um yeah". I told her, before turning back to Edward. "You can finish if you want, I'll be fine walking back with Rose".

"Are you sure, I don't mind walking you both back". I could see his hesitance.

"We'll be fine, go have fun". I told him, as I began taking the harness off.

Within minutes, both myself and Rose were heading onto the main path that lead toward the camp site, promising the guys we would be careful and look after each other. They made us check we had our cell phones, and that we knew how to get back to camp, before the agreed to let us wander off alone. I could see Alice looking at us, contemplating whether to come with us or stay with the guys. In the end the adrenaline rush clearly won out.

Edward refused to go down the line until we had walked out of his sight, and I could tell he, like Alice was torn whether or not he should have argued more to come with us.

"Thank God that is over with". Rose sighed as we strolled down the path.

"I don't think my nerves, or stomach for that matter could have coped with that final line". I admitted.

"Honestly, I'm surprised I managed to let them get me down the first one". Rose smiled. "It's weird, because take me to a theme park, and I'll go on all the roller coasters, but that zip line, honestly, never again".

"I've never been an adrenalin junkie". I told her.

We walked in companionable silence for a few moments. Like the quietness with Edward, there was never any pressure with Rosalie to talk. It was like she knew I would talk as and when I was ready. I suppose she had felt the pressure from others to talk, when she first moved in with the Cullen's so she understood me better than most.

"So I was thinking, maybe next week, we should go shopping for school supplies and stuff". Rose suggested. "Trust me, it's better if we go willingly, rather than letting Alice drag us. The more she has to work to get us to go, the worse it gets, trust me".

"She definitely loves her shopping doesn't she"? I asked with a chuckle.

For the following twenty minutes of our walk, Rosalie told me a little bit more about what it was like when she and Jasper first came to live with the Cullen's, quickly moving onto the subject of Forks high school. Obviously she, Jasper and Emmett would be returning as seniors so would have no classes with me, though she did reiterate that both Edward and Alice were going to be juniors like myself.

"You'll probably have at least one of them in each of your classes. The student population is just too small for it not to happen". Rose told me. "Most of the teachers are pretty decent, and don't have seating plans or anything. You'll be fine".

"Can't be any worse than Phoenix" I muttered, before I could stop myself.

"Was it really that bad"? She probed.

"Yes and no". I answered after a moments thought. "The school was really nice, you know state of the art. The teachers were ok, the odd one or two were annoying, but for the most part it was fine. The loneliness though. There was always two big groups in the school, those of us who boarded and those who came from the area. But in those two groups there was the obvious cliques you know, jock, cheerleader, science geek. And then there was me and my ex best friend Monica. I was always ok with not fitting anywhere, but Monica, she wanted so badly to be popular, so much so that she sold me out to them when she found out I had a small crush on the assistant Phys Ed teacher".

"Oh Bella". Rose looked genuinely hurt for me.

"It's fine. I mean at least I found out what she was truly like, and Mr Stevens left at the end of the school year anyhow, so it wasn't like I had to go through months of being taunted". I admitted.

"So that's why you didn't want to go back to Phoenix"?

"Partly, I suppose yeah. I can't really pin point exactly why I was so unhappy out there, I just was".

"Well you'll have family here, so you won't be on your own, ever". Rose wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

When we reached the camp site, the fire was nearly dying, so we quickly threw what was left of the fire wood into the pit, before going and collecting more. Rose estimated that the others would have about a forty five minute trek back up the hill, and since it had taken us about twenty minutes, to get back, we were expecting them in about half an hour. We got the fire roaring again, before we decided a quick wash to get all the days grime off us was needed. Although we both admitted it would probably be pretty pointless considering one of us was bound to suggest having another swim before dinner, so knowing this, we forewent the showers, and just put our swim wear on and headed for the lake.

Like the night before, the water was freezing, but after a few minutes, it was tolerable. I spent a few minutes rubbing away at my skin, washing the grime away, whilst Rose swam a little. I had never been an avid swimmer, of course I had taken lessons as a kid, but I could honestly live without swimming. I always used to think I wasn't a strong swimmer because I didn't like it, but then the older I got, the more I thought maybe I didn't like it, because I wasn't a strong swimmer.

"Bella, I think they're back, let's go hide". Rose laughed, as she grabbed my hand and high tailed it towards the bushes.

She was right about them being back, I could vaguely hear Emmett's loud voice announcing his presence back at the camp site. After a few moments I could hear our names being called. I immediately felt guilty, surely they would be worried about us, and whether or not we had gotten back ok. The memory of Edward's face as he let us walk away came to mind, making me feel even worse. I looked to Rose about to tell her what I thought, when she held her finger to her lips, then pointed toward where both Edward and Emmett were walking toward the water.

"Pay back Bells for Emmett bouncing that God awful bridge". She whispered before creeping out.

Slowly, oh so slowly, she crept up behind him and at the right moment pushed him with all her might so that he went flying into the water. I stepped out just in time to see Emmett emerge from the water stuttering and screaming about how cold it was.

"What the hell babe". He yelled.

"That's for being a clumsy ass on the bridge". Rose laughed.

By this point, Edward had wrapped his arm around my shoulders and was laughing with myself and Rose. Jasper and Alice having come running at hearing Emmett shouting also laughed at the sight before us. After watching Emmett pout for a few minutes, both myself and Rose waded into the water to him, whilst Edward, Jasper and Alice all went to get their swim suits on.

Whilst they were gone, Emmett did apologize for tripping on the bridge. We both accepted, knowing he hadn't meant to trip and scare the crap out of us. When the others returned, we played around a bit until it started to get chilly, before we all headed back up to the camp site to have nice warm showers.

The night wasn't much unlike the last, we sat around having dinner and chatting amongst ourselves. Before it got too dark, Alice made Jasper and Edward check the tents again, then zipped the mosquito sheets up to prevent anything getting in them once night set in. just thinking about there being anything in our tent gave me the shivers. Thinking I was cold, Edward retrieved his hooded jacket for me, wrapping it around my shoulders. Though I wasn't cold, I knew the temperature was beginning to drop and I would be thankful for it later.

The whole trip had been amazing. Usually one for hating camping, I found I had truly enjoyed myself with them. It kind of felt nice to just be me for a while and not constantly think of the baggage I had. It gave me something to remember them all by, because make no mistake, I would be leaving them all soon, one way or another.

The trip hadn't altered my resolve. I didn't deserve such a loving family, and they certainly didn't deserve the likes of me. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be. Of this I was sure. Looking around the fire, at each of them, it pained me to realize how much I would miss them. They had all brought something different into my life. But it was for their own good that I leave. The idea of me hurting them any more that I had already was just too much to bear.

"Oh, let's take a moonlight stroll before we make smores". Alice suggested.

Everyone got to their feet and began following Alice and Jasper onto the trail. Edward having held my hand throughout the night gave it a squeeze, before lifting his arm over my shoulders and pulling my closer into his body. It was a cliché romantic stroll, but it strangely felt so right to be doing this with Edward. Ahead of us, you could see the love seeping from Alice and Jasper, Rose and Emmett. It was wrong to feel so, but I felt as much in love with Edward as they looked with each other, if not more.

"I used to hate seeing them like this". Edward whispered in my ear.

"Why"? I was truly baffled.

"I don't know, I mean I used to think those four, plus Carlisle and Esme, made me pretty much the seventh wheel. Now I think I was maybe a little jealous, and I never really understood what they felt for each other".

"Was"?

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I understand things a little better now".

Was he saying what I thought he was saying? A part of me really hoped he was, because then at least then he reciprocated my feelings, but then another part of me was screaming at me to stop him from saying anything further. It would just make everything that much harder, and worse. He had already declared his feelings a few days ago when I had last tried to make a run for it. I had hoped at the time that he was just saying those things to keep me around, but with every minute I spent with him, it became clearer and clearer that he had meant it.

"I meant what I said the other day Baby. I am falling in love with you. I know you're probably not ready, and maybe you don't feel the same. I respect that, but I need you to know Bella. I need you to know that I'm yours. My heart, soul and body belong solely to you, and you alone". He told me with such deep devotion in his voice, as he tugged us to stop.

"Edward, God, I think that is the nicest thing, that anyone has ever said to me. I do wish you didn't though"... I began, seeing him open his mouth to argue. I quickly raised one finger to his lips stopping him. "I wish that, because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it, but it doesn't mean I don't feel the same. But I'm not ready, and quite honestly, I don't know when I will be. Right now, it's a struggle getting through each day. So I need you to promise me, promise me that you won't wait".

"I can't promise that Bella, I won't promise that".

Ugh stupid typical man, never doing what you want them to. Always completely opposite to what you want them to.

"Baby, as far as I'm concerned you're it for me".

I couldn't help but mirror his sentiments. I felt sure I could live another hundred years and not find anything close to how I felt about him. But regardless of how I felt, he had to come first, I could not allow him to waste his life wanting such a horrible person like me.

"Edward, we're sixteen, how can you possibly know what you want for the rest of your life right now"? I told him.

"I know what I feel for you only comes around once in a lifetime". He told me.

I didn't know how to continue arguing with him. How can you argue against something you agree with? Thankfully, Emmett's voice boomed close by, telling us to hurry up because Alice wanted to take a few pictures and he was dying for smores. I felt so grateful to Emmett in that moment.

"This isn't over". Edward whispered in my ear as we made our way over to the others.

Alice had found a nice spot where the trees broke showing a breath taking view of the lake, the moon reflected perfectly on it's rippling surface. We must have posed for a hundred different pictures. All girls, all boys, each couple which of course meant me and Edward, then all of us, then she wanted one of siblings. I nearly broke down in tears when Emmett demanded that I be in his picture of siblings. To round things off she wanted one of each girl with all three guys, and one with each guy with all three girls. By the end of it, my jaw ached and if one more person said the word cheese, I wasn't sure how bad my reaction would be.

We finally arrived back at the camp site where Emmett wasted no time getting down to business making his smores. I could feel the waves of tension coming off Edward, and every so often caught him gazing at me. The few times we had eye contact, he offered me a small smile before breaking the contact.

I have to admit, by this point, I was truly dreading bed time. I wasn't sure whether I had upset him earlier, or whether he was just mad with me. All evening he had given nothing away, leaving me confused as to his reaction, and what his 'this isn't over' meant. I didn't want to argue with him, because in all honesty, his argument was so much stronger than mine. I agreed with him, I wanted him, I was falling for him. I just couldn't allow him to know this.

Unfortunately, bed time did arrive, and though I hated the idea of having to get into the tent with him, at the same time, I couldn't wait. All I wanted was to fall asleep and wake up in his arms, like I had last night and this morning. It was wrong, it was leading us both on, but at the same time, we wouldn't be able to back at the house, so it wasn't like it was a regular thing.

The dreaded moment came, when we were zipped up in the tent, and zipping ourselves into the sleeping bags. The tension even thicker in here than it had been out there. It was awful, and I knew then, that we couldn't leave this lingering between us. I wouldn't get any sleep like this, and I was sure, neither would he.

"Bella"... Edward began sliding his fingers through my own, having yet to lay down.

"No wait. Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to down play your feelings earlier. It's just that, I'm not ready for any kind of romantic relationship, with anyone. I don't know how long I'm going to feel this way, and I just don't see how it's fair to ask you to wait. I do really like you, but I can't right now. Ok"?

"I do understand Bella, I do. But you have to try and understand that the way I feel for you isn't going to change. I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you. And if, when you're ready, you don't want it to be with me, then that's ok too".

"Ok". I managed to mumble, before sitting up and throwing myself into his arms, hugging him tightly to me.

This guy was too perfect to be true. He was willing to wait for me, even if I turned around and said I didn't feel the same way. I hated that I was going to hurt him, it was inevitable. It scared me if I'm honest. Would he look for me? Try and follow me? Of course he would, I just had to hope I didn't leave a trail good enough for him to track, or for anyone to track really. I hoped upon hope, that the saying 'out of sight, out of mind', would ring true for him.

We eventually laid down, still remaining wrapped in each others embrace, neither wanting to let go, though I assumed we both shared and had our own reasons for not wanting to. I just wanted to feel him close, to know I had been so close to having the perfect man love me, and to know, that this could possibly be the last time. I had to leave, and soon.

The following morning, we awoke still in each others arms, seemingly as though we hadn't moved all night. We laid still, neither saying a word as we listened to sounds of nature. Birds singing, the small breeze whistling through the trees. It was all very peaceful. Well until we heard all the pots clanging together, followed by Alice moaning at Emmett for making so much noise first thing in a morning.

We both chuckled before emerging from the tent. It looked like we were the last up, as we staggered toward the camp fire where Jasper was already sat cooking bacon and eggs for us. Rosalie offered us both a mug of steaming coffee, and though I wasn't a fan of it, I took it grateful for a morning pick me up.

Over breakfast we discussed the days plans. Eventually it was decided that we would pack up camp, before having a quick dip in the lake, then head back home. Though I would be sad to leave, having had the best camping trip I'd ever had, but a part of me was grateful that we were heading back. This whole telling myself I needed to leave and not being able to actually follow it through was getting annoying.

There was still a slight tension between myself and Edward as we packed our things, making sure to leave some dry, clean clothes out for after our swim. I hoped the remaining time I had with him wasn't going to be filled with tension like this.

"Edward"? I just had to try and get rid of this tension between us, I couldn't stand it much more. "We're ok, right"? I asked him once he looked at me.

"Yeah, of course we are. Why"? His brow furrowed, confused.

"Well, it's just that... well you seem kind of... off with me". I tried to explain.

"Oh, Baby no, I'm sorry. It's just I don't wanna go home. I've kinda enjoyed having you almost to myself these past few days, I just don't want it to end". He told me, pulling me toward him, into a hug.

"Ok". I whispered.

He pulled back to look at me slightly, before peppering my face with kisses, leaving a lingering kiss on me lips. As he pulled away, I daren't open my eyes, like him, just not wanting this to end. I heard him chuckle slightly, before kissing me once more. This was filled with all his unsaid feelings toward me. It was filled with love and longing. Exactly how I felt about him.

"C'mon Baby, let's hurry up before Alice starts yelling". He chuckled, as he tossed me his hooded jacket I had been wearing for the past two nights.

I piled a pair of jeans, t-shirt, shoes and of course Edward's hoodie, along with my socks and underwear to put on after swimming, every thing else was stuffed into my bags at the entrance to the tent, ready to be put into the Jeep. Wearing only the shorts and vest I had been wearing all morning, Edward picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder before he made a run to the lake. Emmett and Rose were not far in front of us.

Not wasting a second, Edward leapt into the lake, the freezing water hitting us hard. Alice and Jasper were nowhere to be seen. Rose quickly explained Alice had still been packing and picking out today's outfit when we had left. Sure enough, five minutes later, they both arrived, quickly barrelling into the water.

We played a game of chicken, though this time I was partnered with Edward, and coming in second to Rosalie and Emmett. After that, we just splashed around some, enjoying the last few moments of our little vacation, before we headed back to reality.

Seeing the dark clouds crawl towards us, we all made a dash back to camp, quickly changing, before rushing to get all the tents down and packed away. With all the rush, this time the guys let us carry a few more bags back to the Jeep. A slight drizzle began, which only seemed to get heavier the closer we got to the Jeep, but thankfully held off long enough for us to get everything in the Jeep including ourselves.

I held hands with Edward all the way home, between napping and listening to Alice telling us all she couldn't wait to get back to civilisation, which to Alice was known as make-up, hair dryer and straighteners. It was strange how my hand felt almost as though it was was made to fit in Edward's. Almost as though reading my mind every so often, he would play with our fingers, or draw heart shapes in my palm. I never wanted this to end.

Before I knew it, Emmett was pulling the Jeep up in the garage. With a sigh, I climbed out after Edward, grabbing my bags, before Edward once again grasped my hand and lead me into the house. I was both relieved and disappointed to be back.

"Honey... I'm home". Emmett shouted as we all stepped into the hall.

"Ma". Edward called after having received no response to Emmett's call.

"Weird, both of their cars are in the garage". Emmett pointed out.

We all put our bags at the bottom of the stairs as we began searching for them. Just as we made it into the kitchen, Esme appeared making her way toward the doorway as if to come greet us. Carlisle was sat at the small circular kitchen table. Neither parent had their usual smiling faces. I hadn't seen them look this morose since... since the funeral.

"Ma"? Edward asked.

"Did you guys have a good time"? Esme asked, forcing a smile on her face, though even I could tell it was face.

"What's going on you guys"? Jasper asked.

"Please don't worry guys. It isn't anything bad... as such". Carlisle stood and came toward us.

My heart felt as though it was lodged in my throat. They knew. They knew it was my fault. That was the only thing I could think of. Both Carlisle and Esme were looking at me. At me. Not at Alice or Rose, nor at Emmett, Jasper or Edward, but at me.

"Then what"? Edward asked.

"Chief Saunders came by earlier".... Esme began.

Oh God, they really did know. The police had figured it out. They had found out it was my fault and had already been and told the Cullen's. I had to get out, I had to make a run for it, but I couldn't I was frozen in my place. I wanted to be sick.

"Chief Saunders"? Emmett asked.

"You mean Deputy Wayne"? Rose clarified.

"Yes, he came by earlier with some news". Carlisle answered, though all eyes seems to be on me.

_**Dun dun duhhhhhhh! oh what news has he got? Hmm I wonder lol. Hope you all enjoyed the little Edward Bella moment, fingers crossed for a few more huh? So ok, I think there may only be one or two at the most chapters left now, unless I am hit with a big lightening bolt of inspiration. So anyhow, please R&R, it would make my day :D**_


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so please don't attempt suing!

_As promised, I'm updating again. I know, I know it was rather a quick update for me, but I thought I'd try and not make you all wait another few months lol, for the last few chapters. That's right folks, there is one last chapter after this. So enjoy while it lasts :D_

_Ok another massive thank you to **Twilightgirl80**, **Teamedwardtwilightfan**, **Eeyore16**,**Bandeforever16**, **BeckyWecky94**, **Aimee is ace** and **Motherduckatschool** you guys seriously rock, you give me the inspiration I need **:D :D :D :D**_

_And another big thanks to you guys who added me and/or this story to your favourites and/or alerts list :D_

Chapter 23

_**Previously...**_

"_Chief Saunders came by earlier"... Esme began. _

_ Oh God, they really did know. The police had figured it out. They had found out it was my fault and had already been and told the Cullen's. I had to get out, I had to make a run for it, but I couldn't I was frozen in my place. I wanted to be sick. _

"_Chief Saunders"? Emmett asked. _

"_You mean Deputy Wayne"? Rose clarified. _

"_Yes, he came by earlier with some news". Carlisle answered, though all eyes seems to be on me. _

**Bella's P.O.V**

My whole body was telling me to run, and run fast. I didn't want to be around to see the looks on their faces when they learnt the truth. I didn't want to see the hatred, the disappointment. It was all too much.

"Bella, the driver of the truck has pleaded guilty". I heard Carlisle tell me, though I understood none of it.

All I could make sense of was seeing his lips moving, speaking to me, but his words were just vague sounds filtering into my brain. I tried hard to understand what he was telling me, but it was as though my brain was shutting down on me. Everyone was looking at me, staring almost like I had grown a second head or something. I needed to try and explain.

"I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry. I meant to tell you, I really"... I began, words stumbling from my mouth.

"You knew"? Esme asked.

What were they talking about? The look of pure confusion must have shown on my face, as Esme reached out for my hand and lead me to the kitchen table, motioning for me to sit. Rosalie placed a glass of water in front of me, squeezing my shoulder as everyone backed away slightly giving me some space.

"I... I don't understand". I truly didn't.

"Honey, because of the circumstances of the crash, there should have been a trial or inquest into what happened. But the driver of the truck that hit you and your Dad has pleaded guilty". Esme told me softly, squeezing my hand.

Pleaded guilty? What has he pleaded guilty to? I mean sure he hit us, but... I don't know. I don't even know whether my Dad had run a stop light or anything, I was too distracted, like my Dad about my ranting and raving. I didn't understand anything. I was more guilty than the other driver.

"He was drunk Bella. He was four times over the legal limit, witnesses saw him run a stop light before he crashed into you". Carlisle added, clearly seeing I wasn't understanding anything.

"He was drunk"? I murmured.

The words kept running around in my head. If he was drunk, did that lay all blame on him? Was I still at fault? Of course I was. I mean drunk or not, If I hadn't been distracting my Dad, he would have seen him, right? I mean if he saw him, he'd have manoeuvred us out of the way, before going and arresting him or something.

This man, whoever he was, had been guilty like me, and had admitted it. Why hadn't I? I played a part in all this, surely I should be big enough to shoulder part of the blame.

"Bella"? Esme's hand cupped my cheek.

"I... I need some... air". I stuttered out, clambering to my feet.

Esme went to follow me, but I wanted, no I needed to be alone. I needed to do something other than just sit. I asked if I could be alone, and explained I just needed to have a walk, to clear my head, get everything straight, before I came back. Both her and Carlisle looked dubious about allowing me to go alone. I knew they were both thinking back to the last time I had been left. I promised them that I was not going to go to any parties, I just needed some space.

I set off walking down the driveway, I could feel the whole families eyes on my back, burning into me. I felt one pair more so than the others. I didn't once look back, I just kept going, not really aware of my surroundings or even exactly where I was headed.

I felt numb. All this time, had past, and I had kept my guilt to myself, yet this man, had accepted his guilt. It felt wrong to allow him to take full blame, knowing I too had played my part. He was going to get a punishment, however I was walking away with nothing. Well no, not nothing I suppose, since I had to live every day knowing what I had done, but still.

Before I had even chance to realize, I was walking into the police station. It was quiet as usual, I mean how much crime do you really think happened in such a small town like Forks. Mary the receptionist, who I was sure was well over the retirement age, still sat at the front desk, her glasses sitting on the tip of her nose, as she read a well worn copy of a book. She looked up on hearing my foot steps, her smile faltering only slightly when she realized who I was.

"Bella, honey, what a lovely surprise to see you here". Her smile widened, allowing me to catch a glimpse of the pale pink lipstick she had managed to get on her teeth. "How are you keeping dear"?

"Um, yeah ok thanks. Is Wayne in"? I asked, just wanting to keep conversation to a minimum.

"He sure is honey, go on back, same desk as always". She replied, then immediately went back to her book.

I headed toward the back rooms of the station. Nothing had changed much, the door to the holding cells was closed as usual, the two desks in the open area of the office still as cluttered with papers as always, though two steaming cups of coffee sat on both desks. The two offices, one of which had been my Dad's sat at the far side.

My Dad's office. I felt tears spring into my eyes just thinking of how it had once been his. The lights were off, the door closed. I slowly walked towards it, peeking through the blinds. Everything like Wayne had promised weeks ago, remained untouched, almost like a museum to my Dad's working life. I knew going in would be a mistake, it would just cause more pain, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to feel close to my Dad again, seeing as how this is where he spent most of his waking time.

I slowly twisted the door knob, before sliding inside. Taking a deep breath, I could still smell him. The awful aftershave he always used, often joking that he only wore it to keep the ladies away. In all honesty, I know he liked the smell of it. I don't suppose it was a bad smell, it was just never to my liking. What I wouldn't give though right now, to smell him as he climbed down the stairs first thing in a morning when it was at it's strongest. I could even smell the slight aroma of tobacco. I knew he hadn't quit like he had told me last summer.

I walked around his desk, though didn't dare sit in his chair. It probably wasn't even safe. The state had issued new chairs for the whole office a few years back, but my Dad had refused one, saying he had only just managed to bed the one he had in. I wouldn't be surprised if the cushion still had his ass print in it.

Paper work had clearly been removed from his desk, but everything else still remained, bar that one photo frame Wayne had brought me after the funeral. There was another picture of my Dad and this huge fish, the biggest he claimed to have ever caught. He told the story every year around the camp fire, whilst claiming he would catch it again that summer, it never happened though. There was another picture of me and him. I couldn't ever remember it being taken, I was only a small kid though. He had me in his arms, and our noses were pressed together. We looked happy.

"Hey B, hows it going Hun"? Wayne's voice startled me, just as I was stepping back around the desk. "I guess Carlisle and Esme told you huh"?

"Yeah". I mumbled.

"C'mon Hun, let's go into my office and talk". He gestured for me to follow him.

I followed him to the office next door, making sure I was leaving my Dad's office exactly how I had found it, and closing the door tightly. Stepping into Wayne's office, was completely different to my Dad's. Papers cluttered the desk, the overhead lights bright, bringing a warmth to the room. Pictures of Wayne's wife and three kids adorned practically every surface.

Instead of stepping behind his desk to sit, he sat in one of the two seats in front of it, gesturing for me to take the one opposite. I sat on the edge, clasping my hands together, trying to keep my breathing steady.

"Carlisle and Esme said you went camping with the rest of the kids, sounds like fun".

He sounded about as awkward as I felt. Clearly he hadn't a clue why I was here, or what to say to me for that matter. It was so odd to see him this way, Wayne had always been quite a chatty person.

"Yeah, it was... ok". I replied, nodding my head, though still not being able to look him in the eye.

"Is everything ok Bells"?

"The um, the accident... I don't... I don't understand".

"What don't you understand Hun"?

"Everything... Nothing. The guy"...

"The other driver"? He asked, I managed to nod my head. "While he was being treat in the ER, he gave permission for breath, blood and urine tests to be done. He was four times over the legal alcohol consumption level Bells. He isn't fighting the charges against him, so there won't be any need for a trial".

"What charges"? Surely I would be up against similar charges.

"Drink driving, driving without due care and attention, driving with an open container, and manslaughter".

As soon as he mentioned manslaughter, bile rose in my throat and I fought to swallow it back down. Oh God, I was guilty of manslaughter too. Just hearing the word made it all feel that much more real.

"It... It was". I began trying to tell him.

"It was what Hun"?

"It was my fault". I rushed out. "I didn't mean to, it was... I was"...

"Whoa whoa whoa. Sweetheart, what was your fault"? Wayne asked me, his voice gentle and soothing as he knelt in front of me.

"The... the accident". I broke down in tears.

"No Bella. Sweetheart, it wasn't. Why would you think that"?

"It was". I stated, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady, but it all came out quivered. "We were... we were arguing. I was... distracting him". I could tell I had momentarily stunned him into silence.

"Bella, Bella, listen to me". Wayne clutched my cheeks forcing me to look at him. "The accident was not your fault. We have witnesses who said the truck came from nowhere, jumping a stop light. From the position of the crash, even if your Dad hadn't been distracted, there is no way he could have moved the car in time. As it is, if he'd have been any further forward, and the car would probably have flipped over, and we'd have lost you both". Wayne told me, his voice wasn't stern, but it was like he needed me to believe him. "Bells, your Dad drove with criminals screaming and shouting at him from the back of the cruiser, do you really think you arguing with him would have distracted him"? His voice now sounded incredulous. "The accident, was not your fault sweetheart, do you hear me"?

All the information Wayne had just given me, flew randomly through my head. It was all just too much. It felt like I was drowning. I didn't know whether I wanted to believe Wayne. I mean he could be just saying it to make me feel better. He wasn't there, how could he possibly know.

"Bella. The accident was Not. Your. Fault". He told me again. "I didn't want to show you this, ever, but we have footage of the accident". He told me with a sigh.

"You mean like a video". My voice was so quiet I could barely hear it.

"Yes". He nodded, as he climbed to his feet and began moving around the office. "It's a major junction in the town, it has camera surveillance on it twenty-four-seven". He told me, as he slipped a DVD into a machine, turning on the screen.

Immediately, a shot of the junction came on, cars going up and down the road. Suddenly you could see the cruiser enter in the bottom left corner of the screen, my Dad behind the wheel and me in the passenger seat. He stopped at the light as it had been red for us. About a minute into the film, the light turned to green. I watched with shock, nausea rolling in my stomach as out of nowhere the van flew through the red light. My Dad had barely moved the cruiser at all. I involuntarily let out a scream when the truck hit.

Wayne immediately stopped it, jumping forward to wrap his arms around me tightly. I cried. I cried for my Dad, and a little for me. Seeing it actually happen, brought everything flying back. The pain, the fear and the loss. It was then I knew, it had never been my fault. With or without me in the car, he would never have seen the truck coming until it was too late.

"It... wasn't... my... fault"... I hiccuped.

"No honey, it wasn't".

I couldn't breath. It was like I was drowning all over again. This time though, I was filled with a fury. The driver, so reckless, had with one split second decision to drive while drunk, had taken the life of the most important person in my life. He had stripped me away from every thing I had ever known. Taken part of my future away.

"Is... is he here"? I managed to ask.

"Huh"? Wayne either hadn't heard me, or didn't understand. Either way it didn't matter.

I was on my feet, flying out of the door, heading straight toward the holding cells. It didn't really occur to me that he probably wasn't in there. I just really needed to see the face of the man who had taken away a part of me that day.

"Bella... Bella... Hun, he isn't in there". Wayne grabbed me from behind, pulling me into his chest.

I struggled against him for a few minutes, not believing him at first. He constantly kept telling me to go with him back to his office, so we could call Carlisle and Esme and have them come pick me up. Realizing either way he wasn't going to let me into the holding cells, I pulled out of his arms, and ran for the door. I needed to get away, to think, to breath. I could hear him calling after me, but I didn't stop, or care.

I walked with no purpose or care. I simply walked. I could have walked all the way to Port Angeles and I probably wouldn't have noticed. It started to rain, but I didn't care, I barely even noticed. I only noticed my surroundings when I came across the fatal junction. I stood on the corner, just looking on. Like the video, it made it all real. I could see in my minds eye, seeing the truck flying toward us, seeing the split second of panic on my Dad's face.

I couldn't take it. I set off running, no idea where I was running to, I just ran. My lungs burned, my chest ached, my legs felt like lead, but I couldn't stop. I ran down familiar roads, not once caring that I was soaked through, or realizing the rain was getting heavier.

I ran until I couldn't run any more. With the last of my energy gone, I collapsed onto my knees into the muddy turf at the side of the road. Tears mixed in with the rain, cries fighting through my breathlessness. For the first time I allowed myself to cry for my loss without feeling guilty. I allowed myself to miss him, without telling myself I brought it on myself. I felt alone. I had always thought I was alone back in Phoenix, but that had nothing on this. I had no-one left, my Dad had been the only person I had and now I was well and truly alone.

I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I was just drained. Though my sobs never once ceased. I just sat, letting everything I had kept pent up inside for so long, out. Without the shame or the guilt. I finally allowed myself to feel.

**Ok, so I know this is a really short chapter, but it had to be short to fit right. So we are closing in on the end of this story :'( There's maybe one chapter and an epilogue left, but as I've said before, things change. So please be even more fabulous for me and R&R!**


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer : Own nothing except my own private obsession with Twilight and of course the Greek God that is Robert Pattinson lol

**This is dedicated to Bandeforever16 & Motherduckatschool** **who have been with me pretty much throughout – you both deserve such a huge thank you, more than just a dedication. I'd offer you Edward, but I'm too selfish to share – sorry lol. **

Ok as always huge, massive, big thank you's to my reviewers – **Dana**, **Aimee_Is_Ace**, **Eeyore16**, **Twilightgirl80**, **Bandeforever16**, **TwilghterRose**, **Motherduckatschool**, **I_lv_Edward**, **BeckyWecky94**, **Star-night-love14** and **Teamedwardtwilightfan** – you guys are all amazing in your own rights. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to review for me **:D :P :D**

And another big thank you to those of you who have added me and/or this story to your favourites and/or alerts lists :D

**Chapter 24 – FINAL CHAPTER!**

**Edward's P.O.V**

The moment we walked through the door, and Esme didn't run to greet us, like she normally did, I knew in my gut there was something wrong. I mean even when it was just us boys that had been camping, if when we returned my Mom was in, she always came to greet us, always.

I knew both parents had to be home, since both cars were here, but where were they? Bella's hand was safely encased in my own, as we went in search for them. As soon as I saw my Mom's face, I knew I had been right. There was something wrong, something big. I knew all my siblings could feel it, like a cloud of doom hanging over our heads. It was bigger than any of us having done something wrong, and expecting a punishment along the lines of a grounding. No it far more serious than that.

My Dad's vagueness and sudden gaze on Bella, quite honestly scared the shit out of me. He said it was nothing bad as such, which could mean a hundred different things. Had they found a long lost relative for her, that she was now expected to go and live with? I stopped myself with that thought, knowing that my other reasons would only get worse from there, and thinking of Bella leaving us, was bad enough.

On the announcement that Chief Saunders had stopped by, I calmed slightly, but not enough to be comfortable. I assumed he was visiting regarding the accident, but then it could be anything pertaining the guardianship of Bella. I wanted to scream at my Dad to get on with it, the not knowing was killing me, and I felt sure my unease was not helping to reassure Bella at all.

"Bella, the driver of the truck has pleaded guilty". My Dad told her.

With those few words, a calmness swept over me. No-one was taking my girl way from me, she was staying right here, where she belonged with me. Looking around at my Brothers and Sisters faces, I could see a similar relief in their expressions.

That relief was short lived when my girl started babbling about being sorry, that she didn't mean to. I was confused as hell. She looked confused, and scared, maybe even shocked. My Mom peeled her away from me, sitting her down at the table, trying to make sense of the situation. From the looks of her, Bella hadn't expected a trial of any kind. I knew at some point there would be some sort of trial into the cause of Chief Swans death, I guess I had just wrongly assumed, that because Bella was a cops daughter, she would know this.

It broke my heart to see the realisation cross her perfect face, when my Dad told her about the driver being drunk. Her face paled, more so than usual, her hands were shaking slightly, I assumed in shock. It damn near killed me when my Mom was the one to try and comfort her, I wanted to be the one, I wanted to just gather her up in my arms and shield her from any further hurt.

I was so lost in thought, I never noticed her leaving the house, until everyone made a move to the front room, watching her wander broken hearted down the drive way. I made to follow her, but my Dad wrapped his hand round my wrist, stopping me. I looked at him incredulously. He couldn't seriously want her to be alone right now.

"She just needs a few moments to let everything sink in Son, lets leave her be". He told me softly, sitting down heavily in the arm chair.

"You can't be serious Dad, you know she's a flight risk right now". I was beyond shocked at my Dad's seemingly calm persona.

"Whoa, whoa, what do you mean flight risk"? Jasper asked suddenly.

"It doesn't matter Jazz". I murmured.

"It clearly does to you Bro, so why not fill us in". Emmett joined in.

Great, now the whole family will know about Bella, and I knew they would all watch her like a hawk from now on, and she of course would know something was wrong, and feel suffocated by us.

"The day we got home from the hospital, I caught Bella packing a bag, she was planning on running away. She said she didn't belong here, with us, she didn't want to ruin anything. Something about hating herself so much already, that she didn't want us hating her too". I told them with a sigh.

"Damn", Emmett whispered.

We were all silent for a few moments, all probably thinking about what I had just said. I knew without even asking, my family felt the same as I. Bella belonged with us, all of us. She was apart of this family now, we didn't just want her around, we needed her around. In the short time she had been with us, she had become a daughter to our Parents, a younger Sister to my Brothers, and a Sister and best friend to my Sisters. To me, she was nothing short of being my world.

"Oh Jesus no". Jasper suddenly stated, surprising us all.

"What"? Each and every single one of us asked simultaneously.

"Yesterday morning when I went to get her, when she had gone for a walk, I caught her apologizing, when I asked her why, she just said for 'nothing... everything', then pointed to a small fishing boat and started talking about her Dad, how she missed him. I thought she was apologizing for missing him, so when I told her it was ok to, she told me just felt so guilty all of the time. I never thought any more about it. I mean I guess who wouldn't in her situation right. She was able to walk away from the accident". I thought I was getting the gist of what he was saying.

"I don't follow". Alice said.

"Well just now, she started apologizing again, she was sorry, she meant to tell us. But she had no idea about the other driver being drunk". Jasper continued.

"So she meant to tell us, but she didn't want us to hate her, like she hates herself". I began thinking aloud.

"She blames herself". Both Jasper and myself said immediately.

"What? No. Why would she blame herself"? Emmett stated.

"Think about it. She was in the same car, she's walked away, ok hurt, but still alive, but her Dad didn't. No-one but Bella really knows what was going on in the car. It's not that uncommon that people in Bella's situation, blame themselves. She had so little control over what happened, but she could control who was to blame, in her own mind", Rose told us.

"God, why didn't I see this". My Dad immediately climbed to his feet. "I should have seen this". He told us as he strode out of the room.

We all followed to see him yanking his coat from the closet and grabbing for his car keys. He was going to look for her. I immediately followed, reaching for my jacket and keys.

"Carlisle, you couldn't have known this any more than I could". My Mom told him.

"I should have though Esme, I should have".

"Stop, this stops now. Blaming yourself isn't going to help. We just need to find her and make her understand that it isn't". She grabbed hold of Dad and pulled him into her arms.

By this point, we had all put jackets on, Emmett and Jasper grabbing car keys as well. My Dad told my Mom to stay home in case she came back on her own. To this day, I have never seen my Dad drive away so quickly, the urgency to his driving only ebbed my own on, and I took off only mere seconds after him.

Driving down the main roads, it felt like my eyes were all over the place, trying to keep an eye on the road, and another looking for Bella. Thankfully the roads were pretty quiet right now. I pulled up outside her old house, leaving the engine idling as I darted up the path. The front door was locked secure, and non of the windows were open. I dashed around the back of the house, checking every entry way I could find. There was nothing. As I ran back to the car, Emmett pulled up along side me, Rose had her window down looking as worried as I felt.

"She wasn't at the crash site". Emmett told me, leaning slightly into Rose.

"Jesus, I don't know where she could have gone. She can't have gotten too far, surely"? I worried.

"I don't see how on foot, with no money". Rose told us.

"Damn it, she didn't have cash on her, but she had a credit card. When we stopped for gas on the way home, she went into the store and bought all the snacks". I hit the roof of the Jeep in frustration.

"We'll go check the bus station". Emmett suggested.

"Wait, wait". Rose said suddenly. "Didn't her Dad use to be best friends with one of the Quiletes in La Push. Could she have gone there"? When she saw the recognition on my face, she smiled brightly. "I'll call Alice, she and Jasper were heading that way".

"I knew I loved you for a reason Rosalie Hale Whitlock". I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

It wasn't the time for joking, but the break through I felt we had just had, eased us all slightly. I knew that it was only a possibility that she would be there, but still.

"I'm gonna go check the police station, I mean, I suppose she could have gone to see Chief Saunders, he was a good friend to Charlie".

"We'll find her Eddie, we'll find your girl, don't worry". Emmett shouted as he gave a quick wave, and set off for the bus station.

Normally I hated being called Eddie, but right this minute, just hearing him calling Bella my girl, I couldn't help but think how right he was. She was mine, and no matter how long it took, or how far I had to go, I would find her, and bring her home. She belonged nowhere but with me.

While I was heading over to the police station, my Dad text me, telling me he was just heading away from the cemetery and that he hadn't seen her. I couldn't help but feel a lead weight drop onto my chest, it was one less place she wasn't. I couldn't help but think about what we would do if we couldn't find her, or God forbid she had done something stupid. I shook that final thought from my mind, it wasn't something I could cope with contemplating.

I ran into the station, being seen straight away by the receptionist, who I knew from word of mouth, had worked there since the age of eighteen, and she must have been nearing seventy by now surely. What a life sentence that must feel like. She smiled though, clearly knowing who I was. Who was I kidding, in a town this size, everyone knew everyone. Probably one of the reasons the police station was so small was simply because there was no point in trying to commit a crime, considering everyone knew everyone else's business, so you'd be found out before you even committed the crime.

"Hi, I'm um Edward Cullen, I was wondering if"... I began trying to explain when Chief Saunders strode out of the back room.

"Edward, looking for Bella"? He stopped suddenly on seeing me.

I was suddenly hit by a pinch of hope. He either knew Bella was missing, or she had been or was here. I nodded, trying to read his expression, wanting whatever he was going to tell me, to be good. I was praying for something good.

"You've just missed her. She ran out of here a few minutes ago", He told me, and I groaned. "Did you know she blames herself"? He asked.

"Yeah, we've just figured it out after she said she needed some air".

He told me what had happened in the office, and though I felt an ounce of relief that she now knew it wasn't her fault, but then further desperation seeped into my being at knowing she was out there, probably heartbroken and confused. She had never allowed herself to fully grieve, and now I knew why, so I was pretty sure in the light of this new information, she was probably in turmoil.

Chief Saunders kindly offered to drive around town in his cruiser to help. He was sure she couldn't have gotten too far, and agreed that she probably just needed a bit of time to allow everything to sink in. in the space of just over an hour, she had been given so much information and so little time to process it. Everything she had believed for the past few weeks, suddenly was completely wrong.

On my way to my car, I rang my Dad and told him the new information. He said he would head over to her old house and wait for a few minutes to see if she turned up, if not, he was going to join both myself and Chief Saunders driving around the towns streets. In all honesty, I was hoping to find her before it came to that.

"C'mon Baby, where the hell are you"? I said to myself when the rain came pouring down.

I slowed to practically a crawl, the visibility from heavy rain, impairing my vision. The last thing I wanted to do was drive past her, having not seen her due to the sheet of rain that was currently hitting my windscreen. I prayed that she was in some form of shelter during this.

The more time past, the more I became frustrated. My Dad was currently blaming himself for not seeing the fact Bella was blaming herself, but in all honesty, I felt more to blame than he, I had spent far more time with her, and even before she and I became close, I couldn't deny that I hadn't been watching her. I had known there was something amiss but I never for a second thought she may blame herself.

I just wanted to find her, and make her realize that none of it was her fault, that she was wanted, was needed and was mine. I needed to make her understand that she belonged with us, all of us, but mostly me.

As if all my prayers had been answered, I spotted a body sat hunched up beneath a tree. It was an instinctual feeling that overcame me, that it was her. My body was so attuned to her, it practically sang at me.

Skidding to a halt just before I got to her, I dove out of the car and ran towards her. She looked lost, and alone. Her eyes were swollen and rimmed red, even in the rain I could see she was crying. She was soaked through, shivering, possibly due to shock and the cold. She was muttering something, so quietly, _I_ couldn't even tell what it was. Her knuckles were white from the grip she had on her legs, that were pulled so tightly to her chest, I was unsure how she was still breathing.

"Bella, baby". I stroked her cheek gently, trying not to scare her.

She blinked a few times, focusing on my face. Immediately her eyes flooded with tears.

"I'm sorry". She whispered. "So sorry".

"You have nothing to be sorry for love". I told her, pulling her into my arms.

"It wasn't my fault Edward, it wasn't". She cried.

"I know Baby, I know". I rocked us, hoping it would calm her. "None of it was your fault Baby, none of it".

For a few minutes, she continued repeating that it wasn't her fault, and that she was sorry. At this point I wasn't exactly sure of what she was apologizing for. I needed more than anything for her to understand though, that no-one was blaming her, and that we all loved her, and wanted her with us.

"C'mon Baby, lets go home".

She never agreed nor disagreed, just clutched me tighter as I lifted her into my arms and clambered to my feet. The rain had soaked us both through, but I was more aware of how long she had been out in it. Her body was shivering. With a little difficulty I managed to get her into the car and buckled in. In some ways it was like dealing with a coma patient, other than mumbling the same words at irregular intervals, she made no effort to look at me, to converse with me, hell I wasn't even sure whether she was aware of anything at the moment.

Before I got in the car, I text my family, letting them all know I had found her, and asking one of them to ring the police station to get a message to Chief Saunders. I started the engine, immediately turning the heat up and blasting it in her direction. As I drove toward home, I reached for her tiny hand, engulfing it in my own, hoping if she wasn't aware of my presence consciously, she at least knew I was with her subconsciously.

A few minutes into the drive, I heard her sniffle, and turned to look at her. Tears had begun pouring down her cheeks again. She was blinking and showing a little more awareness.

"Baby"? I spoke, hoping to get a response.

"I'm sorry, so sorry". She wept, her shoulders sagging.

I immediately pulled over to the edge of the road, leaving the engine idling so that the heat remained. I turned in my seat to face her, putting her hand in both my hands.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Baby".

"I thought it was all my fault. I thought I was to blame for being all alone, for killing the one person I had left". She stuttered over her words through her tears.

"You weren't and you aren't". I told her. "Baby, it wasn't your fault, nothing was your fault, it was all just the wrong place at the wrong time". I told her firmly.

"I miss him, Edward. I want him. He was all I had". Her sobs broke my heart.

"I wish I could bring him back for you love, I really do". I told her, pulling her back into my embrace. "But you have us now. I know we aren't blood family, but regardless we are your family now, and we all want you so much. You belong with us".

We sat for another few minutes, before I finally pulled away, planting a few chaste kisses on forehead, nose, cheeks and finally her lips. I kept hold of her hand as I drove the remaining five minutes back home. When we arrived, all the cars had returned, and I knew they would all be awaiting our arrival impatiently on the other side of the door.

"C'mon love, our families waiting for us". I told her, helping her out of the car, and wrapping my arm around her waist.

I had barely walked us through the door, when my Mom bombarded us, wrapping her small arms around the two of us. Bella immediately broke down again, apologizing. My whole family stood watching us, all of us looking completely heart broken. My Dad stepped forward, pulling Bella away from me and my Mom slightly. He held her face in his hands as he asked her if she was hurt anywhere. She managed to shake her head, yet again apologizing for everything. My heart burst with love, when I witnessed my Dad telling her it didn't matter, none of it mattered, so long as she was ok, and back here with us, where she belonged.

The girls took Bella upstairs to change out of her wet clothes, and I assumed a little girl time. Even with the small distance, I felt restless, like I needed to be with her constantly from now on. My Dad, Emmett and Jasper all looked at me knowingly, and though I knew they probably felt the same towards their partners, I doubted it was anywhere near the same depth.

Before I could go upstairs and get out of my wet clothes, Chief Saunders arrived. He asked me a few questions, though more in a protective Father figure way than as a Police Chief way. He seemed more concerned that Bella has blamed herself all along, but we all assured him that we would help her through. I left, heading upstairs whilst he continued talking further details with my Dad, presumably about the trial.

I changed into clean dry clothes, before stepping back into the hall way, and knocking gently on Bella's door as I popped my head around the frame. She was in bed, surrounded by my Sisters and Mom. On seeing me, they all gave Bella a kiss, telling her they were right down stairs if she needed them, before they left the room.

"Thank you for bringing her home to us. I love you". My Mom kissed my cheek, as she, the last to leave, walked past me.

I couldn't find the words to reply to her, so I simply nodded. I watched three of the four women whom I loved most in the world walk away from us, then slipped into the room, closing the door gently after my entrance. I wandered over to the bed, and sat slowly at her side. The red rims had yet to leave her face, though I didn't doubt it would be some time before they did. She, through blaming herself, had never let herself grieve fully for her loss, but now she needed to finish her grieving.

"Are you ok"? I reached forward for her hand. She nodded her head, though any fool could tell she was trying to be strong. "You aren't are you". It was more a statement that a question.

She shook her head, more tears pooling in her eyes. "I want to hate him so much for leaving me, but I can't. It was so much easier to keep blaming myself, but at the same time harder. I feel like a huge part of my life has just been snatched away from me, and I can't do a thing about it". She mumbled.

It was all random thoughts, but so long as she was getting them out, it didn't matter. I had no idea what to say to her, so I simply laid beside her, letting her curl into my side, and resting her head in the crook of my arm.

"I keep thinking stupid things like how he won't ever see me graduate high school or piss me off when I want to apply to colleges across the country. I won't get the chance to argue with him about my outfit being too revealing for my first date, or have him threaten my boyfriend with his shot gun. He won't see me graduate college, or get married. Any kids I might have won't know their Grandpa. He won't take them fishing, or camping or any other stupid hobby he thought they needed to learn about".

"Oh Baby, he might not be here physically, but you will always have him up here". I told her, stroking her temple. "You'll always hear his voice, telling you what he'd think. And since I'm hoping that eventually you and I are going to be together, I already know your Dad would have threatened me with his shot gun, and I'm pretty sure the whole PD will know exactly what he would have said, and will be all too willing to carry out the threat on his behalf. As for not seeing you graduate, get married and have babies, he won't need to see you Baby, cause he'll be right there". I laid my hand over her heart. "Our babies will know all about their Grandpa, they might never meet him physically, but my God will they know all about him, and we'll make sure to do all the things with them, that your Dad would have wanted to". I told her, feeling tears pool in my eyes too.

"Why did he have to leave me? I just feel lost without him, which is really weird because I only ever saw him for like ten weeks out of a year, I feel like he's just left me all alone".

"Baby, you're never gonna be alone, never, I promise".

And I meant every word of that promise.

**Well, well, well, that is that. I'm unsure at this stage whether I want to do an epilogue, I'm gonna have a go and see if I can come up with anything decent, hopefully I will. But if I don't, I would just like to take this opportunity to thank my wonderful reviewers who have stuck with me throughout most, if not all of this. I know I haven't been the best updater, so I apologize for that. Anyways all you fantastic people, look out for a possible epilogue, and hopefully a new story :D**


	25. New story

**Hey guys,**

**So here it is. My new story is now up! :D**

**It's called 'Because of you', basically it's about Edward and Bella. He ****met her one night in a bar, and immediately felt the spark between them. The only problem is... She's going to have his Brothers baby! Can feelings just be turned off? Will Edward win Bella's heart? And what secret is Bella hiding?**

**So yeah there's hopefully going to loads of twists in the whole story, it isn't as straight forward as what you think. **

**Please, please, please go check it out, and well I guess I hope you enjoy it**

**Sarz xxxx**


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